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  • The new mask [CW: transphobia]

    I cover my face before stepping outside, And don't say a word, so my voice won't be pried. I try to blend in, and pray they can't tell -- As if I'm a thief who escaped from her cell. My old mask was blue.     I'm glad that it fell. My new mask is pink.     I still need to hide.

    From closet to stealth Does no good to your health. For people like me, this country looks bleak; If others could see, they'd just see a freak. My new mask is pink.     It does make me think. My old mask was blue.     What else could I do?

    One day they won't tell just by looking at me, But that doesn't mean that I'm finally free. My new mask will then be etched to my face: They'll give me a past that never took place. My old mask was blue.     A terrible guise. My new mask is pink.     The mask is in their eyes.

    -- Lady Scarecrow

    3
  • New voice training community

    cross-posted from: https://lemmy.sdf.org/post/16848687

    > This is the new home for help with trans voice training. I'm excited to go on this journey with all of you <3

    1
  • Trans joy story time + emotional dissonance + advice sought

    CW - short mention of unsupportive parent, very supportive sibling, weddings, boymoding, and emotional dissonance.

    So, I am a mid-30s babytrans woman about 50 days into HRT and (most days) I have never been happier. But I had an experience recently that has thrown me for a loop. I went to my brother's wedding and didn't feel comfortable girlmoding (to the extent of my limited abilities) because of an unsupportive parent who would be there.

    I explained that to my brother way ahead of time and he was extremely supportive (he said something like "be whoever you want to be" and that limiting conflict at his wedding was not necessary bc I am who I am, and straight-up offered to throw down and cut off contact with the unsupportive parent if that is what I wanted). I didn't feel comfortable with the conflict potential though, and I REALLY did not want to make his wedding be about me, so I just boymoded.

    But then he went out of his way to get the unsupportive parent out of the way for a few minutes to get a group photo of all the girls at the wedding with their photographer, specifically including me, and I found out that it was a group effort and the only reason they even did a group photo of all the girls was to actively include and support me.

    I held it together decently, then cried my eyes out in private afterwards, and had a hard time articulating to them how much it meant to me afterwards.

    But now, a handful of days afterwards, I feel weirdly pathetic. Crying, overflowing with gratitude and joy, for something that SHOULD just be the normal default. Like, I feel like someone gave me a kidney or something, not like someone just treated a girl like a girl. So now I feel bad that I feel good, and it is hard to parse everything. And now I feel mad at myself for not just letting myself feel happy. Hormones kicking my ass probably aren't helping. In the old days, I would absolutely have been able to just use willpower to set one feeling over to the side and feel the other, but my emotions are far too present and attached to do that any more.

    So, the advice I am seeking - I am wondering if any of you have a mindset or a way to mentally frame it that I can try to adopt to help with the dissonance of everything, and just let myself feel happy. I can't set it aside any more, but I can recontextualize the situation and let my feelings change themselves... I just don't know what to recontextualize TO that doesn't dimish the kindness and support, but also doesn't diminish my own unsteady feeling that I have an innate right to be a woman.

    And holding both at once (plus a couple of other things not mentioned above) is too much at once. I took a sick day today because I can't focus on anything because too many feelings are screaming at me.

    2
  • Officially Coming out to Lemmy, And Looking to Make a Community for Help with Trans Voices

    Hi! This is an older pic of me. I think it was from around 2013 with a bad cell camera and a silly makeup app. Weirdly, it is still the best one I've got of myself even after having fully transitioned shortly after the pic was taken. Anyway, my biggest dysphoria is with my voice. I've spent over a decade on make it "pass". I'd like to know if there is interest in making a community for voice help (there are similar on Reddit).

    This has been my biggest hurdle, and if I could feasibly help others, or other people could help each other that would be fantastic. Simple voice recordings uploaded to free sites with feedback are, in my opinion, very valuable as you need to be able to interact with people on a daily basis and looks alone will not get you there.

    In short, I'd just like to know if there is interest for a community where we can help each other not be "outed" for simply trying to speak.

    14
  • The past I've never had

    cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/12099240

    > I can't help but think at night > Of that which never was, but might. > > I've faced the demons deep inside > And found the answers that they hide. > But if I'd known it all back then, > Just think how much it could've changed... > > It took so long to find the way > That most are trailing every day, > And now they seem so far ahead. > I miss the past I've never had, > Where all I took so long to see > Were always clear, and I'd be free. > > How can I catch up with the rest? > How can I make up for the past? > Is it too late to change my fate? > Have I missed the train of luck? > Has life gone by while I was stuck? > > -- Lady Scarecrow

    3
  • The annual gender census of 2024 is now open

    cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/20219544 >Link to the survey itself: https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/GenderCensus2024

    3
  • Came out to my mom

    I sent her a coming out letter while I was in school. Later I saw that she sent me a message but I was too scared to look at it at first.

    She said that she need some time to clear things in her head but will always support and love me, that she will help and that everything will be good. She also said that we will talk about this when we are alone.

    It made me so happy. Knowing that at least one person will support me makes things easier. It's such a big step.

    Edit: After I finished my launch she hugged me, we stayed like that for a long time. From her breathing I knew this is hard for her as I expected. She said same things she said in her messages and added that she is happy I told her how I feel.

    6
  • A poem I wrote as an egg, and in love with a straight guy.

    &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Question

    A question fills my head. Were I a girl instead -- Same book, but different cover -- Would you become my lover? Or would we still be friends?

    Now, I ask: don't get me wrong. I love our friendship, and it's strong. I love it when I make you smile, Even for a little while. I love it when I'm at your side. Our conversations make my day. And nothing makes me feel more pride Than impressing you some way.

    Now, I wonder: can you tell? How you make me feel so well? That this smile is just for you? And if you knew, then what you'd do?

    Now, I know that you are straight. And we're both guys, so we won't date. So a question fills my head. Were I a girl instead...

    ________________________________________________ Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman, which is why I'm calling myself a guy in there, but I'm absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn't just a matter of a "different cover" -- it's definitely part of the book.

    -- Lady Scarecrow

    12
  • seeking guidance on bottom surgery

    Hi, I'm the total mess known as Emma, and I'm currently a little overwhelmed with things.

    So, long story short:

    • I started HRT January 2023

    • I desperately need bottom surgery as soon as possible

    • I'm worried that I should have been doing electrolysis instead of laser

    • I'm worried about wait lists for surgery

    • I'm worried about the costs of surgery

    • I need to find a surgeon

    • I'm interested in evacuating to a safe state on the west coast

    • I feel overwhelmed with everything that I need to do

    There's so much going on for me right now, and I'm seeking input from everyone here with something to say about any of my struggles.

    Thanks ❤️

    22
  • She

    So my wife and I have been trying to work through the practicality of me coming out. She's been having trouble perceiving me as female, which, like, I still have a beard, so I get it. She's bi, but also believes that homosexuality is a sin, so she's been trying to work though what we would look like. I've been trying to break apart the rigid gender roles a bit, and told her last night that I don't mind our kids calling me "dad" even if I go full fem, I have no problem with she/her/dad. Like, I'm the sperm donor, not the one who carried them for nine months. She thought that was great and asked about husband, because she really would rather have a husband than a wife. I told her that I'd really prefer wife, as husband is rather ick for me, so we are still working on that point.

    Long preamble, sorry, but this morning as we were telling each other about our dreams last night and our visions for the future, she said "I envision myself in the future with my husband, and she's beautiful"

    I think that's the first time I've been gendered correctly by my wife, and it feels so good. I think we are going to make it. I'm going to have my kayak and heat it too. I'll be able to transition without losing those closest to me. My vision of the future has never looked so bright, growing into old ladies together and showing people with our lives that "Queer Christians" is not an oxymoron.

    13
  • The mask [CW: transphobia]

    I don't know why I keep this mask. It doesn't fit me -- it never has. And now I've figured out this mess, It seems to fit me even less. I would much rather wear a dress...

    But where I'm from, the risk's too high. When I still look like a guy (In many ways -- I hate them all), If I step outside the door With these clothes that I adore, What sort of danger would I call?

    But I can't waste my life away And live a lie until the day I'll get to look a certain way.

    In the end, it's up to me To find the courage that I need And be the girl I wish to be.

    -- Lady Scarecrow

    8
  • HRT questions?

    Did you have a tipping point between realizing you were trans and you started HRT?

    As in, when you de oded to start, what did that moment look like for you?

    I think I'm a point where I'm more interested in trying, but have a lot of fears holding back, which I think makes it feel like I want it less than I do.

    I was talking to some others about this and it made me realize I think I want it a lot more than I thought.

    Does any of that make sense, or am I just rambling? 😅

    16
  • Will I always look this bad, started HRT in January 2022

    started HRT in January of 2022, is it safe to say all major changes are done, and I'll always kinda look ugly and there is nothing HRT can do.

    Also sorry I made a similar post where I had the years wrong I think.

    2
  • Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact.

    https://imgur.com/a/6JkRV6X

    I've been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I'm really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it's your personality that matters. It's really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.

    37
  • Coming out letter for my mom

    I decided to come out to my mom by sending her a "letter" to make it easier for me but I'm not sure is it good enough. Main things I want her to understand are how I feel, that this didn't happen overnight and that it's a big problem for me. This is what I wrote (translated to English):

    "Something is bothering me for some time now, I want to explain everything here. It’s hard for me to start conversation about this so to make it easier for me I wrote it. I know this will be hard for you and I want to give you as much time as you need to process it. Only thing I want is support, all of this is already very hard for me so if we made negative atmosphere it would become even worse. So, I’m pretty sure that I’m transgender. I don’t know what you heard about trans people in media so I’ll try to explain how I feel. To put it shortly, it’s awful. I don’t feel good in my own skin. Whenever I’m not distracted by school or hobbies I feel really bad. I don’t like how I look and sound and how others see me. I can’t dress how I want. I feel like I’m wearing a costume because of others. A costume that I want to remove but can’t. I feel envy towards women, sometimes I can’t even look at them because of it. As times goes things become worse and my wish to do something about this is growing stronger but I’m scared. I’m scared of potential reactions of others, especially family members, and that I would be rejected. I wanted to come out to you first because I think you won’t disapprove me immediately and at least try to understand me. Like I said, support is really important to me at the moment. If people reject me things would become worse. I want to go to a therapist as soon as possible, that would be the best solution, but I wanted to tell you everything first. I don’t want to do something like this behind your back. I also want to tell you that this isn’t something recent, I’m just able to better understand my feeling now that I’m older. For years I wondered how it’s like to be a girl, I wanted to experience it for a short period. I had dreams where I became a girl. I thought it’s normal and that everyone experienced it from time to time. Anything that has something to do with changing gender was interesting to me, especially male to female. I thought it’s just a fetish. When I realized there is more to these feelings I tried convince myself I’m just making it up and that I can’t be trans. It was hard for me to accept myself as transgender but after some time I couldn’t find a different explanation. Stubbornness and fear were only reasons why I couldn’t accept myself. I’m sorry for not telling this sooner, I want you to understand that it’s hard to talk about this. I’m scared that others will reject me but I also want to do something about these feelings in order to be happy. And, again, support means me more than anything. I’m sure that you have feelings of loss while reading this. I’ll always be me, things like this won’t change that. If you blame yourself for this, please don’t do it. You and dad, or anyone else, aren’t blameworthy. No matter what you did in the past I would get here at some point. If you read all of this, I want to let you know it means a lot to me. When you are ready to talk about this just tell me, it’s easier now that I shared these feelings with someone. This should remain between the two of us, others shouldn’t know about it at the moment."

    Is this good? This is really important to me so I want to approach it in a right way and feedback would be really helpful with that.

    Important note: Verbs and adjectives are gendered in my native language. I used masculine forms because I feel like that would make things a bit easier for her. Should I keep that?

    8
  • A poem about gender roles I wrote as an egg.

    &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Like a girl

    From the beginning, girls and boys Are raised in wildly different ways: We're meant to play with different toys, We're shamed or praised for equal traits.

    Though I've been groomed to be a man, Deep down, our nature can't be changed. They hope I'm careless and brave, &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;and aggressive and bold, &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;and well-spoken and suave, &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;and detached, even cold.

    But I'm sensitive and frail. I'm not an alpha male. Whenever I try it, I hopelessly fail.

    Girls have plenty they can wear Cute or stylish -- it's all there! A fine dress, and heads are turned; A cute skirt, their frown's adjourned. The gray manhood can't compare, And it frankly isn't fair...

    I can't think of a plan For what's bound to unfurl. They're expecting a man, Yet I think like a girl.

    ___________________________________________________ Note: I've written this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman. I have since learned there's nothing wrong with manhood -- the problem was that I'm not a man, myself.

    -- Lady Scarecrow

    2
  • I hate myself and I'll never have anything

    Today I was scrolling social media and saw a trans gal who used to weigh 280 but now weighs 175 it reminds me that I'm 200 and raising (I don't have a scale currently) my HRT hasn't been working properly so I know that fat is going to masculine areas. Every time I inject I'm reminded what I'm doing is useless and my body will just raise my T or whatever the hell it's doing. I likely am just resistant to estrogen but I'll never know since I can't afford an endocrine doctor (maybe I should be on hrt if I can't afford that I don't whatever the fuck liberals (non leftist) say) I don't really have a community anymore, I'm set to have to move back to my hometown and I have nothing there. I just feel like my life never was worth living to start with but I feel like I've just lost interest in waiting and trying. 2 years ago I started HRT and my E levels are so off and on, it's never consistently working. I just feel like there isn't really any reason I want to be alive.

    5
  • Omg you guys, this bag, this bag is the gayest most fabulous thing I own and I love it

    It's a designer knockoff I bought online. Crossbody, 28x18cm (10x7 in), and I guess chains are a thing now because most bags have them in some form of a handle nowadays rather than old school leather or fabric straps?

    Also, hi blahaj! I'm Kelly. Long time lurker, first time poster. 49, transwoman. Egg shattered into a million pieces last November and have been on a wild ride of self disco with the wife. What an experience it is, learning how to be yourself.

    But seriously, this bag. This beautiful, fabulous, shiny bag! How much does this bag rock my face? Omfg I love this fucking bag

    10
  • Mirror on the wall [CW: Dysphoria]

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do I see myself at all?

    Why's this beard so thick and vast In my image that you cast? Why's there so much body hair? And the breasts that I should bear? And these arms so far from slender? Where's the sight of my true gender?

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, What I've seen has made me crawl.

    All I wish you'd show to me Is the woman I can't see. Not the fairest of them all, For whom anyone would fall, Nor a pretty one, indeed. Just a woman's all I plead.

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, I can't blame you, after all. You're a physical device Meant to show what's in their eyes.

    Mirror, mirror on the wall. You can't hear me as I call. But I'll ask you anyway: Will you show myself one day?

    -- Lady Scarecrow

    6
  • Has anyone observed a change in their temperament after being on feminizing HRT?

    [Requesting engagement from trans-feminine people on HRT]

    I don't yet know when I will begin hormone replacement therapy, but the anticipation leaves me prone to developing expectations I worry are unrealistic.

    Not sure how best to explain. My emotions, and sometimes my expression of those emotions, will feel masculine when heightened. Feeling intensely happy or angry about something even unrelated to my identity, those feelings give me dysphoria because of how masculine they seem. It's not that being happy or angry is inherently masculine, of course. The dysphoria comes from the emotion's manifestation seeming masculine.

    I don't know if this makes sense, but has anyone experienced something similar and/or seen changes to these sorts of things?

    11
  • Why am I so ugly and can't stop binge eating.

    I'm so ugly and It keeps getting worse since I binge eat, I just fucking hate myself. I keep eating and I know it's actively making me look more masculine. And feel worse.

    3
  • Feels like my exploration is at a crossroads. Again.

    I'm feeling so much more confident in my trans identity, I te s kind of crazy. I'm at a point where I'm getting more confident removing hair and such.

    I'm getting to a point where I'm getting super interested in makeup, especially foundation and contouring to cover my nasty shit and hide my big nose and all..

    Also, I so want to get more feminine clothes. A skirt, a dress, something, but idk what, or how to get something to fit my shape?

    Basically, I want something new, I have a couple avenues, but I strongly don't know how to do either.

    7
  • I need some tucking help

    As a transfem, it's probably not a surprise that I get disphoric about a certain area. Tucking normally doesn't really work for me because it leaves tape residue everywhere, hurts like hell to remove the tape and is super inconvenient (even though it's medical tape). My idea: there has to be at least some underwear that is specifically designed for tucking.

    After googling for a good while, I found a couple of sites offering tucking underwear. The only issue is: the price is extremely high. Does anyone of you have experience with tucking underwear? What are your thoughts and can you recommend them? I don't wanna blow a ton of money on something that turns out to be only mediocre at best.

    Along with that, does anyone have any sources to buy from in central Europe (online or in-person), specifically Austria/Vienna?

    18
  • Would you like to help a girl in need?

    I am not affiliated with this person. I have spoken to her in passing and she is a great gal in a tough spot.

    If I could donate I would, but I am hoping maybe someone more well off might be able to help. I don't think she's even expecting to get any donations, but maybe a surprise would turn things around for her.

    https://gofund.me/c2152e1d

    Thank you all for your consideration.

    EDIT: I think I should clarify as well, she did not even share this gofundme with me, nor her Twitter, but I noticed a Twitter link on her profile, and within in I found a post linking the gofundme. It doesn't seem like she has tried to push anyone to give her money, it seems to me like a quiet call for help, especially since the post didn't have any activity so far. I only spoke to her throughout one night, and she did not ask me for anything but conversation the whole time. I do believe anyone who met her would agree she is someone who could really benefit.

    3
  • stable, consistent dose leading to tolerance / downregulation?

    Hi!

    tl;dr after injecting the same amount of estradiol valerate (subq) for a month or so, I started to experience more dysphoria and signs of testosterone (esp. mental) started to come back. Any reason this might be?

    Longer version / details:

    I injected 5 mg (0.25 mL) of estradiol valerate subq into my thighs every four days for a while, and for a couple weeks I started injecting into my abdomen instead to avoid blood supplies.

    This dose seemed like more than enough. In the past 3.4 mg every 3 days gave me blood estradiol levels of ~350 pg/mL at trough. Recent labs showed 5 mg every 4 days had ~300 pg/mL at trough for me, which was lower than I expected.

    It's a good level, but I was having weird dysphoric experiences that commonly happen when my hormones are out of wack (usually when I'm taking too little estrogen). Things like really doubting my gender identity, depression (lack of motivation, lethargic), anhedonia (little pleasure, flat affect, often leads to craving short-term reward behaviors). Physiological signs of T were not as evident in this case, and the dysphoria was not as severe as in the past when my estrogen was too low. Still, it seemed a lot like my estrogen was too low.

    I increased my dose to 5.4 mg and the dysphoria went away within a day and I felt amazing and continued to feel amazing. I intended to switch to 5.4 mg / 4 days instead, but on day 3 I could feel my hormones coming down and trusting my experience I injected 5 mg a day early with the intention of trying 5 mg / 3 days (which is a lot more than I have taken before in terms of what this should do to my overall levels). Still not sure what I will do next. Part of me wants to stick with a 4 day cycle to keep lower peaks and to minimize overall levels (out of principle, I know injecting is not as risky as oral routes).

    I'm trying to figure out why a stable dose that seems so high and was for the most part effective would suddenly not be "enough" (assuming that's indeed what's happening).

    For context I'm close to 4 months on HRT, I took bicalutamide for a bit but stopped because I don't think it helped my mental symptoms and that's the most important therapeutic goal for me with taking HRT. I switched to monotherapy after 2 months which is when I started the 5 mg / 4 days.

    I've heard sometimes the body can go through phases as it adjusts to estrogen early in HRT, so maybe this is just one of those lurches or adjustments?

    Anyway here are some guesses I came up with:

    • I gained some weight (like 15 lbs), some maybe I need a little more EV than before?
    • injecting into abdomen depots the oil differently than the thigh, so maybe I am seeing a slower or lower circulation of EV (or alternatively a much faster circulation that is causing a crash earlier?)
    • maybe the estrogen receptors are downregulating due to taking too high of a dose too regularly? (I see lots of debate about whether this is a thing, mostly people on Reddit rejecting the idea that this has any clinical relevance.)

    Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or has suggestions.

    Thanks so much!

    4
  • Does anybody have experience with progesterone creams?

    I feel like I am at a point in my transition where I might benefit from adding progesterone into the equation. However, I have heard wildly different opinions on whether it has any impact at all, and criticism of generally available creams on amazon for not being the same as human progesterone, since they are often derived from plants.

    What do you girls think? Are they junk, or are there some out there worth trying?

    15
  • I need advice

    I thinking about trying to start with HRT earlier than I previously planned. My plan was to start transitioning after I become financially independant but when I think about that it would take at least 5 years until I start taking hormones but 6 years looks more realistic. Not sure that I can wait that long. This options isn't out of the question because it may actually be the best one but I'm not so sure about it anymore.

    Main problem is that I really want to be feminine but my musculine body is getting in my way all the time, no matter how feminine I feel from some things my body still brings dysphoria. I can't feel like myself because of it.

    I searched for stories of trans women from my country to get more information about the way trans women are treated here and it looks like situation is better than I tought, coming out might not be as bad as I expected. From what I heard even older people in rural areas were supportive of trans women.

    When I look at my situation only person I could come out is my mother if I approach the conversation in a right way. I know that it would be hard for her, but if I explain to her what being trans actually means and how I feel about myself she might come around it. Not really sure what's the best way to do it. I can try giving some resources to her but that wouldn't be that easy because she knows only 1 language and it's not english. Connecting her with other parents of trans girls could also work. Also, I'm not sure is it good idea to don't force her on using different pronouns and name at first to make things a bit easier for her.

    One important note is that even if I decide to come out that won't be now because I'm not ready for it yet, I would wait for some time (not too long thou).

    Reason why I'm talking about coming out here is because doing that first would make medical transition easier. In my country, gender affirming care is only available in capital. Since I'm 18 going there isn't really a problem but the fact that it would mean going there often and I don't do that normally is a problem. If I started seeing a therapist my parents would quickly think that something is odd basically forcing me to come out, that would be much worse than coming out when I'm ready. I'm still considering starting without anyone knowing but in that case I would quickly come out to avoid worst case scenario.

    Basically, I'm not sure how to go with this. Should I wait? Should I come out (and how)? Or should I start in secret and come out quickly after that?

    In case it matters, gender affirming care in my country includes seeing a psychiatrist for at least a year, after that you start with hormones and after 1 year of hormones and more talking with psychiatrist you can do SRS. After SRS you can change gender marker and name (you can't change musculine name to feminine one before SRS).

    2
  • lemmy.blahaj.zone After some consideration I decided to ask for the help I need. This is my Gofundme, please do not feel obligated to click or donate. - Blåhaj Lemmy

    After helping some others on here, I realized its both OK, and a good idea for me to ask for help with my current situation. I’ve posted some details about my situation before, but I tried to write a more concise explanation on my fundraising page. Thanks for even bothering to read this, and for any...

    0
  • A poem I wrote back when I was in the closet.

    The wait

    Now I finally see There's a woman in me.

    And the void in my heart That would never depart, And the pain that would start Without reason at sight -- All's explained, and alright. And the future looks bright.

    But, for now, that's my fate: I must keep it inside. My most beautiful side, Which has blossomed so late, I'm now struggling to hide. For how long must I wait?

    To be me, To be free, To pursuit my own glee? Oh, how long will it be?

    The path that lies ahead Is harsh and filled with dread, But my resolve won't wane: I'd gladly rush, instead. But life's forced me to refrain And waste this time I won't regain.

    Will this new life compensate All the time I'll have to wait?

    -- Lady Scarecrow

    7
  • Dysphoria becoming worse

    Just venting a bit.

    I expected that dysphoria will increase with more euphoria but not this fast. Before, I had dysphoria because of my presentation, fat distribution and chest but things that didn't bother me at all started to feel wrong and I just want to get rid of them. This mainly includes body hair, genitals and facial hair.

    I also need more euphoria. At this point I put on feminine clothes every time I go to the bathroom (it's the only place where I have complete privacy). It seems like I'll have to buy some women's underwear to feel more comfortable (so far I only put on my mom's clothes that is going to washing machine). I'm kinda scared to go and buy it myself, ordering online is pretty risky until I come out.

    5
  • Considering applying to jobs as [dead name]

    The political situation for trans people in the southern US has been devolving rapidly and I'm looking to move to a protected state. I'm going to start applying to jobs soon, and I've been considering whether I should apply as my dead self or not.

    I haven't changed my legal name yet, so my job applications immediately out me as trans and even if it didn't I don't pass at all currently, so if I got an interview I'd be outed then. I've been reading about how hard it is to get a job as a trans woman and I'll need all the help I can get to get out of this shithole state.

    It would kill me to have to go back into the closet for work, but the alternative is being potentially stuck in a place that will forcibly detransition me which is way worse.

    Has anyone been in this situation or has any advice?

    15
  • I want more trans online friends. Gimme a DM, maybe we can add each other on Matrix.

    If yall want, we can maybe even make a big room or something where we can hang out and chat. IDK, I just need more interaction with cool people who are trans and wholesome. If yall know any good Matrix servers that are trans-focused/just have a ton of trans people in them, please feel free to send them to me. I'm dying for community right now tbh.

    25
  • How does one find a surgeon for FFS?

    Apparently it’s been over a month and a half since we reached internal consensus on this, but I still haven’t made any progress on this subject other than asking at a local support group: Unfortunately no-one there seems to care much about this subject (only SFS/SRS for some reason), so it wasn’t much help.

    What I want to know is: How do you actually find a surgeon to perform this kind of procedure? And how do you decide if it turns out there are multiple practical options? Is it worth leaving the region to go by plane (post-surgery train ride sounds a lot nicer than flying…)?

    Details: We’re located in the EU and the public health insurance carriers don’t cover it.* We have the money to pay for this kind of procedure privately, but it would be better not to put too much stress on our savings as our income isn’t that great. This also means there is no list of “in network” surgeons (that’s a USian concept, I think?) to consult. We’ve been on HRT for over a year and a half, still weigh less than 90kgs and are AMAB and unlikely to be inter (that checks all the usual boxes, I think).

    Any resources or personal stories would be appreciated as well.

    \* In fact, they were apparently recently sued into at least covering facial lasing, but everything trans-related is a default-no with public insurance unless overruled in court. In theory one could perform the procedure in Denmark (where it is covered), get the SS2 form rejected by the public health insurance around here, then spend the next couple of years in court with them though.

    11
  • [META] Just a little check-in post. How's everyone's week going? :)

    I was thinking of making a community engagement post last week in the run up to the Easter weekend and transgender day of visibility, but it got lost under a recent promotion at work and a few busy days.

    So yeah how was your Easter weekend / TDoV? 😊 Most of my family is on vacation so I just had a quiet weekend at home with my partner. All the drama that went down with TDoV landing on Easter Sunday was.. unsettling to say the least. I hope everyone was able to weather that storm of hate and propaganda safely.

    24
  • So, I finally did my first Endocrinologist appointment.

    It went pretty well! There's maybe some small red flags but I'm in Florida so I didn't expect smooth sailing.

    But all-in-all I got the informed consent form, require a note from my psychiatrist, and need to do some baseline hormone tests before I begin.

    But if all goes well I will start hormone therapy in 6 weeks!!!!

    6
  • How to explain cross-dressing to parents?

    I started cross-dressing while I'm alone at home and few minutes ago I was doing that. There was a dress I wanted try and I did it now (I love it) but when I finished for today it was pretty hard to take it off because it wasn't made for musculine body (first time having problem like that). I was scared that I won't able to take it off by the time someone returns, they would be shocked. At the end that didn't happen but now I want to come up with a way to explain everything to my parents if such scenario actually happens and I need some help with that (important note is that my parents are pretty religious, not extremists thou). Smartest idea would probably be to just stop cross-dressing but it gives me so much euphoria, can't really give up on that.

    Only idea I have for now is just to explain everything, that I'm trans and what that means, but I'm not sure how to do that in a way they would understand. There is probably a better way to go about this, any recommendation or story from personal experience would be useful.

    8
  • Happy Trans Day of Visibility

    It's once again that glorious time of year where we celebrate the growing acceptance and visibilty of transgender people.

    I only sort of fit in here since I'm genderfluid, but your journey of self discovery is important!

    Don't take the opinions of transphobes too seriously. Dismantling their arguments is like enjoying a walk through your garden. You've done the hard work. Simply pluck the weeds (bad arguments) that would harm your growth and move on!

    5
  • I'm a trans girl 🏳️‍⚧️ !!

    I've never really felt fully comfortable being open about myself on big platforms like Reddit, but on here it feels a lot safer, especially since adopting better digital hygiene.

    So I'm just kinda saying it explicitly for the first time that I'm a trans girl. I like myself, I like my body, even if it's not perfect yet, and I like being pretty. I'm even slowly coming out more and more in real life too! Idk, everyone congratulate me or something haha

    Things are hard, but I like how accepting the federated side of the internet has been so far to me.

    64
  • I keep injecting in the wrong spot and I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

    I keep injecting into the wrong spot. Usually how I know is it feels harder to push the plunger down on the syringe. And I bleed a little upon removal. How I find the spot is I feel different spots on my leg to see if it flexs, I find the spot and mark it. Disinfect it and inject. Usually turns out fine but these past two times I've been bleeding and harder to press down the syringe (as stated) and I don't know what to do.

    5
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