What is a human behaviour you've never understood?

When I go to poor countries I tip/donate well beyond what I'm told is normal, because $10 or $20 is nothing to me, but potentially more money than they'll earn in days/weeks. It always makes them so happy.

What happiness I would make with a billion...

Some species of chimps beat other chimps that horde to the detriment of the group to death

It's not about the money; it's about the power.

It's an addiction for some. For others, it's like a security blanket. For others, it's a source of power.

I think there's a number of different aspects to this that could put it in context.

Yes there are a few obscenely wealthy people, like a dozen in the world, for whom it's just a game and pretty meaningless. For the remaining merely wealthy people:

Your means increase as you move through life and your responsibilities, commitments, and tastes also increase. I might earn 6 times what I did when I was 20, but now I'm supporting a family et cetera. This same dynamic effects wealthy people in a similar but different way. People tend to live beyond their means. Someone making several million a year might end up with a few holiday homes, a mistress or something, a bunch of truly expensive hobbies (like... a horse stud farm or something). They might realise they're "wealthy" but unless they earn a bunch more money they won't be able to race their horse in qatar or whatever thing they desperately need to do to validate themselves.

Another aspect I've heard of, is that wealthy people are often anxious of losing everything. If you have a business that earns millions, it's sensible to worry that the market might change and suddenly it's worthless. This is the reality for the majority of businesses that are not publicly traded. As in, great grandpa formed a company that made squillions of dollars selling woollen socks during the first and second world war, but by the 80s it was really just ticking over paying wages and by the 90s it was insolvent. It's natural to want to consolidate your position by buying some other company that makes hats or whatever.

The vast majority of people only accumulate enough wealth for their own lives. Once you've reached that point where you really couldn't reasonably spend the wealth you've accumulated, then you've probably already switched over to accumulating wealth for your progeny. Lasting generational wealth is more or less impossible unless you own a country or something because your progeny increases exponentially, and their lavish tastes increase, and their ability to make sensible financial choices decreases.

Finally, you don't end up with more money than you could ever spend by being satisfied with however much money.

Mr Crabs: I like money 💰

I think it's easily understandable honestly. They got to this point a certain way and it's become habit and a source of their power which they strive to increase. At a certain level of wealth it also just increases by itself.

Real life incremental game!

Top shelf response. I'd happily have a drink at a bar or Cafe with you, and chew the fat.

I don't understand cheating either, but I come at it from the perspective of a queer polyamorous person. I think many people are capable of loving more than one person, but society tells us monogamy is the only ethical/viable way. My partners are totally fine with me sleeping with other people, and that's because we have clear and open communication and trust. Why cheat when you can be poly or open?

I don't understand why relationships are portrayed as such a burden in media. Why do people who don't trust one another even get into relationships? Why do so many couples seem to hate eachother? Why do so many romance books have such a creepy power imbalance, do people want that? It's all so confusing, and I'm glad I'm not apart of it.

There are so many heinous people do because of their primal sexual drives that everything just seems so bizarre to me. I have never had the ability to experience such desires that are supposed to be instincts that everyone does. So it's really odd as an outsider to see what sex does to people.

1. Causes them to cheat on others. Why? Why harm people instead of breaking up like you said.

2. Causes them to r**e others. Why? Why can't you just masturbate? Why do you have to harm others to get this?

3. Causes them to murder others out of jealousy. Why?

As an alien, I only see the downsides to sex. It's honestly saddening how common these are.

I don't know how he can live with himself.

There's a thing our brains do when we have power like wealth, status, fame, etc. - the parts responsible for empathy are suppressed. The rich and powerful are neurologically less capable of considering the suffering of others.

I haven't ever cheated but I'm an armchair human development nerd and I'd assume that there are some things at play like:

• Social narratives that make it seem like there's only one true love out there for you (assuming the cheating here is only physical and not love).
• There can be shame in divorce or breaking up.
• There's the sunk cost fallacy of staying with someone because you've put so many years into the relationship.
• If there are kids, people can believe (whether it's true or not) that it's harmful to the kids to separate
• People compartmentalize and can develop really weird cognitive dissonance where they build two realities and can operate as if the two have nothing to do with each other. It's hard to explain.
• All the other collateral with separating, like potentially moving, new financials and potential child support/alimony, custody challenges, health insurance through marriage, job shifts, etc. etc.

Before you angrily hit reply, dear reader, I'm not defending or condoning cheating. I'm just trying to answer the sociological question of why it's a behavior that happens enough that we're talking about it in this thread.

I think we truly are "alien" souls, being brought into this world for the first time. I can empathize with the people who allow themselves to be wrapped up in our modern society but I always wonder, when will we realize that our way of life is absolutely miserable and we need to change our society ASAP if we want to survive through the next 50-100 years.

Devil's advocate/explainer here:

Parasocial relationships are real, just one-direcrional, and can lead to really unhealthy tendencies, but don't have to.

Cheating isn't cute, but can be hot. Hear me out. If cumming became entirely illegal, disallowed, and frowned upon, you can bet your bottom dollar at least ~40% of people would do it more often, just because taboo is the (often fun) flipside of social norms. And social norms suck ass, in a not fun way.

And mega-wealth isn't a money thing. The pieces of shit get off on power over other people, and use it to generate, or further misery. There isn't much they seem to care about outside of that.

I'm not about to make a case for bigots though... Fuck that shit lmao.

Cigarettes are one that particularly bother me, because they're so gross even compared to most other litter, but throwing them wherever is so normalised among smokers.

I still refuse to understand why littering is so common in my country. It seriously makes the cities look horrible.

Be of good cheer! We Americans have come a long way since I was a kid in the 70s. If I sent younger folks back, they would shit kittens. This is the UK, but it feels the same. Shit was mounded on the highways. People would casually chunk fast food bags. Can't remember that last time I saw that. Cigarette butts used to fly like tracers at night. Again, haven't seen that in ages.

More good news! Sorta. I haul loads of trash out of the woods and waterways around here. To the point where my wife and kids are like, "Daddy! Don't mess with that!" I'm borderline obnoxious about it, done stupid shit to get a plastic bottle or fishing bobber.

Experience from these adventures tells me that most wasn't deliberately tossed. Don't know how to qualify that, I just have a sense for how long it's been in the sun, how far it's buried, the type of trash, whatever. It blew off a boat or pickup bed, overflowing trash can flowed downhill with the rains (loads of that), got loose from the trash man and never picked up, drunk and "oops", stuff like that. Kids ditching beer cans so to not get busted is crystal clear! :)

I've cleaned out the woods around here, miles and miles of trails, and there's hardly anything new to find. Always a little surprised when I see new litter. Know what I do find half the time? My own trash. "Hey! That's my coozie!" or "How did I drop that?!" or "Shit. Missed my beer can on the return trip."

Pick up more than you lay down, we'll all make it.

I've argued with litterers before and it goes along the lines of "it's already messy, everyone's doing it". Same sort of excuses you get from cheaters and such. I don't mean to go all edgy Joker but there's probably things you and I do that are a problem but we don't see it because everyone else does it too. Eating meat and emitting tons of co2 for example.

I feel this a lot. Many criminals who have done wretched things at least have a comprehensible motivation, but littering? Cigarette butts in a nature reserve? It's nihilism, solipsism. That honestly scares me more. I can grasp that some people's care is misguided or distorted, but a lack of care at all? How do you even contend with that?

When walking to a train station, I find fast food meal bags and empty plastic bottles in the sidewalk every day. If it's not too gross I take it with me the 30 meters to next public bin.

I really don't get it. Wherever you're going, there will most likely be a trash bin. It's not gonna impact your fuel costs. What are they thinking?

I've put wrappers in my pocket on numerous occasions and lost them over the course of the next hour (usually depends on which clothes/pockets) so that might be part of what causes there to be so much litter but I have never intentionally thrown anything into nature besides a banana peel when I was a child. Throwing the banana peel into nature felt wrong but probably still is better than having walked a couple of hours with it to reach a mixed bin where it would rot and then maybe be burned.

I don't think that dropping rubbish is necessarily that bad. The problem comes when it persists in the environment for hundreds of years because it's not biodegradable.

Can I add fashion to this?

100% willing to admit I'm the weird one here, or maybe I'm just old enough now, but holy cow some trends are just daft and make people look like absolute idiots.

I live in a regional / remote area where fashion tends to take several years to arrive... presently all the studly men are wearing their socks pulled up? It's just silly.

... and don't get me started on sunglasses and frames. IDK how to describe the current trend... it's like a huge single piece of plastic instead of 2 discrete lenses.

Though I don’t go now non-Protestant or high church is significantly more personally and religiously entertaining. Garage band Protestantism is the bane of my existence

The worst is when it's a highly televised event (e.g. fireworks), so it's already being recorded in 4k by pros, drones, etc.

Nobody will ever watch your crappy phone recording, including you.

People want to share their own perspective. And everyone thinks that maybe their video will end up being the one everyone else watches.

I prefer to live special moments with my own eyes instead of staring at a phone screen the entire time.

I realized this a while ago. I was always watching the event through a camera lens, and like you said, it was rarely worth the effort.

Now I'm more likely to forget to take any photos.

I recently went to a live event at night and I noticed how many people didn’t take the time to wipe their lens to avoid giant streaks in the image.

I have a theory that social media makes it hard to put time into just about anything that you might consider art. You get a constant feed of the best quality art that the internet has to offer, so when you do take the extra minute or two to figure out your settings, wipe their lens, and actually try and take a good picture, the chance of taking a good picture is still pretty low because phones still just aren’t that good at taking pictures.

I brought my DSLR to the event and even with the much larger lens, getting enough light was pretty tough. The few pictures I did take on my phone just didn’t really have a good sense of scale due to the lens’s fixed focal length. Don’t even get me started on aspect ratio.

If you spend those few extra minutes and it still doesn’t look like what your friends are posting to their social media because they’re loading it with filters, why not join the crowd and do exactly that. Put in zero effort and let the filter fill in the gap of making it look interesting, even if it doesn’t look good.

What you did do is show all your friends that you did something interesting, which a few hundred to ten thousand or so people might see that for a couple of second before scrolling into the next 400 things they’ll see that day in their feed.

We should take pride in our country in terms of making it a better place, and by that I mean making it better for everyone. Not turning it into a right wing hellscape which is what is happening to most countries.

Tribalism in general

Being proud of anything you didn't do or choose is odd to me. Like, there are plenty of things I'm happy about being, but not proud of them, including where I was born, appearance, (except for the parts of it you DO, like fitness or makeup, I can see those are accomplishments), ancestry, heritage. I don't get national pride unless you are someone making the nation better and are proud of those improvements.

Except at Aldi's.

This is so true. The most basic every day test to judge your character

I have my own variant on this which I call the Neapolitan Ice Cream test

Neapolitan Ice Cream has three flavours.

Logically, everyone has a favourite and an un-favourite of the three.

No one will judge you if you dig out just the flavour you like... But the right thing to do. The one that is fair to everyone else who is eating the ice cream, is to scoop a straight line that gets a bit of each. Similarly, it's not some great sacrifice to eat flavours you like a bit less. It's just less nice.

This tests how fair people are when the stakes are low as shit. Which to me is the true proof of having principles. That you uphold them -- Despite there being zero consequence to not doing so, and even a small punishment.

Stealing ...Saving this

A bit similar to this: leaving a table or waiting place and pushing your chair in.

There's something about going to an event with like-minded people, listening to a band you like live with (often, not always) optimized sound for the space, and 99% of folks uninhibitably jamming out and having a good time.

I can definitely see how the experience would be unappealing to some folks, though. And I should note I'm more of a gig goer than concert attendee - so sound optimization is hit or miss, and the jamming out % is lower. Still fun, still not everyone's cup of tea.

Edit: Idle thought that came up reading this back: what is music, for you - as in, what is your relationship to it? Where does music live in your world? Is it something that comes out of a machine to fill silence in your space or block out noise? Is it something produced by humans, of which MP3s/FLACS/CDs/Vinyl/radio waves etc. are just imprints/simulacrum for wider dissemination?

Basically, is it an activity, or a product at its core? Not really expecting anyone to answer (though they can), just a reflection I personally found interesting. Many acceptable answers.

I'm not a fan of dancing. Love going to my local symphony concerts though. Never crowded; there's no moshing at an orchestral concert. You get your seat and you sit in it, and you clap when the piece is done.

Plus the music's just so much better.

Going to concerts. It's too loud and it's crowded,

I go to seated events and wear loudness-reducing earplugs, so that solves both issues. If it’s a standing-only concert, I stay at the side areas to avoid the crowd. As for the appeal, I just want see the artist perform the songs I like live. I listen to technical music so it’s awesome to see musical skill up close.

You must be fun at parties.

I STRONGLY believe in the whole, "form follows function", idea. Something that fulfills is intended purpose well, repeatedly, efficency, etc. is beautiful to me

True, just don't word it like that when you're telling your partner why you love them.

I generally agree with this, but I would like to remind everyone not to take this generalization and run too far in the other direction. A video game that is a perfect simulation of something but has a bad art style will be less enjoyable than a game with a great art style, even if the art detracts from the perfect simulation somewhat.

I never got plastering logos for whatever brands you love to consume on everything you own. Like buying decals and stickers and shit to put all over your car, laptop, whatever else. Since when do we pay to advertise for brands..?

Being a fan can make you part of a group. Especially great for people without identity. Slap a sticker on that empty personality!

I mean fandom can be general. the world science fiction society or whatever its called is basically at its core about written science fiction and not about one in particular and comic con is about any comic and gen con is about any gaming and anime cons are about anime. I get ya though. I mean I went to these things and when I was there I was like. This is my people. All the same though I always felt like sorta the biggest hanger on. I loved all the stuff but I like was no good with dressing up or whatnot. I mostly like to look around, go to interesting panels, and then spent all the rest of the time in movie or game rooms or con suite.

I'm the opposite, if it doesn't interest me enough for me to know EVERYTHING, then it isn't very good.

I could tell you so much about the lore and words of: halo, star wars, mass effect, video games from before my time, elder scrolls, D&D, homesick, undertale, STALKER, niche internet topics from my era....

Devil's advocate. (I do not actually condone cigs, they smell like burnt butt).

As a non (extremely sparse) smoker who's pretty sure he's incapable of actually getting addicted, counterpoint: nicotine tingly tho. 😚

As someone who recently quit tobacco let me tell you: cigarettes are amazing! A cup of coffee, a crossword and a good summer morning on a patio is basically heaven. Smoking is cool and makes you look cool too! Everyone should smoke.

Also, vaping. Somehow, vaping seems even dumber than smoking.

The worst discrimination I've experienced was by the religious finding out I'm atheist. It's mind blowing how nasty people can get when they perceive you as an "other" without reason.

I agree, I believe that people fundamentally tend towards peace in the absence of any other forces, and this is something that makes no sense to me aside from the ideas being planted and nurtured in our society to keep us divided and lashing out at each other instead of looking up and rising against those who oppress us.

It makes a lot more sense when you realize how many people literally don't have empathy. It's like they're missing a crucial brain function necessary to being a part of a functioning society

That and greed

This one hits a little too close to home. I always feel unsafe when going outside during a football match, especially if it's between Raja and Wydad (two Moroccan football teams based in Casablanca with the most hostile fanbases I've ever seen). They've definitely killed the appeal of football for me.

Watch Green Street. It's a fun and entertaining hobby.

I used to think this, still kinda do. I get nothing out of watching sports. But just the other day I was talking to a friend who coaches football, she said she likes it because it's similar to chess. There are near limitless combinations of plays and each...segment, down, ball thing, I don't fucking know football, is another move. I'm not going to watch football but I appreciate her perspective

You ever go to a sports game? Lol

Agreed. And in the same vein...people who are unkind to others for no discernible reason. I've heard people give the excuse that they were just "stressed out" or "XYZ unrelated thing happened so I was upset".

Almost never in my entire life have I ever understood putting down innocent people because something was going on in my life. It's the absolute lowest form of the low to me. But people taking their anger out on innocent people is so fucking common that it's so fucking frustrating.

Amen. My only high-value items I pay a ton for are electronics. The only time I pay more than 20-30USD for a shirt is if it’s from an independent artist.

Fuck pickleball.

I do this sometimes but typically more because I want to see if people still think it's good post-hype.

For me, it's kinda the other way around. I'm often the sort of person that does exactly that, refuse to try something exactly because it's popular.

Why? Well, when everyone around you is doing a certain popular thing (let's think like video games or sports, but could be anything really), I sit on the sidelines and realize it's becoming an addiction for them, and I'll literally count the years my friends and others waste away partaking in that addiction.

Don't ask me how many years I watched friends waste playing Call Of Duty. For me, I like to mix it up, a different hobby or project or whatever almost every day.

It's social signalling, and it's supposed make the curmudgeon seems better than the common rabble and therefore high-status.

Yeah similarly, when a pastime or hobby is shared among a large group in society or culturally or whatever, someone who doesn't enjoy or partake in said hobby is seen as weird (or worse).

Case in point: I'm a dude who looks like I should watch sports. I hate sports spectating. Having the "why don't you watch football" conversation comes up annoyingly too often.

Yes. This and its inverse make no sense. I love spicy food. Do I need everyone else in the world to like it, or to have my musical taste or disdain for straight hair? NO. You do you, why would what you like have anything to do with what I like? Why would I care if you hate what I like? It has no bearing on my enjoyment.

It seems to me that you're very focused on the end result of 'issue is solved' potentially without understanding and/or acknowledgement of the other person's efforts to solve the issue on their own.

Of course they should take the time to reciprocate when you're the one seeking resolution.

Listening to someone and allowing them time to vent to their own conclusion is to take part of their emotional journey. They may want your solutions eventually, but they want to have the human connection of going through that journey together so that way you have all the context for their feelings/stress.

People don't come to others for help and want to defend their previous actions. They just want to say that they're frustrated, this is what they did, this is what happened, and maybe that's all they want. Listening = validation of the human experience. Maybe after venting, they'll want some solutions.

Personally I have a hard time telling if someone wants a venting session or a solutions session. So I just straight up ask what they need and if they'll want to check in on the solutions after venting. This saves you the emotional labor required to try to help someone that doesn't want it and keeps the chance of frustration/unfulfillment low for both parties

Family though is a mixed bag. Unless both parties are operating under the same expectations, it'll lead to what you described. Understandable that you just don't get it since the fault is not on you

In some of those situations, you can "solve" what you think is the problem, but it's impossible for her to explain the aspects that make your "solution" inadequate. Your life experience is just so different, you think you understand but you don't. And that just upsets her more. Women aren't against solutions, they're just done with men not actually understanding, even when they think they're listening.

was leaving an event somewhere once, don't remember what/where, but everyone was holding the door for the next person so it didn't slam on them, very slow progression. I finally got up to it and kicked down the stopper. people can be very unobservant or dumb, sometimes both.

Sometimes that door is locked and not everyone wants to bother with checking

I've had this struggle when writing a story, and writing racist villains; because to do so, you DO need to understand the broken logic in their minds, that still allows them to look sane for most of their lives.

They're working off of patterns they've seen at various points, as well as learned wisdom from some people they've depended on and trusted.

In my day, there are people/movements that I hate, and I'd say very rightly so. I imagine the same things that make me feel that's a "righteous/vengeful" hate look the same in their minds.

It's a warning to others and a simultaneous cry for help, it's hardwired into our primate brains from the days when your packs survival depended on getting away from the tiger/snake/rival pack/fire asap

fun fact: this arvo i walked i to the kitchen where the hubs was focused on cooking up a storm, cat bitch-meowed at me. I bitch meowed back, startled husband shouts JESUS.

You scare a human, they make a noise.

SERIOUSLY this one pisses me off like no other. And I can maybe be more sympathetic to tossing biodegradable trash out a car window, like an apple core out into the ditch (which I know can still be a problem shh), but fuuuuck these people tossing the whole fast food sack out the car or whatever. Fuck you, find a trash can! You obviously live in one, you filth, toss it at home! Fuck!