We've been together 16 years, married for 14, and we are like two teenagers who have been left alone by an inattentive parent or teacher. If we are in arm's reach we are touching each other, if nobody is looking, we are making out, if the door is locked, we're either undressed or we're working on it.
Married. A look, even indirect, is enough for her to know exactly what I think about. It's scary when she asks me if I'm hungry before I realized that I was (must have been passingly looking over to the kitchen/snacks without even realizing it). If i look at her boobs for 2 seconds she knows, even while looking in another direction/at a phone. It's kind of scary. I guess I am really obvious without knowing it. I do sometimes wonder if she can read my mind.
Why not approach indirectly like complimenting her legs, whispering "I want you" in her ear. These often work for me, and even if it doesn't, it gets the mood between us so that we can foreplay and cuddle.
Among my friends, we have this weird but I guess clever safe word tradition. So you know how, when someone is dreaming, if they question the dream (e.g. saying "this is a dream" or "this must be a dream"), they wake up? We decided to use that as a "quitting word" for everything. If we're making a YouTube video and we say "this is a dream", for example, it's the secret cue to cut the movie. If we're playing some kind of role and we say the phrase, it means come back to base reality. So on and so forth. And while none of us are very sexually-minded, sex we decided would be no different. If we were to have sex, a phrase like "this must be a dream" would mean to stop the session.
So then it was asked one day, how do we do the opposite? How do we cue a session of sex, video-making, etc. to start? We say the opposite. We signal immersion with something like "where are we, is this real". That is our unsafe phrase. Different nonverbal circumstances/signals would cue what exactly we refer to.
We say do you wanna cuddle or do you want a massage or do you wanna lay down and listen to music. Sex usually comes after. Not always, but if not then you still have a cuddle
There’s no talking involved. Just a very incessant making out, groping and undressing with the other either pushing away or giving in.
It’s a very nonverbal kind of thing but it works for us :)
We have bee together for almost 30 years, have 2 kids (8 & 6y/o) at home and both of us often are working for 70 odd hours a week...
If both of us end up awake[ish] and in bed at the same time then if either of us roll over and grope the other and the other responds - it might just happen
In my last relationship it was touching the other with a bit of pressure. It could be anywhere, usually the hand. Then the answer was either touching back or avoiding the touch.
A deeper kiss than usual with a little more passion so it wakes up the idea in her.
Light playful touching of sensitives areas when we're laying in bed; her reaction quickly tells me if she's interested or just wants to go to sleep.
She usually says "lets to take a 'nap'"