I need to survive for 3 days while pooping as much as possible. I can pee as often as I like. It can take up loads of space. What food do I pack?

Can't believe lemmy already has volume enough for this level of shitposting 🥲

Lemmy's first inside joke, I'm so proud

Edit: Link for the uninitiated

We did it boys! New low-effort meta shitpost any% world record!!!

And a new lemmy/kbin specific meme is born. O glorious day!

Oh wow, a topic for which I'm somewhat of an expert.

Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it's still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you're eating it but not as it's passing, and passing fast.

With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.

The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called "chitosan". It's like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you'll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you'll probably have bowel movements so horrible you'll have to register them with some kind of government agency.

Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.

Is this the first lemmy meme? Send this shit to archive.org

This is the high quality content I come here for.

Literal shitpost

Stage 1:

• 3 bunches of bananas, 2 lbs cooked rice, 1 loaf of white bread (toasted)

Stage 2:

• 1 gallon of liquid laxative
• 1 gallon of franks red hot
• a 3 gallon bucket
• a ladle

consume stage 1 & wait 3 hours. consume stage 2. repeat as necessary

Omg. I love Lemmy already. This is the hardest I’ve laughed at a post in a long time. Bravo.

Google colonoscopy prep

So uhh, step one: get cholera (it lives on shellfish, and plankton do with this what you will, lick some shells or something)
Step two: ingest cholera
Step three: try not to die

I was here for the first lemmy meme

I have a good option here: Dairy.

Basically, your body can only produce so much Lactase (the thing that breaks down Lactose) at a time. Lactose intolerant people barely produce any Lactase, which is why eating a tiny bit of cheese is OK for them, but they'll explosively shit themselves if they have a glass of milk.

Anyways, you have a lactase limit, time to find it. An added bonus of this strategy is that your options are a bit more varied: You can load up on cheeses, milkshakes, cream puffs, cheesecake. Regular old milk has the most lactose though, so if you want to shit yourself plentifully and violently, bring a ton of that (and whatever other foods you want, the milk will do the work here). Just don't try and chug a whole gallon of milk in under 20 minutes, you'll vomit because it will dilute your stomach acid until instead of digesting it, it'll curdle in your stomach.

Mmh i like opposite posting

Habanero protein shakes with extra coconut oil.

Literal shit posting.

Lol nice. The answer is milkshakes and spicy chilli dogs

Not said yet but just some salt dissolved in water. I remember not pooping for a week coming out of a hospital stay that had me on morphine. Tried the stool softeners and such. But lemme tell you. An 8oz glass of warm water with a teaspoon of salt and 30 minutes later it was go time. When I say go time I mean be ready, when it hits there will be no delaying it.

I was here

Lemmy Lore

Eff it, commenting to show I was here

Epic tier shitpost. Thanks for posting for the de-fedded instances that can't see @[email protected] 's post.

You need nuts/seeds. Peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, walnuts, pistachios. Any high fiber nut and seed will do. If you can get it in bulk, the better. Like 10lbs should last you for well beyond 10 days. But if you need to shit your brains out, well, uh. There it is.

I too had to go on a trip with people I hate

To the best of my understanding what you need to do is go to Ryan's steakhouse or try Haribo sugarless gummy bears

Edit: formatting

You're gonna need a bigger knife

Have you heard of the establishment known as Taco Bell? It should check all of your boxes.

Golf clap

Today is a good day.

Commenting to show that I was here for the first Lemmy moment.

Taco Bell. Let the toilet know you'll be back amigo.

Get the Starbucks poop potion

I'll be the one to give an honest answer here. Just hit Taco Bell and grab 3 days worth of food, which should run you about $20. Then grab as much coffee as you can carry and just mix it all together in a big tub. Should take care of it for ya.

coffee, cigarettes, and a third stimulant.

Chipotle

What you need is medication, not food.

Get a bunch of laxatives, stool softener (if you need it juicy) and even some lactaose and senna if you're real keen.

Then eat a shitload of greasy food and you're set.

Why are there so many experts on this topic.

leaving a comment for when this thread pops up on some YouTubers history of Lemmy video

Kiwis Red pepper flakes Spinach Water

You can add these to a blender to help digest even faster.

You can also pick up some high fiber cereal.

But yeah I think your stomach is not going to be happy.

If you have any preparation time, then Psyllium husk (sold as metamucil for one brand example) with lots of water. This would win on sheer volume, HOWEVER, if you take too much then constipation.

Half a spoonful a day with at least 2 cups of water

You could eat a posterior

Not what I was expecting in my feed, not going to lie. But I think as strange as this question is, it bodes well for original content on Lemmy... unfortunately.

That being said anything with a laxative effect should do the trick. For lots of pooping and sweating you could go with the sugar-free gummy bears on Amazon.

Low effort memes. It was good while it lasted, the one thing I do not miss from Reddit

Come over. I'm sure I can cook you some diarrhea-inducing food. It'll be spicy as hell, so sweating and peeing gets sorted too. And I'm sure it's not going to be easy to find.

So,... to pass your D-test... :D... Laxative in recommended doses, liver and kidney purifier as Uroperine (again, recommended doses), and gallons of water ;-)

well, time for me to unsubscribe from this community....

I hear MCT oil is wonderful for nearly uncontrollable pooping. That, and bring lots of "sugar free" candy.

Your not going on a submarine are you?

Spicy food and lots of legumes. At the end of day 2 eat some half rotten flesh.

This is some weird kink stuff isn't it

drink metamucil by the gallon. that'll create a LOT of bulk you gotta get rid off. Eat a LOT of celery and corn too.

Quieres Taco Bell.

Dave's killer bread. Beans.

Drink a can of sauerkraut juice and within a couple hours there will be nothing solid left in your body. Repeat a couple times a day, I guess?

Is this the first Lemmy legend story, like the jolly rancher one is for Reddit?

I'm sure I saw exactly this question posted elsewhere yesterday...

Earlier post with the same question

Again this post? I mean of course you are doing the opposite version, the original one asked what to take in order Not to Poop over those 3 days but damn. Is this a new meme or shitposting trend?