Thousands of people are reportedly lining up to have a portion of their skull removed and one of Elon Musk's brain chips implanted
Thousands of people are reportedly lining up to have a portion of their skull removed and one of Elon Musk's brain chips implanted
"We can't blow up the first three. That's not an option here," Shivon Zilis, the Neuralink director, told Elon Musk's biographer.
Earlier this year, the US Food and Drug Administration gave Neuralink, which Musk cofounded in 2016, approval to launch human trials of its device that Musk has described as a "Fitbit in your skull." The FDA had previously rejected Neuralink's bid for human testing in March over safety concerns, Reuters reported, including that the wires connected to the brain chip could move within a subject's head or that the chip could overheat.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
Neuralink said in a blog post that it was looking for people who had paralysis in all four limbs because of a spinal-cord injury or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, these people are willing to take a risk in order to overcome difficult conditions, and that should be allowed. On the other hand, it feels like Neuralink is preying on their hopes.
If the company figurehead wasn't a libertarian billionaire edgelord, I might look past that second hand. No chance of that, though. He's going to kill people, and then he's going to retweet memes about it.
I admit, under the right circumstances, cybernetic enhancements could be cool.
Anything connected in any way with Elon Musk is emphatically not the right circumstances, of course.
We're dumb animals, not much different from other dumb animals.
If squirrels had news media, they could have a story that says, "Thousands of squirrels are lining up to try to cross busy streets in front of cars."
And some number of squirrels would read that and think, "What the hell is wrong with them?"
At least crossing the street gives them a chance of getting to the acorns. This achieves nothing.
This is very funny.
I mean, if I couldn't communicate with the outside world or have use of my limbs I would take any risk to regain that functionality. This could have a real shot of giving people with terrible conditions a better quality of life.
Lots of stuff.
"Think about how dumb the average person is. Now, realize that half of them are dumber than that."
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- George Carlin
*the median person
Yes, but that wasn't the quote.
Median is a kind of average, like mean and mode.
I don't think there's a better response than this.
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Even if it was safe “Fitbit in your skull” sounds awful
“Please track my thoughts and sell the data, daddy Elon!” - the people lining up for this probably
With that chip they won't need to sell your data, they sell you as entity. And if emperor Elon says clap, then you'll clap your hands.
And then there's the ads...
Yeah eventually they’ll come
Futurama being ahead of its time
gotta get my STEPS bro
This reminds me of that corporate quest in Starfield where you learn what they were doing at the clinic. Surreal...
As I said in another thread about nLink:
Anyone getting this shit will die just like every single fucking monkey test subject. If they don’t die, their suffering will be unbearable
https://www.wired.com/story/elon-musk-pcrm-neuralink-monkey-deaths/
Go on Elon, show us how it’s done and take the first one
Dad got his brain chip in 2010. Worked great. Had nothing to do with neuralink. They've been doing these implants safely for at least that long. The fact that musk can't keep monkeys alive says a lot about the fact that neuralink isn't ready.
To be fair, everyone who doesn't get one will die too
🎵Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffet, amateurs can fuckin’ suck it; fuck their wives, drink their blood 🎵
Come on Jeff, get em!
AAHHHHHHHH
Bro I hate that this song lives rent free in my head. FUCK Bezos but GOD it’s such a bop, I’ll always listen again when it comes up so I can listen again. Time to watch Inside again
I love seeing Bo in the wild
Love that they're calling it a Fitbit in your skull. Cause Fitbit is currently dying and removing support. Imagine getting a skull implant that stops getting support and updates after a year, and you now have a useless device in your brain
This would be a cool Tom Scott dystopia because he definetly read that already
you now have a useless device in your brain
I think that if you are one of the first to volunteer for this, then you probably wouldn't notice.
Imagine a new model coming out a month later.
"Your trial subscription to module: 'breathing' will end in 30 days. If you'd like to continue your subscription please accept the new terms and conditions and link your payment method using the following link."
P.s. I know neuralink cannot do this... Yet
This is like self-solving problem then?
This timeline sucks.
Just wait until everyone's required to get one of these as a condition of employment for most jobs. By the time enough people get pissed off enough about it to try to do something, it'll be too late.
Drug free workplace act? That's old news how about a free will-free workplace.
Oh ffs no near timeline is going to require literal brain surgery for a condition of employment. Why the hell would they want you to be able to look at porn while you work?
This is some anti-vax level bullshit.
tf is my skull gonna do with a fitbit?
It's useful for keeping track of your mental gymnastics.
Brilliant. Purchasing now.
I'm sure Musk won't randomly disable any features remotely.
Yeah. Or at least only the ones that use microservices. So... No worries...?
Elon Musk has an excellent track record for remote disabled features.
I would guess, and this is completely a guess, these are Elon fans who think that the vaccines were dangerous and had microchips in them.
He’s done wonders with Twitter/Tesla/spacex, I don’t see how he could foul this up
And that Hyperloop is the only way to travel.
I knew I forgot a revolutionary achievement. Thank you.
SpaceX is doing fine, I have read that they don't let him mess it up
Everyone needs to read about the poor monkeys in these trials.
Horrific.
I'm happy they've moved on from testing on unwilling monkeys, to willing humans.
Yeah, that shit's how you end up with planet of the apes
It does not surprise me that muskrats would sign up for this. Theyre basically brainwashed anyway so a chip wouldnt really change much.
No way in hell would I do that. I can't think of a worse technology to be an earlier adopter on.
We... at least I learnt about this in school. Its called natural selection.
Fuck him, and fuck that.
Welcome, to the latest episode of Evolution In Action!
Today’s contestants will attempt to survive having foreign objects inserted into their braincases!
But first, a word from our sponsors.
Hooo boii. I just cannot wait till we can't sleep because Muskrat keeps appearing in our dreams, trying to convince us that he is a cool memer.
Just make sure you wear lead pajamas and you'll be ok.
Musk makes it sound like he is the only person with a company investing in this, even though.
One example is Synchron that already beat him to human trials two years ago
Ah, natural selection. I don't wish death upon any of these people, but I certainly won't be surprised when they start dropping like flies (or the countless monkeys in the trials).
In other words, the implants will make people go ape shit.
I'd be in line myself of it wasn't for a few key things.
Successful trials
Elon's history on fucking with shit for his own entertainment and/or personal gain
You know this will be connected to the internet to work
I can't wait for basic human functions to be subscription based.
"Your brain chip must call home every three days or neural activity will be haulted"
Imagine you're in the middle of driving somewhere and your brain needs to update
Eh, someday we're going to have safe, powerful cybernetic implants and it'll be because some people were willing to be test subjects. I'm not willing to be a test subject myself but I'm glad that other people are.
We already have what classifies as "cybernetic implants": pacemakers, brain implants to combat parkinson's disease, etc.
We need medical technology to advance. What we don't need is a bird brain (no offense to birds) touting a technology that will bring a solution for a problem that does not exist.
Companies will void your cybereyes subscription because you won't sing "Mountain Dew is for me and you."
This link from the middle of the article was better than the article:
Synchron has already implanted the device in four patients in Australia who have been able to use the brain implant to send messages on WhatsApp and shop online.
Ahh, consumerism at its finest.
I can see 2024 headlines: "Neuralink test subjects try to crash into pedestrians or blow up before reaching space. Workers implanted the wrong chips due to time pressure from the CEO"
AKA thousands of people are so terminally stupid that even such an implant cannot cause any damage to already f-uped brain remains.
If I was paralyzed in all four limbs, I'd be pretty desperate to try a solution like this. Not surprising these people are lining up.
Even then, or even especially then I would be careful not to sacrifice what is still left. Imagine being paralysed and brainbroken. Still technically alive, but now with mental damages, too.
And in the end, you never know what their actual agenda is...
Didn’t realize so many people have already had lobotomies.
Man I'd love to get this if literally anyone else was behind it, I always wanted to be a cyborg.
I would not trust anything that isn't FOSS hardware in this space. Stuff like your phone is one thong, but something that directly connects to your brain? Like, your actual being? Yeah, no, I'd rather keep it as independent and autonomous as possible from the grips of capitalism.
The best part of ShadowRun's dystopian future: the cyberware.
The moment this becomes widespread you know there are going to be people figuring out how to jailbreak the chips. I'm down for the idea of cybernetics but no way would I get any kind of implant even capable of a wireless connection.
Well, there's obviously nothing inside their skulls anyway 😜.
This is how the zombie apocalypse begins.. loads crossbow...
On the bright side even at worst case scenario nothing of value will be lost.
I feel like the overlap of people willing to have a chip inserted in their brain and people willing to wear a MAGA hat is significantly non-zero.
Jokes on them. They could have gotten a free Microsoft 5G chip via the vaccine like I did.
A venn diagram would show they’re all trump supporters as well. 🤣
Let's gooooo, sign me up!!