Lol I can't believe this is real. How terrible must food be in your city for this to be successful? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altoona-style_pizza
While originally topped with Velveeta, Altoona-style pizza is popularly topped with yellow processed cheese known as American cheese. The yellow squares of American cheese are a staple of this dish, used instead of the mozzarella or provolone common to other styles of pizza.
Everything about that paragraph makes me feel ill.
Following the destruction of the hotel in 2013 by fire, other local restaurants began serving Altoona-style pizza
It could have died there, but they had to do this
Mozzarella is nice though, just that it's mentioned makes me feel a bit better. As if the world isn't broken completely.
That passage explains the what , but nothing can explain the why.
Lol, I do eat this type of cheese with grilled cheese... But this application is disgusting.
The most successful businesses in Altoona when I lived there in the early 2010s were drug rehabilitation centers. All the factories closed, and the town is slowly dying.
American cheese on pizza? that's the kind of thing I would do if I'm down to the last two items in the kitchen, and feel too lazy to go shopping, but still would hate it
That's the type of thing you make if you have nothing else in the fridge and you can't go out to get anything else. And you'd keep that shit quiet and never admit to it to anyone.
Like Kenji's smash burgers, "held together with hope and American Cheese"
cook with it? yeah
call it pizza? nope
This is a fucking culinary crime.
there's no excuse for making a bad pizza. It's pizza, it's very hard to do it wrong
Yeah like, just don't call it a pizza and we're good. Call it an "Altooner" or whatever, but don't soil the good reputation of pizza with whatever this creation is.
Altoona melt
Misc toppings on bread dough with some kind of cheese is probably thousands of years old.
If memory serves right a round bread with toppings is semi important in the Aeneid. Which assuming it isnt based off of older traditions means its at least 2000 years old, though I dont know if Virgil was pulling from older shit so I cant say for certain. Also I dont know if cheese was in Italy by that point.
The only people who say this are people who have never had good pizza before.
The "iT's PiZzA, sO iT's GoOd" crowd drive me nuts. You would probably put ketchup and Velveeta on a Ritz cracker and call it a pizza. Have some standards, my dude.
I do have standards. It's easy to make good pizza, you'd have to be an idiot with zero culinary skills to mess it up
Y'all better be careful or you're going to fall down a rabithold of locally celebrated yet disgusting pizza in PA. It's like a whole thing there.
I knew PA was evil, but I never knew just how horrible.
I am biased being from NJ, but these pizzas vindicate me!
I mean to be clear I'm from altoona and I've never seen pizza like this.
I mean, sandwich bread, tomato sauce, ham and cheese on top, it's not a pizza, it's a microwaved 3am sandwich
Yup. This is a stoner snack.
True that
Not cheese. Kraft fucking singles
Kraft singles are still cheese. They've just been pasteurized and adulterated with sodium citrate.
That actually makes them super useful in making a cheese sauce.
Add a few slices to a queso and it will not break.
You fat. Smooth cheesey sauce that comes out perfect every time.
You can make sodium citrate with lemon juice and baking soda. Lime juice also works. Really any citric acid.
Anyway, you don't need much to make cheese melt smoothly.
When night munchies comes... You don't care about quality of ingredients, anyway it's just a slapstick sandwich and not a pizza, only "crime" they do is calling it pizza and pricing it as such, if it was marketed as cheap slapstick sandwiches on the go, i don't think anyone would have problems with that
This is not pizza.
Not even pineapple could save that.
Every person I've shared Altoona pizza with ironically has ended up unironically liking it, so I don't know anymore. I've never actually had it myself. Maybe this isn't any worse than Hawaiian pizza or cauliflower crust pizza?
At the end of the day though, this is just a regional food - like Cincinnati chili or Chicago hot dog - only after all the good ideas are taken, this was what was left. If they can sell one to everybody passing through Altoona just once, they've made a fair amount of money.
Cincinnati chili is beloved by Cincinnati, though...
Is this town filled with broke stoners or something?
Broke stoners in rural Pennsylvania? Say it ain't so!
Dunno about this particular area of PA, but the areas I am familiar with... the answer is meth.
Hello? I would like to report a crime against humanity.
And they say white people have no culture.
Grand sweeping gesture
No-one ever talks about white on white violence
Are those fucken Kraft singles? That's deplorable and I am disgusted beyond the spiritual realm.
I'm Austrian and I feel betrayed
I'm italian, my day is ruined.
Yeah, it's not a great town
There better be chilli fries under that cheese
Would you like a stroke?
Say what?
Would you like a pizza with a side of stroke hun?
Nah, but can I get it will a double pounder heart attack? And a side of diarrhea? I'm trying to keep my height to weight ratio.
I'm the one to do gross shit like dip a dill pickle in mayonnaise at 3am, and even this looks objectively horrifying to me
Mayon-egg
The American Cheese with Pizza
Honestly this doesn't sound like it would taste all that bad. Thick crust, tomato sauce, green bell pepper, fried salami, and Velveeta cheese? That's gonna be pretty tasty. Calling it pizza might be the biggest issue, maybe something like open faced pepper sandwich would be better.
Stop
I mean, you just described a thick crust hot pocket. Which isn't bad. It ain't good, but it ain't bad.
Pretty much, any combination of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce is edible. The salami is just there for texture
I bet you also think health insurance CEOs are hard working, upstanding members of the community.
that tweet reply is just 👄🤌
It's ok. Our fellow Americans just don't understand the meaning of the word pizza.
-- yurobro
There are appropriate uses of government cheese product. This is absolutely not one of them.
