You can have any superpower, but the first person to reply chooses a side effect
You can have any superpower, but the first person to reply chooses a side effect
self-explanatory!!
The ability to stop pooping for three days.
Each day you don't poop, you lay an egg that hatches into a random monster. The egg is indestructible.
🤣👏
You have to post about it online and keep the community updated on your progress, becoming the first widespread Lemmy meme
But when you eventually poop your in the middle of human a human centipede
You already can -- immodium
Or just some painkillers. I had surgery seven or eight years ago and I still remember how badly I wanted to shit by day three and it just wasn't happening.
This is very healthy and has no possible downsides.
You have tk participate in a mysterious and most likely kinky event.
The ability to talk to animals
You can talk to animals now. I think what you mean is you want them to be able to talk too.
Your already can talk to animals. We all understand you.
But only about collecting stamps.
You can talk to animals, but it includes insects and birds... and you can't shut their conversion out for some peace and quiet
Imagine going outside during spring. All animals are just yelling "I'M SO FUCKING HORNY!".
You can talk to them but they can't understand you.
This is just reality
Everytime you talk to an animal, every moving living being around you looks like the animal you talked to for the next 2 hours.
"Say hi to your mother for me, ok!"
The ability to touch a book to instantly know its content.
Turns out, the books you touch are actually quite satisfied and content.
It only works if you touch it with your penis.
There are no downsides. Perfect.
The title of the book appears somewhere on your skin, and if removed you will forget any knowledge from that book, whether you obtained it through reading or your power. The titles must be legible, and cannot overlap.
Every book you encounter will always be written in a language you don't speak.
... but every page becomes blank just before you touch it.
Stopping time
But unfortunately you can't start it again.
gg
It restarts at random.
Can't start time again.
Time stops for everything that isn't you, including air. You leave a vacuum everywhere you go and can never stay anywhere for long.
You stop time for yourself too.
RIP
But it occasionally restarts at a random point in the future
I can summon food by saying its name.
But the delivery guy still wants money for the food you ordered.
You take it from the hungriest person about to eat it, assuming there is someone at the time. You cannot turn this ability off, and it happens even when you aren't referring to the food. I hope those birthday cakes taste good, you monster.
Teleportation by thinking of a place
Does not teleport your cloths.
Hm, I'd still take it
Ehh. Just look up pictures of nude beaches or something.
Thinking includes dreams and nightmares. You wake up in interesting places.
You don't teleport to the place you're thinking of.
As you get older you keep thinking back to places that no longer exist.
You will arrive naked only - with an urgent need to vomit.
That place is the time you walked in on your parents having sex.
You better keep it very quiet and not teleport in front of anyone by accident, because as soon as governments are aware of your power, be ready to become a lab rat who will be the rest of your life sedated
The ability to read, write, and speak every language
You become deaf and blind
It would be less efficient, but people who are deaf-blind can access the Internet and communicate using a refreshable Braille display. In-person they can communicate using an interpreter using a special sign language.
God damn it
The ability to study, understand and use fantasy level magic.
But it still only works if magic actually works and if it doesn't, then you just understand really well how you would have used magic, if it were actually real.
Ability to secrete custard from my hands at will.
Only when orgasming
this just makes it even better
Can't make custard without 'ard!
You constantly forget to wash your hands.
The custard is rancid.
Impossible!
Even fantasy there is no reality where custard is not delicious 🤤
Will calls the police and you are arrested.
Impervious to side effects.
But your side effect is infinite power.
DRAT
I can reverse any moderator actions.
You're an admin on reddit
Who modded a banned subreddit back in the days...
Perfect timing.
Except you feel the need to always respond to everyone else's conversations. Your timing is impeccable yet everyone comes to resent your witty remarks.
oof this cuts deep
Telekinesis!
But the strain and concentration required causes you to dump your drawers.
Proctologists hate this one weird trick!
You can be in the shit a lot with powers like telekinesis huh
He should team up with 'Fly with farts'
It only works when nobody's looking, and everyone just thinks you were using your hands.
except it's only by smell >:)
With everyone! all of the time!
I can obtain any super power just by thinking about it.
The ability to think is lost
Damn. So, does that mean I just die?
When you have obtained your superpower, you lose your ability to obtain any new superpowers.
So I get to chose one super power, but I lose the ability to think so it renders any powers I've obtained essentially useless? Man, this js the most realistic super power conversation ever. So realistic it's quite scary!
.
I’m happy
But you can poop only once every 3 days.
That's my normal, so what's the problem?
But only until you sober up.
Ok that was dark.
You die immediately after this
... despite having nightmarish diarrhea every hour, on the hour.
I already have this, so... I'll take it
An annoying happy-go-lucky theme song plays for all to hear around you.
Make Bezos, Musk, Zuck, Spez, and @[email protected] nut whenever i clap
except you get chronic diarrhea that lasts for 1 week each time you use it
I’m adding you to my nut list
i am joining this myself. telekinesis
Terrible migraines whenever you use it
so if I already have a migraine I'm in the clear...
You fart violently when using it
I'll take a gravity power I guess. Manipulation of gravity in every sense.
Cool! Every time you manipulate gravity, your body loses mass in addition to and proportional to how much energy is needed to do the manipulation.
Which part of your body loses this (additional) mass is totally random. It could be your fat, it could be your brain tissue, it's all random. How the mass is lost depends on what is the most likely way it'd be dissipated.
The ability to find anything lost.
Everything you touch turns into a potato
What if the world turned into a potato ? The potatocalypse
read this with the kurzgesagt voice
Everyone knows about your power, and you are constantly bombarded with people asking for your help.
Control time
You retain no memories of anything that happened during a time stop. If you go back in time, everyone else remembers things normally, but you forgot that period of time completely.
Severe IBS
Worth it
That's my secret. I'm always shitting my pants.
When you stop time you cannot move as all the air molecules around you are stopped.
You move with time.
You can only control it one minute at a time and only forward
Can spontaneously manifest any variety of cheese
You're constantly followed by an army of mice that want to eat your cheese.
Lactose intollerant
It appears from a random bodily orifice each time, and never the same one twice.
Can't control when you do it.
Oh I'd pick up some napkins and follow that person. I hope blue cheeses are on the list, and maybe some gruyère 🤤
I see no downsides.
Cheese becomes tasteless
But you have no control over where and when.
You constantly stink of molding cheese
At the rate of one gram per hour.
Know anyone's most deviant kink.
... because you are the target of those kinks
You will get a very strong, visceral image of every person engaging in that kink.
Plus the desire to fulfill it.
The ability to nullify side effects :) I'll be rich as a doctor
You no longer have any side effects, only things intentionally done will happen. You must now consciously think about breathing and blinking as they are no longer side effects of being alive. As this is not a side effect, but rather the effect itself it cannot be nullified.
Oh shit, bro has to manually pump this blood. Well, he's fucked.
I can fly wherever I want super fast so I can travel the world.
You are temporarily blind and deaf whenever you begin to fly
You can fly super fast but are unable to decelerate except by crashing into things.
Fly with farts.
The only way you can generate fart power is by eating poo.
Yeah, but then you get to have a cool catchphrase like, "Eat shit and fly".
You have uncurable IBS
Your farts are now so powerful that they propel you upwards without bending any laws of physics
The farts are toxic in a one meter radius.
The ability to fly.
But you develop a terrible and incurable fear of heights.
Your arms are now wings with no hands like a birds.
You are a gnat.
Wings used to fly protrude and retract from your anus.
Empathy
but not for yourself
Can you elaborate? I'm not sure what that would imply.
The ability to speak, read, and understand every known language.
Via any of those methods, you can only communicate at one word per minute.
You.....
Are...
EVIL.
You become dyslexic
Good ol' invisibility
Only works when no one is looking at you... and when you're naked.
Mystery Men!
Hmm, if I'm invisible then no one can look at me though.
Invisibility
You have to rub sand in your eyes to use it.
Teleportation
You conserve your angular momentum, so if you move at all in latitude the earth we'll be moving at a different speed. It would be like stepping out of a moving vehicle onto the freeway but a whole lot faster.
Ouch, painful.
Reactive adaptation.
“Reactive adaptation” To the wrong emergency.
exclusive used as a human shield by the military
Ability to successfully persuade any living being to do what I want them to do.
Your entire family was murdered in a dark city alley to lead to your powers.
Damn the last time that happened I only inherited immense wealth and used it to beat up street level criminals
Don't worry, he'll convince a genius to create a time machine. Problem solved.
You are never truly sure again if people are actually listening to you or even like you or they are just enchanted by your power. You are never again able to form meaningful relationships with that doubt in you mind, you can never find true love and become a recluse.
In this thread: Monkey's paw curls.
The ability to move anything
You move the exact same distance into the opposite direction of the moved object, even if there already exists another object in that space.
You are not able to move while lifting anything
Self-detonation.
you die once you use it, with a 1% chance of living
Although you survive, you get 2nd degree burns that take a regular amount of time to heal.
Ability to phase through non-Newtonian fluids as if they were regular Newtonian fluids.
All fluids you touch turn into mercury.
Everytime you do it feels like walking on Lego
Side effect: Newtonian fluids change their behaviour to that of non Newtonian fluids and you can't pass any of them in a hurry. You can run on water now though.
I can stretch like rubber
Control animals with the mind
Well, no one's said shapeshifting yet
But anyone within 50 miles with the same zodiac sign turns into a chicken
This is acceptable. I love chicken and hate Ted Cruz