Legend has it that the higher up you go, the deeper it gets. The penthouse doesn't even have an office in it, just a single solitary toilet perpetually occupied by a mysterious being known only to the higher ups as The One Who Knocks...
While at your desk make direct and sustained eye contact in silence. Once you know you have him gently say "poop poop" then violently shit yourself. Everything is about shitting, except shitting. Shitting is about power.
I'm not sure you'd win. This is a man with decades of Pavlovian training, who can literally fart on command given the right keyword. It's a pretty wild gamble to assume that "poop poop" is not in his repertoire.
I had a female employee come to me to complain years ago. She had had a disagreement with an older male employee (thankfully not mine) some weeks prior, and since then, every time he walked by her cube, he'd pause at her doorway, fart, and then keep walking without saying anything.
She at least was aware of how absolutely ridiculous it was, but legitimately didn't think it was something she should have to deal with. One of the stranger management issues.
Pretty textbook workplace harassment but I'm not sure how you'd prove it. Tape him with a clearly displayed fart face? Be sure to label one of stills with a red circle and a line saying "fart face"
She wasn't interested in suing, she just wanted him to stop farting in her doorway. I didn't know the guy, so I started by talking to his manager, who talked to the guy. Sounds like he initially tried to deny it, but in a way that made it clear he was doing it on purpose. His boss was pretty clear that it wouldn't be tolerated and it never happened again.
It does indeed. Thanks for sharing this, and I'm now a fan. Sadly, they seem to have split up after rebranding as 'Twin Beasts'.
I found the album for this on bandcamp: https://thetoottoottoots.bandcamp.com/album/outlaws ; and the rest of the album is great too after sampling a few tracks.
That lead vocalist is mostly incomprehensible, but his voice is awesome.
I learned to sneeze like that long before dabbing was a thing and it wasn't until someone commented that I just dabbed on them that it connected those dots.
For real man, kids make you... forget how to behave in public. I have to relearn that I cannot fart out loud in public after three years at home. I'm not even sure I can poop without someone next to me anymore. Not sure how I'm gonna find a job.
I worked for a prof who prides himself on being an absolutely disgusting human being. Everyone has stories about talking with him in his office and then lifting his ass on one side to let rip. To make things worse, he had a fridge in his lab that he filled with booze and the stinkiest cheeses he could find, so his breath and farts were so bad they could make paint peel.
There's crazy stories about him traveling to an international conference and puking on the guy sitting beside him and shitting his pants on the same flight.
Then on a university sponsored trip (with other biology profs/researchers) to recruit new students and research collaboration, he drank some brown bubbling "wine" that he vought from a street vendor, that everyone else refused to drink, he shat his hotel bed 3 nights in a row and every time the hotel tried to charge him for it he claimed it was just chocolate that he had been eating in bed. They then proceeded to a remote research station up on a mtn and when they arrived he rushed to the bathroom and broke the toilet immediately. They had to spend close to a week there, with no functioning toilet.
Hope your boss never reaches those levels of depravity, lol.
He was also a taxonomist with a specialty in parasitology (I worked for him doing parasitology work on fish) turns out when he first met his to be wife (anecdote that came directly from him) he went fishing, and brought the fish to his to-be in-laws where he was sure to point out evert parasite in the fish that they would then go on to eat.
This is so fake. Are we supposed to believe that the boss can predict when a fart is going to be extra nasty and adding an extra toot when he ALWAYS only does two???
Well, I would love it if my tightly wound boss would pull something like this. Way out of character.
As a college student, I walked into the multi-use bathroom, and proceeded to a urinal. Strange, rhythmic, wet sounds were coming from the lone stall in use. I thought, "Okay, what the hell is this?" and tried to wrap things up quick, in case things got weird. Too late. I then hear another strange sound from the stall, something like crinkling wax paper. None of this made sense to my young mind. Then I hear a wet "plop" from the stall, and more crinkling wax paper noises. I quickly finish up, and turn to leave. On the floor of the stall I can see a partially eaten Subway sandwich. Unbelievable
This base human then picks up the sandwich, and continues eating.
All I do is fart. Except during the times when I'm holding in my farts so I can keep living among society. But even then I'm just quietly belching under my breath. All I am is gas. Held together in the loose shape of a man by the surface tension in a bubble of cheeseburger grease and the force of my will to eat another. Just one more. My urine is carbonated.