Baby boomers filled their homes with possessions. Their children are struggling to figure out what to keep — and where to put it all.
Millennials are about to be crushed by all the junk their parents accumulated.
Every time Dale Sperling's mother pops by for her weekly visit, she brings with her a possession she wants to pass on. To Sperling, the drop-offs make it feel as if her mom is "dumping her house into my house." The most recent offload attempt was a collection of silver platters, which Sperling declined.
"Who has time to use silver? You have to actually polish it," she told me. "I'm like, 'Mom, I would really love to take it, but what am I going to do with it?' So she's dejected. She puts it back in her car."
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Sperling's conundrum is familiar to many people with parents facing down their golden years: After they've acquired things for decades, eventually, those things have to go. As the saying goes, you can't take it with you. Many millennials, Gen Xers, and Gen Zers are now facing the question of what to do with their parents' and grandparents' possessions as their loved ones downsize or die. Some boomers are even still managing the process with their parents. The process can be arduous, overwhelming, and painful. It's tough to look your mom in the eye and tell her that you don't want her prized wedding china or that giant brown hutch she keeps it in. For that matter, nobody else wants it, either.
Much has been made of the impending "great wealth transfer" as baby boomers and the Silent Generation pass on a combined $84.4 trillion in wealth to younger generations. Getting less attention is the "great stuff transfer," where everybody has to decipher what to do with the older generations' things.
Part of this seems like it's attributable to changes in lifestyle and material conditions of younger people, relative to their parents. Different aesthetics might mean their parents' stuff looks incredibly gaudy to them, and doesn't go with anything else in their apartment. My parents' home is larger than any place I can reasonably expect to be able to afford, so I also don't want their big dining room table that I'd have to pay for storage on for years before I can afford a space that it will immediately fill all of. Even if it's a nice piece of furniture, that's just a pain in the neck to go through, all for something I might never get to use.
On the topic of collections, boomers just fundamentally ignore key parts of collectibility. First, old collectables only became so valuable precisely because people weren't obsessively hording and caring for everything with the intent of selling it down the line. Old Superman comics are rare and valuable due to people who bought them at the time they first came out largely treating them as disposable. They didn't assume they were anything special that merited being held on to and cared for, so they didn't. When everyone and their dog buys up commemorative plate sets, or Beanie Babies, or whatever other collectable grift boomers fell for, and they take great care of them, they don't generally see their value do anything but decrease. The supply doesn't get significantly reduced, and everyone else can see that they didn't pan out as the collectable investments they were billed as, so who would want them?
That said, even for collections of items of genuine worth, you mostly need to hope that whoever you're looking to give it to is as into whatever hobby as you are. If I were planning on having kids, I think it would be pretty unreasonable to expect them to know what to do with my fountain pen collection, unless they were into them as well. Otherwise, it's just a ton of fussy pens that seem to have a fair number of duplicates that are really only distinguished by knowledge I couldn't expect them to take the time to go gathering. Then, it's still a big pain to actually identify things, make sales listings and sell them off. Hell, I have the knowledge, and even I find it annoying to do so.
Maybe we could address this, in part, by normalizing expanding options a bit for inheritance. If my hypothetical kids aren't going to know how to make heads or tails of my pen collection, but I've got a younger friend who is just as into the hobby as I am, it would be nice if I could just leave them that specific collection, without having to worry it'll kick off some acrimonious squabbling. Failing that, have parents indicate who they trust to sell an item for a fair price if nobody wants it. You can take it and think about it, but if it's just not for you, you've got a trusted source to sell it off for you, so you (hopefully) don't have to go through an ordeal trying to find someone to sell it for you that will give you a fair shake.
Haha jokes on the kid! My grandmother would buy all sorts of crap only use it once then give it to my mom. My mom has it piled away in a store room and when she goes, I'll add it to my hoard collection. (Were not super hoard-y and can still walk and use all my furnature, etc, we just cant bring ourselves to throw away things that work, in case we need or want them one day / possibly sell them as collectables, even though they're worth nothing now...) when I go, the kid will inherent 3 generations of crap. Sucker!
The universal accumulation of stuff in western (& western influenced) societies:
landfills & shit pools instead of remediation & recycling
oil & plastics as a life blood (subsidized by governments)
consumerism over creation
marketing: "corporations will produce better things for us and solutions to our problems" hogwash
I'm given hope, hearing recent art show in California is entirely made from trash.
That said, our inheritance is banks of shit & "trash", oil & plastics centric toxic energy-hole, and a society that subscribes to corporate dependence.
What the article doesn't say is the stuff is all there is - there's no money. Just stuff.
So if you throw it out, your inheiritance is nothing, otherwise you have to be come an online seller which - if you're not already you know why you're not already.
There are multiple whole entire industries dedicated to fleecing such individuals. Health care in the USA for one... Donald Trump's campaign to name another...
My mom has kept everything from my childhood I mean everything. For a few years she was trying to pass some of it off to me and I kept having to turn down a lot of stuff, it made her feel bad. One day I finally managed to have a proper conversation about it with her. I don't remember most of my childhood and things like second grade report cards don't have any context because of it. Those are her memories of me not my memories of me. She finally understood after that and now she keeps what she can and doesn't feel bad about "robbing" me of anything when she does get rid of stuff. Some heirlooms I've been asked about and many of those I accept, or in the case of one larger one I've accepted it "if I ever live somewhere that can fit it"
Personally, I think we should bring back the custom of grave goods. If there's some precious heirloom that holds sentimental significance to a person but isn't otherwise valuable or useful, why not bury it with them?
I'm already thinking about getting some land and making an "indefinite time capsule" for storing a bunch of stuff that I have no use for but that I wouldn't want to see go off to a landfill for sentimental reasons.
I'm thinking more along the lines of future archaeologists. We learn so much about ancient cultures from what they bury with their dead, I figure we should return the favor.
My dad was pre-Boomer (born in 1931), but he just endlessly collected stuff. Thousands of movie soundtracks and classical music albums on both LP and CD. Hundreds of DVDs. Mountains of movie memorabilia and posters. Coins. Stamps. Rare books. Antiques. That's just the major collections. Lots of minor ones- sheet music, British cigarette trading cards, and then there are not just the over 20 books he wrote, but extra copies of them. Most of them are academic texts on film. The rest is stuff like terrible poetry and bad plays that no one is interested in but I can't bring myself to get rid of.
Much of it had value, so I didn't want to just dump it. We did an auction for some of it, garage sales, a flea market stall, I ended up spending about two years selling stuff on eBay, I gave a lot to friends, the CDs eventually just had to go to Goodwill because no one wanted them.
And I'm still stuck with a ton of stuff. A garage full of stuff that I don't want to just toss because someday someone might want an almost life-size ceramic bust of Charlie Chaplin and it feels stupid to just throw it away.
Meanwhile, my also pre-boomer mom (born 1942) has been collecting antique furniture.
I think I'm just going to do an estate sale when she dies.
I have one "collection." 5 bakelite radios and one Weltron Space Ball radio/8-track player. My daughter has my permission to take them to some charity place if she doesn't want them. Preferably not Goodwill or the Salvation Army, but those are the choices you get in this town unfortunately. Nothing else I have is of any real value and I'm fine with that. And having seen what I've already gone through to get rid of all of this stuff, my daughter is too.
Edit: I forgot to say that the stuff I talked about doesn't include all the stuff I said to my brother "just take what you want" about because I really didn't want to argue about it and he was going to fuck off back to Atlanta after the funeral anyway. But he doesn't have any kids and he's 11 years older than me, so I'll probably get all that shit too one day.
When my grandmother (Greatest Generation) died, it took my mom (Boomer), my wife, and I six weeks to go though everything and six days (over 2 weekends) to sell it at estate sales.
She had full house decor for winter, easter, spring, summer, autumn, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She had a giant Rubbermade bin just of tiny porcelain shoes. I've never seen so many candles that had been burned once of twice then put away. At one point my wife screamed because she found an access door in a closet, leading to a smaller closet. and the tiny closed had half a dozen bins full of fake flowers. The house was always pristine and never looked cluttered - she spent decades pulling off one of the better magic tricks I've seen.
My mom majorly downsized a few years later, and just did so again. I think she saw her future and didn't like.
They lived in a different time period. Climate change hadn't already happened yet, and the USA especially was sitting on top of the world, as the rest of it had been if not quite decimated then at least heavily damaged by all the bombing from WWII. And we were a socialist nation! Schools, roads, bridges, a fully functioning post office, and so much more. The top marginal tax rate was ~90% and... well anyway.
So yeah, like the Kings of Old, they accumulated "stuff". It made sense to them at the time. Surely nothing would ever like... "change" or anything like that, would it? And they even okayed the dismantling of things like social security, and maintenance of infrastructure - so long as such did not directly impact themselves, it's all good, right? So long as women also lose bodily autonomy, anything that went along with that is A-okay, r-r-right?!
On the bright side, do younger people have less stress, knowing that they don't have to save up for retirement, bc they'll surely die sooner than it would be able to keep up with anyway? Especially with inflation like we've seen lately?
Anyway that was quite a tangent wasn't it? TLDR: people's lives are so very different now, and look to remain that way permanently. And not just in the USA, but due to Brexit, in the UK too. Disinformation campaigns are strikingly effective.
My auntie has done the opposite for fucking years : she'll come visit her mum and leave with some knicknacks she's had her eye on from a previous visit.
My mum is absolutely fuming about it. She absolutely does not need anything, but just the principle of her sister being such a fucking vulture...
My grandmother came in for years and asked for handouts from stuff that was mine when I was younger. My mother kept giving her my old stuff. When I went to move out I went to look at the storage area and nothing that I really cared about was still there.
A few years ago my father mentioned all the toys I still had and that I should come and get them, I told him that They had already given away anything I cared about and all that was left was junk It just needed to go away. He got all defensive. But if you're going to let somebody come in and take from a pool of goods they're going to continually take the best things until there's nothing useful left. I ended up with a small bucket of Legos and a couple of my favorite matchbook cars.
I'm not really sore about it, but at the same time him asking me to drive 7 hours and get the collection of broken items that were passed over No, either sell it in an eBay lot or throw it away.
My mom is in the middle of downsizing. I have some storage space, so I let her keep her stuff in my house. It gives her an excuse to come visit and we go through her things while she decides what's worth keeping or donating. I'm involved in the process, and I've saved a couple heirlooms with sentimental value.
My mother-in-law likes to show up unannounced and drop crap off. So far she's given me two lawnmowers, a bunch of rusty garden tools, and a leaky water cooler. I think she thinks she's helping, but it's getting to the point that I feel like I'm her dumping site.
There is a whole industry to transport Silent Gen and Boomer treasures to the landfill. Most commonly, a waste management company is going to park a construction dumpster in your driveway the same week you die. And there are hands for hire if your children can't be bothered to go through your crap themselves.
There are also auction and estate companies that will try to get value out of furniture. That's dying out though because IKEA doesn't make furniture suitable for inheritance.
Estate companies will take the "good stuff" to auction, and house sale the rest for a few weekends. After that, there are businesses whose sole thing is buying up the remnants for their resale/thrift store. Think Big Lots but for dead people's stuff.
It's tough to look your mom in the eye and tell her that you don't want her prized wedding china or that giant brown hutch she keeps it in. For that matter, nobody else wants it, either.
The reality is that we live in a world that is overinundated with stuff, and the value of things that people hold dear and that they paid a lot of money for and they think retained value is not so much, which is unfortunate,"
I have a TV armoire from the late 90s that I thought I was finally going to get rid of. I had been using it to store brewing supplies but was downsizing. My son said he wanted it so it went to storage with most of his stuff. When I was moving all that stuff a year or two later, I wanted to hauled to the dump but wasn't sure if he remembered. So now it's at his place and doesn't fit at all. So I think I'm going to cut it up and toss it.
My father's mother died a few years back and due to a rabbit hole I won't get into, was left with cleaning out her condo by himself. She wasn't a hoarder or anything, but he was floored by the work involved.
During the pandemic hermitude, he absolutely purged his own house of everything like this. He didn't want us to be burdened with it when his time came. It's ironic that I was a little upset over some of the things he threw out xD
My mom made them sell their house because "it's the only way I could think of to get the basement cleaned out before we die". She didn't want to burden us but it really just changed the time line.
My parents went through this when their parents died in the early 2000s. This is an old people vs young people thing. Let's see what millennials accumulate as they go senile.
My folks have been spinning off their treasures for a couple decades now. They waited until their kids had already established & furnished their own households, so a lot of it ended up in the category of "Yes, I can put this in the trash for you."
Lifespans are at the awkward stage where the kids are too old and the grandkids too young to want any of those household staples.
My mom was disappointed when I said I didn't want any of my dad's things when he died last year. Hell, I hated turning some of it down. And I'm not taking any of her stuff, either. I'm really not into the "50+ years of cigarettes" aesthetic.
I don't know if you realize it, but each "generation" is actually a group of diverse individuals with their own character traits and behaviors. Demographers strain to lump them together with some attributes that are more common for them than for other groups. That certainly doesn't make them a monolith.
Tarring all members of a group as the same, especially when their membership in that group is due to an accident of birth, would be considered bigotry in enlightened circles. Wishing them dead is much worse.