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HRT questions?

Did you have a tipping point between realizing you were trans and you started HRT?

As in, when you de oded to start, what did that moment look like for you?

I think I'm a point where I'm more interested in trying, but have a lot of fears holding back, which I think makes it feel like I want it less than I do.

I was talking to some others about this and it made me realize I think I want it a lot more than I thought.

Does any of that make sense, or am I just rambling? 😅

  • Alright, listen.

    I understand you're considering starting HRT, and that's a big decision, so it's only natural you have fears and doubts. It's also natural to seek advice and confirmation from people who have already been through this process.

    You ask what it was like when we decided to do it. I believe you want to know what it feels like -- what is the feeling we had when we were certain, when we knew for sure that this is what we wanted. Well, allow me tell you.

    That feeling doesn't exist.

    I also had doubts when I started. But I started anyway, because, given what I knew at the time, I believed it was the right choice. Now I can tell you that starting HRT is the best thing I've ever done -- but this is something I can only tell you in hindsight.

    Your post is very similar to several ones I have seen from questioning people asking what it feels like to know you're trans, or what was the moment when you figured it out. They seem to believe they can't act on their feelings until they're 100% sure. They seem to believe there is a magic moment when all doubts disappear. Well, there isn't.

    Mind you, I'm not telling you to start right away either -- it's perfectly fine to take your time and think it through. Hell, I'm not even telling you to start at all. You're the only one who can tell if this is right for you. It's a frustrating answer, I know, but it's the only honest one I can give you.

    I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I'm honestly tired of seeing trans people riddled with imposter syndrome, second-guessing every step they take, and holding themselves to an unrealistic standard of being absolutely certain of everything. You will always have doubts. Don't let them paralyze you.

    • This is a perfect comment.

      I can't speak for others but I probably borderline obsessively have to get all the info possible because I fear making the "obvious" wrong decision.

      I'm somewhat relieved but also saddened that there's this many of these kind of posts. I have been feeling like it's a similar feeling to when I realized I was trans, and when I finally was able to accept it.

      I appreciate your blunt honesty. 💜 I needed it. I think that's where I am. As far as I know to go, looking for confirmation before I jump.

    • Can confirm, I still don't know that I'm trans, all I know is that I started HRT and transitioned socially and I still like it so I keep doing it. Sometimes you just have to admit it's scary and you're taking a gamble, but you can always take stock and see if the transition is still right for you. It can feel like you have to commit up-front and know for sure, but I'm not sure anyone knows for sure.

      When I'm feeling the most doubt I like to sit down and write out the reasons I think I'm trans or why I think I might not be trans. Usually by writing it out I am confronted with all the reasons I have for transitioning and I feel better, more grounded in my choices. I think this is probably just fear and internalized transphobia that causes me to endlessly doubt and question whether I'm actually trans.

  • I had 3 years of twice weekly therapy focused on gender between realizing I'm trans and starting HRT. My timeline is excessive by most standards, but I felt that it was right for me. I wanted to be sure of my intentions and the outcome before taking the leap.

    It was an intense exercise of identifying my true self and determining the best steps to get there. 13 years later and I'm still certain that it was the right move.

    I'm a transman, hope it's OK that I replied here.

    • Yeah, no problem. I thought about posting it in the general trans community.

      I thought I was taking it slow! It has been a little less than a year since I realized. I think I'm in a similar place, it's a big thing and I want to know that it's what I really want. Also, once that closet door comes open, there's no going back, which is really scary.

  • I had this building feeling that it was something I wanted for myself, and it was growing for a long time as I came to understand more about my identity. I was also deeply afraid though, so I totally get what you mean. I thought that I'd have to commit all the way from the get-go, and that sudden physical changes would mess up my life.

    I talked with a transgender friend of mine, and he reassured me that it was ok not to know my destination, and I could just start E on a low dose, go slow, and see how I feel. It's a lot less frightening when you know you can change your mind whenever.

    I just ended up finding that the longer I was on it, the more like "myself" I felt, and that point where I changed my mind never came. It is so much easier to get started on something big like transitioning if you take it a tiny bit at a time and check with yourself to see if you're still on the right path for you.

  • Yes, I even had a pros/cons list in my head that was heavily weighted in favor of doing it, but I was uncertain and scared. Finally, I convinced myself that it's extremely easy to undo should I want to, making the only risk possibly wasting my time. My one regret after starting is not doing it sooner.

    The certainty only came after I made that scary decision. The tipping point was just "YOLO". And even after, it's still not 100%, merely 99.9%. I'm open to changing my mind, I just don't think that's likely now.

  • The nice thing about HRT is that it helps clarify a lot of things. For most of us it just feels so right that the doubt falls away. There’s still fear and uncertainty about coming out and next steps but that’s more about societal bullshit that makes it lives hard.

    That little inside voice though? She’s probably going to sigh a blissful breath of relief. For me it was just a hundred tiny things… just everything feels a little bit better.

    Alternately the inner you might react with “nope nope nope!” However that little voice inside reacts, listen to it. Try and separate its words from those coming from outside sources.

    • It's interesting you phrase it that way!

      The voice incide feels kind of excited about the idea(hopefully it's not just the adhd getting bored) I mean, it's obviously puberty 2,which I know isn't really ever fun, but there is some excited almost looking forward to it feeling.

      The other bullshit is definitely a thing hanging over my head, but I realized recently, I'm fairly certain transitioning or not, some of these issues are coming up with my family eventually anyway, but transitioning will definitely bring up a lot of things sooner, and I'm a strong conflict avoider.

  • I was pretty much debating being trans my entire life, not really accepting it. One of the things that weirdly helped me was a meme being pretty much like "if you're okay/considering HRT you're prolly trans. Cis dudes are pretty scarred of estrogen." So kinda feels like I was cool with HRT before I was with being trans, I guess. Tho first day of it, it took me quite a while to actually start and was a bit hard to do that.

    • That's one of the things that's been on my mind lately 😂 if I'm not terrified of even considering, I probably won't hate it.

      I think part of my deal is change is difficult and attention drawn to it is also uncomfortable and this is both.

      Change is hard enough, but then people being like "oh! You changed something. Why?"

  • I had this sort of concern about coming out as fully fem, but once I made that jump, there wasn't another jump to make for seeking HRT. Part of this is because I was already going by they/them pronouns, but I just saw the decisions as one in the same for me.

    I didn't think I needed hormones to be valid, I just knew I wanted them more confidently than social transition. There was a period where I wished I could HRT stealth before having to come out to others. The worst part is I'm still not on E 😭

  • I recommend watching this video if you haven't already: Common Excuses to Avoid Transitioning

    • Thanks! DAMN that channel's got a lot!

      • Yes, I recommend watching all those videos. They were what finally forced me to admit I was probably trans and that I should at least try hormones and socially transitioning to see whether it made things better or not.

  • I realized I was some flavor of trans about two years ago. At first, I considered myself agender and not cis, but didn't accept the trans label (that didn't last long so its still about 2 years either way - I still like the agender label I think, but also consider myself transfem). Started HRT almost 3 weeks ago.

    Part of the delay was not sure HRT was right for me. Specifically didn't know if boobs were something I wanted to deal with, so I tested them out via breast forms, including going cosplay back in November.

    Another is I worried about how it would affect my ability to earn money, so I wanted to save up a lot first.

    Another reason for waiting is a I wanted to at least come out to my parents and sister before starting (which I still have not done).

    Anyways, finally decided to start because we were considering getting a house and if so, that would have delayed savings goals far too long. At the same time, my sister announced being pregnant and I realized I didn't like the idea of being an uncle.

    I still am not certain and wonder if I should quit taking HRT. I don't really have a reason why I should stop, but given I don't consider myself a woman, it feels like I'm breaking some sort of rules that I intellectually don't believe should exist (if someone wants HRT, it shouldn't matter what their gender is). And of course anxiety related to discrimination is still a thing, particularly given my field of work and the state I'm in. Also, the anxiety of having an appointment for getting HRT (the lack of specific goals and using my very gendered birthname made me feel particularly like an imposter during the appointment) and anxiety starting (despite being really happy about it) I think triggered quite significant feelings of dissociation before I started, so at the time I started, my thoughts were basically "the me of a few days ago decided I should take this, so I'm going to, but I have a hard time feeling like that person was me and I feel disconnected for my current feelings."