The Onion @midwest.social ZeroCool @slrpnk.net 4w ago

JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat

theonion.com JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat

PALM BEACH, FL—Noticing everyone else’s phone simultaneously buzzing throughout a meeting, Vice President-elect JD Vance began to suspect there was another group chat among Trump’s senior staff that he wasn’t part of, sources confirmed Monday. “It can’t be a coincidence that they all keep looking do...

26 comments

JD Vance only eats the cat food part of lucky charms pass it on
- knew exactly what you meant and have never heard that before. Absolutely love it
- JD Vance eats catfood? What a weirdo.
  
  What would you do if you found a can of cat food in my apartment?
  
  He eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Another group chat... couched in secrecy.

Vance blushes furiously.
The eyeliner in that photo… 🤌 😙
- I notice this, why he do that? Look so stupid.
I know headline grammar is different than normal, but this one still sounds weird to me.
- Yeah it seems like a typo. There -> there's
- 🎵Code Monkey get up, get coffee🎶
  
  🎶Code Monkey go to job🎵
  
  🎵Code Monkey have boring meeting🎶
  
  🎶Boring manager Rob🎵
  
  Rob say code monkey very diligent
  
  But his output stink
  
  His code not functional or elegant
  
  What does code monkey think?
Vice Vice President Vance
- President Musk
  First Buddy Donny
  VP Gilligan
- Vice to the President
  
  Assistant to the Vice President
I laughed way too hard at this.

Bro I know people like this. The JD Vances who are so obnoxious but only in the room because of some political BS. And we absolutely leave them out of the real discussion.
I also suspected this is the case when I read "Vance says Jan. 6 participants who committed violence ‘obviously’ shouldn’t be pardoned."
I actually forgot JD was a political figure, let alone Vice President of the country.

I literally thought "who?" when I read the hotline. It's almost pitiful.

But I will not spare pity for him.
- Not vice yet
  
  Unless someone's fermenting[sic] a rebellion or planning an Adjustment, I'm not sure how that is a meaningful distinction. His ticket won and is due to be sworn in this month.
Vance is a Thiel bloodboy. He's working with Musk.
Made me lol

26 comments