Friendly reminder to be noncredible. Don't actually attack other people for their religious beliefs. If you don't have a funny take, and you're just here to spread hate, maybe shut the fuck up instead đź‘Ť
green man
now this is podracing!
Last I checked the LDS have actual industrial arms manufacturering capacity.
This is the real answer, there are soooo many Mormon gun companies and defense contractors it's fucking wild.
A not insignificant one at that.
You must have your years supply of food and ammo just like the prophet told us…
The Amish might be more self reliant for the long haul. Keep growing veggies and chickens and you can outlast the Mormons during an insurgency.
And a fair amount of them own an AR-15
And we all know how well it went the last time a massive industrialized army took on a bunch of peasants on bikes.
Mormons. They already have an army of ~70k extremely impressionable 18-20 year olds (missionaries) hopped up on dirty sodas and sexual repression ready to do whatever for their prophet in the name of god.
Source: was Mormon, was missionary, still live in Utah. lol
Homie could you imagine Amish Guerrilla Warfare? Those dudes are so down to earth you'd think it was straight up the earth that attacked you. They dont even need GPS to know where they are. Mormons are gonna need some huge advantage other than their thug stratagem to beat the Amish Will.
Quite honestly, I think the Amish would find a lot of collaborators. As a former Mormon, I'd be happy to help the Amish out in some way.
Images going to bed in an Mormon military base and waking up that, surprise, the Amish build a prison camp around you during the night
…surprise, the Amish build a prison camp around you during the night
Just a modest shed, really…
They dont even need GPS to know where they are.
Inhales
The Amish knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is greater)...
Yeah this map is basically USA vs Vietnam
In the first week, the Mormon airforce rises into the air and starts a carpet bombing campaign.
Seemingly, the Amish are destroyed as there are no signs of fighting back. The Mormon missionaries move in to pacify the newly conquered territory. But all the towns are dead and empty.
After two weeks of raising the Mormon flags everywhere, the top brass gets a notice: several Amish towns have sprung up in the hinterlands. Quickly the Mormon army rushes in but all they find are desolated settlements.
General after general gets burn-out from this game of whack-a-mole. The Mormons want a fight but the pacifist Amish aren't playing along. The Mormon youth gets dissatisfied with their rulers who called then into a war and are not delivering.
On the other side of the curtain, the Amish are not allowed to fight back. They simply leave their homes and rebuild somewhere else, especially in places the Mormon army just left. But some amongst them are of the opinion that, although fighting is strictly prohibited, a few accident should be within the rules.
So the numbers of unexplained explosions in the Mormon homeland start to rise. It's just the beginning, but the methane tanks on the Amish dairy farms overfloweth.
A Mormon officer suggests arming local cheese lords to get a hold of the situation. Wherever have we seen that before?
Hail the local cheese lords! Welcome to CHEEZDOME
My only proposed time dit: Due to their uncanny ability to construct elaborate building in a single day, the Amish continue constructing full barns and houses at each site.
It's one of the rare examples that's almost the opposite of a population heat map.
<serious>
Mormons. And it's over in a week, tops.
Mormons are really into guns on the whole. There's an entire fundie Mormon clan (the Kingstons) that own Desert Tech, an arms manufacturer. Mormons in general have a very high rate of enlistment in military services, while the Amish are pacifists and opposed to any form of modern technology. And don't forget that you have the Deseret Nationalists that are quite willing to murder for their religion.
Desert Tech
If the momos make DT rifles their standard issue, the Amish will win.
Mormons lose big, and here's why.
Those damn bright white shirts. Easy targets.
No way you can miss them, even on the smokiest battlefield.
The Amish blend into the background better.
The problem is, in order to actually hit a target, you need to shoot. Amish don't shoot.
That's what they want you to think!
I think I gotta hand it to the Amish on this one. I’ve seen how quickly they can build a barn. Imagine how quickly they could fortify a front. The Mormons just don’t have that capability. Not to mention the Mormon limited selection of hot drinks to drink on the cold bitter front. It would make it far more difficult to fight that war.
Now I want to see the Amish and the Romans trying to out-build each other on a battlefield.
Amish 100% because most sects allow for machinery in construction so long as it's not on the property is necessary and proceeds benefit the community. You'll see Amish construction workers doing wheelies in skid steers off property.
Plus I don't really think many people know about or separate mennonites from Amish and that they're allowed most forms of technology but dress similarly and live in similar dwellings in similar settings.
The Mormon Church has historical experience in low-intensity conflict, has members surprisingly embedded in diplomatic circles, has experience in power projection, and is fucking rich.
Mormons aren't just going to be soaking, but soaking in Amish blood.
Lolll soaking.
Spot on though. The Mormon church has connections and infinite money, rivaling the Catholic Church in terms of wealth (and only increasing by the year). Their current estimated value is over 200 billion, in real estate, land, and investments. They own significant holdings in farmland all over the country including 1% of the entire landmass of Florida.
Historically speaking, the church already went to war against the United States, and attempted to assassinate a governor (unsuccessfully). 1800's Mormons were nuts.
Obligatory note - I grew up Mormon. I don't recommend joining the church. Their beliefs are objectively incorrect and oftentimes harmful. They have a cool history though.
Gonna be like the Vietnam War. High tech powerful army vs low tech actually competent guerrillas. Amish gonna win.
Now I wanna see a horse drawn buggy that goes BRRRRRRRTTT
Making the Ukrainians proud.
The Mormons have $182 billion in investments (that excludes operating assets). Just their stocks/mutual funds/etc. exceed $50 billion.
They could buy 14 aircraft carriers or 1,776 F-35s.
BREAKING NEWS: The Mormon Mountain Coalition has airdropped over a dozen aircraft carriers into the middle of Pennsylvania farmlands. The Amish Agrarian Alliance vows retaliation
They also have control over a state and probably its national guardsorry, too credible
The mor(m)ons would.
They use technology, and have an insanely huge bankroll.
didn't the amish already win, and that's why the mormons had to leave and go out west?
I know not how we will fight WW3, but WW4 will be fought with magic underwear and beards with no mustache.
The Battle of Hyrums.
The Amish are pacifists and the Mormons have been involved in several wars so my bet is on the Mormons.
I'd fight alongside the Amish because they make nice ass furniture. I'll control the drones while they reload their muskets.
After the trade embargo, the mormans will run out of furniture. They'll have no tables to eat from, no chairs to sit on, no beds to sleep on. After a month the mormans will be exhausted and starving and ready to topple over with a single flick.
Ready to topple over with a single flick, unlike a fine Amish bench. No cushions, please, there's a war on!
You haven't seen the deep stores of folding tables and chairs that they have in the cultural halls (aka gymnasiums) at their local wards and stake centers. They have ten high-quality steel folding chairs for every member that shows up each week.
I don't think Mormons have shunned tech, have they? So Mormons.
Also
Regions with significant populations United States 6,868,793[2] Mexico 1,516,406[3] Brazil 1,494,571[4] Philippines 867,271[5] Peru 637,180[6] Chile 607,583[7] Argentina 481,518[8] Guatemala 290,068[9]
I had no idea it was so prevalent outside of the US.
and what, only 600,000 allowed into heaven?
Mormons hands down, they're more strapped than you think and have no compunction against modern weapons whereas afaik the amish probably stop somewhere before the 1900s. Plus they could maybe convert some of the Amish (wololo), they're good at that and the Amish don't bother.
The Amish are strict pacifists (except in regards to domestic violence) so they can’t even have a sword
Yeah they'd get smoked in less than a week lol. TIL
I’ll take the Amish, they’re humanity’s insurance policy.
Amish in a sweep, their toughness outweighs mormon tech advantages and let's not forget their Mennonite buddies.
Fuck can they run, once
Anyone got $7? This question is actually testable.
If the Amish can somehow detonate a large enough EMP, they’re in with a chance.
I had to look up the motivation for their beliefs, and now I know a touch more about the Amish.
It's not about avoiding technology, it's about avoiding undesired influences on their culture.
As such, I think that a non-violent (they're a pacifist order) but entirely crippling tool to anyone with a dependence on technology would be perfectly acceptable.
Many orders accept batteries but not connection to the power grid. I have to believe that would extend to capacitor banks, particularly since capacitors predate when the Amish started to eschew technology and not just outsiders.
So it's gonna be a race to get people into town to buy every super capacitor from every store they can get to, and then get them charging from the windmills.
The Mormons will easily show up before they finish, but with any luck the mutual "hey, hello! Welcome!" picnic and potluck, sharing of hot dishes, and general friendly meet and greet will go on long enough to charge the device and render modern technology obsolete for thousands of miles around them.
The Mormons have a culture of anthropological scholarship, a byproduct of their missionary programme and (to a lesser extent) of disproportionately many Mormons working as intelligence analysts. As such, it’s not implausible that they might see through such a ruse.
It may do the Amish well to start quietly hoarding supercapacitors as soon as Amish-Mormon relations start souring. Or even before: one could make a case for a preprepared EMP bomb being the Amish equivalent of a nuclear deterrent against any potential aggressors.
Mormons, it will be a short war but a long and bloody flight, and some Amish resistance cells will operate for decades after
If bloodlusted, Amish easily. They're tougher than the nails they're holding their barns up with, and not prone to complaining. In reality though, they're big softies. They won't even participate in haggling unless a deal is hurting them. Watching my mom haggle with an Amish dude for dog studding service is easily the most cringe moment of my life. I had to make her greedy ass stop!
I buy my black locust/larch for raised beds from Amish/Mennonites (Fort Plain/Fonda area upstate NY) and it's so cheap when i round up to "tip" they are almost offended and very confused. It's hilarious to me and i hope they understand but I'm gonna tip them and there's nothing they can do about it.
They really deserve better than they're asking for. Amish are generally really good people.
Mormons would unleash their MLM army against the Amish and try to bankrupt them.
This is the most accurate and funniest take here! An army of wellness advocates will descend on the Amish and unleash a flood of irresistible essential oils
Oh, but the vanity!
Now, we don't want to be vain, do we, Agnes?
Depends, can the Amish get the support of the states with former Mormon bounty laws? That would be a wild mercenary third party
Mormons, no question. Unlike the Amish they believe in using technology, and as a bonus, some of the best city planning in America is in Utah
The Mormons control all the salt because Utah. Salt is vitally important in off grid homesteading or something. They've already won.
the amish have a mafia. and reliable post apoc transport.
The mormons won't know what hit them.
A deeply religious people who control all the salt? Triangle Strategy intensifies.
Armish, because of their fancy hats.
UTAHvid-19 vs. OH1o-N1
If adirondacks could be weaponized, the Amish would already rule the world
Mormon for sure. They have the US air force
I heard Mormons are also known as LSD cuz they use so much. Amish going to wipe the floor with them.
Also the Amish have horses
Amish are literally pacifist. Mormons aren't. I've never even saw an Anabaptist who owns a gun, they slaughter animals old style, sharp knife.
I doubt assault rifles are acceptable technology for the Amish too.
I wouldn't put it past the Mormon army to use nukes, but I doubt they need to, and the population density of Amish isn't going to give us the megadeaths we want from nukes anyway
My money's still on the Mormons in a conventional fight, especially as the Amish (as you said) are opposed to fighting anyway
The Mormons even have a nascent arms industry. A bunch of up and coming gun and silencer companies come out of Utah and Idaho.
Finally, the Mormon church has literally 100 billion dollars, impassable mountains with simple chokepoints, trained veterans with combat experience, and zero issues with using the latest technologies.
I would go for Mormons. It looks like they have a high amount of troops which are relatively close by. This means that you can mobilize big parts of your Army and simply Overrun the first Libes of the Amish defended quite quickly. The Amish troops are quite spread out so help would probably come to late.
The amish have a Weird Al song and clip. Easy win for them.
We need an epic orchestral version of Amish Paradise like what you'd hear in a trailer!
Not entirely sure who would win, but from this map I can see they both clearly hate ocean water/coasts. Mormons seem to be slightly more accepting of it so maybe that gives them an advantage. Adaptation is key to success!
