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InitialsDiceBear„Initials” ( by „DiceBear”, licensed under „CC0 1.0” (
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Older women, women with weight changes or visible disabilities, or transfolk of Lemmy - how has the male gaze changed for you?
  • I have always been "non-traditional" looking. When I was young and skinny I don't think I was ugly but certainly not conventionally beautiful. Now that I'm older I am certifiably "meh".

    The expectation to look pretty (for men) is still there even if I don't meet the criteria for their attention. I still feel the societal pressure, I still feel bad about my appearance when I'm not serving male gaze ideals. It doesn't just go away even when you're disqualified from personhood for being ugly.

    I'm hoping becoming an old biddy will release me from requirements and I can feel free.

  • How do you find contractors?
  • No idea. I get ecstatic over mediocre contractors who barely gouge. We've genuinely just started DIYing almost everything because if it looks "okay, I guess" then at least it didn't cost $8000 and I semi-learned a new skill.

    Edit: our best contractor was from a random Google maps search for handy person. I picked a relatively new business with few reviews entirely because they were the only ones to call back. But they worked out great and I was happy with the work.

    I think it is honestly trial and error.

    Edit edit: the vibes you get from the in home estimate are helpful. If they don't try to upsell you at all, hire them.

    In fact, the aforementioned best contractor we ever hired told me not to contract them to do something because it was a really simple to DIY. They showed me the exact kit to buy and told me how to do it. Theoretically he could have screwed himself out of money but we decided to do a bigger job than originally planned because of that move.

  • Sorry, Matilda.
  • It itches and causes a rash that gets worse with prolonged exposure. I can't even tolerate surgical steel and many gold "hypoallergenic" pieces because those bitches still use nickel as part of the alloy.

    It's in all sorts of things. Buttons on jeans, zippers, tools, wire, eyeglasses, and obviously jewelry.

    It takes an hour or two of direct contact to start itching and getting raised bumps, less time if it is low quality metal like uncoated wire or something. Prolonged contact greater than a few hours leads to sores and it gets really really itchy and gross from there on out. Stupid jeans.

    How people deal with it is just avoid metal things as much as possible because you never know if nickel is mixed in. For metal jewelry you can pay a pretty penny for higher purity metals with a much lower concentration of nickel (hard to be completely nickel free due to natural impurities) or just wear silicone/resin/leather jewelry.

    Jeans though....those buttons are gonna get you. Most people paint the inside button with nail polish but that shit rubs off quickly. I just make sure I'm wearing at least 2 layers of barrier fabric between my skin and the jeans (1 layer can be pretty permeable).

  • Neurodivergent threat
  • Am neurodivergent AF. I'm the kind that needs ALL OF THE LIGHTS. Not cool tone (hiss) but neutral to warm toned lights. I need the overhead and any and all lamps at the same time- gotta be lit like a goddamn stadium up in this bitch.

    We exist.

  • Who would win: every human in the world vs. every animal in the world?
  • If you include insects and arthropods and everything suddenly turns into uberbloodlust-kill-all-humans then non-human animals win, hands down. I think people overestimate their ability, the effectiveness of weapons, and the sheer number of insects that are near you at all times. Insect biomass alone outstrips humans by an insane margin. Very few mammals or other animals would get a lick in, I think. There is no hermetically sealed bunker that would hold for long, and that won't save you from the mites already on your skin although they probably can't do a ton of a damage.

  • Summer is the worst season of the year, isn't?
  • Am summer fae. Hard disagree. The worst part of summer is indoors where they abuse air conditioning to create a dry frigid wasteland.

    And wildfire smoke which didn't use to be a thing where I live.