What's the dumbest nickname you've ever given one of your pets?

I live in Bangalore, India. The local language here is Kannada but I don’t speak it nor do I have many friends who speak it. I named my cat Bacardi and would call him Bacoo. Turns out the word for cat in the local language is also “Bacoo”. So for any local who saw me interact with my cat, it looked like I was calling my cat “cat”! I found out around a year later!

Yardstick. She only has 3 feet.

Does "Shithead" count? That's what I call my cat :P

When my cats Porkchop and Applesauce get in trouble, they are called by their full names, Applewood Smoked Sausage and Porkus Von Chopp Chopp.

My sister had a lot of cats. We stopped being clever naming them, they got names like "Orange Short Hair", etc.

Except this one cat that otherwise looked like 2 others, except it had these amazing tufts of hair coming out of its ears, so we named him Ears. Then we found out he was deaf... but we had already named him Ears, so it stuck.

I call my cat turtle-butt.

There is no reason, when anyone asks why, I just say "her butt is made of turtle."

We had a lovely cat when I grew up, she was completely black, with short but compact fur, and tuffs on her ears.

For this to make sense, I need to talk about Swedish grammar...

In Swedish grammar we have two genus for words:

"Utrum" words get the suffix "(e)n" in their definitive form.

"Neutrum" words get the suffix "(e)t" in their definite form.

These words also get the en/ett article in front of it when talking about a signular unspecified item.

Example:

Car - bil, a car - en bil, the car - bilen

Table - bord, a table - ett bord, the table - bordet

Now, the Swedish word for cat is an utrum word:

Katt, en katt, katten.

One of the nicknames we used to call our cat was the neutrum defined form: "kattet".

Which if I am looking back at this comment is a funny nickname, with a stupidly complex explanation to non Swedish speakers.

Millie is sometimes Miller lite

My dog has hair loss problems and the base of her tail is bare. There's a big wrinkle in her skin there so she's Wrinklebutt and my other dog by default is Fuzzybutt

"The Wuh" her actual name was diamond, but my brother one day just called her "Diamond Wuh" and it stuck. After that everything we called her was also a variation of wuh

Lucy & Ethel. Originally there were two stray orange tabby kittens, but since my grandmother let them out to run around, one day only one came back home. Not knowing which was which, that cat became Lucy & Ethel, who proceeded to outlive my grandmother and one of her kids.

Growing up we had a cat named Remi, I would tell people his full name was Sir Remi Remington Remingston III. My mom hated it. I miss that cat, he was great

I have some kinda mutt who was abandoned by his owner (he was microchipped and we reached out saying we had him and they answered back telling us what a good dog he is and how much joy he'll bring us 🙄)

His original name was Kobe, but neither my husband nor I are basketball fans, so I changed it to "Korbie", as short for Korbel, my favorite cheap fake champagne.

Anyhow, he now gets referred to as "Korbie Porgie Pudding and Pie" or "Korbelicious" (Sung to the tune of "Fergielicious" of course!)

Our cats name is Rip but I call him Mr Boobs. No clue how that started just happened one day

Kitty. My cat's name is entirely different but the little asshole, after 15 years, still responds best to "Kitty". Fucker.

I have a Dibo/Bluenose mix. We call her "Fat Fat". She is like 85+lbs of pure love.

Brussels sprouts for my dog bruss

Have a cat that scrunges every time you pet her head. Nicknames have evolved.

Scrungy cat, scrungy baby, scrungy butt, scrunge, scrung (hard G), scrungabutt, scring, and we've arrived at scringus bingus being the most ridiculous thing so far.

Princess consuella floofy pants

I call my dog named Kona "coconut" sometimes.

Had a cat that would always get into shit and get yelled at with "damn cat!" so much we just started calling him "Damncat."

“Bumble tumble” for my dog. 😬

To my credit, the bumble ball commercial had just played.

I just call all my cats "cat"

the exception was the older cats I used to have, which I called both "chunky cat"

Super rocket baby bok choy. His name is Ryu. I forgot what prompted that nickname 10+ years ago. But it stuck.

Eli, the dog, is now known as Elias Ikabob, sometimes known as Lias or kebab.

Della, the dog, is known as Smelly Belly Delly Sinky Cheese.

The beagle I owned had a habit of getting into the garbage can and getting the lid stuck around her waist like a tu-tu. She went by Trash Bandicoot.

I had a cactus i named spiky .

I've named my dog "in-the-way dog". No matter what you're trying to get done, there he is.

Open a drawer? He's blocking it. Walking through a doorway? Step over him. Carrying a hot saucer to the sink? He's right at your feet when you turn around.

Growing up we had a German shepherd with HUGE ears we called Moose, but her main name was PITA. Now I’ve have a dog I adopted and gave the name ‘Dug’ (from UP), and will call McDouglass as a bit when he’s done something wrong

Furface. Cat adopted us one day, we collectively as a house never gave him a name for the exception of Furface.

Housekeeper. I was not a clever child and called an orange house cat that.

Bimbim. Crimson is the name of an orange bearded dragon. 2 year olds just cant pronounce Crimson, so it’s Bimbim now.

Our cat is called Gecko because he climbs everything. Never had any other name.

Baron Meowser Von Kitty Cat (spoken with a fancy German accent.)

Good Elon, my dog. Because I know there's a bad one

Kitty Cat-o-matic With The Four On The Floor

Rinner Rinner Chicken Dinner; She with The Fluffiest Of Pants

Puddybuttajellywidda Baseball Bat

Miss Fartypants. It's not as bad now that we've adjusted her diet, but at one point that tiny cat could clear the room.

Fuckercat

May he rest in peace

When I was 12ish, my mom got a pomeranian she named Lexie. I don't remember how it started exactly, but my friends and I all started calling her Spike, and we'd be so excited and pay so much attention to the dog while calling her Spike that she stopped answering to Lexie. So my 5 ft 4 mom was walking around with a 5 lb ball of fluff that only answeres to Spike.

Little Shit-Dick for a cat. Let your imagination run wild.

My cat is named Princess Vivienne von kitty pants.

I had a cat whose name was Kirby and his nickname eventually turned to Care Bear (because Kirby>Kirbs>Kirb-ber) and now my parents have a cat named Barry and he is Ber-ber.

There's also Rumball (Remy) and Kimball (Kimmy).

And the two I have now: Sullivan who is Little Bean (Sully-bean) and Elliot who is Little Moose (because Elliot Moose).

None of these are crazy silly I guess but I hadn't realized before that I tend to give cats matching nicknames.

I also have a dog who is a beagle and his name is Sir Hodgley III. He doesn't respond to any nicknames and there is great argument as to his real breed. He is not a real dog but a garden decoration, but I know in my heart of hearts that Sir Hodgley III is a beagle.

“Moon pig”. That cat was daft in the head and didn’t last long though.

Also called one “Fat Bob” because he was hench and that stuck. He got quite fat too.

One of our cats gets called "Fluffy Chicken" or "Lala Chicken" quite a lot. I don't know why, she is neither cowardly nor poultry shaped.

Probably calling Kika "cachaceira". It means drunkard, but I do it because she reacts really well to words with /ʃ/ or /ʒ/.

In the same vibe I often call her "chorona" (crybaby), "chata" (annoying), "jaguara" (sly/lazy), jumenta (donkey), "tutoja" (babytalk for "gostosa" - yummy, hot/sexy).

Then there's Siegfrieda. Or [insert any German word]frieda. Including Schweinfrieda (Pigfrieda), Scheißfrieda (Shitfrieda), Njaunjaufrieda (Meowmeowfrieda? I don't even know if "njau" is a legit word).

Silvery Boy

Silver Bro

Naughty Boy

Antigold

Lugia (a reference to Pokémon Silver)

His real name is "Silver", and he's a bitey snowshoe cat that has psychopathy.

I named my cat Luphina. I thought it was so pretty. The name that stuck was Luphy. My husband calls her Monkey D Luffy.

We call her Luphy Loaf too.

"Stupid baby puppy" affectionately for my almost six year old puggle and his signature blank, unoccupied stare.

Princess Pumpkin Patty-cake.

I had one generation of the same pet named after an ancient Mesoamerican god whose name is a hassle to pronounce, spell, or look up, so I occasionally nicknamed her based on the one thing said god might be said to be known for.

"Come here Lunavore, time to dine."

"Jungle Cat" and "Roof Cat"

My cat is called Wigglebutt Fuzzypants, cause it describes her well. She has more hair than she can manage.

My sons have a hamster that they named "Bombur". I tend to call it "Bomburcino".

Bubbus McPuppador?

Honestly, I have a shitload of dumb nicknames.

Mutiny.

Short for Sra. Sable Prettyeye the Tiny Enigma Mutant.

Schnutzeplotzepfnitzekatz!

Guess the language...

One of our cats we nicknamed Dyson because he vacuums up all the food.

I’ve got two dogs and I sort of aspire to the most ridiculous nicknames for them.

Maggie > Maggie Moo
Moodaloo, Mooster, Mooffaletta, Big Smooch

Banjo
BlibbertyJigibbet, BeanieJeanie, BibbityJibbity, Lil’ Stink

Growing up, we had a cat that ended up being called spud. I have no recollection why, but it was apparently funny.

My grandmother had a cat we never got around to naming, and as a result what stuck for referring to her was just "pspspspsps". So we'd ask something like "Did pspspsps eat?". Amount of ps not standardised.

My little sister then decided that her name should be "little strawberry", in our language of course. She was not a ginger but a black and white cat. One day she disappeared, and about a year later when I moved to an apartment nearby I saw her getting fed by one of my (and my grandmothers) neighbor.

Dumblebum, Bare Butt, Dingleberry, I call my dog pretty much anything but his name.

We literally call our dog "Stupid". TBF she is pretty stupid.

I call my dog, Mila (pronounced Myla, I just was dumb when I tried to spell it when we adopted her), Mylar Balloon.

Stinkface. You can probably guess why.

I have a little dog named Carlos. Always called him Turd. Also Turdlos, Turd-boy, Turdle, and Turdley Von Turdlington.

As another cat owner here is the list of names that are not his name;

Him (as in, "Is Him a good?"), Tubs, Tubsalubs, Stink-O Man (I will sing, "Show me! Show you! Stink-O Man! Stink-O Man!"), Kneady/Needy/Needful/Kneadums, Hanger the Danger Kitty, All The Speed, and Whosa Baby (which involves picking him up and snuggling him thoroughly while he pretends to hate it, but the minute I open my arms to try to let him go he gives me a pathetic look until I snuggle him some more, a game which has gone on for tens of minutes before)

I used to work at an animal shelter, and my go-to nickname for the dogs was just the first syllable of their name twice. Joy becomes Jojo, Daisy becomes Dede, Torrey becomes Toto, Peter becomes Pepe... It took me about a minute to figure out that I needed to call him Petey instead

Not a current pet but I want to name my next cat Hattibagen McCat

His real name is Louie

He goes by Louie, Lewis, Lewis Hamilton, Douglas Luiz, Dougie, Doogie, Dougie Howzer MD, King Louis XIV of France, Doug Larse,.

I have a toy Yorkie named Jazzy, and I call her either Jabu or Sweet-Pickle

One is Miss Dog and the other one I call Pequenina. I'm Brazilian and pequenina is little one, but her name is Nina, so thats why pequeNINA

Let's see,

Nutmeg: Nutters Nutters BoButters Nutters BoButters Pants POO Butt

Jessie: Jessers Jessers BoBesseres Jessers BobBessers Pants ( see a patern?) Cuddle Bumpkins Also dumb as a stump but twice as cute as the cutest stumps

Timone: Mister Drool boy Sir Timoneus the Hungry

Gizmo: Gizzy Princess Gizzy Her Royal Highness Gizmodius the Sassy