Is it blasting though when she then turns it against herself? She's actually asking what it is that makes her need outside validation to feel good.
How do you DO that?
I don't need validation from other people to be happy. Hope this helped.
It's funny. I got a promotion a bit ago and I announced happily to my family that my career progression has ended for good.
I don't want to grow in responsibility, in don't want to work extra hours, I don't want to study for work, I don't want to "network".
If yearly rises somewhat follow the cost of living (relatively common in my workplace), I don't even want to job hop.
I want to cruise at work and live my life.
Some still don't understand because "line go up" mentality.
"How dare you be satisfied with your lot and content with who you are???"
Exactly. His natural predisposition is to be happy and hers is to be miserable. Sadly, her miserable is probably stomping out his happy
Holy shit. That dude needs to run as fast as he can away from that and towards a puppy that will help him delete facebook and hit the gym.
Dated someone like this. She needed constant external validation. Had self-esteem issues. Narcissistic. Never satisfied. Extreme anxiety. Separation anxiety. Hot and cold all the time. Always hopping from new infatuation to the next.
I was already deep in corporate and she couldn’t understand why I was content when I found something stable. We split when I got tired of the constant cheating and dumped her. Everything was a pissing contest and she always had to win. She was furious I dumped her first, even.
She’s successful now but still never content. Found out she was bipolar which explains so much from the past.
Did we date the same person?
Hah, you never know. She does go through partners at an incredible rate.
Have a friend same kinda deal. Not the cheating thing but is poly so it's a vibe. Grew up poor, got a degree decent job decent pay. The MOMENT she got stable she wanted to go back to school for a doctorate. Student loans, stressing herself out to high hell. Current events got her having mega breakdowns cuz her field is affected. Broke again. The cycle continues
Edit: also bipolar...clearly
If you actually read the post, she's not "blasting" her husband. She's seeing him be perfectly content without chasing all those markers of career success, and questioning why she cannot do the same. She's realising that she relies on external validation to feel happy, and that that's not a good thing.
It's the literal definition of a humblebrag though. Or at the very least, worded in a bait-ey way to try and get attention from appearing to be controversial. If you strip away the style and fluff from the post, then yes you can read it in the way you're saying. But that controversial-ness is clearly intentional.
At the most charitable, it's a failed attempt at humor. The less charitable read is that the second half of the post is just providing some plausible deniability to her being yet another insufferable Linkedin self-promoter.
Yeah she doesn't speak bad about him for it. She does pose the question at the end to others if it would change their views of people they knew if they didn't want those types of accomplishments though. She doesn't answer if it does for herself necessarily, so there is not really any clear answer. It's pointless to analyse.
That’s the kind of people who constantly change positions, switch projects, get promoted etc. The success of the projects depends on stable people like her husband.
Not only that a whole lot of people here don't have reading comprehension, the level of salt and misogyny are weird and not in a good way..
people misinterpret something
must be misogyny?
These people in the comments are so fragile.
This is LinkedInLunatics. I think she deserves to be Queen here.
The title of this post is misleading. She's not blasting her husband. She's wondering why she can't be content without these things.
Could you go a year without a single new certification, interview, award, promotion, and be OK with yourself for it?
No but I have ADHD and collect knowledge like trading cards in an attempt to appease the screaming boredom. Wonder what got her all twisted up?
Lol I have ADHD and Im the same. Love learning something new even when it has no real use to me.
Probably needs a dicking down
"There is so much to unpack and learn from an exchange like this."
Yeah, no kidding.
Husband's probably regretting some life decisions right about now, and I guarantee they're not related to his not getting any awards or certifications.
Given that this is a self-promoting self-appointed CEO of a Virginia based IT consulting firm with... very few employees, idk, man. The "husband" in this non-exchange seems like a prop for marketing material.
The last line says it all. She's just selling certification training. None of this is sincere.
Wouldn’t be surprised if all this crap is being written by ChatGPT nowadays with no input from a real person.
Now thinking about it, LunaticdIn seems like the most fertile ground for AI to take over with this sort of bullshit.
That doesn't read as much as blasting her husband as it does as blasting herself.
The lunacy part is posting this to LinkedIn rather than discussing in private with a therapist.
This has been a block for me in dating apps. They look down on you for saying you're perfectly fine where you are right now. I'm over 40 and have a nice job, there's no need for me to continue to run after "something better". But other people see you like you're accommodated or lazy. It's bonkers.
The funny thing is, usually, they are in a lot worse place than me, financially.
That CEO has a stripper name.
She lives to work
He works to live
Tune in for the next season of Never Happy
Or she grew up in a society where women have to overachieve in order to get the same recognition as men and now she struggles with a need for external validation like many other women.
This must be doubly as true for sectors like IT.
I think I just learned how to understand my wife a little better.
What I read: I require external validation instead of finding it from within.
Realistically all these achievements mean nothing when you die and are forgotten. It doesn't necessarily invalidate the work and accomplishments but I'd argue it doesn't give an individual the "higher ground" to belittle a partner on social media; they may not value it the same.
I require external validation instead of finding it from within.
I am not on LinkedIn, but from the outside this seems to be the trend there.
Where is the belittling?
Is this a rhetorical question? Or does this comes down to perspective? For the latter I would explain it as me seeing contempt from this person's messaging around their partner seeming OK with not achieving things she defines as important. She then takes, what I would consider a personal conversation, to social media for what I can only assume is support from like-minded people to validate her.
TL;DR the premise itself is belittling
She's an LLM optimized for doing "career goals".
Maybe that's the unavoidable final state of our society. A million goalbots, dancing together, forever.
If I ever find something that pays enough to do what I want and offers a nice work life balance my ladder climbing will stop there. I have no career goals beyond that. I want to pursue my personal interests and help others learn. That's it. Unfortunately I can't figure out how to monetize my personal interests in a way that won't make me hate my life.
When someone asks me what I do, I list hobbies. I’m not my job.
I am legitimately jealous of people who manage to work a job doing something they actually like. They seem so much better off? My dad is one of those - he'll retire and come back for fun.
I'm finally in a position that I can say "I don't hate," pays well, and I get a pension but holy shit I still occasionally get the "Monday blues."
The second that I can retire, I'm fucking OUT.
regardless of sex, anyone making this claim is clearly broken inside. kinda sad.
Right? I feel like this is so obviously not about sex & my life is a clear example to that.
For context, I'm a trans woman who works in tech.
Five and a half years ago I was miserable as hell from relying on external validation. I'd never been happy with my birth sex, but I'd stuck it out for years, duct-taping my happiness together with academic or career achievements, working myself to the bone just to achieve some degree of stability at the cost of my mental health, relationships, happiness, sex life, etc.
For all intents and purposes, I was treated by society as male during that era of my life... albeit of the gay sort of feminine and very depressed variety. I also had a laundry list of accomplishments each year and could not fathom being happy with myself unless I collected them all like pokemon.
Sex changes are like the world's most opposite thing to external validation. I went from being a white cis male to... well look at what society thinks of trans women. There have been many many times in the past half-decade in which I felt like I'd jumped off a cliff, that I might lose my career, that I'd struggle harder to get ahead, that I wouldn't be taken seriously anymore.
And some of that was true—I definitely deal with misogyny and transphobia now in a way I never would've before. I do feel I have to perform 2x better than before in order to achieve the same sorts of recognition... and I have to now for some reason look good doing it (whereas before I could basically ignore my body, wallow in dysphoria/depression, and still be given credit).
But... what have I done career-wise during the past 5 years? I've flatlined. Honestly? I "met expectations" for a half-decade straight. No awards, no accolades, just "did that thing and went home." I was too busy both emotionally and practically with a whole freaking sex change outside of work. And nobody has come to eat me, even though at this phase of my life most coworkers don't even know I was once male. Heck, if anything, I look at a lot of my cis female peers and they're having kids which (unfortunately/unfairly) amounts to practically the same thing.
Before my sex change this would have been unthinkable to me. My entire happiness and sense of identity was pinned to my career. And that was was literally THE duct tape on the joke that was my life. The thing I only way I could manage to keep myself male. Literally the biggest lesson career-wise that my sex change has taught me is that it's okay to have eras in your life where your career just vibes for a bit while you short your shit out.
So... I just don't think this is a male vs. female thing. It's a running away from oneself and trying to cope with your misery via external validation thing. It IS true that when you're read as female you DO have to push ahead. Chances are, similar to how I felt I had to alienate myself for my career in order to get to a place where I could afford a sex change, this woman felt she had to do the same in order to establish herself as a woman in tech. The barrier to entry is higher.
But once you're there and established it's like, girl you can chill now, it's gonna be fine if you're fine, maybe with a bit more stability and a bit less pay.
Every thing she lists is fluff.
If you are an employed professional you are spending your year doing your job. Not going back to school to pick up a certificate for fun or finding a documentary to be in (what even is this?)
I imagine the husband biting through his cheek during this grilling thinking “yea I’m busy fucking doing things.”
These are the people who are annoying and useless as shit in IT. Most coworkers I’ve had who are constantly getting certifications or attending conferences contribute very little in the way of work or knowledge. The information required to get those certifications goes in one ear and out the other for them. People like that are more interested in clout than anything.
Not to say anyone taking training or certifications is like this, but there is a specific type obsessed with these “markers” that spend the majority of their time chasing certifications and things of that nature.
On the flip side, I have a beast of a coworker who says she doesn’t do anything tech related outside of work to decompress and she’s easily one of our most productive and likable coworkers.
Every thing she lists is fluff.
You're absolutely right. What was the clear cut career accomplishment? What did she contribute? This is a lot of words that don't seem to include any of those accomplishments while shitting on someone who seems to have a rich and fulfilling life when he's not listening to this "everybody clapped" story.
Psychopath behavior. This is who America rewards.
This is who America rewards.
No, we have a system that rewards this behavior and punishes any one who wants to be decent for being a "sucker"
“Cybersecurity Founder”
They're always Founder and CEO of a company of one person.
Who the fuck are they even trying to impress?
Other "grindset" dipshits who confuse overworking and meaningless awards/titles with a personality.
Those who can, do.
Those who can't, certify.
Bitch, please. I’m here to get money. I’ll get certs and shit only if it helps me bring something home. Otherwise: fuck you, pay me.
That's a great question for your therapist, Stacey.
“Exchange” implies that information flowed in both directions in a transactional manner. Never before heard the term used to describe “one-sided, manic, belittling, self-aggrandizing, tone-deaf tirade.” Live and learn, I guess.
When did people start this whole CEO cosplay shit?
One day I woke up and everyone is now CEO girlboss power ranger who sleeps 2 hours per day while working 28 hours per day building greatness for the litttle people.
What a happy person. Thank god I don't give a shit about any of this crap. I am a high performing woman, the difference is that I only.highly perform stuff that I care about and love doing, like social life, hobbies, sleeping and being happy.
Could you go a year without a new certification, interview, award, or promotion and be OK with yourself for it?
Yes. Easily. My job isnt my whole life, as long as I feel good about the work I did over the year, I see no reason to change.
Would you think about a colleague, direct report, friend, or spouse differently for doing so?
No. Absolutely not. In fact, I'd be more worried that they'll burn out if all they think about is this shit, and tell them to get a hobby that isn't related to their job so that they can direct that energy somewhere other than getting pieces of paper that say "I can job good"
Yeah, especially the direct report thing.
I find this personally insulting and hate this mentality. If the company isnt footing the bill, ill keep current and progress my skills how ever I like. In my case, homelab, which while not paying someone for a fancy piece of paper, has usefull skills and real services.
Ahhhhh... People who think like this are why the Peter Principal exists...
I hate my bitch husband.
JFC what a sociopath.
what's standing in the way of MY ability to be content without conventional markers of accomplishment?
Great question, I'd guess it is the terror our culture and economy instills in people, and the idea that your primary worth as a person is as a financial investment.
I wonder if people are misinterpreting her post, and think you’ve highlighted the real meat here. It sounds like she’s reflecting on what’s broken with her approach that stops her from being happy without these accomplishments.
I don't know if I'd think differently of someone for it, but I'd certainly think differently of someone for posting about it on LinkedIn.
... is this not supposed to be self introspection about how her implied women (anyone really) feel like they need to work harder or have clear tangible adult gold stickers to not hate themselves?
This feels like a stretch for a sub that's supposed to try to blast crazy people.
Yeah, but publically sharing her husband's "lack of accomplishments" is a tone deaf way of making her point. Some things are better saved for your therapist...
That's how I read it too. She specifically wonders why she can't be content without those things.
She might’ve intentionally written it with a “had us in the first half” hook, but she’s clearly not putting him on blast and is instead asking why she can’t be more like him (my hot take from reading this one post: it’s a mix of her own personality and feeling the need to have accomplishments to combat both imposter syndrome from changing careers and the misogyny exemplified in so many of these comments). Reading comprehension is lacking for a lot of commenters on this post.
Exactly. This thread seems to be giant whoosh.
None of the things she’s listed equate to actually doing a good job or being productive, it’s all just stuff for putting on a CV.
Nobody ever went to their deathbed wishing for more certifications.
Well, my grandpa sure wished he'd got his swimming cert while he drowned.
This is satire.... I hope...
She's a mentor..I doubt she's ever actually done any cybersecurity work other then read about it, and tell others how she's read about it and how to go about reading the same things she does.
I doubt she’s ever actually done any cybersecurity work
Given that she thinks this post deserved two hashtags about it, I doubt she actually knows what cybersecurity work is beyond what she needed to memorize to pass some cert exams.
That's what I was trying to say. Ty
I'm really sorry, but "Stacey Champagne" sounds like the stage name of a porn star. 💀
Oh in THAT case I could collect certificates like flowers too.
There is a sketch in Poland about freudian slips. Two guys are talking in a bar about them, one tells a story of him dancing in a club, seeing an attractive blonde, approaching her, wanting to say "can I have this dance?" but instead saying "can I have this breast?", getting slapped and wasting his "chance". So the other, married dude goes "oh yeah I know that feel, I wanted to ask my wife to pass the salt but I thought about other things and instead I said 'you old whore you wasted 30 years of my life'".
It feels to me like the dude will have a similar freudian slip at some time of his life.
I edited the title from Woman to Cybersecurity Founder and CEO since the focus should really be more on judging the marriage than the gender of the person judging.
Sorry.
It really seems like you haven't actually read the whole thing...
I did, but I feel the pathology is more specific than an entire gender.
Ugh. She sounds exhausting to be around.
What a toxic biznitch. Kick her butt to the curb and start over.
Stacey Champagne is a former graphic designer and experienced cybersecurity leader for globally admired companies. She is passionate about revolutionizing the way an entire industry is crafted while advocating for more equitable opportunities for women. The security of our society depends on it.
looking at https://www.hackerinheels.com i'm glad that she quit graphic design
Nightmare blunt rotation
I bet that person's company has a huge surface area that looks like Swiss cheese.
This is the type of marketing usually reserved for onlyfans contractors.
Certifications are bullshit pieces of paper anyways, your experience is what matters. Anybody can cram study for a certification and not really know shit about it
I have a Linux+ cert, my "study" involved skimming the book once and then waiting for test day. I have a Cloud cert, same thing (I can't even remember which one lmao)
I took the ISC2 CC cert last year for the sole purpose being it renewed Linux+, I didn't study at all, I didn't even think about it after registration until test day and passed it easily lmao
She sounds insufferable
What a beyotch
The answer is patriarchy and if you think this is her trashing him instead society pressuring her, then check your privilege.
Correct. Sadly, conversations about gender inequality is beyond the grasp of most on Lemmy.
Fuck off lmao
You used the bad p words: patriarchy and privilege. How dare you?!
