You are now a duck, what do you do first??
You are now a duck, what do you do first??
You are still you, you can speak human language that you already know, and you know how to speak duck.
You have to learn how to be a duck. This means you gotta learn how to fly, hunt food, etc.
I’d walk to a lemonade stand to see if they had any grapes.
Then (and I cannot emphasize this enough) I'd waddle away.
Till the very next day?
It's been 84 years...
Put on a blue cap, blue nautical shirt; but, and I can't stress this enough, NO PANTS.
But for gods sake, wrap yourself in a towel after you shower.
Hand cover your crotch if someone walks in on you
Quack
Quack?!
Quack.
QUAAAAACCCKKK....!!!
FLY!
Damn, 3 hour old post and no one said FLY!? Ya’all need to be ducks more often…
This guy ducks
Autocorrect has its moment of glory!
Quack
Came here to read this comment
Quack
Came here to quack, was not disappointed
Murder.
Peace was never an option.
Depends, am I a horse-sized duck? I might have some people to fight
I see you're a person of culture.
Pick one person at a time and speak to them in human language. In some cases it will be to give them a special magical friend, in other cases it will be to cause them to question their sanity.
Then I'd get to seeing about this whole corkscrew dick thing.
Got any grapes?
Head downtown & act cute until a college girl adopts me as her pet. Duck-nuzzle some boobies.
Check if my quack has an echo
I would learn to fly and then fly to one of those parks where secret service agents meet. Become a spy and sell the intelligence I gather.
Fly into bohemian grove.
- explain the whole thing to my partner and ask them to protect me.
Failing that:
-
carefully waddle to where I know people feed ducks
-
practice flying and copy other ducks
-
ask other ducks for tips
Peace was never an option.
Find /u/fuckswithducks
I find someone with a corkscrew fetish.
Cover my feathers in wax like substance from my ass glands. Once I'm all waxed up I go for a swim.
I’d float around in the water as my body would now resemble a boat.
Fly into the sunset.
Pretty sure I'd drop my phone.
Probably contacting some media outlets to try and monetize my talking-duck status, and wondering if if my life expectancy is on par with duck or human.
Do you want to end up being dissected in a government lab? Because that's how you get dissected in a government lab.
Betray my country.
I would have an exploding corkscrew penis. I'll find ways to entertain myself.
Probably open up my phone and pull up youtube to watch some duck documentaries. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or what things out there are usually wanting to eat me.
There are some really good "I just woke up as a duck" tutorials on Coursera.
Avoid the ones on Wiki How, they are repurposed courses originally intended for people who woke up as a chicken.
Probably make a poo on the floor.
Either mine or in the hallway (if I know how to open the door).Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
JERRY, NO MINECRAFT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
I’d head straight to Subway for my free sandwich!
The first thing is probably quack.. I would love to fly to someone in the park working on something and solve the issue for them. I'd like to be known as a helpful duck.
Immediately make a joke about quacking up.
It all keeps adding up..
I start wondering if I'm ugly.
I suppose I'd duck.
Attack someone with a sandwich
Fly south
Hockey.
I'd duck. Then I would probably duck some more.
There could be more to it than that - like take up ballet.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
For those who are unfamiliar, let me introduce you to Howard the Duck (really the first movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe).