What.
The.
Fuck.
It's for parents more concerned about kids touching themselves than priests touching their kids.
This is actually used to prevent kids from stopping clergy while God groping goes on. The cross makes it a sign from God so it's okay.
It's obviously satire mate
And it's been floating around for at least ten years. So don't worry, little Timmy is safe.
That kid is going to develop a bondage fetish
For real. If you've ever woken up face down with your morning wood against the mattress you know this cross isn't helping in the slightest
I'm glad this is clearly a satire website, because people have suggested and performed much much much worse in reality. A certain purveyor of corn flakes comes to mind
Corn flakes...?
Oh boy, you get to learn about Dr Kellogg without knowing anything about him but the cereal brand! Lucky
Kellogg: The Great American Cum Doctor | BEHIND THE BASTARDS YouTube link
Those corn flakes weren't made to be a good breakfast time meal, friends.
When I was about 14 I had a friend whose mom caught him masturbating. She duct taped oven mitts to his hands every night before bed for a week until Sunday, when she took him to their priest. The priest told her, basically, she was crazy. Masturbation is a sin, yada yada Catholic line, but that she could not duct tape her child's hands at night, and because it was a counseling session and not a confessional, he would be required to report her if it continued.
Dude was so fucking messed up, though. Kept up with him on Facebook for a while after j moved, and he ended up doing a lot of SI and then in his mid twenties went full goth and got a shit ton of piercings and tattoos to cover the scars.
Dr Kellogg would approve.
The velcro around his head is to keep him from self-sucking
Anyone brave enough yet to go to the website?
I did. It's fucking gold...
Very clearly a joke site, but it was a good laugh.
Edit: I think at least some of the comments are real, and that's even more hilarious.
The fact i was considering this to be real for a Moment tells a lot about americans
"self-raping child"
*AI powered self-raping child on the blockchain
Change the colors a bit and this could be some bondage restraints
I could wank in that.
Yeah, velcro ain't stopping any urges.
Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,—Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.
(Herman Melville, Moby Dick)
Grown ups need this too. Like uh, my friend.
I probably need one of these and a box of corn flakes.
"And if the little tikes weeping gets you down, then bundle your purchase with the new Bluey Ball-gag! No more 'nono' touching, and you can still hear Jerry Springer!"
need
They're also looking to increase child birth. So how's that gonna happen if it's sin. Church is so fucking stupid.
