Yeah I’m terrible at normal mundane activities, god forbid paper work or writing a report. But when there is a fire, I turn into Superman. It’s weird. It’s like the chaos fuels me.
I've put in 60 or 70 hours of work this week. Productive. I'm a software engineer. In my normal 40 hour week there's at least one day where I do nothing and then the other days have 2-3 productive hours.
Why? Because the project is falling behind and this one is being led by our CEO. We have like 20 employees. I save his ass, I'll probably get a raise out of it.
AuDHD here. I got put on Buspar for anxiety once. It worked amazingly well at getting rid of anxiety. Unfortunately, I learned that anxiety was the only way I accomplished anything meaningful. I would have to be anxious that I would disappoint someone or something would result in terrible outcomes if I didn't do it. When the Buspar got rid of anxiety, I lost my drive to accomplish anything. I remember telling the doc, "I don't feel like doing anything. I just sit there." So, I was taken off of it.
My personal psychological intervention for ADHD was military training instilling discipline and increasing anxiety to illicit the military discipline to avoid doom. In other words, I accomplished everything meaningful by pretending I was in war. Accomplishments weren't accomplishments to celebrate. They were avoidance of harm to feel relieved by. A life full of fear rather than pleasure and pride.
omg I can't believe I just figured that out rn lol 😆
that's the only way I ever submitted anything in college lmao
wait what do you mean I'm now suffering from permanent burnout and near adrenal exhaustion and inability to execute on any of my hobbies anymore? No that clearly just means I need more caffeine and to work harder because I'm lazy
Its crazy too becauae I am almost never stressed until SUDDENLY I AM, GOD FUCK I AM SO STRESSED WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HOW DID I LET THIS GO UNNOTICED FUCK
I'm pretty sure my baseline cortisol levels could kill a small animal. And probably shortened my lifespan by a few years.
My AuDHD is flavored by several varieties of anxiety and crippling depression, the former undiagnosed for most of my life and the latter two only being treated sporadically. I've had my episodes of shining in times of chaos (usually at work) but my brain's go-to response is freeze.
I feel like my adhd is the reason for my extreme stress? I'm inattentive as fuck, which is very fucking stupid because the ptsd symptom I can't turn off is hyperawareness. I'm always noticing everything, but trying to keep track of it long enough to put into context is a struggle. Life those two symptoms are at odds and making each other worse?
Super interesting. I've actually found i thrive best with 3-4 simultaneous contract jobs instead of just one, because I otherwise have too much time to wander or get distracted, versus just staying heads down and working.
Thought it was just me, but seems like it isn't, which is nice.
Amazing about the comments is that while a majority seems to "deliver" when the pressure is on, they split 50/50 on whether they feel great during it or suffer greatly, no middle ground.
I'm definitely in the 2nd group. I can get it done if the alternative has horrifying consequences, but it's not a good feeling.
Maybe two things are mixed up, though. One is like a thing where not doing it is horrible, such as vet appointment for the pet, crucial last deadline at work, kid's birthday party. The other is like working in a high stress environment, like a project where everything is on fire and under pressure, it's not about our condition, or an emergency situation like a sinking ship.
I, personally, suffer greatly in the former, but less than the average person in the latter.
I have an autism and anxiety diagnosis, but people often assume I have adhd. I say that to say that when shit hits the fan, folks tend to look to look to me, both in my professional and personal life. Maybe this is why I "love" the kitchen environment, especially when nothing is prepped and the tickets are hitting the floor. I'm in management now, and I keep being told to stop, but I'm still in the trenches all the time.