I mostly improv blues or stuff like Rob Martino (no idea what this genre would be called) on the guitar. With drums, I play along to any type of rock.
Asking people online if your partner is gaslighting you is serious concern for your situation, whether her behaviors were actually gaslighting or not. Your intuition is telling you something is wayyyyy off. Also, that you had to ask us and not close friends, family, or her herself is another major red flag. Either you are socially isolated and have no one to ask or you are protecting her reputation because you know that those behaviors would be judged quite poorly by people that care about you.
As someone that has dated something like that before, I know my words will not mean much to you. You will undoubtedly rationalize her behavior as her being justifiably triggered, reacting to childhood trauma, making a good point, cute because that's how she communicates love, etc. Regardless, make a note of what everyone here is telling you. Her behaviors were not acceptable at all. There is no justification for them, and that you said it was the usual is troubling.
The best anyone can do for you now is be a voice of reason and direct you to learn about psychological and emotional abuse so you can see it and decide for yourself. Here are 2 resources that I found helpful when I was in your situation:
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Save Your Sanity is a series of videos/podcasts on being in a relationship with difficult people. She has all sorts of topics that are relevant, including how to spot gaslighting.
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The other is the book Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist by Ramani Durvasula. I like this one in particular because it has a questionnaire in it you can take to help you notice of you're in a toxic relationship. Taking that questionnaire was the catalyst that started my escape. Check it out and be truthful. If she's okay and this was just a unique experience, then there is nothing to worry about and the book will help you confirm that.
I highly recommend that you don't tell you partner you are looking into this. Ask anyone that's been in an abusive relationship. Shoot, make another AskLemmy post asking this. Telling a potential abuser/narcissist/manipulator that you are on to them is a HUGE mistake. Instead, look into it on your own during your free time. If she accidentally catches you, say you ran into this online and it seemed interesting. A healthy partner won't even think about it anymore. If she starts with an interrogation, gets upset, or suddenly becomes the best girlfriend ever, that's manipulation.
Certainly, she will commit more odd and questionable behaviors in the future. I urge you to maintain a secret log of her behaviors so that you can stay sane and notice. Please feel free to reach out. Don't stay isolated. You can make another post, and you can even contact me directly via Matrix (see my profile). Good luck!
It's true that the place may be dangerous. However, if it were, (1) you'd think OP would have known that already and not made the mistake of letting her walk in alone, and (2) she didn't have to start with the absurd questioning in the middle of the night. She could have waited for a time when both of them were more mentally available.
I've been in dangerous cities and situations. You either address issues in the moment or if it's no longer an immediate issue, whenever it's a good time. They sleep in separate rooms, yet was standing over him in the kiddle of the night, then once he woke up, she started with an angry guilt trip disguised as fear. That was 100% her punishing him so that he wouldn't ever not make her the priority at all times again.
I forgot about people in the 90s selling out! That was so prominent at the time among artists.
What are some good ways to find musician friends?
I play guitar and drums. I want to find friends to play with, but I'm not connected into any music circles. Currently, my social circle is only salsa and bachata dancers. Any ideas how I can find others?
ps - I'm pretty socially anxious and autistic, so making friends takes me extra effort and time.
plus, he's definitely taking an adhd stimulant since Fox News et al. has been accusing Biden of doing that.
So the new President just picks whomever they want to be Vice President? It doesn't automatically become the Speaker of the House? Also, is there a confirmation process that the VP nominee has to complete similar to Supreme Court Justices?
That sounds sooo concerning. There are prison guards that have a fetish for sexual violence, look at violent porn while at work, and they still get to keep that job. Not saying they should be punished, but that person should in jo way be allowed to have power and control over vulnerable people that have jo voice or freedom of movement. Not only that, but that is the guy that was caught. There are surely more that are going undetected.
Being placed in prison is one of the worst things that can happen to someone. Not because of the restrictions on freedom, but because the things that happen to them. They are treated with complete disrespect, exploited for practically free labor, exploited by companies that have monopolies on services (e.g. telephone, food, etc.), abused by guards, sexually assaulted, violently assaulted, and sometimes killed. If you speak up, no one believes you and you're almost certain to face revenge. Then once you get out, everyone treats you like a piece of shit.
Of course there is recidivism. Society treats people like savages with no possibility for escape, so what other options do they have?
I bet they already have the conspiracy theories prepped for when Trump dies. It would be interesting for someone to make a Reddit post asking for MAGA to share their theories that someone is trying to terminate Trump, so that when he eventually passes from natural causes, we could pull that up as relevant info to see why no one did anything beforehand to prevent the attempt or if the conspiracy that emerges wasn't stated before it happened.
I would start watching Fox News just to get the petty sense of revenge from watching them shit bricks over an all PoC cabinet.
If you don't mind, can you give a general sense of the fucked up stuff people were accessing? Maybe place behind a clearly labeled spoiler tag so users can decide to view or not.
What happens if Biden dies before the next inauguration (see inside)?
What happens to the election if Biden dies before it?
- With considerable time til the election
- Not enough time to change the election
Assuming Biden wins on election day, what is the procedure at various stages throughout the election if Biden dies?
- After election day but before votes are counted
- Votes counted but not certified by Congress
- Certified but not inaugurated
- Any other stages I've missed
Am American. Can someone explain the meaning of the departure and destination cities?
AuDHD Social Weekend
I love validating videos like this because it helps me feel less alone and "bad" 😋🤪
I'd also be sad if my air conditioner was gone. Does that mean I love my air conditioner?
What is love?
Cross-posting here from lemmy.world because I'm autistic and this might be an autistic thing. It think it would be helpful to hear how other autistic people make sense of this since we seem to think alike. Also, does any here have this same issue with being confused by the term?
> inb4 "Baby, don't hurt me." > > But for real...what do people mean when they say "I love you," or "Do you love them?" I'm really confused by this because love seems to have such a varying definition. People say love for all sorts of things, and it seems like everyone else understands which definition they're using in the moment. Here are some examples in which each one has a different meaning: > * I love pancakes. > * I love my mother. > * I love my romantic partner. > * I love my best friend. > * I love my career. > * I love going to the beach. > * My dog loves me. > * That couple is in love. > * Where is the love? > > Background: I recently saw an episode of a show (spoiler below) where there was an adolescent heterosexual couple. The girl had a female best friend that she kissed, and is now confused about what she wants. She told her boyfriend about it. The boyfriend then asked her, "Do you love her?" What is he asking? If love means attachment and care, then clearly she does because that's her best friend. However, since that is so clear, he's not asking that. What is he asking?? > > Another specification is when people ask "Do you love them, or are you in love with them?" > > I am confused by this term and the whole concept in general. I think I could really use some clarification, examples, or how to know which definition someone is going with when they use it. > > > ::: spoiler Name of show > The show is Atypical on Netflix. > ::: >
What is love?
inb4 "Baby, don't hurt me."
But for real...what do people mean when they say "I love you," or "Do you love them?" I'm really confused by this because love seems to have such a varying definition. People say love for all sorts of things, and it seems like everyone else understands which definition they're using in the moment. Here are some examples in which each one has a different meaning:
- I love pancakes.
- I love my mother.
- I love my romantic partner.
- I love my best friend.
- I love my career.
- I love going to the beach.
- My dog loves me.
- That couple is in love.
- Where is the love?
Background: I recently saw an episode of a show (spoiler below) where there was an adolescent heterosexual couple. The girl had a female best friend that she kissed, and is now confused about what she wants. She told her boyfriend about it. The boyfriend then asked her, "Do you love her?" What is he asking? If love means attachment and care, then clearly she does because that's her best friend. However, since that is so clear, he's not asking that. What is he asking??
Another specification is when people ask "Do you love them, or are you in love with them?"
I am confused by this term and the whole concept in general. I think I could really use some clarification, examples, or how to know which definition someone is going with when they use it.
Name of show
The show is Atypical on Netflix.
How can I get into the sailing scene?
I live in Florida and am interested into meeting people that sail with the intent to be a hand on a sailboat for the experience and training. I know nothing about sailing nor do I know anyone that is into it. How can I get into the scene to meet people and feel things out?
Having to go to an unexpected meeting really messes with the flow of your whole day.
cross-posted from: https://discuss.tchncs.de/post/17832746
What's the deal with anime?
Anime is pretty popular among autistic people. However, aside from being obsessed with Voltron as a kid, I never got into it. I'm wondering what I'm missing.
New Community: Ask Autistic People
A community for anyone to ask autistic people questions: non-autistic people to learn about the autistic experience and autistic people to get information or validation from their peers.
New Community: Ausome Videos
A community for sharing videos that may be appreciated by autistic people, not necessarily autism-related.
Sam calls out Olive Garden on Their Lie
I love this Sam character in Atypical. He's like my soul twin.
[JTA] Every single political and economic model established is a set of rules for selfish people to abuse
I need to get this out of my system.
Marx was right. "The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles." But he didnt incorporate the interaction between individuals and society. Selfish individuals will dedicate their efforts into finding a way to play the system to their advantage at the expense of everyone else. It is as certain as death. Feudalism, capitalism, slavery, fascism, communism with a vanguard party, etc is all the same with different names. There are the people that exploit and the exploited.
Actual revolution is not political. It is universally cultural and has no boundaries or nationality. Until we as a species integrate the moral value that hoarding wealth and power is unjust like murder, we will continue to cycle through social political systems and charismatic pseudo-revolutionary leaders, repeating the same process with different names. True revolution has no leader because true revolution is incompatible with leaders. Once we establish that as an absolute must, then no matter the rationalization given by anyone (private property to control obscene amounts of wealth and means of production, freedom of speech to promote hate, free market to allow corruption, etc.), no one would tolerate it.
At the individual level, we need to understand that the well-documented psychopathic-narcissistic pattern of abuse is the issue. Notice it and take steps to prevent that from taking control. No divide and conquer. No blaming or scapegoating. No populist love-bombing and future faking. No victimizing. No shame. No revenge. No flying monkeys doing the bidding of the unwell abuser. No idealization of anyone. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. No one is perfect. There aren't winners and losers. There is no hierarchy. These are all made up to exploit, be it an abused partner or social class. Only equality, reciprocity, mutuality, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, freedom, and independence of thought. In one word love.
Man, I'm on some BS today.
Disclaimer: This is solely my opinion. It's been bouncing around in my head for a while and needed to come out. I really hope this doesn't turn into a [poop]storm. Please be kind with me and each other.
Some kid near my house got the state to put up a cool sign
Image: Photo of an official yellow diamond traffic sign that reads "CHILD WITH AUTISM"
Why was the American federal corrections system harder to escape compared to Colombia's?
This is based off of my conclusions from watching Narcos. The narcotraffickers in Colombia were terrified of being extradited to the US because they knew they would never be able to break out of prison, whereas they were certain that they could strong arm their way out of any Colombian corrections facilities. Their methods in Colombia were to either use political corruption or intimidate corrections officers with severe consequences.
Why did the narcos believe that they would not have been able to use those methods in the US? Basically, I'm trying to understand why the US corrections system is seemingly more secure and capable of maintaining drug traffickers in custody compared to Colombia.
New Community: Penguin Pebbles
This is a community to share pictures of nice or interesting things you happen to find in your daily life that you would like to share.