What are your first principles (rules you've developed) in your life?
What are your first principles (rules you've developed) in your life?
People who make me feel like crap or worse off then when I encountered them consistently are written off and out of my life
Doesn't matter if its family, nobody is entitled to your attention and suffering and it does nobody any real good for you to succumb to the inevitable dysfunction it creates in your life and relationships and also material conditions.
Work on diagnosing and fixing the problem first, worry about appointing blame later (if at all).
There exists a problem. Problem requires a solution. Solution requires diagnosing problem and using reasoning to solve craft solution.
Assigning blame (root cause analysis) can wait. First, fix problem. Then analyze how/why problem happened and implement corrective and preventative actions.
A company I used to work for actually had a policy of never to assign root cause as “Human error”. Individuals actually never got blamed. Instead, it was perhaps that there wasn’t enough training, or certain procedures were lacking which could’ve prevented the problem, etc.
One time someone had accidentally broke an $8 million dollar piece of equipment. They were never fired, or reprimanded at all. Instead, the investigation assigned root cause to lack of adequate safety procedures, or something like that. Therefore actions are taken to help prevent recurrence instead of just saying “They did it! Fire them!!”
They were a great company to work for because of this.
This one is very important. This is one of those helpful rules I've actually learned in business environment first before I started applying it in personal life.
Forgive yourself when you fuck up
Also, if you’re not fucking up occasionally, then you’re probably not pushing yourself hard enough
Still learning this one.
I find I easily forgive myself if I immediately recognize the fuckup and have a plan started or in the works to prevent it happening again.
Kind of a "fool me once: shame on this. fool me twice: shame on me" alto its infinitey recursive so I would simply start back at 1
If I learn a lesson from it, its money in the experience bank and I trust myself to make it right and mitigate it as best as is possible
It helps with inverse thinking cuz now you know one of the paths or constituents of failure in whatever the endeavor and you have the opportunity to get closer to success next time
I have no more right to interfere in someone else's life than they have to interfere in mine.
Avoid people who don't share that view.
Stay curious. No one is over educated to the point that they can't learn.
The other side of this is that anyone, no matter their background, can teach you something.
“First is best”
To avoid overthinking decisions that don’t really matter, the first acceptable choice is the correct one.
Save your indecision for stuff that matters.
Never admire an entire person, only the aspects of the person you find admirable.
Make it work, then make it work right.
And it’s companion for understanding how things came to be- every complex working system invariably developed from a simple working system
Have strong opinions that are weakly held.
Don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good”
Now that I think about it, my principles like my life may be all about engineering…
MVP is a good tool I was just mentioning. Picked it up unknowingly from coding, still working on generalizing it to my life but its working and rightly for me
Have strong opinions that are weakly held.
Ooh this is excellent phrasing of a good principle
Why does one need strong opinions? And what are they actually?
To me, having a strong opinion means I have thought about the problem space enough to understand what I believe are the important aspects and what optimizes them. Remembering to hold them weakly in the light of previously unconsidered or under appreciated arguments prevents me from becoming overly rigid.
Don't let "perfect" be the enemy of "good".
When I make maps for ttrpgs, I've started using a tool that is, let's be honest, kinda crap. The maps I can make using it can only ever be "good enough." This is good, because it means I don't spent hours trying to make it perfect, and instead just finish prepping other things.
Admit when I'm wrong.
Probably my favorite realization in life was that I might be wrong. Always, no matter how confident, we are all wrong sometimes. Even about the most basic facts, we could be wrong because brains are weird. So, I just try and minimize that while recognizing it.
And learn how to defend when you're not. Some assholes use it as an excuse to divert blame to the guy who tends to admit fault, even if it's not actually their fault.
No.
Don't do anything you're going to have to lie about. If you do, don't lie about it. If you do, make it right as soon as possible.
This is something I learned from experience. I have plenty of problems in my life but a heavy conscience isn't one of them.
No surprise parties for you then
I printed this quote by Sister Chan Khong and carry it in my wallet:
If we just worry about the big picture, we are powerless. So my secret is to start right away doing whatever little work I can do. I try to give joy to one person in the morning, and remove the suffering of one person in the afternoon. If you and your friends do not despise the small work, a million people will remove a lot of suffering.
So I try to spread a little joy and remove a little sadness.
If you don't know what you want, make a choice instead of just waiting. If it's not the right one, change your mind. It's always ok to change your mind. Sitting in stasis means the ice cream shop closes before you ordered and now you don't get any.
Not taking risk is one of the main reasons most people never get to truly experience life before it's over. However, there are situations where taking risk can actually destroy your life, especially when it involves physical danger. Proceed with caution.
Fair. This one usually pertains to lower risk decisions tbh. Stuff like what to have for dinner or how to spend the day off. And specifically when you otherwise wouldn't have a preference. But quite often doing nothing is the greater risk in high stakes situations too. In any case, better to have your ice cream even if it's not your favorite flavor, than none at all. That is, as long as you're actually going to eat it.
Don't have your mouth write checks your ass can't cover
Or
Under promise while over deliver
Aim to surprise, and you'll never not impress. Unless its a dark surprise.
Perfect is the enemy of good enough
I have two main moral guidelines by which I try to live:
A. Try to leave everything better than it was before, or at least avoid making it worse. It doesn't have to be by much, but if every person makes things just one tiny bit better, the culminating effect will be great. Do your part.
B. The difference between a moral person and an immoral one usually doesn't lie in the ability/inability to know right from wrong, rather in the ability to rationalize their immoral actions. Therefore:
- Doing bad things once in a while does not make you a bad person, it makes you human.
- Avoiding doing bad things 100% of the time will make you a bad person, as you'll inevitably fail and will be forced to rationalize your actions, making it easier to do more bad things.
- What makes you a good person is the ability to know when you're acting wrong.
From there, there are a few rules that help me along the way:
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Everyone are wrong. Assume you're wrong about some important things/core beliefs, you've just yet to discover which ones. Don't hesitate to act according to what you think is right, but understand you're probably doing something wrong somewhere. Look for signs that show that's the case.
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Making mistakes is fine and inevitable. Reflect on your mistakes and try not to make the same mistake twice.
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Use everything as an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is from other people's mistakes - it provides a visceral lesson without you having to pay the price.
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People's opinions of you are their business, not yours. Though you should choose to use them to improve yourself when applicable.
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Admitting being wrong or admitting a mistake will not only improve things, but is a sign of strength. Not doing so is a sign of weakness. This is true both for yourself and for other people.
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Give people the benefit of the doubt and don't be quick to judge them. Wait until you have enough data and then come to conclusions.
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No rule is correct in all situations.
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External rules (and laws) exist for a reason. If you're going to break one of them, first understand why it's there in the first place and why it should be ignored. Do not assume you know better than the people who came up with it.
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Blanket statements can be correct or incorrect for the most part, but they can't be used to solely justify an action or an opinion.
Underpants go on the inside.
Unless you're Day Boy
Or Quail Man.
I can't save the world, but I can make my corner a little nicer.
Decision results in bad outcome. Oh well, lesson learned.
Look after your tools, as the old saying goes.
Chill the fuck out
As a counter to perfectionism:
If it's worth doing, then it's worth doing poorly. [source: a reddit user]
MVP (Minimum Viable Product) is a good tool of thumb also. What is the simplest end result you can work towards to establish a foundation/working model you can iterate over if necessary later to "perfect"
I always liked, "Perfect is the enemy of good," and a close second, "Make it work, then make it better."
Make it work, then make it better.
I really like this one. It's borderline a mantra.
Don't spend energy on things you can't change anyway. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good (enough).
- Absolutely no littering ever.
- If I drive I don't drink. Not even one.
- No lying. Not even white lies.
- No smoking (tobacco)
- If everyone did what I do and the world would be a worse place for it, then don't do it.
- Good deeds done in secret are twice the karma.
"Treat people the way you would like them to treat you."
"Judge every claim on the basis of the evidence presented for it."
Treat people the way they would like to be treated.
If someone tells you something, that something does not get repeated without asking for permission first. People don't have to say "can I tell you this in confidence?" Absolutely everything is kept in confidence.
The way that someone responds to you is a reflection of them, not of you. If someone in your life is wildly inconsistent, all you can do is make sure that you are maintaining consistency yourself.
I've worked with a number of people who acted like we were besties one day and then gave me the cold shoulder for weeks. I spent too many years wondering what was wrong with me before I finally figured out that their mood swings had nothing to do with me.
Don't do good things to be good, do them because of how good they make you feel
Pay attention, it's the little things that make the whole picture when put together
If you're unsure about doing a certain activity do it anyways. It's better to err than to do nothing and forever wonder what it would had been like if you had
Most people aren't evil, they just have been formed differently by life itself. Try to understand them before you decide how you feel about them
Everyone deserves respect.
Respect is in fact, not earned.
One loses respect due to their behavior.
This bigly. Everyone innately deserves respect. You can absolutely lose it for being a wanker.
"Respect is earned" needs to die in a fire.
I like to say that everyone is deserving of respect, but few are deserving of deference.
People either enhance or diminish your life. Very few are neutral.
Treat them accordingly.
What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
Don't make excuses. If you fucked up admit it and make a plan to prevent it from happening in the future. Excuses themselves do nothing to help a situation.
- Knowledge is meant to be shared, not hoarded.
- The act of kindness is free, but its impact is priceless.
- Discipline matters, but so does self-care.
Stay completely off all social media, including Lemmy.
Be excellent to each other
Keanu?
/me grabs soapboxI'll focus on people. I avoid people who consistent or egregiously:
- are assumptive, gullible, or fallacious.
- expect me to be assumptive, gullible, or fallacious.
- are eager to violate the others' autonomy; for example, the "I never take a «no» for an answer" ones.
- defend their actions based on intentions (instead of responsibility, outcome, or info at hand).
- expect me to apologise for things they know I have no blame for.
- claim that fighting back makes me as bad as my enemies, i.e. who expect me to become a punching bag.
Note: "consistent or egregiously" is key here. A brainfart or a derp is fine; but some things happen too often, or are too strong, to be considered simply brainfarts.
[Self-replying to avoid editing the above.]
Or perhaps a better first rule would be "judging and acting only come after understanding".
These are both good rulesets
Adapt or die.
If it works for you, do it. Ignore what other people think
Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. When I call customer support, I don't get mad at the person because it's not their fault. If someone flubs up my order I don't say anything. I try to smile to everyone even though I don't want to. Even if I don't make their day better, I try to make it at least bearable.
If someone flubs your order, you can still say something about it. Just be friendly and understanding about it instead of an entitled asshole like some people.
“First thing you learn is that you always gotta wait.” Taken from the Velvet Underground about buying drugs, but I think it’s pretty applicable to everything.
Never do anything permanent to my body, unless it is medically necessary.
People come in and out of life... Let them.
Do not date at work.
Under absolutely no circumstance do I mess with people in relationships.
Friends that are dating:
If they break up and I'm interested in her... I give one month per year of time, one month minimum, before I approach her. That helps prevent hurt feelings, it also prevents being the "rebound". Although, one time it cost me a possible relationship as she broke up with her fiancee' and immediately approached me. Unfortunately, she never came out an positively stated they were broken up and it caused quite a bit of awkwardness on my part. She ended up hating my guts, but honestly I probably just dodged a bullet.Give yourself the respect you deserve. Corollary: Behave in a manner that you can respect.
There are more, but this is what I have time to type out right now.
"Disregard principles"
Be unremarkable but no so unremarkable as to be in and of itself remarkable
It was to care about other's wellbeing. I remember when it clicked, and it was the first moral principle I consciously followed
Be nice. But not at any cost.
Go at your own pace, build habits. You can get good at anything if you stick with it long enough and don’t compare yourself to others.
The entire world is batlting against you, trying to convince you to open your wallet for them. Don't let them win.
"Always eat your dessert first"
Meaning, when you feel overwhelmed by a huge task or a long list of tasks in front of you, start with the easiest, smallest and most pleasant parts. That way you overcome inertia and the feeling of standing in front of a huge, looming mountain, and get in the groove.
Once you've started, the next task on the list is just a little bigger than the last, which you've just successfully completed. That way you can get a lot done, step by step.
When only the biggest and most difficult tasks are left, you can break them down into tiny steps (don't "clean the house", just "pick up this one thing and put it away"). Again, do the easiest steps first, and celebrate each one as a thing you've just successfully accomplished.
Some people say you should start with the hardest stuff to get it behind you, but I have ADHD and trying that just keeps me from starting anything at all.
On a related note, don't write To-Do lists.
They're a devious trick by your brain to procrastinate. You already know a dozen things that need to be done at any given moment, so instead of writing a list, just do one of them.Save the hard stuff for earlier tho. You have the most energy and patience earlier after you sleep so optimize for that window or energy
And then you fail, or you're overwhelmed by negative emotions associated with the task, and you're frustrated and go back to doomscrolling or trying out another Linux distro.
When I was a teenager, I encountered a bunch of different perspectives that contradicted the beliefs and ideas that I was raised with, and I realized that if you had wrong ideas about reality and tried to be a good person based on those ideas, you could easily wind up doing more harm than good. So I made a vow to myself to always pursue the truth - to learn about the world, to examine myself and my biases, to seek out and understand different perspectives, to ground my beliefs on evidence, and to reject peer pressure and comforting lies and to face reality even when it disturbed me.
You can't fully trust anyone, not your parents, siblings, extended family, spouse, best friend forever, no one. Don't count on anyone for anything and accept that the only person in your life who has your best interests at heart is you.
Done
I have a whole growing plethora of these, rules of thumb I consider in the long scheme of organization. Where would I start if not to ask about stuff?
Quit being poor is the only thing that will remedy most of your problems.
Im obsessed with truth. Its been a struggle and kept my mind occupied much through my life. It still stays with me but I am more accepting that it is a journey without end. As for the truths the acceptance of the never ending journey and the ethic of least harm. I lean toward selfishness in my morality so am unwilling to compromise for the greater good.
And even without reprimanded - I can damn well guarantee that person will EVER make that same mistake.
Not everything requires a paper-trail.
Embrace the difficulty, because it’s not going to go away.
Never waste a perfectly good crisis
You'd be restraining yourself without limiting ulhmm
ITT Americans using morning news headlines to cope with their miserable 3rd world existence.
Hmm... Acshtually, it is local evening news that allows them to cope properly
ITT presumptive condescending europeans
When deciding what to do, the order of trumps is legal, then prudent, then right. Do what is legal unless what is prudent is illegal, then do what is prudent. If doing what is right is neither prudent or legal, do it anyway because it's right.
Never start fights with people. Always be prepared to finish a fight someone else starts with you, quickly, without posturing, hesitation, or mercy. Regardless of their size, shape, color, creed, or uniform, bullies can never be allowed to win.
When solving a problem, always start with the simplest possibility first.
Never lend anyone: Your truck, your pen, your chainsaw, or your wife. No matter what, they're going to do something with them that you're not going to like.
You can never have too many pens, flashlights, knives, or bullets.
Keep the roof watertight, keep the toilet flushing, keep oil in the engines, keep gas in the tanks, keep at least a week of food in the pantry. Literally nothing else on this earth matters if you don't have these five things done.
Try to live a happy life while impinging on others as little as possible. Pretty much the exact opposite of right-wingers.