So much siding, but it keeps getting worse

Somebody got a smoking deal on a ridiculous quantity of siding.

With all those hard surfaces and open spaces, the echoes in this place must be unreal.

That’s why they carpeted the bedroom walls.
The current owner is the only guy in North America to not have a podcast.
- But, suspiciously, has 25 people comfortably living with him.
And office chairs!

This is the first time I've seen a "it just keeps getting worse" post and actually agreed. I went in n just expecting terrible siding, then the inside of the house, then the chairs, then the lights, then more chairs, the carpet, the exposed wiring, why are there chairs there?, it just kept escalating. Thank you for this.

I concur. Most "it gets worse" style posts have one or two odd things. This one truly delivered.

It's a 3 bedroom (all queens?), 5 bath house with seating for 20. It's either some crazy orgies at night in only a few beds, a business call center kind of place, or they had massive family gatherings with alarming regularity. Of course there's always the cult option, which means it could also be "all of the above".

There is the wall of family photos on shelves... Maybe family get together center?

What's up with the industrial scale sewing equipment?
- I made my wife look at it, then I had to go back because she noticed even more insanity. It just kept getting worse every time we went through the pictures.
- It's a quilting sewing machine. I saw one once at an art exhibit.
I like that that the bath and shower have the water valves outside of them.
- Wow. Missed that. Why get wet. It's a convenience.
Don’t forget the ~~maze~~ porch and the fans and ac units stuck randomly in walls.
- I think it's designed to confuse you so you can't get out.

I lost it when I saw that the siding continues inside. They really went for that one texture look.

Also the through-wall Air Conditioner in the shower????

What do you mean I can't install siding on the inside... It's called "siding" not "outsiding" it goes on every side!
I was really disappointed that in Exterior Features there was Vinyl Siding listed but it wasn't also listed on the Interior Features. I would've lost it at that.
- Definitely a missed opportunity on the part of whoever made this listing lmao
- I thought the same thing when I read it.
There's a through-wall box fan just outside another shower.
I finally got to a bedroom picture where it looked like painted walls, then zoomed in to see it was carpet. My only explanation is Mormonism, as I have only ever seen carpeted walls in my chapel growing up. Mind you, that was rough spiky carpet seemingly installed to discourage sleeping against the wall.
- If you have any idea where to get that sisal fabric wall covering, I'd love to know; it's amazing for cat scratching posts.
  
  I'm pretty sure they put that there because it protected the walls from scuffs and damage--especially the kind caused by moving folding tables and chairs all the time--without showing dirt from the hands of grubby kids. It wasn't in every ward building, but it was definitely pretty common.
- I don't think there's a lot of Mormons in those parts.

Looks like it could be easily transformed into a swinger club. And you could power wash the whole facility after the weekends.

And since it’s Arkansas, that’s fun for the whole family!
This guy has a pineapple tat.
- I did not know an upside down pineapple tattoo was apparently a swinger thing.
  
  I’m one of the 10,000!

For the cult on a budget!

Few windows for outsiders to look in. Many, many cheap tables to eat at.

Maybe just polygamy?
See, this was one of my first thoughts, either some kind of cult-like-thing, or it's one of those weird multigenerational homes where four+ generations of people lived, and the parents rooms are close enough to eachother that they can hear when babies are being made.

When someone dies, everyone "upgrades" to their parents living space, and the normal-ish bedrooms, aka "nice" bedrooms (compared to the other bedrooms in this horror show), are reserved for the oldest family members.

The question I have, aside from... You know, everything, is... How many ceiling fans do you really need? Jesus.
- Actually, when someone dies, they get propped up in the constant funeral home that can be seen starting at picture 47 or 48, and only then can the ritual begin.
- That must be why there's a hearse in the garage.

Here's my two shots in the dark to explain this monstrosity:

Retired couple buys one of those workshop/huge garage and apartment combos. They decide to turn the workshop into an event space for weddings.

They add a few conveniences for the wedding party, like a couple extra bedrooms to get ready, and a black and red honeymoon suite. The decor is hideous because retired wife is old af and it looks good to her. Retired husband sucks at DIY, like electrical and room layout, but doesn't let small things like planning get in his way.

Grandson works at a siding company that mainly does B2B installs and often has leftovers. Sometimes he grabs other overage from the project after talking to other tradies, like a banister here and there. Maybe an orphan cabinet base.

Grandson wants to start his own siding business one day so he is happy to practice installs on the wedding rental building.

Alternative: Fundie church does secret child marriages here and the couple that maintains the property is allowed to live there as well. The ugliness of the property is because they're purely utilitarian and just need a facade of wedding shit because it's not really about the wedding as much as it's about keeping it on the down-low.

neighbors are a church
- Is the church still active?
  
  If it's recently defunct or relocating, I'd bet this is the parsonage, assembled on a shoestring budget from the church offering, and using whatever materials they could source as absolutely cheaply as possible.
  
  I'm guessing that either a member of the congregation or family connection of same is a siding guy and was able to get all of this for free or obscenely cheap from somewhere, or was able to get it donated, and rather than waste it or decline what they couldn't put on the outside, they decided to save money on drywall and paint and put it inside as well.
  
  Same with the furniture, etc. this just reeks of "super tight budget but with excesses in certain odd specific areas because we got it donated".
- Heeeyyy .. I'm sure that's only a coincidence!
  
  Also where'd you get that map? It's interesting.
Is 'siding' the stuff the walls are made out of? (Sorry, me being a railway enthusiast, 'siding' means something completely different).

What material is that?
- Yep! 99% sure the siding here is vinyl. That's the cheapest option for house exteriors so it's very popular in the US.
  
  If you have the budget, you can also get siding made from aluminum. It's all meant to mimic the look of real wood planks.
  
  What does siding mean in railway enthusiast vernacular?
- You may have heard of PVC (Poly VINYL Chloride I think) cladding - same thing. In the UK it’s predominately used for soffit and fascia (the normally white plastic bits between the top of a house wall and the beginning of the roof tiles where your gutter lives) It’s worth noting that PVC cladding is only to “pretty-up” finished buildings. It has zero construction strength but when fitted properly will stop all water penetration. Give it a wash once a year and it’s as good as new.
I don't need to fact check, this is it.

Is that carpet on a railing?

Carpet on the walls!!
- The YMCA in the town where I grew up had carpet on the walls all along the indoor track. It was very weird.
Yes.

Holy hell, this entire interior looks like it could be hosed down, time after time, because it's made for repeated indoctrination/orgy/murder of cults with easy cleanup. Unbelievable price, though...

That's what the room upstairs with black walls and red furniture is for.

Big cult compound vibes,

Yeah or else quiver-full/mormon family. Not that there’s really a difference between those and cults.
- Polygamy house?
  
  < Sees family pictures >
  
  Oh yeah polygamy house.

“Has your cult outgrown mom’s basement? Do I have the place for you!”

Siding guy: I've completed the outside of your house you want anything else done?

Owner: Sure, go nuts.

Run out of siding in the garage where I might have actually made a bit more sense

Me: What's wrong with siiiiiiideholyshititsinthehouse!!!!!

EDIT: The carpet did me in. I am dead. R.I.P. me.

It's also on the ceiling inside.

Holy this is a good one thanks OP

Did anyone notice that the garage interior photos show the misaligned joists about 3/4 of the way back over the truck/jimmy?

I'm not entirely sure they're actually attached to anything.

Oh, and no code inspector ever saw that wiring.

Edit: oh, and the never ending AC unit chaos. They even vent multiple units into the enclosed garage! That just kind of overheats it and returns the entropy to the house?

Favorite AC unit placement: in the shower with its own little upper tier curtain.

Second favorite cooling feature: the structural box fans in the walls.

Did anyone notice that the garage interior photos show the misaligned joists about 3/4 of the way back over the truck/jimmy?

Thankfully, that's just strapping to hold the insulation up. The joists run left to right in the photo, not front to back.

"One of a kind"

Thank goodness.

"The possibilities are unlimited!"

This should have been entirely furnished with those cheap white plastic patio chairs and tables. I seen some, but whoever built this clearly can add much more.

Complete with Party City plastic table cloths.

edit: there's actually one pic that has those awful white chairs in it. Next to the conference table.

At first, I thought this must be some abandoned barracks or aircraft hangar that got retrofitted into a private residence, but then I saw it was purpose built in 2004.

but then I saw it was purpose built in 2004.

Holy crap

I love the variety of chandelier's and ceiling fans all next to each other

Wifi and cell phone reception may suck.

Also, I have doubts about the insulation. One can see it in the garage, but one can also see sunlight through the wall.

Like someone chose the cheapest option at every option, and nevet considered the overall best experience.

Who needs insulation when you have 12 air conditioners‽
- Someone that doesn't want a $750 monthly electrical bill in the Arkansas summers?
- Just imagine the electricity bill.

Legit the worst house I've seen on this community

What an honor, thank you!

Two things:

Archer "Realty"
I've seen plenty of the reverse, but this is the first time I've seen someone make their house with the Doom level editor.

Archer “Realty”

I don't get what you mean by this.
- You might be surprised how many people erroneously think there's another syllable in "realtor" - so this lemming probably thinks 'realty' is a typo.
- I can't imagine this realtor was super proud at working this listing. A realtor probably expects to buy and sell houses, not myhouse.wad

Light fixtures looking like I placed them in the sims

That. Fucking. Wiring.

This is a fire waiting to happen, I can't imagine what's in the walls.

Probably more siding. Inside siding. Insiding. In hiding.
You don't have to, did you see one of the last pictures? It's completely unfinished and you can see the wiring. Romex running everywhere. x. x
- While I'd rather seen neat conduit, the reality is that Romex is permissible in a lot of states. Romex is a real pain in the ass if you ever need to run new wiring though.
There's people in them walls.

Looks like a cult compound. Wild

So much fucking cladding. I recon the builder gets it cheap

@OP - This one is truly special. Thank you so much for this gift to we plebes. Wow.

When I first saw it, it was just the picture from the outside. That intrigued me enough to look a the rest of the pictures. I'm glad I did.
- We're ALL glad you did! Amazing find.
- This is truly a c/bestoflemmy post, if such a community exists.

What the FUCK

Whoa, there must have been a blow out sell on office chairs. Who needs normal chairs when you can have an office chair?!

Also, no central heat and air, window units... In that massively hot tin box.

Also I forgot to mention the floor to wall carpeting.

Man this place has it all! What a steal! lol

edit: I totally missed it, but did anyone clock the gigantic quilt sewing machine in slide 34?

Best part of the house. I was drooling over it.

The only way it would work is if the inside was a viking longhouse.

I’d prefer the longhouse’s controlled open flame to that jumble of wire, which will lead to an uncontrolled open flame at an unpredictable place and time.

Whoever wired this “house” should be charged with attempted murder.

This looks like an AI was asked to design a house. All the basic elements are there, but nothing makes any sense.

This is a literal fucking nightmare. I'd snap if I was tripping in there

Babe wake up, new backrooms just dropped

You sure this isn't a beginner Satisfactory project?

shipping container core

More likely a converted tractor repair depot.

It just looks like there's barely any natural light in the areas where you'd want it. The house interior, aside from everything else that's wrong with it, feels dark and cramped. A recipe for depression.

To balance things out, there’s something to laugh at wherever you look. Indoor siding. Carpeted walls. Office chairs in the “cafeteria”. The list goes on.

THE WARDROBE.

I was wondering where the bedrooms kept their things. Then I saw the rails of clothes. That is just crazy.

This explains a lot about our country

Property Type: Residential

Yes, that generic downstairs with the massive number of tables and no living area, and the large closet upstairs with all the costumes, yes, surely this house was only used for people to live in, uhn-hunh, yeah.

Definitely didn't move tons of boxes of Bootleg ebay product out of there, nope. In any case, I'll take dinner at the fifth dining table today.

Any one else notice the shower controls OUTSIDE the shower?!

That's also quite a labyrinth of a front door patio

The idea of shower controls on the outside is solid if you have a thermostatic shower valve, that way you can turn your shower on & have it be at the right temp for you before you get in.

However in this instance it just adds to the bizzaro feel to the while thing
The feont door looks like there is a damn amusement park waiting line arrangement.
The front steps remind me of the switchback stairs in the Winchester mansion

Why are the shower knobs outside the shower tub ughhh.

If it wasn't built in 2004 I'd almost be sure they got their building plans from chatgpt.

Proof AI will invent time travel.

The liminal backroom/vaporwave aesthetic hallway in the master bedroom is what really got me. Finally numbed to the siding, office chairs, and carpet and then the hall of mirrors comes in to seal the deal.

Does Arkansas just not have building codes? Surely they can't actually sell it like this. There is no way you can bring this monstrosity up to code for less than the cost of burning it down and building something else.

Arkansas is I think the only state that doesn't enforce habitability for rental properties. By that I mean a landlord could rent you an apartment that is unlivable, like if it had black mold, or say literally didn't even have a roof, and as a renter, there's nothing you could do about it except walk away including any money you'd already paid in rent.

Building codes also vary by state/county/local. Some of these tiny towns probably have much lower standards with building codes.
- I mean it was mostly rhetorical, code is adopted at the state level and localities can only make it more strict. Arkansas is seemingly pretty up to date on their adopted codes so I have to imagine they were in 2004 as well. I'm mostly familiar with electrical and I know that shit wouldn't have passed inspection in 2004. So either codes are completely unenforced in this location or they did a bunch of modifications without a permit that should make it illegal to sell the dwelling until they get inspected.
  
  Bonus: they're gonna have to rip that interior siding and wall carpeting off to inspect the wiring anyway.

Babe, I got this siding for a steal. It'd be stupid to not use it inside.

Is this in Waco?

This is like living in a fire station or a movie set

Outside it looks like a barn, inside the dining area looks like some kind of diner but with mismatched furniture.

With the themed bedrooms, I'm going with The Tackiest Whorehouse in Arkansas.

Oh wow, a walk-in closet? Singular.

“You’ll never run out of room for your victims clothes - I meant VISITORS. VISITORS clothes. I’m so sorry. Hey, what are you doing with that axe?”
That everyone uses. Yes.

What a horrible day to have eyes.

This looks like something I built in the original Sims game when I was... idk, 9?

Looks like a novice or idiot did the siding. It appears instead of overlapping each piece of siding and hiding the line by varying the distances they just slapped some j channel on and called it good. I bet that siding leaks like a sieve.

Even stranger, they also used vinyl siding on the interior... but they used much longer runs and only have the occasional channel or corner. I wonder if someone got a BUNCH of vinyl siding cut-off of varous lengths, and then burned through the longer stock inside first!
- That explains the carpeting on top of the second floor half-walls, too. They did this on the cheap using scraps they got at bargain prices.

"Hiiiiii, welcome! Don't be afraid-come in!

We like to call ourselves a family. Noooo judgements.

Anyhow. Dinner at six, and we shall commence the baphomet ceremony promptly at eight. Did you bring the goat? I can't believe how often I have to remind people-the goat! No goat. No ceremony.

Anyhow. You'll find a robe in the walk-in closet upstairs. First left.

Have a good stay!!"

Nobody worshipping Satan is this crazy. This is definitely 'Ted is Jesus's cousin' sort of vibes
- I agree. I'm getting more quiverfull or later seventh day adventist. I went with baphomet in the moment. I think Satanists are OK in my book

Putting aside the wtf of it all, looking at the house subjectively, it would be a decent, possibly great, starter home.

The layout isn't entirely insane, there's a ton of space inside. It looks like the framing isn't half bad.... To my untrained eye, it has good "bones". The interior design and aesthetic choices are questionable at best, even for the most "normal" looking areas, but buy a case of beer and invite your friends over for a weekend and get most of the interior ripped down, and drywall installed and painted, and you're off to a good start.

Don't get me wrong, it would be a monster task. 4000 sq ft of siding to rip out and replace? Hell. That sucks.

Replace a lot of the fixtures, mainly all the stupid ceiling fans, especially the ones so high up they won't do anything, install some forced air HVAC or at least upgrade the Air conditioner situation and you would be having a grand time living in this place.

I'd probably rip off most of the external siding too and replace that with something a bit more interesting too, but with all the money you'll save by this being so inexpensive (compared to more palatable houses that are similar in size) and you'd get yourself a pretty nice place.

That being said, as is, this place is at best, a lot of questionable choices, at worst, pure nightmare fuel.

My partner thinks it's a converted chicken coop. I can't say that they don't have a point on that one.

There's no room for insulation above the ceiling, no place to run ducts for central HVAC, and the rooms above the 2,000 sq ft garage will be extra hard to keep thermally regulated. This house is super expensive to keep comfortable, and I would bet the window AC units are not up to the task of regulating indoor humidity and the whole structure is a moldy biohazard.

I agree with your partner. This structure looks like it was originally designed for agricultural use. Maps show there's a farmers field a few lots up the road.

That place and it's taxes are insanely cheap.

Yeah...because it sucks to live there, lol.

It's like someone wanted to make a detailed 3D model of their house, but by the time they got to texturing they had lost interest in the project.

Did this housr have measles when it was younger? And then didn't get a shingles vax?

That seems like a lot more than 4000 SQ ft. There are about a million rooms in those pictures.

According to public records, its 5,904 sq ft, but about 2,000 sq ft is garage
Typically real estate listings only list the square footage of the foot print.
- Pretty sure they do "livable" space, i.e. square footage meant for people, which normally means air conditioned.