At what age do you think is too old to be living with parents?

It's worth noting that the stigma is very much a cultural thing. There are cultures where it's very normal for the kids to stay with the parents, even after they get married, with multiple generations under one roof.

You should 100% do what makes you and your family happy. If things change, you can make changes.

The idea of being "too old to live with parents" is a pretty recent phenomenon.

Multi-generational households were the standard for centuries. There's a benefit, I think, for having parents, grandparents, and children in the house.

The children have the opportunity to learn from the grandparents.

The grandparents have the opportunity to help the parents by caring for the children.

The parents have the opportunity to assist the grandparents.

That being said, you couldn't PAY me to live with my mother. ;)

The main quesiton is what you want long term. If you want to eventually move in with a romantic partner, I would advice you to get used to independent living beforehand. Having to cook for and clean up after a partner who never learned to live without mommy and daddy is a huge turn-off for most people and can sour a relationship very fast. I would ask you these questions:

Do you cook dinner for the household at least every week?

Do you clean the kitchen yourself after cooking?

Do you do the grocery shopping for the household?

Do you often tidy up the pots and pans after meals (not just your own plates and cutlery)?

Are you the one who takes a walk around the house putting away stray plates, glasses & clothes and tidying up? Do you do this at least once a day?

When something breaks, are you often the one who repairs or replaces it?

Is it typically tidier & neater when your parents are away than when they are home?

If you want to live with a romantic partner in the future, and the answer to any of these is no, I suggest you have a long hard think about whether you're preparing for the life you want, or just staying where it's comfortable.

Pay your parents some rent, help out around the house, treasure them while they're still alive.

Save up and invest as much money as you possibly can.

My partner was like this till his 30s, and I was a bit jealous having been kicked out at 18. He was able to buy a house( with an admittedly amazing APR) with the money he was able to put away with this method. While he didn’t pay rent he helped around the house, and was a near-guaranteed dog sitter. I think that as long as the situation works for everyone it’s a great leg up. If someone has a judge-y attitude towards it they’re probably jealous haha.

Your parents (likely) had better opportunities to get that house than you do now. Give yourself some grace, just make sure you’re helping out where you can :)

Pay them some rent.

When you do finally move out you'll need to be used to putting that out. If your relationship with them is as good as you say it is they might tuck it away for you.

I don't think it's bad. It's only bad if you want to leave and can't.

Let's say I was a huge successful billionaire: I'd still live with my parents because I'd just get a single big house my whole family could live in together. Though it could be worded as they live with me and not that I live with them; technically both would be accurate.

I only feel like a failure because I want to be independent but it's too expensive to live on my own. Rather live together with family than total strangers because I could move out and have roommates, but why?

I think it's dumb that society stigmatizes living with your parents at all. It's a great way to strengthen family ties, saves money, and you can keep an eye on older generations.

My family is psycho, so I moved as far as possible, but I envy people that can take advantage of those benefits.

I don't think there is truly such a thing as too old. I would still live at home if I could I think, I like having people I care about around. That being said, it's more a question of if it works for your family and you. If they are cool with it and you are in a position where you're comfortable I don't see an issue. maybe talk to them about it.

and I believe they feel blessed to have their kid at home longer)

Have you directly asked about this? That would be my first concern, do they truly want me living at home still? Moving out doesn't mean you have to never see family again, you can have a set day or two every week to come over for dinner/a visit.

The second concern I would have would be bringing a significant other around, or even a first date. You don't want to bring every person you go on a date with to meet the parents, only the ones that are serious.

So if you're family is actually okay with you staying, and you're okay with bringing dates home around then, then go for it. Doesn't seem to be hurting anyone.

If you can bear your parents, don't move out. Would you bet that half of your coworkers live with their parents?

"Moving out" in an idealised event that just does not make sense anymore today.

In Greece it’s common for children to stay with their parents past 30. Your conflict is a cultural one.

My advice is to not worry about it and not feel ashamed. There are plenty of reasons to live with one’s parents, especially these days with the high cost of living. I’m sure your peers understand this.

In fact, the money you save on living expenses can potentially be used to buy yourself a home in the future, instead of perpetually paying rent like the rest of us.

If your household is fine with it, and you are fine with it, stay home. I'm living with my mum til she dies because there's no other way I'm getting a house without a life of debt, might as well stay home and save money.

If you get on well with your parents and aren't planning to start a family of your own any time soon, I see zero downside.

I would lose 1/3rd of my income to rent

Nothing wrong with living with your folks for any reason at all. But if they won't let you contribute fully to the household expenses, put that extra cash into a savings account so that you have a deposit when you need it and so that you get used to having a real-world level of disposable income.

In the meantime, make sure you pull your weight at home. I used to have my dad on the phone in tears every week because my brother was living with him but barely even speaking in passing. If you're living with them, you must make sure they're getting your help and your company in return. It needs to be a good arrangement for all of you.

This pressure is solely a North American thing. They don’t push kids out in Europe. They have a very connected family dynamic. The only time adult kids go out on their own is if they need the space for bigger fam or need to move far for work. Otherwise fam are entirely happy to stick together. If anything parents want the kids to stay to help as they grow older and they aren’t alone. Sort of a switch over in responsibility later. But this is considering a healthy family dynamic. Not an abusive one. Abusive families still run away.

In North America ‘Living with parents’ seems to pick on who benefits and if anyone is prevented from doing things they need to do to get to the next step in their life to be capable of independence.

I’m living with a with a relative who I get along fine with and I’ve already done the ‘leave the nest’ thing.

I don’t have more life style growth to learn how to survive independently as I have the career I want and making the money I want. I can easily move out and get a place if that is what I need to do. I’ve done it before.

I’m back with fam because living alone is expensive for all of us. But we also really enjoy each others company. If anything it’s more that we live with each other for both of our benefit. Not just me living with them for my own benefit.

This changes a lot from place to place. So take into account that what I'm going to say comes from someone in Latin America.

I think that "moving out" boils down to three questions:

• Do you fight often with your parents?
• Are you being leeched, or a leech yourself?
• Does it prevent you from doing what you want to do?

If the answer for all those three things is a clear "no", then there's no reason to move out.

Freedom is not a theoretical matter, but a practical one; it's not being prevented from doing what you want. In certain cases you might be less free by moving out.

When they are dead seems like a good upper limit

40-year-old, home-owning, father here. I didn't move out of my parent's house until I was in my early twenties. Even then, I only did it because I wanted training in a specific field and would have to move to pursue it (the area I moved to was also where my then girlfriend, now wife, lived).

I preface all that to point out that, even in the mid 2000's, a lot of the societal pressure for kids to move out was starting to fade away. The shitty apartment I rented for $600 in 2008 is now going for $1,200. Decent apartments are going for $2,000 and most houses in the area are over $200,000 for a fixer-upper.

I do not look down on anyone for making the best financial decision they can given our impossible financial situations. The American dream of owning a home and two cars in suburbia is all but dead. The only reason my wife and could afford a house is because my father in law sold his house (that he bought for his mother) at 80% of what he thought the value was (which was way lower than its actual value).

For what it's worth, I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. There is no shame in living with your dad, essentially as a roommate, it seems. I do agree with some others in that you should definitely use this time to save as much money as you can to potentially buy a home later.

I just had a guy retire where I work and he never moved out of his parent's place. There is no age you should leave. If you're happy and they are happy then there's no issue.

Maybe you'll feel that desire to leave when you get into a LTR, usually the need for privacy/space is what drives people to seek their own living space. Until you feel that way (if ever) save up and enjoy spending the time with the people you care about.

If you’re happy and your parents are fine with it then don’t fucking worry. Honesty the only real reason to move into a place of your own is if you’re moving in with a romantic partner or if you have good friends that would warrant living with. Housing right now is outrageously overpriced so why bother the unnecessary expense if everything else is fine?

Also, if you’re not already, take advantage of that no rent situation and save what you would be paying for retirement.

Your family must not be my family. I could be in the exact same situation, but I'm choosing to barely make rent each month on a 1br.

It is very expensive, but if I lived at home, I could not have sex, and having a partner over for non-sex reasons would be...very weird.

Plus, my family doesn't allow me to cook anything in oil because of the smells. Boiling, baking, and grilling only.

So...yeah. I like having a partner. And having some nookie. Plus, the space is nice.

There's no need to ever move out from your parents if the living situation is positive for all of you. I truly believe that the pressure to be "independent" is a coordinated strategy to keep people separate so everyone has to buy their own set of everything. It maximizes profit for big corporations and landlords.

The age at which you are no longer living with them, they are living with you.

That's entirely down to the individual situation. Just because it's not for me doesn't mean it's bad.

If you're dating and looking for someone to "settle down with" this might be a deal breaker. On the other hand your situation is becoming more common. Regardless of how you feel I hope you are socking away some money. If you do want to own your own home, housing prices are cyclical (at least in the US). Be ready to pounce when the bubble bursts. Having 20% or more for a down payment can save you a lot of money. That's pretty generous of your parents to not make you pay rent.

Currently 24 and also living it home.
My cousin stayed until 30 and was able to buy a house I bit outside the bigger cities with a mortgage.

I'd say do move out as soon as you can afford something you actually want to.

Funny sidemark:
Just reach the >40 year range and say you moved back in to support your fam around the property ;)

I love my parents. And living with them for as long as I have is the reason I paid off my student loans within a few years. That and community college.

Don't know about any specific age, but if you ever intend to move in with someone other than your family, it's a very good idea to have tried living alone first.

Yes, incompetency and responsibility are issues. There's a lot of stuff to be done in a house/home. Since you already live with someone, there's a high chance that they're doing something that you either don't know about, or don't know how to, because they're the ones doing it. Living alone will inevitably teach you how to do everything and also let you experiment with how you want it done.

In that process you'll also learn that there are probably things that your family does differently from what you want. Perhaps they have arguments over stupid stuff, or they are happy living in more mess than you prefer, or they wash all the clothes on the wrong temperature (horrible, I know). As stupid as it might be, small stuff like that is important if you want to live with someone else.

You know how some motivational memes say "if you can't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you". Same thing applies to living with others: "If you can't live by yourself, how can you expect to live there with someone else?"

Financially it doesn't make sense at all, but in my opinion, living alone is a necessary thing to do before committing to living with a partner. At least for two years or so, and the twenties are usually a good time to do so, because you have fewer obligations and your family can still help you out if everything fails.

If you're happy being there and they're happy having you, then stay, you're pocketing so much more. Since you're employed, just make sure your family is taken care of, chip in for groceries or a new TV if they seem to need it.

I've known people who got married while living in their parents home. They stayed and raised kids. And took care of their parents in those shitty end years. They don't believe they did the wrong thing. I moved out at 17 and did not move back for decades until now that my elderly mother needs help. It's been nice, and I think that I missed a lot just being away from family for so long. I also know that I was an asshole back then and if I had stayed it wouldn't have been good at all.

If you're cool with it, and your parents are cool with it, what's the problem? Especially these days with the ridiculous rental rates. It just makes no sense.

I'd put it this way: how much pressure do you personally feel to strike out on your own? I don't mean how much pressure people might be putting on you - I mean how much of you wants to GTFO?

I left home at 19, against my parent's wishes - but that's because I was going stark crazy at home, and needed to get out into the world and knocked around a bit. If you don't feel that kind of pressure, and your family is amenable to the situation, then I wouldn't worry about it. Make sure you're not a burden by contributing and helping out where you can, but there's no shame in living with your parents as an adult, particularly these days.

Correction: There is no shame in living with your parents as an adult - emphasis on the adult part. You contribute what's necessary, you take care of what you need to take care of, etc. There is shame in being an overgrown manchild, where mommy and daddy are the ones taking care of you (when that reasonably shouldn't be the case - folks with disabilities, etc. don't fall into this group). It sounds like you fall in the former category, so you're good IMO.

I'm conflicted with myself. As I personally don't see the issue with living with my family or other relatives. Especially with the cost of living being as high as it is now, it's nice to not have to pay rent. I do get the freedom argument, however I think that it held more value 30-40 years ago when the economy was different. Now... Dunno I guess I just find more value in not being bound by 1000$ a month rent.

Stay. Talk to your dad about this, but if he wants you around, and you're happy there, then you should definitely stay.

I say this as a parent. If you have a good relationship, and everyone likes the situation, then treasure it. Enjoy the time you have together.

And save the cash. If your folks want, make sure to cover some expenses and help out.

I had to move back in with my parents in my late 20s, when the 2012 recession hit. I told people I was saving up for a down-payment, which is partially true. Other half of that was, it just wasn't possible for me to get a house and I was tired of apartment living.

If you're embarrassed, you can tell people you're "taking care" of your dad, so he lives with you.

Don't bother comparing yourself to the older generations. They've spent years pulling up the ladder behind them, so it's just not the same cheap, prosperous world that it used to be. Single income homes just don't exist anymore, and most people your age will recognize that.

Edit: Fixed autocorrect

If you get along and love them, and you pitch in with a modest rent and chores and cooking, honestly I think we should live longer with our parents.

There is a heartbreaking statistic that is something like when you move out of your parents house you will have spent like 90% of the time you will ever spend with them (or some other very high number).

I lived with my parents until 30 and now moved to another country to study, but sometimes feel very sad that I don't live with them anymore. So much so that when I am done with my education I will move back CLOSE to where they live, and probably overnight frequently if it makes sense.

All of this probably changes if you settle down and start a family, of course.

I think just do what feels good to you. As long as you're contributing to bills, cooking some meals and doing your own laundry etc you're not stunting yourself by being there.

This is situational, and also cultural. The cost of living everywhere right now is unprecedented due to greed. I wouldn't feel too bad or look down on anyone for being in the situation. I've been in it off and on the last 10 years and I'm in my early 30s.

With all the things I hear about housing being unavailable and unaffordable I wouldn't blame someone in their 30s even for still living at home, provided you actually contribute to bills etc. A friend of my wife's has a multigenerational household and I don't think of any of them as taking advantage of the other or being lazy.

Do you do your own laundry?

There's a difference between being unable to move out and simply liking to live with your family. If you like living with them, I don't see why you should move out until you find your own long-term romantic partner and need more privacy. I know there's an expectation in the USA that adults won't have a lot of contact with their parents, but I think that's sad. I don't currently live with my family for practical reasons but I live near them and visit them every weekend. My life is richer because of this.

I recently moved out after 1 year as NEET. I worked and payed rent to my father (nothing much).

I know lots of people who live in multi generational house - usually divided in few units.

My parents took it little bit like a shock - I told them that about week before I moved out and my brother moved at the same time and told them at the same time.

My parents set up our house to be multi generational and knew well that only hope for us to get home is to wait for our grandparents to die (I know but it is what it is).

If I and my brother didn't get work that far away we would live with them now. So I think it isn't bad thing to live with your parents.

At whatever age you can finally afford it. Which is never. Get that home inherented. It's your only hope.

There’s a point for some people where you live with your parents because they can’t really take care of themselves, you don’t have kids and are free to move… uh, speaking from personal experience. My dad is losing it and my mom is close to that, and I just ended a relationship recently so it makes sense I’d live with them and help them in the interim. It’s not exactly a new relationship magnet though.

As far as your situation, you’ll know when the time is right to move out imo. The standards of “move out and have your own house at 18” is outdated due to realistic modern economics. It would be when you meet someone and want to move in with them and taking them to your parents would seems absurd. You’re educated, you have a job, you’re expressive, you’re doing fine.

You know you have overstayed your welcome when your 70 year old mom gets the police to throw you and your lazy ass brother out, while complaining that she had to do all the chores, cooking and pay all the bills (This happened to some Italian men not long ago).

Just make sure you move out many years before that, and help your dear old mother.

It depends a lot on the situation. My exparents lived with my paternal exgrandparents until I was 8. Completely seperate households tho. Just in the same house.

If theres a partner and kids it's important that everyone negotiates boundaries and communicates well. If it's one household the chores and finances need to be shared in a way that works and so on.

Personally I moved out as early as I could because these people are abusive. I find it awe inspiring that you manage to coexist peacefully when everyone is an adult. If it works for you it works for you. In many cultures living with your parents is normal. I think worrying about what other people think, those that won't pay your rent and don't interact with your family isn't productive. You're the one who has to live with the decisions you make.

We haven't seen this 'them and us' financial divide for a century or more.

In those times generations of families lived together. Until there's another reset to allow the middle classes to thrive again, this is the new normal.

That said, the middle classes have been being silly and trying to keep up with each other and bankrupting themselves. Houses are at very high prices because people will pay higher prices: both parties in a relationship working and paying someone else, school or nanny, or child care to parent their kids. A divorced couple or a high proportion of singles needs double the number of houses as a couple. Leasing brand new cars. Eating out or takeaway every night .. bigger and bigger government. It all costs.

Add in stupid net zero emissions policy for tiny nations like the UK, rather than tackle the real polluting nations and you've got kids living at home looking after elderly parents until they die and they can have a house to themselves.

The number of children per household many nations have is already well below replacement rate. So at least you won't be battling for mum and dad's house with your sibling. Look on the bright side! 😁

I would say there's no age where it's shameful exactly, but around age 30 I would start to feel bad for someone in that situation since it probably means they are putting a lot of their life on hold and their economic opportunities are very slim.

On the other hand, if someone has the means to live on their own (whatever that may mean for their location), I would consider it shameful beyond the age of like 24. Because in that case you are making a choice to not strike out on your own and develop valuable life skills when you could be supporting yourself.

NEET? Are you talking about the Indian testing thing? I only found out about that as I Googled neet...

Anyway, here in Sweden we are famous for moving out early and living alone, it usually happens around the time you go to university as you tend to move into a dorm and move straight into your own apartment after completing your studies.

I moved out in my mid 20s, amid depression and a terrible work schedule.

I'd say that if you are still living with your parents in your 30s here it is considered a bit strange...

American values clashing with common sense.

Is that how some people are still voting for Trump?

my high school friend and her well-paid techie brother still live with their parents and love it since their social circle is now their parents friends. as someone who doesnt really get along with my family too well, im honestly kinda jealous, even though stereotypically Id be the one to be envied with my own place and partner.

No age is too old for that.

What if you just don't want to be lonely? For example you have a full time job and are financially independent but you still want to be with your family?

After you're dead maybe it's time for someone to clear your effects.

After the 2008 subprime mortgage crisis which showed that our industrialist masters give no fucks about the well being of the common worker. We will never be able to rely on housing.

That said, I've shared my home and my room for nearly a year during the aftermath of the 2007-2008 crisis. We do what we gotta do.

In the OP case, I'd say talk to the parents openly, the practicality of moving / staying and where they are on it. Sometimes I'm glad for our current solitude, while other times I miss the activity of kids (young adults) and grandkids (actual kids) actively doing stuff. It also meant sometimes they made dinner or baked goods.

When it's not a matter of financial pragmatism, there are always social considerations. Our neighbors and roommates always like having us around while simultaneously being sometimes annoyed by our presence. Sadly, we live in a society where the cost of living supersedes such matters.

Your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until ~25. I wish someone had told me that one. I moved out too soon and struggled a lot. Use the opportunity to put back as much money as possible beforehand, and start collecting the little things like kitchen utensils and some basic furniture. Having to buy all that stuff or live in an empty place sucks. It is also super lonely by yourself.

To me, if anything, it's not based on a time limit, it would based on circumstances if it's based on something, especially considering the environmental sacrifices that go into minute home pleasures. To say it's based on a time limit is dumb and can only be norm-based. I hope to be the kind of person who judges based on character and character alone. Being your best self does not require a home or career, just dedication to humanity whenever someone asks for it.

I GTFO'd at 17, as soon as I could. I was only able to do this because some friends needed a roommate for a little bit, but I was so happy to be out and on my own.

If you're living a home and not paying rent you better be saving up for a down payment on a house.

But to answer your question, I moved out when I was 25 and I felt that was a little old to still be at home. But it will depend a lot on individual circumstances.

I moved out of my parents place for good just before I hit 25. I left because I moved to a bigger city with more job opportunities.

I was too horribly depressed at the time for this to be a factor, but it might be easier convincing someone to come back to your place for sex if you’re living on your own compared to being with your parents.

If you move out, how much per month will you spend on rent, renters insurance (which most apartments will require), utilities, internet, etc? What percent of your take home pay would that be? If it’s too high, how does it change if you include a roommate or a less expensive place? If you move, will that make it easier or harder for you to take public transit to work?

According to Mass Effect Asari are considered adults by around a 100 years. So 100.

As a Gen X , I could not escape my Boomer parents home fast enough. But The younger generations get better and better and if my son needed to move home we would both be very cool with it. Who care what everyone else says and does, you do you and choose happiness bud.

Children will be living with their parents for longer and longer, remember, with the reduced buying power that young adults have this generation compared to the last (a statement true for a few generations now but entirely noticeable now).

So don't sweat it. The best thing parents can do to prepare kids for success is to keep them at home and not paying (full) rent for as long as possible.

To compound the issue, hormones at this stage will reduce the young adults' coping ability, as we're evolved to go on our own and "grow the species" aggressively at this point. It will make staying at home and getting that financial leg-up that much harder. To succeed, the child needs to be very adult about this and understand it's primarily hormones; and needs to explain this to the parents who may not know. 30 years later and I'm just figuring it out!

Good luck. Get on actually good footing before you launch.

From a Hispanic perspective, it's normal to live with parents until late twenties. However, as an American I can tell you it's weird past 25ish. There is a higher likelihood you won't have normal adult interactions and experiences of you live with your parents.

Pay them "rent". Ask if they're willing to save that "rent" in an account for you. Try to keep from dipping into the $$. Hopefully you'll have a decent amount for when it's time to leave or the time comes when you might take over their house.

For starters, I’ve always lived in major European cities, with good public transports but not necessarily in the city center. As soon as you can be financially independent ie have a work that allows you to pay rent, utilities, food and a little of saving, even if only 50€ a month. I left for uni, came back shortly after graduating as I interned for 6 months and then moved in with a friend. We could go out in the evening after work with our friend group and no one cared at what time I’d come home nor wait for me to ensure I’m safe because I’m a girl and the city can be dangerous depending who you encounter. I was a lot less awkward if I had one night stand in the morning with no hi mum and when I met my now husband and brought him to our shared flat and my roommate had his girlfriend at the same time, it all went great.

My husband left for his studies cross country at 18 yet his mum made everything for him back home: laundry, cooking, cleaning. After he moved and until we met and we bought our first house, he ate pasta ham and rillettes with cakes every single day. Had his grandma who lived 30km away do his weekly laundry. It’s good he’s excellent at house reno as to this day he’s shit at house upkeep. Can’t put a plate in the dish washer, clean the bathrooms or remember his or his children’ bedsheets need to be washed. Do not be my husband. It’s not when you leave that matters but rather be a competent grown up.

I love my parents but couldn’t imagine living with them full time, not paying rent to them and not try to be independent as much as I could. If I had to live with my mother in law, you could find the bitch’s body buried in the back of the garden next to the Japanese apple tree.

You absolutely should have moved out by 90 but it's fine if you've 90 and moved out previously but decided to move back in.

In Germany it's expected to move out after high school, I was 19 myself and so where all of my peers save for two who went to university in our home town. They both moved out about a year later as well though.

I moved out at 19 and in hindsight this feels a little late to me. I should probably have moved out at 18. The amount of freedom you gain from living on your own is worth the cost and hard to overstate.