If you had to give one piece of advice that is pretty much universally applicable, what would it be?
I wouldn't dare defile Douglas Adam's memory by not mentioning that you should keep a towel with you at all times, but my second contender is a surprisingly short three-parter:
Faking confidence means running your life as a con job.
It’s better to acknowledge when you feel insecure, find the root reason why, and then develop solutions to the unsolved problems giving you that lack of confidence.
For some people it’s as simple as their pelvis being out of whack. In some cases, all you need is a rolfing session.
Goes for your home, your neighborhood, or something you've borrowed. It can be applied to the planet, the beach, the trail, the car, the job.
Hell, it even goes for people. Leave them a little happier, a little wiser, a little more prosperous than before.
Second rule, give people the benefit of the doubt and don't attribute an action as the person. Did they cut you off on the road? They're having a bad day and made a mistake. They're speeding? Maybe they are on the way to see a loved one without much longer to live. Don't call someone an asshole just because they made an asshole move. People are so much more than that one interaction with them.
Think before you speak, I speak without thinking and it's got me in trouble for petty things. Using WE over YOU is extremely valuable.. even when you had nothing to do with the problem it is OUR problem.
I know of at least one person who might have actually said that, were he not busy working from the hospital when he died. People don't say that because no one who enjoys working somehow failed to find work to do.
My wife, who gave two births, was in a car accident and fought through hell to survive, still rate kidney stones as the most painful thing in her life.
I said would she rather take a bullet to the leg? She said she'd take two over a kidney stone.
All of this can be resolved just by drinking water.
yeah that doesn't work unless you don't have bosses or multiple levels of bosses who only care about making Numbers on their already sheet look like what they want them to look like
Both. It's like the saying "Governing a big country is like cooking small fish." (With the explanation that if you keep poking it, it'll disintegrate) also taught me how to cook fish as well as realpolitik.
This is a metaphor for life in general. If you find that all your interactions are negative, check yourself. Are you the problem in your relationships and interactions? How can you fix that? Clean your shoes.
Evaluate how much something matters based on 1 day, 1 month, 1 year.
I.E. How upset should you be over [Thing]? Will it matter in one day? One month? One year? That helps perspective a bunch. You can use any variation of time really, the point is perspective
Corporations aren’t your friend. Avoid the publicly-traded ones seeking quartely profits the most. If it isn’t a massive burden, find an alternative—avoiding some is better than none.
Not just talking to the Tesla bros either. I mean ANY corp. Including Steam.
You can show support. But if/when they do something shitty, don't be a bootlicker.
Same with working. I've worked at a few major tech companies. No matter how many rainforests they saved or houses they built. At some point, a bad decision will infuriate you, or a new directive will aim for profits and people lose their jobs.
I think I would change that one to sometime along the lines of "No corporation is above criticism." Maybe with some addendum like "regardless of how favorably you view them." The reason being is that I think it's perfectly fine to try to set a record straight if there's blatant misinformation going on about a corporation that's been doing good by people, but no matter how much good they might have done they should never be above critique.
Case and point being LMG with their recent issues regarding allegations of sexism, harassment, overworking employees, bullying, and adopting the exact same practices that they themselves have criticized major tech corps for, among other issues. Now I don't mind correcting the record if someone was saying some stupid BS about them, however you can bet that I was also one of the ones calling them out on the things they did.
"What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far - which, given your present circumstances, seems more likely - consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer." Douglas Adams
This is great advice. It’s not difficult once you get good at it; but there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being in a real two-way conversation where you know the other person is actually listening to what you’re saying, not just hearing the sounds. I feel like I can count on both hands the number of real conversations I’ve had where I felt truly respected and heard.
If you don't have time to do something right what makes you think you have time to do it twice?
Respect other people's time. When dealing with a busy person in a professional context;
Emails should be as short as possible while still conveying the needed information, don't make a busy person excavate the relevant info from somewhere near the middle of the fifth paragraph.
Whenever possible phrase a question in a way that can be answered in one word.
Excellent, I'm going to add to this, even if the the answer justifies/requires an explanation put the answer first
ie "Yes, long explanation" is vastly superior to "Long explanation, so yes"
When dealing with a busy person in a professional context;
Emails should be as short as possible while still conveying the needed information, don't make a busy person excavate the relevant info from somewhere near the middle of the fifth paragraph.
Whenever possible phrase a question in a way that can be answered in one word.
Not a fan of this. Feels like a result of over-optimization in a capitalistic, profti-driven society.
We are humans. Not machines. So treat each other like that. If you like to write a couple of more words to express yourself or some issue in a way that feels representing, go for it. Doesn't mean to escalate this into a novel, but it's fine to take a pause and talk more.
For context I'm a doctor who is constantly pushing back against profit driven motives.
Being time constrained is an effect of capitalism but that doesn't mean that there isn't real work to be done.
People can and should take time out to express their personalities, hopes and frustrations and bond and be together in the workplace. That said, personal communication in the workplace and professional communication are different beasts.
Not thinking about what you're trying to say or what information you need leads to rambling tirades in person and paragraphs that could've been sentences in emails, this is not being a machine, it is wasting my time and the time of my patients(whose rambling tirades it is my pleasure to listen to😉)
It's the basic driver of all somewhat intelligent life on earth.
Do something - fail - explore alternatives - do it again - success? Keep it. Fail? Back to exploring and retrying.
Whether it's babies learning to walk or you overcoming difficult situations in life. We should embrace errors and failures of others, as it's an opportunity for them and us to learn and prevent similar mistakes in the future.
Never take time for granted - expect you'll have less of it than you want or need.
It can really help with getting priorities straight - whether that's with work or with your personal life. Where is it exactly you want to spend the most valuable and limited resource you have?
Your time?
Thank you for this reminder. I always had a nice open easy to clean one, but recently had a hernia surgery where my bellybutton got rearranged. Now it’s a tight little crevasse, and I’ll need to start paying special attention to cleaning it out.
Develop a treatment scheme that works for them as it would for you. The first step in treating others the way you’d like to be treated, is finding out what they like.
Even in court you have to use some judgment to determine what the whole truth is, under what context, and to the extend of your memory or a reasonable expectation of enforcement of the idea.
There's also limitation with self incrimination/5th.
But as a generality, omitting information on socials, whatever registration form, etc... In everyday life is a reasonable practice for preserving privacy.
Being dishonest with friends & family is messed up tho.
A partner having a rule to say that you should NEVER tell the whole truth would be an instant red flag in any relationship I am in.
The fact that that kind of rule exists for them means that they will never be completely honest with me, and I won't accept that.
Now, obviously, there are times when you use a white lie or omit stuff, that is normal, but to constantly omit stuff, to the point where a rule is needed?
Learn to recognize when you're responding defensively to a statement made by those around you.
-There wrong about me, they're the problem
- I'm fine i don't bed to listen to that
- etc...
Think about it for a few days, once you're over the initial emotional reaction. Be critical of your own response and contemplate the motivation for the statement
- is it out of care for you or manipulation
- Is it honest or malicious?
- Are they expressing a need?
That's when you have the greatest opportunity to grow as a person and build deeper relationships. It's also when you have an opportunity to break your mindset and get out of malicious ones.
I was part of this crazy thing called A Simple Walk into Mordor, where a group of guys from Rooster Teeth walked from the real Shire to the real Mount Doom (and Erebor in the sequel) in New Zealand. Finding an actual bathroom to use was a luxury. A sink is much nicer than hand sanitizer, digging a hole when you have to poop is not fun, getting an upset tummy is nerve-racking. When you've gotta go, you're gonna have to use what's available, not what's nice. Don't take what's nice for granted.
Question: Is being a good listener about not speaking or about making sure the other person feels heard and understood no matter how that might present itself for that individual?
When you think about who you want to be be as vague as possible. Too specific and you might pigeon-hole yourself. It will be much easier to adjust bad surface level habits and ideas when they haven’t cemented themselves as core to your sense of being.
Chase the “why” more than the “what” and you’ll be able to be more versatile. You might find yourself to be kinder, stronger, more supportive, and be able to really trust in who you are at your core.
"To be an adult, you need to know when it is apropriate to be childish"
"Never paint the devil on the wall, unless he stands in the hallway, so make sure you have some paint at home"
"Honesty lasts longest"
The first advice here basically boils down to "remember to have fun in a responsible manner", I like the original phrasing better as is more fun and also implies as shitload more knowledge.
The second advice is a modified version of a Swedish saying, it boils down to, "don't expect the worst, but if it happens, take notes and learn, oh and you should have a pen and notebook at home". I like this as well as it again tells you to relax, but learn from mistakes and be prepared to learn from them.
The third advice is just common sense, life just gets so much easier if you act and speak honestly, this obviously doesn't mean to be brutaly honest or blatantly selfish as long as you are honest. But rather avoid situations that would require you to lie.
EDIT:
I just thought about another peice of advice:
"If you have nothing to hide, then you can't be trusted"
We all have secrets, some are just embarrasing, others can destroy lives, stating that you have nothing to hide is one of the worst ways to try and gain trust, since it means one of two things:
You are a liar, as previously stated everyone has things to hide, so you are just plain lying.
You won't keep a secret, if asked you will tell others priveleged information given to you.