Dad Jokes
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What did the Dalai Lama say when he found an image of Jesus in his tub of margarine?
"I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
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What's the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One's a heated yam, the other's a yeeted ham.
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What's the difference between the final point scored at Wimbledon and the filming location of a 1970s American celebrity panelist television program?
One is Game, Set, Match and the other is the Match Game Set.
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Why should you never blame a dolphin for doing anything wrong?
Because they never do it on porpoise.
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I accidentally dropped my computer down the stairs and it shattered into many small pieces The only salvageable part was the ram.
At least I still have the memory of it.
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Hey, you want to see an antelope?
Calvin: Hey Hobbes, want to see an antelope?
Hobbes: (Running, following Calvin) An antelope?!
Calvin: C'mon!
(Calvin and Hobbes arrive at an anthill, kneeling down next to it)
Calvin: See, she's coming down the ladder to her boyfriend's car!
(Hobbes sits, crossing his arms, looking annoyed)
Calvin: You're not laughing.
Hobbes: It's not funny.
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Is this birdcage made out of nickel?
TRANSCRIPT:
Me: Is this birdcage made out of nickel? Pet Store: Aluminum I think Me: So there's no nickel in this cage? Pet Store: Don't you dare! Me: It's a nickleless cage Pet Store: GET OUT!
[pictured is a long-haired Nicholas Cage, looking fabulous in the sun and wind. To his left, it's captioned with the text "Worth it"]
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I used to have a toilet brush, but I traded it with my friend Bob for a push broom he got from his friend Pam.
I guess you could say I swapped Bob a loo mop and got Pam's broom.
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Not all construction jobs are equally engaging.
For example, drilling or enlarging a hole can be boring, but fixing two pieces of metal together is often riveting.
