Be yourself and be true to who you are. Don't let neurotypical conditioning define your identity.

Personally I find this form of thinking far more dangerous: I come from a country in which being "mentally disabled" would literally mean me being unable to function in polite society, and being a "retard" is something pretty common, even with adults. The fact I was undiagnosed autistic until I left saved me. Sure you don't function like everyone else, and yeah, it's hard - trust me -, but to say you're broken is basically undermining everyone else that has the same condition as you.

I can see how that can be true in your circumstances. But, in a society where resources are available to you, the social model often leads people to turn down medications and accommodations, because the need and use of them seems unfair. (General “you” use ahead) And that only makes your life worse, given that you don’t live in that ideal society you built in your head.
- First off those people don't actually understand the social model of disability. The whole point is society makes it harder to get along because of disability or difference and the lack of acceptance and accomodation. If that same society offers aid you should generally take it. At least that's my understanding.
  
  You are also starting with the assumption that there is actually help for adults with disabilities like autism and ADHD. The truth is there isn't that help available in many societies. Calling yourself "broken" isn't going to change that fact.
anyone who is willing to seek help has to pay the consequences

Neurodivergent is a middle ground. Our wiring is abnormal in some (or many) ways.

We are broken in the same way a tank is a really shitty car. If all you do is drive the roads, it will seem that way. However, it can go places that a car simply can't. Critically, this doesn't make it any less shitty on the roads. Nore let you suddenly become a car. You're a tank, and stuck as one.

This is different to being broken however. We are forced to adapt to our unusual brain wiring. Some people unfortunately can't. Others can mask, but find it exhausting.

I'm personally reasonably lucky. I have ADHD and autism. My life was pretty shitty till I learnt not to follow the expectations of others. I now have a family, an interesting job, and hobbies I enjoy. My life is still far from perfect, but it's not broken, it just felt that way.

Hey. Pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD (literally sitting in waiting room to talk to a therapist as I write this), and I feel like there's a bit more than just being broken. We're only "broken" because we don't conform to the currently agreed upon norms. The world isn't designed for us. And the quicker we can realize that and make personal and societal adaptations to make these "breaks" more standard, well, we'll all be better off.

My issue is how some people put so much emphasis on societal changes and ideas like “I’m not broken, society is”. Then they just live without any personal adaptations (medications, coping mechanisms, etc) bc “I’m not broken”. Worse, some look down at those who do take medications and try to adapt to the realities of our current society.
- You can take some personal responsibility while also acknowledging that at least the majority of the reason this is even an issue is due to external things, i.e. societal expectations.
How’d the appointment go?
- Went well, mostly intake stuff. Got another in 2 weeks .
Hello, random Lemmitor! Have you downvoted the comment from Ookami38 because you feel it isn't true? You know nothing about the life experience of the user who wrote it, so you're using your limited, finite knowledge to invalidate someone else's perspective. Before you jump into concluding that people who use the term neurodivergency to refer to themselves to cope, have you stopped to consider if your irrational rejection of the possibility that a neurodivergent person feeling fine about their condition or who they are is not your own mechanism to cope?
- I... Why am I called out in that post? Like legit confused, I've been disconnected since I posted it so was I like, massively downvoted or something? Regardless yeah, I agree with what youre saying, for the most part.
- Dude, most of the comments are trying to be supportive of this guy. I'm pretty sure we've all felt broken when we were diagnosed. I thought I was unlovable and would never have friendships or a partner, and eight years later I just celebrated my five year anniversary. Shit gets better, but not if you stay on the cycle of thinking you're just broken and it will always stay like that. Whether you want to believe that or not, that's your prerogative.
  
  I would like to clarify, that despite feeling broken, I do see the hope in medication, knowledge and understanding, and coping mechanisms. Not to mention a loving and supporting wife, who also has her own issues… but we work out to about 1.5 fully functioning adults together, so that’s nice.
  
  Viewing ADHD and other disorders purely by the social model, at least as I hear many talk about it, completely disregards any need for medication and accommodation, and just puts the emphasis on society to change. And I think that’s just wrong, like, I understand the idea of the social model, but people take it too far. Use it as an aspirational guide to a better society, don’t dismiss the aides that help people function in today’s society because you feel they shouldnt be needed in the first place.
  
  I was complaining about the downvotes that Ookami38's comment received. Perhaps you misunderstood me?
  
  Sorry, the comment said "have you down voted the comment above" and I thought you were referring to him being non understanding of the original root commentor. My bad.
  
  To be fair I was also confused, but I didn't realize my post had apparently gotten downvoted at the start. All good.
  
  No worries. I guess it wasn't clear enough, so I edited my comment. Have a good day.
  
  Ah cool, this post answers my question above lol. Thanks for the support.

This. It’s not a pity party, but it is a justification for medication, and for giving a little bit of understanding.

I really relate to your comment, and one of the most rage inducing experiences I've ever had was someone lecturing me on how I shouldn't call myself disabled, and then they badly explained the social model of disability to me.

However, I also find neurodivergent a useful term because I think that what we understand as disability is limited by our current world view. An example that feels analogous to me is how colonialist empires dismissed the art, culture and knowledge of indigenous peoples because they projected their preconceived values onto them.

I think that there's a lot we don't understand about autism, and how heavily normative society is holds us back. There are things that I am great at that feel inextricably linked to my autism. That doesn't negate all the difficulties I also experience, but the word "neurodivergent" and the conversations that have developed around it feel it carves out space where I can lean into my autistic traits in situations where they're strengths without having to be "super-autistic"; but also I can struggle in ways that neurotypical people can't fathom, and it isn't viewed as "negating" my strengths.

A large part of this is because the first chunk of my adult life, I broke myself by trying to act overly neurotypical, and like many autistics, I found that masking to this degree was unsustainable. Now, I'm much closer to a balance where I can pick my battles and not force myself to be something I'm not - like having tinted glasses for the office instead of expecting myself to somehow cope with my light hypersensitivity. In many ways, it feels like a different mode of being altogether - "wellness" for me looks different to "wellness" to a neurotypical, and I'd wager that "wellness" for you and other people in this thread would look closer to my version than the neurotypical version.

That being said, I agree that the way that people talk about stuff like ADHD and autism feels icky as hell. Personally, I find it more depressing to pretend that I'm not disabled, because actually, ignorance isn't bliss when I can't run from my reality. Sometimes things just suck, and they're hard, and pretending otherwise makes it harder to cope with because it's implicitly saying "I'm lying to myself because the truth is untenable".

Thanks, yeah, you did a great job of putting it more eloquently than I had. 100% agree.

Same with me, but I don't have ADHD but depression. I know I'm not normal and it's not okay to be like me, guess what, telling me that in fact is ok to be a mental fucking mess doesn't make it better.

🤷 It's about the social model of disability. It's certainly incomplete, but it's not wrong.

I’m just fucking broken.

that is literally every human on this planet. just because someone doesn't have a mental divergence from perceived norm doesn't mean they aren't broken.

I disagree, we’re all different, but “disorder starts at impairment” and impairments come in various degrees.

To think of it this way, seems to say that “we all struggle” and the very next thought for many would be “why do you need and get medication/accommodation?” Or maybe the inverse “why don’t I get…?”

I guess there’s an argument to be had there, especially with the second form of the question.

A bit of an asshole, medication Bit boring, medication Don’t run fast, prosthetic Kinda ugly, surgery Short, surgery
- just because someone doesn’t have a mental divergence from perceived norm doesn’t mean they aren’t broken.