I just want to talk at the fellas here. Man to man.
If you do this shit, the women will leave and not come back. I know the incels are going to think that's typical female behavior, and I'm here to say, no, it's not. It's typical for someone, of any gender, to want to exit a situation where they feel vulnerable, and that's what is happening.
Think of it like this: you end up in prison, and your naked, alone, you have no allies or friends, while taking a shower with about 100 other dudes, and Bubba comes over with a grin saying "you're awful pretty". How would you feel? I'm guessing you would want to nope the hell out of there and never take a shower with Bubba in the room, ever again. And that's natural. You were in danger, you want to avoid that danger. While the circumstances might be different for the women you're interacting with, that raw emotion, the exact same one you would have felt with Bubba talking about how pretty you are, the feeling that gave you, it's exactly the same.
Now think, after Bubba made such a statement, what could Bubba do to win your trust to shower next to them again at all? Probably not much. Same deal fellas. There's little to nothing you can do or say to make them feel comfortable being around you when you've done something that inspires that unsafe feeling of danger.
Now, how could Bubba avoid the situation of you feeling like you're in danger and wanting to get out of there. A reassurance? Like Bubba instead saying "don't worry, I'll protect you".... You're going to wonder "from what?" Because until Bubba spoke up, you had no feeling of danger. How does that make you feel? Well, I would feel like there's danger that Bubba knows about that I don't, so now I'm on edge, looking for what Bubba is talking about, and all of a sudden, I'm having the same feeling of danger, just this time from an unknown assailant. That's not good either. I'd still want to gtfo and not go back. Worse now since I don't know what the danger actually is. Not only would I not want to shower with Bubba nearby like in the previous scenario, but now I don't want to be left alone with anyone.
Same deal fellas. By trying to reassure the lady, you imply that there's danger indirectly; she gets creeped out and leaves to not come back.
So, what's the right thing to do here?
It's easier than you think. Treat them like you would any of your male friends. Treat them like a person. You don't need to reassure your male friends that you'll protect them, nor do you feel the need to defend them when their "honor" is challenged. Let them handle it, but have their back if they need you.... and only if they need you.
Be a friend first, and if something happens that makes your relationship with that person, more than just friends, so much the better. Don't expect it, women aren't slot machines, where you put in enough tokens of niceness and eventually you win the sex jackpot. It doesn't work that way. It never has, and it never will. You can't force someone to like you, and if you try, you'll either take any attraction that they might have had for you, and destroy it, and/or simply cause them to feel unsafe and creeped out, and they'll find a way to exit and never return.
People, regardless of gender, just want to do things they enjoy. If you also enjoy those things, then engage in the enjoyment of those things with the other people who enjoy them. Don't make it about gender. If, beyond that, you both like eachother, you'll find a way to spend more time together and that's when things can grow to more than just being friendly, as long as you're both agreeable to it.
If you continually obsess over the fact that their anatomy is different, you'll end up filling whatever negative ideas you have about the other gender, and push yourself so deep into a hole of confirmation bias that you may never recover. Just be people. Treat others the same, as people.
I believe in you. You can do better. Always improving.
You will fall, you will be rejected, you will have set backs. And that's all normal. It's a part of learning. You got this.
Lemmy is the best social media platform out there, holy shit
Good, that you finally realize. :p
This is some nice advice but
Treat them like you would any of your male friends.
Don't do this. Understand that you wouldn't do this with any random guy either. As with any new acquaintances everyone is cautious in the beginning and women more so. Whether you find the new girl appealing or not all you have to do is cautiously get to know her through your interactions with her, like any other relations you may build with initial strangers and get used to their presence and predilections.
Thank you for this. You are eloquently and (hopefully) non-threateningly (is that even a word?) stating a message that really, really needs to be said again and again until everyone friggin' gets it.
IMO, A nontrivial amount of blame goes to the fathers of such people.
This shouldn't imply that those who need to hear this are exempt from blame; they should have simply been educated by their parents on simple social etiquette....
Of course, I'm also certain that a nontrivial number of those father's actively encouraged such misbehavior.
Trust is at its most basic a finite resource. Whenever a person messes up they recover by giving some of that trust away. Eventually that trust runs out. In rare cases you can regain some of it. However, in the vast majority of situations you'll never get back all that trust lost.
So spend wisely.
Or rather don't spend at all.
Think of it like this: you end up in prison, and your naked, alone, you have no allies or friends, while taking a shower with about 100 other dudes, and Bubba comes over with a grin saying “you’re awful pretty”. How would you feel?
Erect?
I'm imagining one of those problem-guys saying specifically this during a game.
you mean treating women like humans, and letting it precede what your peepee wants? how preposterous.
Meanwhile I just try to have normal conversation but they go for avoidance manuever right away.
It can often be how you go about it. If you just dive in and start talking to them, even if well intentioned and you literally do just want to talk to someone new about whatever, because of all those past experiences of guys only trying to do that to get with them, they'll see you as probably just another one of those creepos.
It's a dance, and it's an annoying one at times for sure, and it takes practice. If you can recall the last time you tried to strike up a conversation, or next time it happens, afterwards, really stop and think about it from the other person's perspective. If you know a woman you trust, try asking her to go over the whole interaction with you.
In college I was a major incel neckbeard loser and truly was the epitome of the green text above. I'm not proud of it. I took a chance and asked a few women I knew why I kept being single and lonely and if they could advise. They did exactly that for me. Took me through some of my interactions, explained where I went wrong, and helped me reframe my thoughts. I now am pretty much always able to strike up a conversation wherever I'm at.
TL:DR - find someone you trust to walk you through the why. You got this
Thanks Chat GPT-4, life is so much better since you came along!
This text is not from generative AI like GPT-4.
How do I know?
- Its original, e.g. the part around bubba. And with original I do not mean the exact phrase but the idea of the simile.
- Is is not generic. A genAI always resorts to getting very generic the longer the text it is forced to generate is.
- I does not follow a usual structure. genAI resorts to following a language teachers paradigm. Introduction, main part, conclusion.
and other minor signs.
This is just a fellow human giving solid advice.
TIL - asking someone on a date is the equivalent of prison rape.
Bubba here.
I'm a nice guy: I give some small, cute dude a compliment and he acts like a total bitch about it? I'm the "creep" because I jokingly asked him if he wants to come back to my cell? Oh, my comments make him uncomfortable? Give me a fuckin' break.
Maybe if he doesn't want guys checking him out he should stop acting and dressing like such a slut.
Incel detected, opinion rejected
This is why all of my gaming groups just start with an orgy and get that out of the way right off the bat. Everyone gets everything. Sex communism solves all. (Major /s if not obvious)
I really wish this didn't have a giant kernel of truth to it. I've had to leave so many tables because such a large percentage of people insist on making it weird, that I largely have given up.
On more than one occasion, there has been a dude that intentionally played a lesbian character upon learning that I would be playing and not so subtly directed the million unnecessary sexual advances at me in an indirect manner.
Apart from that general incel style bullshit, there seems to always be a fucking white knight nice guy that refuses to see past my rl gender and acknowledge that I am playing something like a male half orc stereotypical barbarian.
D&D has been a huge passion of mine since the 2e days, and I really understand that it draws in people that tend to be socially inexperienced and/or impeded in some way (hell, I'm one of them), but at this point I am trying to play with 40+ year-old men that are fine in social situations outside of the game, but once the session starts they immediately get creepy.
I know this is long and ranting, but I think there are a lot of people that need to hear it. Even if the overall tone of the game is light-hearted and silly, you still need to be a fucking adult when interacting with other adults.
I know when you are pretending to look at your phone as an excuse to stare at my tits. Stop.
I would recommend learning how to play roll20 (free to play virtual table top) and finding a westmarches Discord server. I moved to an area where I have zero friends and got into playing dnd that way. It's pretty fun, flexible scheduling, out of game roleplaying whenever. I'm a 38 y/o cis male so I can't say there will be no issues, cus I never really experienced them at all. I'd totally imagine you'd have a different, and hopefully better, experience than irl games. Feel free to DM if you'd like more info.
I second this. There are some really great Discord communities to play on that I'm part of. Generally, it's much easier to keep the creeps out by just banning them. It doesn't have to be a Westmarches server, but any TTRPG server with an actual community that runs game on the server itself, instead of just another LFG fishing pond.
I know when you are pretending to look at your phone as an excuse to stare at my tits. Stop.
While this may be true, I brought a laptop on a game yesterday and I'm not sure the girl on the opposite side of the table didn't think something like that when my eyes were on top of the screen. Which was a lot of times, because naturally all the people are above the screen and only the keyboard and the table are below the screen.
So - please consider the fact that if there's a direct line of sight to your tits, and someone has to look in that general direction, they may occasionally from time to time look there. And also that due to, eh, basic uncontrollable instincts they may do that unconsciously a bit more than they need. Like looking at a bunch of pencils and noticing the red ones more than the grey ones.
Also when I talk to girls about my hobbies, they very often apparently perceive this as some nonsense to get romantic. Usually that means that they gradually ignore me more and more and refuse to believe that it's more complex. Though kinda recently (and long ago before that which led to a trauma, but eh) it was me who thought that they are fine with talking about hobbies, while being more romantic was expected, eventually led to being ignored too.
..people secretly stare like that? What? Tbh, it is unfair that people can get away with that yet I cannot ever have social interactions by me being autistic.
Find a group of mostly older/married people. It might not solve the problem, but it'll delay it enough that you can get a solid playtest of your latest build before things go to shit.
Your best bet is to try and find groups with better ratios of guys to gals. These groups tend to self regulate and give the creeps the boot.
People play fantasy games to live out their fantasies. And for some sad people, their fantasy is to touch women because they act so repulsively no one wants to risk getting close to them.
Yup, and no matter how the DM handles it, it's still a pain in the ass.
My table? That shit don't fly, but it's still going to mean some dude getting butt hurt and needing a firm talking to. Might go years without it happening, but I don't know a DM that hasn't run into it it once or twice with new groups or new players.
One of my long term players is a woman. She was a "girl" when she started with the core group, if you count 16 as a girl still.
She's a great player, and a good friend. The number of times I've had to tell guys to fuck off and not come back is absurd. Shouldn't even be once, though you'd expect teenagers to pull it. No, it was grown ass men. The last one, we were all 40ish in the core group, and the guy that pulled it was older than us. He was an acquaintance from where I used to work, and had always been chill with women. No bullshit, no problems. But he still couldn't get past the idea that she was there and obligated to give him a shot just because they shared a hobby.
This is why a lot of women keep our nerdy hobbies to ourselves and don't really talk about them much in public.
People get weird.
My wife plays FPS games and doesn't even speak because the moment she does, half the dudes feel like they need to show off and get her attention, and the other half get sexually frustrated and laser focus on only her.
In counter strike it seems to manifest pretty quickly as misogyny.
I only play FPS in VR and the male/female interactions are weirdly wholesome. Literally never seen the behaviours that are sadly the norm in flatscreen gaming. I'm still not sure why this is the case, maybe the reporting system is just better, or it's something to do with feeling more present in VR.
There's no need to speak in online games anyway. I never use a mic or headset to play games like that, I still just use the chat. Voice chat always off.
I’ll save her.
You should shoot your shot
Already did after seeing that cute picture ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
Tap for spoiler
/s
I like how often people who start white knighting are looked down on by both sides. Something about the disingenuousness of it I guess
It is because to the harasser they are killjoys. To the aggrieved they are robbing them of agency to help themselves. However, fuck the harassers, and sometimes people need help and don't know how to ask. I would rather be called a white knight than a creep or someone who did nothing and was thus complicit in the harassment. I'm old and grumpy though and if I'm "helping" it is because I'm sick of the bullshit not because I care if people think I'm a good person; I think that intent matters.
Guy chiming in. I use to go to small, monthly lan parties a lot. Every now and then a woman would show up and 4 or 5 of the average 10 total guys would make weird jokes about there being a female present. I don't think I ever saw the same woman twice.
a female
Men and females
I'm not sure your point. I used both "woman" and "female" in my comment. I used the term "female" specifically when I did to reinforce the idea that certain people in the group saw the women more as foreign objects than new people.
I don't hang out with those people and if you asked me if I stepped in to do anything about that weirdness, I wouldn't have because it would have been a loss cause. I hang out with better groups now a days.
That's sad. At our LAN there were two women regularly. One lost interest in PC games and the other now comes with her friend. She's pretty good at Chivalry. What a bloodthirsty girl...
It's was weird. Growing up, I took the "girls don't play video games" attitude as self deprecating machismo. Finding out that, no, this was how many people, including many girls my age, though was... disappointing.
Hang out with more LGBT people. If I wanna get laid, I can turn on Growlr and have a dude deliver himself to my basement.
... So what you're saying is you're choosing the bear?
He is the bear.
This post & username combo has me in a state I can only describe as Terroroused.
My advice is to find a more diverse group. Married and LTR folks are typically less likely to engage in this behavior, especially if their partners are there too. Its tough when you're in your 20s because 20something guys are all trying to throw their 3 pointer despite the odds.
Either that or find an overtly lewd mixed-gender/mixed-sexuality group and embrace it. I played a very racy campaign in Uni that was a lot of fun. Everyone was onboard with what was going on though before it started and we knew it was going to get weird in a fun way. It was a fun way to also explore my own gender/sexuality in a safe no-contact fantasy way.
Aw :(
That sucks.
For real, I was just reading this and thinking: "Damn, that was totally me back in the day, those poor girls." 🙁
Well, the best thing you could've done is grow enough to have the maturity to post this comment. So there's that
No one on 4chan believed her because of rule 30 and because "they didn't know that you can play games in the kitchen". I can read the comments without the comments.
You know, it really makes it feel like those comments are particularly useless when, just by having used the website for a long enough time, you can imagine them simply by the scars they have branded onto your thinking goo. It becomes totally redundant at that point, totally useless, even worse than it having contributed nothing but empty space in the first place, it now occupies empty space in the brain. It's like old farts constantly remembering and bantering about ad jingles from their youth, it fills me with dread.
On the one hand, I sympathize - on the other, it'd be awesome to find someone who shares my interests.
If it's an overwhelmingly male group, just wait. If she's looking for a boyfriend then she'll come on to one of you first. For the men it's a prisoner's dilemma; your chances are really bad.
I'm done with the bars and their drunks, and the apps with the spying, out of school, and don't date coworkers, the advice given to me every time I complain about the fact that there are no other "third places" to meet women romantically 100% of the time is "get a hobby." Well, see above. There is no place, women do not want to be talked to anywhere but the bar or apps which ime have been bad places to find long-term companionship.
Can we do something about this? Can we maybe start "bars" where the focus isn't alcohol but it is socially acceptable to say "hey I think you're cute wanna go get some damn coffee?"
There is no place, women do not want to be talked to anywhere but the bar or apps which ime have been bad places to find long-term companionship.
Come the fuck on. The rules have been the same from the dawn of time.
#1 Be Attractive
#2 Don't be unattractive
You'll hear shit on the internet all the time about how women don't want to be approached, don't want to be hit on, don't want anyone to flirt with them... but it's all bullshit because the person saying it is an INDIVIDUAL. It's right for them but it isn't right for all women. I promise, women date men all the time!
It doesn't matter that they get all the upvotes in the world from all the white knights and other women who are sick of the attention. That's fine. Don't harass women who shut you down and you can freely ignore the loud voices on the internet.
Since forever in western society, Men have to generally try to make the first move - even if it's just asking a woman out for coffee - and based on the response you either move on or keep trying. It's literally that simple. It's also mostly a numbers game... but the be attractive thing is no joke. Don't be an asshole. Don't be a slob. Learn how to cook and do chores and keep your place clean... if you don't have a place, bust your ass until you get to a point where you can get one.
All the tropes where women say they don't date anyone at xyz is bullshit beyond the individual level. If someone finds you attractive and they want to date you they are going to give positive body language and positive answers to the things that would escalate towards that goal if they really want you. If they don't, they just don't want you, try someone else.
If you're getting angry about women not wanting you and it makes your blood boil and you think you deserve something... you are ignoring rule #1 and rule #2, quit being a fucking asshole.
Finally.. why in the fuck you wouldn't date someone at work is beyond me. People marry someone they met at work all the time.
Great post tbh its refreshing to see an intelligent thought out response on social media for a change lol
that's some great piece of advice in here
I promise, women date men all the time!
You can't prove that! Until I see evidence this is all conjecture! Hell for all I know all those supposed women who date those men met them in said bars or apps!
Lol kidding. I know, I have even dated a few myself, buuuut I did indeed meet them all in bars (or school.) I sorta was drinking way too much and spending way too much money though, and unfortunately covid happened, inflation went tits up, I couldn't bar then because quarantine and I can't really bar much now because my local grocer has decided all my money is his, besides the whole "drinking like 1 drink instead of 15+" thing, and I've kind of become disillusioned with that whole scene. The girl I was dating at the start of quarantine was even worse than me, like "a bottle of vodka a night" bad, and frankly I'd just like maybe something a little different, and even besides her, the four previous I also met at a bar, and they were also not much better off (though the last one was the worst by a mile the rest were just like "me then" not "me now.")
Don't be an asshole. Don't be a slob. Learn how to cook and do chores and keep your place clean... if you don't have a place, bust your ass until you get to a point where you can get one.
Only when I need to; I'm clean and shower I swear, I'm just a punk, the vest is just well seasoned; own my house (well...the bank does, for now, but whatever).
give positive body language
Oh did I mention I literally have a diagnosed "learning disability" that basically amounts to "this fucking moron misses a lot of social cues?" Lol 'cause that is kinda a thing.
No work because I like my job and don't wish to cause any possible issues with it. Y'know, like if it doesn't work out or whatever, I'd just like to avoid the possibility for awkwardness entirely.
I mean I'm not entirely ruling it out, shipping has fairly high turnover, so maybe we'll hire a single person at some point and we vibe, and maybe she decides not to stick around, and I see if she wants to chill "now that she's leaving and we can't see each other here anymore," but that's a lot of "ifs" lol. I mean at the moment there's just flat out no options at my work unless I want to try and cause a divorce lol.
I used to date at work sometimes back in my restaurant days, but that's just what it is. I have considered picking up a little side waiting gig though just to try and meet someone single, then I can be the one who quits if it gets weird, and pick up some cash for the dates on the way. Working too much OT for that one right now though but I have it in my back pocket.
OH and I'm not angry at women for not wanting to be hit on anywhere, I'm just advocating for the creation (or someone tell me about some if they exist pls) of a place where it is ok. Another poster has stuff like "singles hikes" in their area, that is kinda what I'm looking for. Frankly we just need more "third places" because the old ones are all dead except bars and church, is basically my complaint here.
Though as you say "the complaints are individuals, shoot your shot." Like they said to Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore, I guess I'll just have to "play it where it lies" even if that is on a giant guy's foot, or at the grocery store or a hobby like this post.
The things is, yeah, get a hobby. Find a hobby that often has some kind of social interaction and stereotypically attracts women in your age range. Foster a sincere, genuine interest in that hobby and don't treat it like a meat market. Get to know people, and make friends.
Also, while you're at it, get in shape; lift weights, do cardio, watch your macros. Take daily showers, and wear clean clothes every single day. Clean up your space at home, and keep it that way. Work on yourself, and make yourself a person that you would want to date if someone didn't know anything about you or your personality (because "nice" isn't a personality).
There's nothing wrong with dating at work per se, but you need to be very, very careful because it's easy to quickly go from light flirting to "hostile work environment", and I've known more than a few people that didn't understand the difference. If you're a supervisor, you should absolutely not, under any circumstances, date or attempt to date anyone directly below you on the org chart.
Yeah, I have some hobbies. One is D&D. See OOP. Pretty sure she's complaining about me (kidding, which I really wish I didn't have to specify lol but I do.)
I'm not exactly in shape but I'm not exactly out of it either, I'm kinds standing in shape's doorway letting all the AC out. Supposedly dad bods are in however. I don't use macros I use linux (again, jk.) I do take showers nightly which oughta be close enough and jeans don't get dirty enough to change every day, but the rest I do. Alright you got me, I have cat toys and laundry on my floor. I've seen worse though, and from women at that! I already am fairly up my own ass, I think I'm pretty fuckin' neat, the issue is where can I talk to people (just something as simple as "hey I think you're cool, you seeing anyone? Wanna drink some coffee?") other than an app or bar?
There's nothing wrong with dating at work per se, but you need to be very, very careful because it's easy to quickly go from light flirting to "hostile work environment", and I've known more than a few people that didn't understand the difference.
Not a supervisor, but yeah it just seems like a whole can of worms I'd rather leave closed. Back in the restaurant days it was actively encouraged but this place is different. Not "corporate" but still not full of cool degenerates like my old haunts. Oh and the only woman there even near my age is married to a guy who also works there, so they'd have to hire someone or those two would have to divorce (and even then...)
I have thought about picking up a bullshit 1-2 days a week waiting shift literally just to meet women who work there, (not specific like I'm stalking some poor waitress, just "any restaurant," most employ some women lol) but atm I'm working too much OT.
No. Not if there will be girls there.
I'm a good looking, personable guy, so my experience is certainly biased by that. Also coming from someone from the us.
But I've found you can approach women in most places. The thing is to just not be creepy about it, and learn how to pick up on cues that she is not interested or uncomfortable. And once "no" has been established, still treating them the way you had before.
If, like described in the geentext, you're claiming you own someone, or you're fighting with friends over it when noone is even dating anyone, the problem is not with approaching the woman.
Frankly, same, with the difference that I've been around women both irl and online who complain about it constantly, so since I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable I stopped. Seems to be around the time the apps came out that it stopped being socially acceptable ime, though I'm not sure that's the cause.
I'm with you brother, there's not one place within 100 miles of me that you can just sit and drink coffee and have a gay old time. There's about 30 of them.
Ah, but can you profess burgeoning romantic interest in your fellow patrons at those or are we back at the original "no that isn't appropriate to ask out a woman just trying to enjoy her coffee, either?"
At the 30 coffee shops near me it doesn't exactly seem encouraged, but if you insist, I'm willing to try. Even makes "can I buy you a coffee" easier since we're already there assuming it is appropriate.
Is speed dating still a thing?
It is! And it worked great for me and my partner! We both got tired of the apps, and neither of us are big socialites, and felt like speed dating was a long-shot, but after meeting at speed dating, we went on a coffee date (so we could talk for more then the 7 minutes they gave us at speed dating), and everything just felt right! I won't say it was love at first sight, but within the year we'd moved in together, and couldn't be happier with each other. Just search online for speed dating in whatever decent-sized city you're in or near, and you'll probably find something!
Idk, but that's a damn fine idea!
There’s also group activities where you can meet friends of friends who are single. Baseball games, concerts, weddings, camping trips etc.
I love tabletop gaming but unless it's a very large very active group that meets frequently, it's not a great choice for meeting people for dating purposes. (It is great for making friends, though).
Even when it is a large group, there are better choices, in my experience.
Better ways, IMHO: Volunteering, joining a large church, joining a coed sports league, or joining a large music ensemble (choirs in particular are great).
But you still need to use common sense. To meet available people, you need to go where the available people are. If you volunteer to deliver meals to the elderly, that's truly wonderful, but you probably won't meet the person of your dreams doing that.
Volunteering maybe. Church is crazy, you want me to join a whole ass religion just to meet a woman and then what, pretend to be christian for the rest of my life?! I'd sooner go back to the drink! Sports I'm not really into, and everyone keeps saying "don't just do it to meet women" but like, that's exactly what I'd be doing. Idk maybe like ping pong or something but idt we have a local ping pong league near me, I'll look. Choirs are very churchy are they not? That'd be the same as either sports or church in either case, depending.
Yes, "where are the people" is essentially my question. Some insist "literally everywhere, just do the thing and let em complain, fuck em" which seems to be the leading suggestion. Another dude said his area has singles hikes and shit so I'm gonna check that out too if my area does.
I have never seen this actually happen and I have a lot of experience with gaming with randos (I'm old and I also started a gaming club in college that had over 75 members with at least 15 of them being female). I've been playing MTG and D&D at local shops for decades now and I've never once seen other dudes simping or fighting over a girl at the table.
Not saying it can't happen, nerds are nerds and do often lack social skills. But from my experience (and from what I've heard from my female gamer friends), this has got to be a rare situation.
Same here, although I've only been playing for like 10 years. Sure there are some younger thirsty guys but not every guy is interested in relationships, likes women, or is single. More often than not it's just people being chill and playing.
I always have to remind myself that I was introduced to and raised in nerddom from my godmother. Everything was through the lens of her curated tastes.
So when I hit puberty later in life all the deranged horniness suddenly clicked in me as MY problem since for me it wasn't normalized. Playing D&D and MMOs just didn't have that foundation, so I could compare.
Thanks godmother for keeping me somewhat normal. I've been often alienated from gamers due to my application of basic respect and sometimes just plain apathy towards women.
Most women won't even accept a strange man into their activities. That's why you don't hear about this happening to men. Because unwanted sexual advances from women on men in women's friends circles definitely happen I can tell you from first hand experience. And women tend to be very insensitive to men's sexuality and not only encourage it but pressure you accept the advances because men "go for anything" so it shouldn't make a difference to you.
Regrettably, can confirm. I’ve been so much more docile since finding a partner. I wish I’d always been this way.
Would have been nice if more of the women in mmorpgs I played growing up were like that. Too many guilds were torn apart intentionally by women who damn well knew what they were doing and knew that at least one of your staff members was easy to twist around their fingers.
Edit: For anyone seething, women are people and they deserve respect like anyone else, but they are also people, and some of them are assholes.
Yeah this is the flipside to OP. Don't know why you're getting down voted. Women can be misanthropic trolls just as much as men can.
I was in a guild on a mmorpg that was predominantly women, and there was a squabble between a couple women.
I said, "Settle down, you both have very big penises." One responded, "Uh, were girls." I replied, "Then why are you having a dick measuring contest?" It didn't go over particularly well, but the bickering died down.
Knowing my luck they would both turn on me if I was in that situation.
I do appreciate how there's more women in online games now though. FFXIV has a lot of women, and it's great because I don't have to be that guy anymore and deal with identity politics if someone acts out. There will probably be another woman in the group who is equally annoyed by whatever bad behavior is going on and call it out.
It is nice to blame women for being manipulative and not the men for falling for the manipulation and causing the infighting, right?
/s
Everyone involved is at fault yeah. Don't know what you want me to say.
So it's better to victim blame then? Got it.
So..... victim blaming?
Never thought I'd sign up for socials again but you're an angry little misogynistic shit who happens to be so close to the truth.
You're not being downvoted because you're wrong. You're being downvoted because you came into a thread about women's issues and detracted from it for your own grievances. You say you respect women? Prove it by shutting the fuck up and listening when they speak about their problems without having to make everyone about yourself. Learn from this and maybe you'll become a more likeable person and you'll find a woman that wants to get on your dick.
Don't bother responding. I said everything that needed to be said, you'll either get it or you won't.
Women can also be assholes, deal with it. And don't gatekeep threads like this, it's annoying and stupid.
To think you "signed up for socials" just to try to white knight a hypothetical person, fuckin loser you've made this entire thread worse with your shitpost.
This is an online forum. You can't tell me not to respond or not to discuss something. Doing so isn't misogynism. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the community this is posted in is not a women's exclusive space either.
You want to see misogynism? Go hunt down the guys who treat women like objects in the OP. I don't know what you want from me.
Now that you've signed up, you can now block users and communities. Dont forget to block me!
It's also about women entering men's spaces. Some people's experience is women causing the issue
millions of years of evolution wiring our brains to make sex feel good so we don't accidentally kill off the human race by forgetting to do it
dumbasses want to play badminton or some shit instead
Well ok.
We did it on purpose to protect our virginity. No girls allowed in the boy's club!
Source: I was there.
huMON FEEEmaaale?!
Rules of acquisition number 30: There are no huMON feeeemales on the internet.
Rom would never
this happens to me constantly with girls as a man
Some cases but not really, my friend group everyone maybe except 1 already has a significant other so no one bothers the girls. And we all play DotA 2 lmao
This is why men like men-only spaces.
And why "just find a group hobby to meet a girl" is such bullshit advice. I worry about making women feel uncomfortable when they're just out living their lives so the only place I have to actually reach out to anyone are the absolute atrocious hellholes that are online dating sites...
It's not exactly bullshit advice, it's just advice that is used in a bullshit way. The advice can work when you don't throw yourself at a potential SO and just treat them like a normal person and don't force it.
I've met multiple partners through groups like that, and it always started out as treating them like a real person, making a real friend connection, and then letting the relationship grow on its own. I've also watched dudes flame out trying to make a relationship out of nothing and wonder why girls get creeped out when no isn't accepted. I'd also be lying if I said I've never been that guy, but thankfully I got better and saw the error of my ways.
There is nowhere that those people want you to meet people. They just want your (valid ) grievances with how much dating is shit to get out of their sight.
Find a hobby used to be 'get out of the damned house and be sociable, you will find not being weird makes you more likely to socialise with women and gain dates." Even the neckbeardiest of nerds would find it worked.
Then the 4-chan twats broke containement.
So it’s bullshit advice because you see yourself as so toxic that your meeting a girl, or going to social spaces to meet a girl, is somehow violating her ability to live her own life?
I think maybe the bullshit advice is from whoever told you to see yourself as a villainous monster whose desire to find a mate is a source of social toxicity.
You’re a human being, with the same right to be here as everyone else. It is not inherently violent for you to meet or even seek to meet sexual partners.
Ok, I hear you on that, but.....
It doesn't really fix the problem, does it? Sure, the guys don't end up distracted by someone with female physical characteristics, but when they interact with those people later, they're still socially inept, creepy guys.
Which isn't to mention it basically excludes any women from participating, which isn't very fair to the women who would appreciate the opportunity to join, limiting their options for positive interactions.
It can also reinforce the negative behavior, since they're probably forced into those spaces because any space that isn't men-only, they've made so awkward and uncomfortable for the women that they've been asked to leave. So a nontrivial number of these problematic people are going to be funneled into men-only types of spaces, and they'll play off of eachother incel opinions, producing a confirmation bias that's hard to dispel.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm a guy, and I was the creepy dude in my younger years. I tried to be more subtle about it, but I recognize a lot of the incel opinions as opinions I once had or at least considered. I broke out of it through having some rather strong female friends who very bluntly told me when something wasn't okay. After a while of that, I realized that if you look past gender, and just treat everyone basically the same in all circumstances and don't be a fucking incel, then you can actually develop friendships with people regardless of their gender, and, as I discovered, once you're friendly with someone who you find attractive who also is fond of you, it can turn into more than just friendship. Once I put these pieces together, my entire life improved.
By essentially labeling them as a problem and putting them into their own little echo chamber, it will likely make the problem worse, not better.
Just have weird kinks like necrophilia most living beings stop it at that point.
(you don't need to actually have necrophilia, just play that you have it)
Imagine how hard it could backfire if you meet someone who wants to have kinky sex with you since you share the same kink.
See vagina, must fuck
Yeah hormones are persnickity things when youre trying to be one of the guys
I mean, is it trying to be one of the guys, or is it simply enjoying a hobby that is predominantly male? There’s a big difference between a pickme and someone who simply enjoys a hobby.
I took that as "trying to get along/fit in, with a predominately male group".
It would seem that you took it as more of "trying to get 'in' with a boys club".
I don't think either interpretation is wrong, per-se, but one does have a bit of a more negative tone to it, IMO.
Far be it for me to tell you what to think, or that your understanding is wrong. Bluntly, it was a fairly poor choice of words on the commenters part.
Men will literally blame anything but themselves for their own behavior. Wild.
Right because no woman ever has ever blamed hormones for her behavior
Just hook them up with your single friends. Or find a female only group.
I could never feel sexually attracted to a nerdy girl. They’re somehow even grosser than boys
I think it's one of God's hilarious jokes that women have what men wish they had (lots of people who want to have sex with them) but the women don't want it. They should trade places with me - no one is trying to sleep with me...
Please delete this for ur own good.
No, leave it. It makes a great example in case anybody hasn't gotten the problem yet.
Try not being emotionally repulsive.
Women want to get laid also, just with people superior than you
There are people who would like to sleep with you, you just have to have low enough standards
I bet that's not how things work.
Have you tried praying to your god to trade places?
If I only could🎵
