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InitialsDiceBear„Initials” ( by „DiceBear”, licensed under „CC0 1.0” (
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This is just adorable
  • I don’t get it either. We met in a group chat in 2016, and that lady was like “I choose him, that man that’s like 10 years older than me and a total weirdo and is probably going through some sort of mental health crisis.” She then flirted with me (while I tried to avoid her, because I fucking knew this would happen!) until I relented and sent her pictures of my butt, and then she sold her house and moved across the country to bother me forever. (Some details omitted.)

    The real story is… actually that, just less dramatized. We met via a chatroom attached to a subreddit, some folks in that chat formed their own group and we both joined it. Rather - it was formed around her. She was in the process of ending her marriage. We all gave her advice and care, while also being perverts and weirdos that flirted with one another. Several months after her divorce was final, I noticed she started talking to me a lot more, and was sending me DM’s instead of the main chat. Heck, she once asked me if she was attractive, and I remember telling her that any man would think she was - not wanting to tell her she was achingly beautiful. A member of the group had begun to overstep and get creepy. He actually chased off someone pretty cool because he was sort of obsessed with her. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ but I also had my own thing going. I was dating a woman in a poly situation, and she was married (all on the level, all parties fully informed and consenting). I enjoyed dating around and generally being a deviant. I had previously had long distance relationships, and I knew they were horrible and hard and awful.
    One day, after weeks of flirting back and forth, my wife asked what I was up to, and I told her I had just gotten done taking butt photos for a woman that I used to take butt photos for. (A nonsexual thing, she just liked my butt.) And my wife said I should send her some next time. So I did, and she reciprocated, and I sent more photos, and she sent more photos, and then we had phone calls, then video chats, the thing that made me fall in love with her happened*, and then we had an in-person visit, followed by several more during the most happy and heartbreaking year of my life while I found a better paying job to get a bigger apartment before she moved to live with me. It took a while. We moved in together on our first anniversary.

    *She recorded a video of herself singing me happy birthday. It’s probably the most backed up file I own.

  • This is just adorable
  • I am an irascible fool. I’ve spent the majority of the last decade in various stages of depression. I’m overweight, often disheveled, long winded, and ramble about deeply irrelevant technology topics, or unsolvable and depressing political issues. I’m kind of a miser, I never think about fun, and I don’t generally like people. I’m opinionated, judgmental, and quick to speak my mind.

    My wife is so beautiful that last week while walking the dogs, some guy circled the block to rev up his engine and take off in front of her while him and his passenger stared at her, engine roaring, running a stop sign in the process and coming within a foot or two of clipping another vehicle that did not have a stop sign. Yesterday, some teenager on a moped nearly fell off trying to awkwardly spin around a roundabout so he could “sneak” another glance at her. Early on in our relationship, we went to a professional networking event, and a man who was supposed to be an HR rep waited for her to go to the restroom so he could tell me how beautiful she was. Three years ago, a friend of a friend asked us for a threesome at a party, and her words to my wife were “I just want to please you and serve you.” She didn’t even look at me. (We didn’t go for it. She smokes.)

    My wife is so annoying.
    Last week I was trying to get dressed for work and she bum-rushed me for a hug while I was trying to button my pants. And my dumb ass got annoyed about it. She routinely tells me she thinks I’m beautiful, and very charming. She will sometimes just lean around a corner to look at me and squeal. She literally just walked into my office to rub my chest and tell me I’m a babe (like 30 seconds ago). She tells me at least once a week that she gets butterflies around me. She’s giddy and giggly to see me. She’ll text me to tell me she misses me when I’m out of the house for more than 30 minutes. She writes me love letters. (I write her love letters too, I’m not that awful.) She takes pictures of me all the time. There’s a whole album of photos of me that I sometimes just catch her looking at. If I send her a voice memo, she saves it so she can listen to my voice later.
    My wife is the best.

    Some people just love their partners in expressive and visceral ways, even if their partners are just Monument, a weird and flawed human. But I do my best, and I won’t ever quit.

  • Men, are you physically affectionate with other male friends? (eg, hugging, snuggling, playful wrestling, etc). If you aren't, do you wish it was more socially acceptable if it isn't in your culture?
  • I’m not very physically affectionate with anyone anymore and I don’t know why, but I used to be very affectionate. Now, like, when I want to hug someone, throw my arm around them, or… anything, I freeze up and internally panic unless I know the person pretty well and they invite the contact first.

    With that said, meh. I don’t care if it’s a man. I don’t enjoy wrestling, but other forms of affection or physical contact are fine. I have no sexual interest in men, so I guess I don’t even think about it that way.

  • Main road to Grindavík (Iceland) is covered under lava
  • It grows so slowly that disturbing it undoes decades of growth, and since it takes hundreds of years to convert rock to soil, messing with the moss is well, first, just upsetting the natural beauty, but also robs future generations of the land for just a few moments of “huh, neat.” Our tour guide was pretty reverent when he talked about the role that moss plays.

    Also they’ll fine you and maybe bar you from returning.

  • Christian nationalists are opening private schools. Taxpayers are funding them.
  • And if they can underfund schools to the point of dilapidation or causing the district to close and consolidate schools, the district will never be able to reopen the old buildings. The old buildings will fall behind on maintenance until they’re sold or demolished.

    The cost to build a school to government standards is staggering. The cost to repurpose a closed down shopping mall or even a closed down school and bring things up to the barest civilian standards is way less. Hiring scab people who meet the minimum requirements to teach - way less than accredited educators that are part of the NEA and take pride in their work.

    Once you hit the point of making public schools unmaintainable, the corporations or religious orgs just have to maintain until the buildings get shuttered and they become the monopoly. Then they jack up prices to the point that the school district cannot afford to build new buildings, turning a noble pursuit that bolsters our nation and national defense (a smart populous can defend itself and perform on the world stage), into one that will help drag the U.S. into being a third-world theocracy.

    I legitimately don’t understand why nationalists don’t get this. Why they aren’t screaming in the streets about the embrace of capitalism and religion (which require coercion, disempowerment, and limitation of thought to thrive) over a mutually beneficial society and education? Stupid people don’t build strong nations. Poor, afraid, and unhappy people are merely trying to survive. They do not have the wherewithal to invest energy into their community, much less take pride in their nation.
    Their idiotic ideas are undercutting their actual ideals.

  • Main road to Grindavík (Iceland) is covered under lava
  • I’ve been there on tour once, and I just looked at an online map to make sure I didn’t misremember. I also follow a guy on YouTube that talks about geology and has been focused on Iceland lately, so I think that makes me a complete expert.

    Joking aside, the road to Grindavik is sort of out of the way, but it is the connector road between the south coast and the airport, so it’s like a 45 minute diversion to get to the airport from the south coast (and vice versa). And like an hour+ diversion if you’re going from the south coast to the Blue Lagoon/the geothermal power/hot water plant that provides power and heat to the airport and (I think) most of Reykjavik.
    Unfortunately the power plant/Blue Lagoon is very close to the fissure, and it’s possible a future larger lava flow could damage them. (It is expected more fissures/flows will occur, but the location and size are unknown.) I’m sure both the civil engineering and tourism folks are working on spinning up alternative sites.

    Grindavik, for what it’s worth, keeps bouncing between being evacuated and residents griping so much they get let back in. The Icelandic government has an offer on the table to purchase people’s homes in the town, so they move out. I think the plan is probably to abandon the town, since it’s possible this eruptive period could last hundreds of years. (Or not! We have no idea, really, just past data and informed guesses.)

  • Main road to Grindavík (Iceland) is covered under lava
  • I follow a guy on YT (An American geology professor) who is pretty into this situation. One of his viewers is a superfan and lived in Grindavik, giving him on the ground updates.

    This eruption is expected to be part of a periodic cycle of increased activity that could last hundreds of years.

    In a recent-ish video, he said the Icelandic government was offering to buy the home of anyone who wanted to sell in Grindavik, and that his superfan’s house had been purchased by the government.
    I think the long term plan is probably to abandon the town.

  • Main road to Grindavík (Iceland) is covered under lava
  • This won’t be the most narrative experience of the event, but basically, the town was mostly destroyed, however they were able to use firefighting boats to selectively cool the lava, resulting in not just saving their harbor (the main economic driver for their island), but also improving it, by making it more protected from the ocean.

    Wikipedia - 1973 Eruption on Heimaey Island

  • Ride for free rule
  • Honestly, no. I have mentioned it to my doctor, but for something that occurred once every 2-4 years from the ages of 9 to 22 (Oh, crap, I guess it’s been almost 20 years since the last flair up), they viewed it as a low priority when I got health insurance and got over my fear of asking for medical help in my early 30’s. (Cost reasons, not doctor phobia.)

    Which I get - “Hey doc, I have an allergy to something - I don’t know what it is and it hasn’t occurred in 10 years. What do we do about it?” They gave me the advice I was already following - which, 10 years ago, was to take Benadryl and record the ingredients for everything I ate, so we could try to figure it out. I will slip a line into the document I keep for my yearlies to ask after what is an appropriate replacement for Benadryl, however.
    Although, with my current knowledge and economic level, I’d probably just rush to the ER if anything above my chest swelled up. My insurance will blunt the cost just fine and I’ve got too much going on to choke to death.

  • Main road to Grindavík (Iceland) is covered under lava
  • In Iceland it’s pretty cold a lot of the year - not insanely, but colder than a lot of plants prefer. So the rock to soil conversion happens via moss.

    While on tour there last year, our guide pointed out the ages of certain lava fields, and he noted that the existing lava fields around Grindavik were between 700 and 1300 years old. My photos from the area show that they’re about 60-70% rock, with moss covering the rest. I suspect if you scraped away the moss, you’ll find slightly crumbly rock underneath (But don’t do that - do not mess with the moss in iceland). I’m not sure how long it takes for the lava to be converted into soil, but I would guess it’s more on the scale of multiple thousands of years.

    This page (up until the waterfall) has some good photos of a few lava fields and gives dates for the eruptions that created them. Meandering Wild - Lava and Moss
    (The photos are at the bottom of each blurb, not the top - so Eldhraun is the one with the rounded rocks and moss at 350 years old, and not the black rocks, and Dimmuborgir, at 2300 years old, is the one with the treetops shown below the craggy rocks.)

    Another banger from our tour guide was that (according to him) the locals say if you get lost in an Icelandic forest, just stand up. Which is… sorta true. They only tree of real quantity there is birch, and the tallest birch I saw was about 16ish feet (5ish meters). They do not grow heavily, so they’re a bit comedic and stringy. Decades old stands of them sort of look like 1-2 year old stands planted in warmer climates - without any ground cover, of course, because while grass will grow, the usual complement of weeds, vines, and what-not does not.

  • What can Democrats actually do about Thomas’s and Alito’s corruption?
  • I have been receiving texts asking me to confirm that I am going to vote for Biden. They often include a link to some online form where you pinkie swear to vote for him (and have to give up your personal info so they can email you endlessly for fundraising, while sharing your info with every single politician who also pays them for access to their mailing list). These are usually conducted by volunteers - they sign up for various organizations that don’t really tell them the depth of the data collection scheme. (Why volunteers? Enough spam reports for a single number get it blocked by a carrier or deny access to services. And automated systems/new phone numbers cost money.)

    I always respond with “You do not need my email to know that I have not decided if the Democratic Party has earned my vote for their candidate.” (Which is true. I think Biden has done no more wrong than any other president, and has done better than most others in recent memory, but the Democratic Party is… disappointing. I will vote for him, but I won’t feel good that my vote benefits the Democratic Party.)

    Side note: I use a wireless keyboard that can switch devices. Most of my workday phone typing is done from a full sized keyboard. It’s glorious.

    Yesterday one texted back, trying a second time. They received a response so long it takes three screens to scroll through.

  • Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈
  • My favorite shirt says “Always a slut for equal rights” and I also do not surf the rainbow.
    But it’s a truly excellent shirt, and it makes me happy to wear - people see it and light up.

  • Leave some degrees for the rest of us
  • My dog eats shoe soles when she gets separation anxiety, and miraculously, she hasn’t managed to need surgery (for that) yet.

    That one was free, but the next dog fact is gonna set you back $10k.

    (And we know the shoes are an issue. The last 3 were a friends shoe that was accidentally left here in a place we didn’t spot them, our dog sitter’s mom’s shoe (from her closet!), and my wife’s shoe from the ’no dog area’ when we forgot to close a baby gate.)

  • Screw you guys. I cast what I want.
  • What’s the consensus on the rules of the game for the chosen card?

    Would a Cards Against Humanity black card, which does not require mana to play, be playable? Would other players have to ‘respond’ with a card from their hand?

    If you get multiple of these (or recall from graveyard) can you play the card if you also bring in the activation mana/cost whatever?

    Is mana equitable across games? If you pull a card from a game that uses the same color mana as your deck, can you play the card? (For example, the game Not Enough Mana uses blue mana that is represented by a water drop.)

  • Ride for free rule
  • Thank you. I appreciate the head’s up. And I appreciate that you’re out here spreading the word. We need folks looking out for others.

    I am aware of the risks, but I have a use case, as much as I don’t like that I do. I have an unknown food allergy that crops up randomly. I’m not even sure if it’s a singular food allergy or if it’s an allergy that only occurs when certain foods are combined.         
    In the situation above, my face swelled similar to how Will Smith’s face swelled in the movie Hitch (except it was my forehead/scalp). I was 17 and did not know what an anaphylactic reaction was at the time, and we were all so poor that we just did not go to the hospital. Fortunately, the last time it occurred was 15ish years ago (and we got the reaction before any swelling occurred), but I do still keep some around, just in case. It’s definitely not something I use normally.
    I hope that my daily allergy medication use (Allegra) will help stave off any future reactions.

  • Ride for free rule
  • Today I feel like telling you all some trauma because I’m avoiding work while I wait for Adderall and coffee to do their thing.

    Many years ago I was a highly ignored, heavily traumatized kid. Despite living in a fairly big metro area, I lived on a long dead end street that was accessed via a 4-lane road that was technically a highway. The side near to the highway had several businesses with no close homes along the highway, and the 7 houses on the street were deeper in. There were some kids my age and they also were mostly ignored and heavily traumatized.

    The neighbors parents were interesting. They were sort of like mine. Dad was blue color, an addict/drunk. Mom was a nurse. They weren’t financially okay as us. My dad had been given a successful plumbing business by my mom’s dad, but their dad drove a dump truck for a construction company. Their mom was an LPN (licensed practical nurse/lower paid nurse), and my mom was an RN (registered nurse - higher pay).
    Weirdly, our parents didn’t seem to get along.

    I always regarded their mom as being a better mom. She loved having kids, and really cared about her boys. And me, too, when I stayed with them. When she went to work, she packed lunches for us. At my house it was ‘find what you can.’ Anyway - their dad, though. He would spend his entire paycheck the day he got paid. Sometimes he’d buy something dumb - a new TV to set on top of the TV he’d bought just 6 months before, a bunch of fishing gear he’d use once before realizing he didn’t like fishing, shitty plastic chrome ‘upgrades’ for his car. But mostly, he spent it on booze. He even sometimes took us to the bar with him. We loved it - ordering virgin daiquiris at the American Legion and poorly playing pool at a table we could barely see over while he got intensely drunk. Then he’d careen down side streets to take us back home. He came across as jolly and even happy to most folks, but when his guard was down he was intensely angry, and very emotionally abusive. Once, and only once, in my teens, he even attempted to become sexually abusive, but apparently it is possible for two 14 year olds and a 13 year old to topple and hog tie a 500lb man.

    I’d already started to fall out with the boys by then. My life path had taken my different places. My parents split up when I was 6, and by the time I was 8, we lost the house, and my mom had moved across the country to escape my dad, who died maybe a year and a half later. We came back to the area and I resumed my friendship, but from a different part of the city, and different schools. The older brother, who I’d always been friends with had changed. He got mean. He started picking on people for fun. Started thinking being an asshole was funny. The younger brother became more of my friend. He was kind, but always tried to please folks. He kept getting traumatized by now not only his dad, but his brother.
    We hung out a few more times, but really, the last time I hung out with them was when I was 17ish. I drove over intending to hang out for a bit, but ate something that triggered an allergic reaction and wound up taking a bunch of Benadryl and staying the night. Their mom out to work a double overnight - I think I saw her in the morning before I left. At that point their dad had stopped working due to health issues. They had a girl there - 15-16ish, and apparently the dad was giving her his Vicodin, presumably in exchange for money (god, I hope it was money). She was gone in the morning before mom came home, but apparently she just hung out there while mom was at work and went into the nearby woods while she was home.

    Their dad died about 5 years later, and at the funeral, I didn’t speak. I couldn’t. I had nothing nice to say. There’s a lot more that I cannot convey in this comment to you, reader, nor that I can even fully recall, but I remember looking at this family with that deep well of experience and emotion. They were my childhood best friends. Two damaged people that really, really didn’t get a fair shake. Both boys wearing stained T-shirts because they didn’t have nicer clothes. Didn’t finish high school. Didn’t have jobs. And the mom, who loved them all, and never got supported.

    Leaving, I talked to the oldest. He said he was ‘working with’ a cousin that was showing him how to drive a big truck on the sly, so that maybe he could start driving dump trucks.
    We stopped at his car, and he asked me if I wanted to go drinking with him - he told me he was gonna get shiftfaced. It was a Tuesday at 11 AM.
    I politely declined as I read his bumper sticker - the first time I’d ever seen one - “Ass, Grass, or Cash, no one rides for free.”

    It struck me as really sad and appropriate.

  • A Christian writer attacked Dolly Parton for being pro-LGBTQ+. It didn't end well for the writer.
  • I read some article awhile ago about how she is fiercely protective of her private life and of her husband’s private life, too, but they both still manage to go out in public and have a normal life. IIRC, the article even mentioned that can just walk down the street of her hometown in normal clothes and doesn’t get recognized.

    You don’t need voluminous boobs if you can squish ‘em in the right ways and get them to stay held there. (Witnessed with my own eyes from a friend - similar bra, different cup/band sizes, very different profile.) I would not be the least bit surprised to learn she uses the same tricks, plus the wigs and makeup to keep her personal/private life separate.