The penguin makes forward progress because it depends on an open-source software stack that continuously improves with time, even if the penguin exerts no effort.
While attempting to Press F to pay respects, the F becomes impatient and attacks. Rolf attempts to intervene, but the F raises its spear and prepares to strike, riding on a firework.
Rolf's fingers are unnaturally shaped like a bed with wheels, a deformity since birth which causes him a great burden.
Timothy the tuxedo man is distracted by a new episode of the real housewives, and will soon be slain by F. Timothy the tuxedo man is cursed to die in Rolf's deformed bed-hands.