Signs you're getting old?

Nope, you're describing not being young, that's nothing like being actually old. Growing old has a bunch of stages:

joint pain
can no longer dance all night
hangovers last all day
dentists start talking to you about your gums

But then you get to the phase of

skin losing elasticity
liking dinner parties
marijuana is now a medicine
developed distinct preferences about stuff like threadcount

And then after that the next phase is more like

a lot of time worrying about your parents
all body fat migrates to one or two of its favourite spots
seriously consider putting everything on lanyards
your favourite singers are all dead

And so on, you get the picture. That's as far as I've traveled but as far as I can see the phases after that involve things like bladder leakage and losing friends to alzheimers.

I'm getting toward the last, my favorite singers are dying. My wife and I just saw the B-52s in concert. They are in their mid seventies. They were in their thirties when I started listening to them. Ugh.
Multiple of your friends have cancer, died of cancer, or of other illnesses. But mostly the cancer.

You wonder if your bowels are OK. They are not.
fuck, this is accurate. i recognized myself in everything you wrote. (age 50ies)
- Glad it's not just me!
I worried about my mum constantly since I was only 14/15, she had heart disease and died three years ago at 54. My dad also has heart problems, copd, diabetes, psoriasis and arthritis in his hands. He's only 55 and I don't know if he'll even live to retirement age. I'm only 27.

Edit: Should've included this. I also have ulcerative colitis which is a form of IBD Irritable Bowel Disease and I do shit myself several times a year) so my bowels are fucked already. Again I'm only 27. By your metrics I've met two of the conditions to be old due to shite luck with the roll of the dice of life.
- I grew up with my grandparents. And while my grandpa has been dead for years, lately I'm acurely aware how my grandma - now 91 - doesn't have much time left. She had a few really close calls already, and covid was absolutely not nice to her health when she got it.
- Sorry friend, that sounds really hard. I'm really sorry you lost your mum.
  
  Someone I knew with colitis said it calmed down by itself after about a decade, so I hope that happens to you.
- It is treated, it's better to go on a diet, for example VLCD or something (go to pubmed) ⚠️Аnd of course, consult a doctor before dieting.
I remember my mom telling me about phases of life as she experienced them:

All your friends start getting married, you go to a lot of weddings

All your friends start having kids, you go to a lot of baby showers

Many of your friends start getting divorced, and you have to deal with trying to be friends with the former couple separately

Many of your friends get married a second time, weddings again

Many of your friends start having grandkids

At the time she concluded with "Some those were hard, but it was all okay. But now, all my friends are dying..."
Yeah, for me the big thing wasn't even that my belly is becoming more and more of an issue despite my weight being the same, it was how how many cancer checkups are all of a sudden free and done regularly and how doctors always do a routine full checkup no matter why I went there. (am 40+)
My mom once planned a trip up to my city with some of her friends to see a concert, they made plans a few weeks out but by the time the day arrived, she was coming up for two funerals, the group was smaller by two people. She told me "can't make long range plans when you are old, go see people right away because if you wait they might be dead!"
Stage one: Effortful noise when rising from a low chair/sofa

Stage two: Inability to rise from a low chair/sofa. Beanbag? Nooooo….

My own turning point was finding myself unable to get out of the bath by just standing up. It was comic but also terrifying. I eventually worked out I could lever myself up with my arms. Phew.

What's really old music? Like Greenday?

Bro don't
- Someone in here will say The Weeknd and cue mass existential crisis.
No no like, that classic golden oldies singer, Britney Spears!
- Then there are those of us who were already adults when she was on the Mickey Mouse Club.
I mostly listen to music from my parents' youth. Growing up I listened to the oldies station a whole lot (Oldies 98.1 used to be so good!). I'm Gen X, they're boomers. So classic rock is definitely in the mix, but also artists like Petula Clark, the Supremes, Tommy James and the Shondells, etc. There's a great station on SiriusXM called '60s Gold that I listen to pretty much every day.

And then when I need a change, I switch to New Wave / post-punk or Grunge.
- Oh you mean music from the 1900s?
- I'm late Gen X but I'm really enjoying Gen Z music. Some of it's so chill.
- I start my day on 1960s English prog and ska, and end my day on 1970s Italian and Turkish prog and pop. I dunno what's out there

Some things I've noticed in my early 40s:

You talk about things like property taxes and 401k contributions more often than you ever thought would be possible
You seriously weigh whether a drink is worth the bad sleep and headache it'll cause you
Your pop-culture references are lost on younger folks
You start referring to college-aged people as "kids"
You need reading glasses but you're in denial about it
Injuries take longer to heal
Those of your peers who haven't taken care of themselves are starting to have serious health issues
You care more about flossing, skincare, fiber, and hydration
You still rock bottom eyeliner like you did in high school
You've seen fashion from your high school years go out of style and then come back as "retro"
You see the utter confusion on your nephew's face when you explain that you used to keep a quarter in your bike pouch in case you needed to call someone, because he doesn't remember a time before cell phones and his generation isn't allowed to just roam around unsupervised on their bikes
You have strong opinions about things like laundry detergent brands
Birds become fascinating
You have no problem spending a few hundred dollars on a new kayak paddle, but the price of cold cuts these days is just unacceptable

That's bang on. Aside from the quarter. I used to call collect and they would get "Would you like to receive a collect call from 'Hidadcomepickmeup'?"
- Good o'le "Bobwehadababyitsaboy"
  
  I also remember when CarrotTop did the C-A-L-L-A-T-T commercial, so that's fun/old...
- My friends did that, but my mother would've killed me - she thought that was no different than theft lol
You may fascinate the elderly with a bird
cold cuts? Have you seen the price of a bag of chips? Ridiculous. I don't need to spend 5 bucks to hate myself later after I've eaten too many.

$30 to buy an old mechanical pencil on ebay you remember having in highschool? No problemo.
Eyes, motivation, you can't drink all night and only sleep for three hours, and in general it's better to drink at home, it's better to lie on the couch, lack of interest in many things.... taking care of children's health is above your own etc.

You start noticing bird species you've never seen before.... Wait! Was that a cedar waxwing???

This is so accurate.

When you injure yourself sleeping

I do not like this comment.
Been doing this since I was a kid. I regularly hit my head off (on?) the wall in my sleep because I twist and turn during the night.
- Put foam mats or foam sheets across your wall when you sleep!

i think people are way too worried about being old while not enjoying the youth they have left right now

you can always be and feel older

You’ll never be as young as you are now
- And this is the oldest you've ever been.
- woah dude
You nailed it. I'm loving it, I'm more fit now than ever and do so much more in my 40s than in my 20s even. It's great. You're only as old as you want to be. Listen to new music, try out new things and complain about it all when you're 90+

Getting a new phone is annoying rather than exciting

ugh goddam planned obsolescence, i just want a tool that works well not a new toy every couple of years goddamit
- I thought Fairphone would solve this for me, but the thing is too damn chonky.
Well, of course it does with no proper universal backup system.
- The change itself is pretty straightforward if you use Google services
They can pry the headphone jack from my cold dead hands

A general feeling of alienation from society. Particularly younger people.
Dislike of ‘modern’ music.
Nostalgia over the way things used to be as you have lived long enough to witness the enshittification.

I like the enshittification one. Old(er) people say how much better things were back in the day, but we just say that's rose tinted glasses because actually e.g. violent crime was much higher.

Then we tell the younger generation that the web used to be so much better and they are all "yes, grandpa, that's great grandpa".

But it was better! I swear it was!
- Instagram is always the one that springs to mind for me. It was amazing in the early days before Facebook bought it and turned it into the monstrosity it is now. I was an early user of it. It was quirky, it was fun, the community was much smaller and people didn't care about how many likes they got. It was actual photography and was more personal. Not the ad-infested self-promoting shallow bullshit it is now.
  
  Old Instagram > New Instagram is the absolute peak of enshittification for me. It's genuinely awful now.
- Except you feel this even if you're in your 20s. It's not exactly an old thing lol
  
  Hell, even over the last 3 years it's super obvious

The radio station that plays the old hits has started playing newer hits. Spoiler: they’re not new.

The radio station that plays old hits I swear is playing even older songs. I swear it is now playing 60's music. And not the good songs from the 60s either.
I sometimes listen to old balkan songs (from yugoslavia timen) and am 17.

You'll start growing hair in even weirder places than you did during puberty.

And start losing hair on top of your head
Why, ear lobes? Why?!
Dude I’m hairy ass a gorilla since puberty.
- How are the ouside parts of your ears and the bridge of your nose tho?
nose hair trimmer attachment works well around the ears I've found (but it's loud!)
I have one weird hair that grows out of my neck. Why on earth?!

I'm in good shape still, nothing hurts, but my goodness since I was about 40 everything takes forever to heal. Injuries that might have healed in 2 months when I was a kid can take 2 years to fully resolve. Why, when I have fewer years left?

I don't get the music thing, I think maybe men are more nostalgic about music. I listen to a broad sweeping set of artists old and new, and my kids do too (one is a musician but all of them will hear something on tiktok and go find it). I still go see new and emerging acts, love finding new music.

Oh! And since nobody is talking about the positive things that happen when you get old: around 50 my green thumb arrived, I no longer kill plants by looking at them. I can coax them to grow. And can cook just about anything too, but that is accumulated years of experience, the plant thing just came like a gift. Around 45 I got the power of trust, like anyone would tell me anything - middle aged white lady power, people tell me things, I could be a spy or drug mule or something now and just skate through security, I am not suspicious. And mood gets easier to manage too, not so quick to anger or fear.

On the trust thing - every once in a while I'll go to a concert by myself, stand in the back, and enjoy the moment and remember the old times.

More often than not, three or four young ladies will come up over the course of the evening and start giving me their life stories and their relationship struggles and whatnot.

This isn't a flirting or drunk thing on either end of the equation. In that moment, they just seem to need somebody to listen to them.

Standing up feels like the check engine light comes on

I turned my head to the right to look at something and sprained my neck.

So when just existing hurts, you're old.

When listening to new music, I'm constantly recognizing how heavily they sample older songs that I remember listening to when I was a kid.
A night out with friends often ends at 9 or 10p because we're all tired.
A night out with friends often includes a lot of discussion of various health issues and encouraging each to see a doctor.
I'm finding myself more and more avoidant of new technology. Or maybe it's just that I'm getting more concerned about maintaining a little sliver of privacy?

It genuinely irritates me when I hear sampled songs get passed as new without any credit to the original
- In your opinion, how should they be crediting it? I'm having trouble trying to imagine a good way that it could be credited within the song, and I can't imagine very many people actually pay attention to the credits for music, especially when so few of us are buying physical copies anymore.
  
  I've definitely experienced feeling annoyed at the new songs, but some have grown on me, and hearing the samples often leads me to add the original to my playlist. I've actually been having a lot of fun trying to see if I can name the original artist & song title whenever a new one pops up.

If these are signs of being old, I was born old.

I dunno, I think a second "not dead" condition needs to be added.

Can't use my phone for more than 10 minutes because it makes my eyes hurt
Understanding the mechanics of new games feels harder than it used to be
Can't easily remember the names of characters in a game/movie I'm watching
Can't remember the names of functions for programming languages I've learned recently, always need to keep the documentation handy
I find it absolutely counterintuitive to use "modern" functions in programming like lambdas (and functional programming in general can't get into my head)
I almost always HATE changes in the OS and programs I use, while I used to love beta-testing stuff
Can't get into new hobbies and interests
Still listen to the same genres I used to listen to 10 years ago
2019 feels like a few months ago, not half a decade ago
Getting worse and worse at rhythm games

I'm 33.

Do you need corrective lenses?
- Not yet, I just have dry eyes
Lambdas make no sense on 1D data. Change my mind.

My knees have been going out since I was like 16, so I’ve felt pretty old for a long time. I think my biggest old person thing is being very particular about my bedtime each night and always getting up at the same time. I definitely did not do that in my twenties.

Yeah same boat here.

Testosterone got the better of me weight lifting in high school and I fucked up the ligament that holds my left kneecap down.

I pop and crack like a 70 year old and I'm 29 (been happening since I was 17) and I can't keep my left knee bent for long periods of time without it aching.

I'm trying to stay young by playing video games (primarily rocket league) but they don't feel the same as when I was younger. That was my actual sign.

When you go onto a website with one of those cheesy self assessment age restrictions boxes and you're still scrolling to get to your year.

I'm too lazy to enter my correct birthday anywhere, I just scroll to random places and klick something. Plus I hope it confuses the data krakens, at least a bit.

The most depressing sign is your parents that were once invincible are now having concerning health issues

A couple of years ago my dad, who has always been heavy into cycling and never had a weight problem, had a quadruple bypass. He was 72 or 73 at the time. He was always so healthy and fit, but the men in his family hoard arterial plaque like crazy. It was really sobering to see him go through that, and especially to see how lost my mom was while he was recovering. And my mom has osteoporosis; she’s getting treatment for it but she's afraid to do much more than a brisk walk because if she falls, she could easily break her spine or pelvis. And she's only 67!

It's really depressing seeing them get old. I visited them over the weekend and we watched old camcorder tapes*. Seeing them younger than I am now was so weird; I didn't realize my mental image of them has aged along with them, if that makes sense. But watching those tapes, all I could think was how strong and youthful they both looked!

*Seeing myself as an awkward teenager with braces and huge glasses was godawful, do not recommend!

But have you begun yelling at clouds yet?

No but sometimes I grunt when I get up from the couch.
- Oh to be young again. I remember questioning whether I was old or not. Embrace your youth, it's nearly gone...
- That was my first thought. I'm past 30 now so my body makes a noise when I crouch down and my throat makes a noise when I get up again.

You're not old until the music you don't consider old becomes old.

But is late 90s punk actually old? I don’t think it is yet. I got time….
- If it's over 20 years...
I remember someone referred to a song as old, and it was maybe 4 years old.

It felt new to me, but he called it old. Is 4 years the cut off? Lol

(Though some people do just listen to the top 20, but I seek out classics and indie stuff)

Sometimes between 25 and 40, you'll realize you "can't drink like you used to."

From here, you'll almost never be out til last call again. Certainly not without regrets. And it'll dwindle to where you're learning to cook instead of asking the Uber driver to swing through McDonald's on the way home.

You'll find you're amid a new hobby, and an old hobby is in the rearview.

Welcome to midlife. You're probably as old as your parents were when they had you, if not older.

25 ... Uber ...

This comment alone makes me feel old. I don't think Uber Eats was a thing when I was 25. Certainly not where I lived (in a fairly large metro area)

I went grocery shopping and realized the music was all stuff I liked and recognized. I even knew the words 😭

This is so funny. My friend and I were talking about this just the other day. As I’ve gotten older, my music tastes have actually gotten more discordant and experimental. I moved from a love of alt-wave and indie to no wave and punk and hardcore. But I’ve been listening to jazz since high school. That hasn’t changed. People always made fun of me for that one. But who’s old now, you fucks

You start looking for what the signs of getting old are. Seriously the big first thing that sorta marks the end of what I consider to be my healthy youth was jumping off a dock and having to take a moment after landing. Happened in my thirties.

you walk into another room, but can't remember why you're there.
You go downstairs to grab something, do 5 other unrelated things, go back upstairs and immediately remember why you went down in the first place.

you walk into another room, but can’t remember why you’re there.

TIL I've been old since 12
Every effing day.
You described my ADHD

Do you have to hold your phone "further" away to see it? No? Then you haven't crossed the line yet. You are like the roller coaster after it has crested the hill, the backend is still holding on, but you are starting to see where you are heading.

Yep, I'm fighting the need for reading glasses. They look like a giant pain in the ass. But then again, my husband has his text messaging app set to a really big font, so I figure he's way worse off than me.

When young people talk about the video games you played when you were their age as if they were written in hieroglyphics and relics of a forgotten age.

are you telling me you don't remember Dune the videogame?
diAL uP

I also have a knee thing. Why the knees.

pop

Yes I also listen to a lot of mid 2000s songs.

This is a joke, right?
- People who listened to this music in their youth are turning fourty.

Everything you say is misconstrued through some lens over which you have no control.

example:

Me: Hey do you want to go for a walk when you are done what you are working on?

Them: Why are you always so critical of how long things take?

Me: What. The. Fuck?

Me: when you're ready let's do the thing we'd agreed we wanted to do around now.

Them: okay. (drops everything)

Me: okay...I knew you're in the middle of something, I can wait 5 minutes.

Them: ugg, no, its fine let's just go now.

(Later with someone else)

Them: Ugg, I always feel rushed to do things with [me].

Other: you know he'll will wait for you right, its not a big deal.

Them: I know, but I feel bad. I dont like wasting his time...(he doesn't have a lot of it left).

I remember the first time I thought we were getting old: A friend suggested we meet for coffee at around 4pm. Fml.

What's 'old' about that?
- If you drink coffee after 1 you can't sleep that night
- We used to meet for beers at any time of the day. Or night.
  
  Having tea or coffee anytime past 10am is a sure sign of deliquescence of both body and mind I believe - and I should know since I totally reached that stage.

When the doctor scrolls through your files, then scrolls some more, then scrolls more.

When the doctor asks you about ozempic.

When the doctor recommends your first colonosopy.

When the barber asks: do you want me to do your eyebrows?

"Your teeth/eyes look pretty good for your age! 👍"

When you let the student hair dresser cut your hair and she cuts it to your actual hairline.

Please try different shoes. I was panicking that my knees were gone and it was just the shoes.

Barefoot shoes ftw.

I can't drink as much as I used to without experiencing an all-day headache the following day.

Check out this young un, who still has one day hangovers
- Hah! Yeah, I've read about people having multi-day hangovers. I've definitely never had that happen before, but I'm "only" 44, maybe time will tell.

A few years ago already, I started to have more stories about I've done that cool stuff, rather than I hope to do that cool stuff

To be fair, I had the honour to spend some time in a south American observatory and it offers a shit ton of "cool stories"

I slept 4 am during one weekend because we had celebration, it's been 5 days now and i'm still feeling the lack of sleep and catching up.

i'm not that out of shape tbh, i use stairs daily on my 5th floor work office without needing to catch my breath, so i'm pretty sure ive got normal cardio and muscle condition. but the sleep, damn i feel the need to really catch up.

Sorry to confirm your suspicions, buddy. Be careful if there's always at least one process of fermentation going on under your roof.

Me at 30: "I'd never get Botox I'm fine with looking my age".

Me at 50: "I wish I could afford Botox because the saggy mouth thing makes me look completely different and I hate it".

Also couldn't kneel down if you put a gun to my head.

When you get a full night's sleep and wake up feeling tired, that's when You've crossed the threshold. That and when you look into the mirror and think "who the fuck is that?"

There could be other non-age-related causes, particularly if overweight.

The signs aren't looking good. Do you get joint pain before certain types of weather?

My coworker and I had to rock-paper-scissors who hurt the most to go home early

A backbrace becomes necessary for any physical activity more demanding than walking.

Yes, yes you have.

Hey! We’re not getting older! The young kids are getting younger!

youre over 16, youre old.

The second hand is moving.