Honestly, most "ugly" people can be reasonably attractive if they get in shape, eat healthily (especially in a way that clears up their skin) and style themselves (clothes, hair, etc) in a way that suits them. Plus finding good angles and lighting for photos/videos, and building up some confidence and charisma for in-person interactions. Those things aren't necessarily easy and they take patience and commitment, but most people can easily go up a few points on an attractiveness/10 scale if they manage them.
Doesn't always work. Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
Yeah, he looks like an average nerdy type guy. Not the best but also not the worst thing in the world. There's plenty of people who are into that type.
I think if he had gotten braces for his overbite and a nicer pair of glasses before that pic on the left, there wouldnt be anything to really point out at all yeah.
There's a Reddit community I used to visit now and then that was for ugly people. It was so toxic and hateful. These people literally believe that they can never be happy or have a relationship because they think they're ugly - it's their entire identity. I worry that many outcasts fall into this trap during their formative years and it warps their view of the world like the gentleman in the video.
I think that once they get out into the real world, most folks find that looks don't matter as much as lifestyle, personality, and compatible morals.
I didn't think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn't comprehend.
I also noticed how "pretty" people didn't have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I'd never be treated the same way as a "pretty" person would.
It's one of the ugly truths of human existence, that most people won't admit.
"Looks" absolutely play a large role in inter-human relationships. But since it carries a lot of unpleasant things most people don't want to admit, they either ignore it, or outright lie about it to make themselves feel better.
The research has been done "pretty" people earn more, get more promotions, and are generally more successful at life.
Not to say your life is over if you're not pretty. But there is a clear advantage.
The thing to focus on is that there are many different kinds of people in the world. I grew up with a disability, and it didn't take me long to figure out that there are people you'll meet who just hate you for not being what they consider to be "normal." There's nothing you can do - they're just going to hate you. But, I eventually found that there are also people who would never dream of doing such a thing, and will treat you neutrally until they get to know you, and will treat you well after that if you treat them well.
Yes, the assholes of the world will always be there, and they'll make you feel like shit, but the more you can dismiss them as simply being judgemental assholes who know nothing about you, the more you'll be able to see all the people who will treat you fairly. Sure, if you've got a terrible personality, then even those people will want to have nothing to do with you, but if you control the things you can control, there are a lot of people in the world who will see that and think well of you for it.
I didn't think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn't comprehend.
I don't want to offend you or anyone in any way, I just wonder if it could have been a case of neurodiversity (you being neurodivergent in a way socializing didn't come as natural as for others).
In my case, I understood my own differences a little late. I was rejected a couple of times because I was apparently showing-off. I connected the dots years later: I was being too effusive and intense, which was read as arrogance or cockiness.
A friend of mine struggled with his autism. People during his school years thought he was grumpy (or worse), when in reality he was having a hard time coping with external stimuli and information.
People can see something is different, but many (even as adults) are not kind about the explanation. Instead of thinking that you are a shy person (or whatever trait they are judging), they might think you think you're better than them or whatever.
It's funny how many people default for an option in which the "weird" person is a bad person somehow, but there's probably some evolutionary adaptations to partially blame...
I also noticed how "pretty" people didn't have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I'd never be treated the same way as a "pretty" person would.
Same as my last paragraph. It's human nature to make judgments based on taste, on personal preferences, etc. "Pretty privilege" is real, and we should outgrow it, but... yeah. It even affects people deemed attractive as they cannot trust the same, they cannot escape things like comparisons, etc. Let's not talk about the bullying for the other side. It's vicious.
When I was young, I wanted to think of women in a way that I could look beyond typical attractiveness. I made a point to find something about everyone. It soon became apparent that everyone is beautiful in a way. Sometimes it's not a facial feature but there's always something. And I started to find a lot of women sexy even if I wasn't really sexually attracted to them. As life has gone on, it's been interesting to me how someone that might not be very pretty becomes hot as all be because of their talent or skills.
I always thought I was ugly but women always found me attractive. It was a hard thing to accept.
Honestly I looked weird mid puberty and it took me a long time to learn I’m fairly attractive. I’m not like supermodel hot or anything but it’s fair to say I’m pretty in buffalo. You can always find flaws in the mirror, the people on tv do every day. I choose not to. My wife doesn’t mind them, my girlfriend doesn’t mind them either, and neither do the women I do casual stuff with. I get a lot more benefit from doing other things with my mental energy.
I used to work with two guys I called "Tall Todd" and "Tall Paul". Both were really smart and part of our IT department. Both in shape-ish, skinny, very tall.
Paul was conventionally hot - his side job was modeling, he made money at it and I did once unexpectedly see him on a national advertisement. Hot, you understand? He was nice, friendly, I wasn't attracted to him but could see he was physically really good looking, and was outgoing and pleasant, creative guy, good Halloween costumes.
Tall Todd wasn't good looking like that, and had the additional baggage of being named Todd, but had this way of existing in the world that was just so comfortable and made you feel comfortable. I think when people say confidence this is what they mean - not cockiness but this self acceptance. He was just so attractive without being physically attractive - he wasn't ugly exactly but unremarkable in looks. But goodness he was attractive in real life. Magnetic.
I do not know how people get that sort of confidence but it's not by being really good looking.
I had a friend in college like Todd. Weird looking dude, but every time you talked to him you just felt good. He was fun to talk to and interesting but a good listener too. You were just happy to have spent time talking to him. Now I’m not into guys so I can’t say subjectively if that made him attractive, but based on what I’d heard he had all the men and women he wanted throwing themselves at him, and I believe it.
And for the people saying your friend was leaning on height, this guy was about the height of the average woman and hung out with a lady over 6’
They were tall, and I'm not disputing the whole "attractive people are more attractive" idea. I don't think that comfortable - confidence vibe comes from looks, you can be good looking and very insecure about your looks, uncomfortable because everyone is looking at you, and I'm sure Tall Paul was comfortable enough with his looks to make money off them but didn't have it.
You can also get that kind of confidence by not worrying about where you fall on the attractiveness scale. I like to think I'm that way. If I wanted to I could definitely pick out things that might make me ugly, but I don't worry about it. I care more about the interactions I have with people than I do about how I physically look. The only things about my appearance that give me a degree of confidence are just things that amuse me, like that I always wear the same color scheme or that my normal and facial hair differ in color and texture.
I can think of at least two of my friends who also share the quality of being comfortable and self accepting despite not being physically attractive, and I really enjoy being friends with them.
You get that kind of confidence by not giving a shit about what other people think in terms of your physical attractiveness. I don't think I'm especially good looking. I also couldn't give less of a shit. Which is why I have the confidence to have the facial hair of a 19th century president. Because a mutton chops beard is fucking awesome. I'm married, but I wouldn't even care if I was single. I'm keeping my mutton chops.
Have you tried dating sites? I can't even get "ugly" women to respond to me so they must have "better options" reaching out to them or I really am just that undesirable lol
Let me tell you a completely unguarded open non-secret: most men will date anything with a pulse, quite literally. I'm not saying you should settle for any scumbag you can find, just that your odds are better than you think.
Being an ugly woman is not nearly the struggle that being an ugly man is. Women who aren't attractive need to approach at all and they'll have more success than ugly men who approach twice as often.
If that’s what actually happened she likely fucked herself over.
Most countries require years of history before citizenship is granted, and if you divorce before that (without “cause” like abuse) you’re not getting benefits. And if it comes out that it was all for citizenship/visa (ex. green card marriage) you get yourself on a list for trying to defraud the government and can’t return. Not to mention the fines and potential jail time.
I mean she found him cute so he wasn't actually ugly.
I on the other hand get "oh, you looked better from far away." You want ugly I can show you ugly! Lmao
Edit: I'd "love" to gross you all out with my picture, but I value being at least somewhat anonymous so I don't want to link a picture to my username lol
That's because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The big point is that you need to get out there, take risks, ask a girl or guy, sometimes get a date, sometimes get rejected.. you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
If you really are out there, go to hobby clubs, be it stamp collection or a gymnasium, or a bar, go places, go meet people. I can't talk for you of course but in my experience most people with the "nobody wants me!" problem never go out. How is anyone to like you if nobody knows you exist?
It's like being a website. Get your ass on google, Facebook, Reddit, whatever. If nobody can find your site, your site may as well not exist.
And just to be clear: Being rejected sucks. But it's part of life and you move on. Don't try to date Ana de Armas right away, and complain that no girl wants you. Date normal guys and or gals, ideally with People that share your likes and values. Don't settle for the first person who you date, find out what you like, find out what you hate but FFS, find out! Go out, do something, don't just sit inside.
most “ugly” people put themselves into a box. take care of yourself, wash your face, brush your teeth, eat somewhat decently, put minimal effort into your appearance, and have a speck of self confidence and you can change your world.
I know it can be daunting especially if you have legitimate mental health issues that affect how you view yourself but trust me theres very few “ugly” looking people in this world and most of them still make it work by having a good decent personality.
Most people are ugly because they have a ugly personality.
Not quite... 16k on a Skyrim video I made when I was in my 20's where I just spend 15 minutes calling a dude on the TES forums dumb. The comments keep equating me to Jonah Hill, specifically his character from Superbad.
Yeah.... There's a hell of a lot more than that needed. Honesty and respect are my middle names, yeah my parents are weird, and that gets me pretty much nowhere as far as success with women go.
I always see it as "being nice, honest, friendly" are like pickles on a sandwich. You want the sandwich, if you like pickles then having them is a bonus, but you wanted the (insert main portion of sandwich here). Not having the pickles is fine too as it's not the main thing you were after.
You can be or feel ugly, skinny, fat, short, tall, average, and even stupid, but if you have self confidence, you will overcome and adapt whether shortcomings are self perceptions or others' initial perceptions of you.
That said, don't abuse this superpower, because being an asshole is the real ugly.
Some women are based. They're just like "I'm gonna find a partner and just go hard. Let's look on social media. Bam. Found one." You have to appreciate, nay - be in respect and awe of the pure gall, the nerve, the gumption of this lady, the globes on this bitch. She made a life like it was nothing. I am intimidated, elated and my breath has been taken away.
Wow this comment section is kinda scary if you think to hard about it, but as a man it's not dangerous for me personally as I'm not dating men so it's also kinda entertaining to see all the salt that gets thrown around.