Older women, women with weight changes or visible disabilities, or transfolk of Lemmy - how has the male gaze changed for you?

I have always been "non-traditional" looking. When I was young and skinny I don't think I was ugly but certainly not conventionally beautiful. Now that I'm older I am certifiably "meh".

The expectation to look pretty (for men) is still there even if I don't meet the criteria for their attention. I still feel the societal pressure, I still feel bad about my appearance when I'm not serving male gaze ideals. It doesn't just go away even when you're disqualified from personhood for being ugly.

I'm hoping becoming an old biddy will release me from requirements and I can feel free.

I'm a 50-year-old lady, and just last week some dood pulled over his truck to ask me if I was single. They don't go away, you're just a LOT less interested.

I'm oblivious and always have been. I assume every smile is a friendly smile and I'm ok chatting with almost anyone. I only really notice if someone says something creepy or touches me too much. My husband accuses me of flirting with everyone.

I’ve lost weight (finally in the healthy range for my height) and I’ve noticed more guys look at me when I walk by than when I was overweight. I don’t mind and it doesn’t really affect me. I decided a long time ago that what people think about me is their own business and idgaf.

I’ve also got catcalled more while walking, which is not fun and does bother me.

I'm a trans woman, have been transitioning for 10 years. It's really hit or miss whether or not people can clock me. I've had friends know me for two years without knowing I was trans.

Men ogle and catcall me frequently, it's annoying as fuck since I'm not even straight. It's flattering when queer women hit on me though. I've been both catcalled and misgendered within the same block. I also tend to have a strong social presence which is both a blessing and a curse.

Also, men cannot take no as an answer. I often pretend I have a boyfriend since creeps are more respectful of imaginary men than real women.

I'm 56.

Mostly I think younger guys trust me and see me more as a safe authority than fuckable (mostly) so I can relax around them, not worried. But there are still catcalls and shit, I fully expect to be 90 and have someone yell "lookin' spry, grandma!". Don't think that is actually about how you look, those guys are relentless.

My trajectory may be different from most, I was a very skinny tall girl in a world where that was most assuredly not seen as sexy, so I didn't feel pretty as a young woman, nor did most guys see me as sexy. There were some creepy old guys into it but that sure didn't make me feel sexy at all. Also my ex liked me 'despite' my lack of curves. Fast forward 25 years, we split and in the meantime, the world had changed, the smaller boobs and lean body held up and more guys my age were into my looks, it took some time to adjust but I actually feel more attractive and sexy in my mid 50s than I did in my 20s or 30s. Don't look better in an absolute sense (if I could have been young now, I mean, with the wider beauty standards) but in relation to my peers, definitely better now.

It fluctuates because there are a few factors at play, two of them being my stigma and the condition itself. They might gaze at me for the visual appeal while looking down on me in every other sense of the word, they might treat me with kindness but not care about what they see because my condition turns them off, or anything in between. Typically, though, they aren't attracted to me. Some level of stigma has always been with me since birth though, it's not like my state of being which came later.

The times I got the most cat calls and people in cars harassing me was when I was extremely, clearly, underaged. Now I'm much older and fatter and invisible. I fucking hate being looked upon by anyone though. Let me become data inside a small spikey robot ball.

I remember the day I finally realized I was being left alone. It has been glorious. Best part of getting older. It's so nice to simply exist in my own space.

Are you asking as a male or someone who’s transitioning out of young womanhood?

Pre transition I wasn't subjected to it so, I only ever knew it as it was applied to other people. It was gross and exploitative but not in a way that I personally experienced. There was a bit of detachment from that, I didn't properly recognize it for what it was because my own dysphoria and discomfort made me somewhat oblivious to it.

When I first transitioned the male gaze felt like some metric I had to compare myself to if I wanted to be accepted. I started to subtly invalidate myself by all the ways my body differed from what was expected of me as a woman. It became a source of constant self dismissal and a feeling that I didn't live up to expectations of womanhood, and therefore wouldn't be accepted as a woman.

After several years of hormones and then bottom surgery I started to gain confidence in myself and I started to notice a lot more the way men look at me. The experience has honestly sucked as much as it is validating. I know I look good, that I'm conventionally attractive. I'm uncomfortable in a lot of settings due to that. I'm good at hiding my discomfort and maintaining my confidence even when I'm being leered at. But nontheless it makes me feel gross a lot of the time. I'm a gay woman, so it also feels like a part of me is being consumed without my consent just by me passively existing somewhere. Like going to the grocery store and noticing the guy staring at you standing next to his wife. He should know the way him staring makes me feel but if he does know he doesnt care. The way people treat me is totally different too. People being genuinely very nice and happy to speak with me. It's made me understand in a personal way not just how passing is a privilege but being seen as desirable by men is too. I'm still young so my experiences are still growing. I want to be a mom someday and I think a lot about how my children will be subjected to this too.

I'm mid-30s be went through a weight fluctuation. I used to be very thin and honestly quite hot, though I didn't realize it. I never really felt like I got much male attention. I also hated being perceived and pretty much avoided men, so that's probably why. Then I gained weight (around 40 pounds) and did a lot of mental and emotional work and learned to live my body. I felt better and more beautiful in my bigger body than I ever did when I was young. I also had way more male attention. Maybe because my own confidence had grown. In the past 2 years, I lost the weight and at first got my "old" body go but then started working out a lot and have a new, different, strong body. Which, on top of the work I did when I was bigger, I love my body. I definitely notice eyes following me a lot, but have less approaches. Hopefully I'm intimidating.

I believe you are talking about "The Wall", there are people who say women hit "The Wall" at 30yo I am not sure, maybe some women around 35yo.

If you are a woman I suggest you to get married at 29yo or less or probably you will be forever-alone or at least you can have what you want and not the least worse.