I feel this deep in my bones. Lately I'm watching conditions deteriorate all around me and wondering what rock bottom is going to look like. We're heading there fast and no one with any power to slow the descent gives a single fuck. It's depressing as hell.
It was great for a while, lifted billions out of poverty, gave us cures to diseases, air conditioning, internet, etc. But I definitely feel like we need to rethink it now. We need to protect the institutions that allow for innovation, entrepreneurialism, and capitalism, yes, because innovation is essential. But we also need to figure out how to help the tens of millions of people capitalism is leaving in the dust. Idk how to do that though.
I hear what you’re trying to say but capitalism isn’t what lifted people out of poverty, it was a strengthened central government willing to tax corporations and the rich to spread the wealth being generated by labor to create a middle class. Stronger regulations and higher taxes bred an amazing increase in quality of life for the Boomer generation.
The super rich and their willing accomplices on the Right have waged a war on government protections for the middle class because it fetters capitalism and the consolidation of wealth and power. Without a government that is willing to work for the good of the people or unions that actually protect the labor class it’s clear that capitalism alone has not been a force for good for the common individual.
By the way, don’t ignore that a lot of the conveniences and leaps in innovation that we take for granted as corporate innovations came from government agencies (e.g. NASA) or government research/funding (e.g. vaccines). Corporations just take what we already paid for through taxes and sell it back to us again at a mark up. Yay capitalism…?
I do give a shit at least, loads do. Capitalism is cancer, people who support it works for them because they've never suffered or cared for anyone but themselves.
I'm a skilled fuckin mason. But I've put my notice in so I'm being given all the shit jobs on my last week. The past three days I've been descaling parts of the wall. What's descaling you ask? Going over the entire wall with a hand brush and a wire brush, knocking off all the loose bits. Meanwhile their star mason is installing stones with ledges so big you could hang a fuckin coffee cup off em, and totally missing mortar on entire stones. Literally just plop em on the wall and keep going. Fuck this place, and fuck Bob specifically.
Man Bob sounds like a real piece of work. Good for you, I hope you find a place that can utilize and appreciate (in the form of payment) your talents and commitment to quality of work. Best of luck internet stranger!!
I'm at a crossroads in life where I need to start making large and impactful decisions about my future. It's a very lonely place to be.
Will my long term relationship last?
Do I want it to?
Will I try to stay in this (IRL) community?
Do I want to?
Will I stay in this career path?
Can I afford not to?
Etc.
Usually I'd talk to my partner about all this, but because our relationship is also part of my issues, I feel like I can't. So as a result... I'm feeling lonely and overwhelmed.
That's really tough. I'm sorry you feel like you have no one to talk to, especially when you're considering such tough decisions. If it's worth anything: it is my opinion that at some point it's ok to be "selfish" and consider the things that will make you a happier, healthier person in the long run so that you can then share this "better person" with someone who deserves it. Take a break, assess, regroup and start over. You got this!!
I was there 5 years ago. We mutually decided to break up and it was really rough at first. When I met my current partner last year, I started to realize just how toxic that last relationship was. I found myself realizing that I didn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. When you meet the right person, you’ll know because you won’t have as many of those kinds of doubts.
Seriously, I feel you. I recently had a big life change to something that I thought I wanted to do. Turns out, it isn't even close to what I expected. Not that it's bad. Most people would consider it their dream. But is it what I want to do? I dunno.
It feels like I've just been following everyone elses dream. I wish I could just do a long walk about. Like hike the apalations and really consider what I want for me. Unfortunately, I have people that depend on me, so I can't.
I did start therapy recently and it's been a huge help.
I’m lonely. I broke up with my partner Valentine’s Day before last (found out she was cheating on me!). Turned 30 late last year, I work from home, and I’m not super outgoing y’know? I haven’t tried online dating since 2017 prior to this and it just sucks. It’s awful. It’s so hard to get a sense of a person on there so it ends up not being very successful. I’m sick of being in my apartment like fucking Rapunzel in the tower.
Do you feel like going back into the dating pool now?
I say this because I broke up with my partner one month ago, dating since 2018, and I feel that after 4 months my healing process will still not be finished. Do you have any friends around, maybe old acquaintances you can have a drink with? I don't work from home, so my coworkers (who I surprisingly adore) have been instrumental in getting me back to life. Not dating yet, but at least being social. They've been planning events, activities and such, which isn't uncommon for them, but when I was with my partner we would never go to these things.
Don't take this as advice as I'm 100% not suitable to give it, take it more as support. I've also been seeing a therapist (I had a lot of issues that led to the downfall of the relationship), if that's an option for you I would recommend it.
I'm the same age as you, I'm also not super outgoing, so I say: give it time. I was in a bad place after every break up I had and when I rushed things, after a breakup in 2017, it only made it worse. I went out, got drunk and eventually fucking cried. How ridiculous is that?
Until I noticed it was doing me no good, so I decided I would chill at home and that it would eventually pass, because everything fucking passes. Well, it did, and life continued, as opposed to think it was gonna end after the breakup.
Time does wonders. Therapy and getting to know yourself are also great.
I am so angry. I am so sick and tired of just stating my experiences as a woman and having people who are not women straight up tell me that I'm wrong. About my own life experiences. It's fucking exhausting to be surrounded on all sides by bad faith actors, knowing full well that you won't get through to them, and feeling defeated, like the world is going backwards and you can feel your rights being torn away from you bit by bit, trying desperately to stand up for yourself and having any words you say fall on deaf ears. I'm so sick of not being listened to. I'm so sick of not being believed. I am so fucking sick of not being respected. I just want to be treated like a human and not be criticised for literally just fucking existing.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I hate dealing with people enough as a man. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with all the bullshit you are stuck with, having your opinions and experiences dismissed, etc. I hope things improve for you (and all women), but it looks like it'll get worse before it (hopefully) gets better.
I really appreciate your comment more than you know. Just having a guy read what I wrote there and not only recognize it, but believe it and validate it means so, so much.
I'm lucky in that I have some close male friends probably a lot like you who are willing to listen and are actively improving themselves and I am so very thankful for that.
I'm not a woman, but I am a minority living in a racist part of the USA, and I kinda know what you're talking about. It's really hard. I sometimes feel crazy because people don't believe me.
I constantly have to play this game of, "are they being rude, do they not like me, or are they being racist?" I feel gaslighted all the time. I feel lesser and it's tiring having to be who I am. Even people who think they are being kind are assholes. Telling me that I'm "not like the others" is such an insult to my people. "The others" are my friends and family. They are not "others" they are people to me.
I am sorry you are going through this. Your voice matters and is valid
Edit: Sorry for attaching my venting to yours. Pretty selfish of me now looking back
Oh gosh I cant even imagine dealing with all the racist little micro aggressions you have to deal with every day. Also don't feel bad for venting, you were just trying to relate, and I'm autistic so I relate in a very similar way. I feel for you too and I'm glad someone understands. ❤
I am absolutely exhausted with me and my kid's ADHD. My wife is always upset at us because we can't remember shit and I've spent my life feeling guilty because nobody will ever just give me a break.
I'm expected to be "on" at all times and I just can't do it forever. Sometimes I just need to do things my own, likely inefficient way, but at least at home it usually ends in being berated because I didn't do it "the right way".
It's so insanely demoralizing. I don't even want to bother trying at anything because it will only be met with derision. What's even the point. Fuck it all.
Shit like that is why I still dream of disappearing forever to be alone and just left to my own devices.
The entirety of the first few pages of my subscription feed are all posts about Sync for Reddit and about the Logitech controller used in the submersible.
The threadiverse has gaping fundamental flaws in its implementation. It will of course get better over time. But damn. This isn't great.
I've completely given up on finding someone to spend my life with. I'm 27m and I have nothing to offer outside of love. Every girl I'm even slightly attracted to already has a boyfriend. I'm not unattractive but I have resting bitch face and I'm intimidating. I've lived my whole life with people being afraid of me which fuels my need for companionship. I know I'm not owed anything from anyone but that doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt.
Anymore I've just accepted that I'm going to die alone because I'm only going to be wanted for what I can provide when I just want to be fucking loved. My own family doesn't even love me. All they can talk about is how I'm not good enough or I'm not applying myself correctly.
I was like you at that age, it stinks to feel unlovable, it's the loneliest feeling ever.
That said I quit my job, went back to uni and finished something i should have long time ago. In that process I met my current wife, at 37.
So never give up hope. Instead of investing time in others, try learning to love yourself a bit more. If you don't approach every woman as a potential mate but just as a person it gets better, too.
I know it's easy to say from where I am right now, but best of luck and much strenght, bro!
I'm 29 and in your same exact situation. I'm constantly reminded that I'm alone and the world isn't made for single men. The harder I try the stronger the depression hits back since all my efforts are meaningless. And each time I talk to someone about it I just get the most cliche responses.
I've just completely given up on love and accepted that I'll be alone the rest of my life. Since it looks like it won't be better, at least I don't want it to be worse...
I understand the feeling. I'm sure you have lots to offer even if you don't know about it yet ;)
I agree with Akasazh. I met my first partner at 24 and it lasted 7 years before we realized it would be better to split. It took me a long time (4 years) to find someone else, at age 36. Age doesn't matter: people find love even past 70! (my grandma!)
Yeah man wtf why is it that it feels like EVERY SINGLE GIRL not only already has a boyfriend but there's like twenty other guys in line ahead of you? How does that math work out when the population is roughly 50/50?
Life is a struggle to make something from nothing. You may not feel you have direction, but you are on a path to becoming a more fulfilled being with each day and experience.
Your assertion that life is only emptiness is largely true. The only meaning is what we create.
Try to love yourself, feel every feeling you can, and appreciate you get to be anything at all.
Happiness and purpose is just a perspective, one that I have chosen. It comes and goes, it's always a battle.
But i used to be empty. I used to be nothing. I wanted to stop existing.
Nothing has changed as far as my outlook on the world, but I have found meaning in the meaningless. I have filled my emptiness with worth.
I think it comes down to appreciation. I'm alive, and that's pretty crazy. Might as well enjoy myself, fuck the rest. Don't do shit you don't wanna do. What's the point?
I have no energy to do the things I want to do and my parents would pull the "I worked full time and got a masters". Like yeah, of course I appreciate their sacrifice but damn.
Every weekend I stay up trying to recoup some time to do the things I want but I end up just feeling more tired.
Mostly unrelated but also I feel like I'm living half a step detached from society. I am grateful for my SO who mostly get me at least.
Sounds like burnout.
Don't have any advice cause Im not doing so great myself, but maybe set some small goals for yourself that look more achieaveable and enjoyable. Set a few hours to rest and do whatever without needing to feel productive, set some days to go out and do something different, some museum you never visited, or if there is some kind of event in your city like live music or whatever. Some times it will not be your thing, other times you may discover something new you like, at any case it gives you things to talk about and discuss with your SO and peers.
I've been trying to get assessed for ADHD for almost a month now, and the therapist i've been trying to schedule with has been dragging their feet for WEEKS.
Both my brother and father have ADHD, my brother was diagnosed when he was a teenager but my dad was diagnosed in his 50s (I am 30). I work from home, which works great and I have no regrets, but when I get distracted, i get distracted HARD. I am constantly getting up, I have about 60 tabs open on multiple monitors, about every 30 seconds I think "I should look at xy or z" and open a new tab. When i'm not working, I have to have 2 or 3 things on at a time (read social media app redacted, have a tv show on, play with my dog, ect), and I have constant decision block in choosing how to spend my free time. It's getting to the point where I'm up until 2am or worse towards the end of every deadline. I have a bunch of side projects I really want to dig into, but I can't seem to maintain focus on any of them.
My insurance covers the costs of therapy but only within network, so I feel a little hamstrung to use this therapist because they're the closest to me and have great reviews and seem to have an approach I would appreciate, but JESUS CHRIST just respond to my fucking emails! To add to the stress, I feel very self conscious of the perception I might be fishing for drugs, and ever time I send a follow up email i feel like i'm making it look like I don't really need help.
I feel like i'm failing my wife, and my employer, and my friends, and I just want some help so I can get my life a little more in control. It's exhausting.
My manager is in meetings all the time but has a big ego so they have had no time to view my work but they ABSOLUTELY insist that they know exactly what I’ve done and that it needs to be better.
Bitch all the things he’s complaining about I’ve already done but it’s impossible to get a word in.
Check out, my dude. Focus on just the raw results. Play up your accomplishments to everyone around you. Don't mention your boss. People will notice you more as they hear you doing good things. They'll naturally observe your boss more and notice something is amiss. For bonus points, pal around with your boss's boss and show how proud you are of your work.
Just don't shit talk your boss, ever. Maintain that rule while playing up your accomplishments, and you fucking win. Fuck your boss. You're awesome. Show everyone you're a badass. You got this
I utterly despise my supervisor. Seriously, shut the fuck up! These 85 meetings could have all been an email, you don’t listen to the rest of us anyway, and nobody gives shit about your medication schedule. Learn how to manage yourself before inflicting your crap on other people.
I watched my grandfather die last night after months of him battling ALS. I've already accepted his death years ago and I know he's at peace now so it's okay.
But the fact I can't explain to my dog that she should stop looking for him and waiting for him to walk through the door tears me up inside.
Fuck. We don't deserve dogs. It's up to you to show her all the love that your grandfather can't anymore. I'm glad you're at peace, and now you have an awesome job to do, even if it's tough
I wish my life wasn't this complicated. Wife left me couple of years back on her own and now she won't divorce me until I pay a heft amount to her.
On top of stress and depression, I got diagnosed with multiple health problems including high cholesterol and diabetes. Life sucks for me at this point. I just wish all this gets over soon so I can focus on my health and career more.
I have to take care of a 3 year old with pink eye giving her antibiotic eye drops 4 times a day for a week. It's like wrangling a greased screaming pig. She doesn't sleep though the night from the coughing, so i dont sleep through the night. I'm all alone while my spouse is on a work trip for 2 weeks, so he gets to miss out on all of this start to finish! No daycare or taekwondo so I can get a break! No family or support! All me all alone with a shit eyed toddler and no sleep for 2 weeks straight. That's on top of all the other agonizing responsibilities haunting me every day. I'm so tired, 10 days left......
I'm sick and tired of working for other people. Having to take PTO to do literally anything you want to do on a weekday is so fucked, and I'm one of the lucky people (who works PST while in EST). Corporate policies and politics truly do run rampant through every company, and I just need to keep working on products until one becomes sustainable long-term.
Feel like that's the key to financial and physical freedom - making the next big thing, then getting it to a solid state and just doing gradual improvements. Don't pull a spez, don't piss people off and don't add too many new features after a while or you'll kill what you have. And for the love of GOD, don't go public.
IPO'ing and going public are what kill companies with great things running for them, simply due to the "keep growing every day until the company inevitably collapses" mindset.
Plus the hyper-focus on quarterly profits by investors. Why give PTO now if it hurts the three-month bottomline now. Imagine the difference in employee satisfaction due to proper treatment (work-life balance, pay, other benefits) if investors where strongly encouraged to keep their money where it is for 5-10 years.
I'm just sick of that toxic culture of corporate optimism. Everything is AWESOME! Living the dream! One big happy family! Like why can't I just show up do my fucking job get paid and go home, why do I gotta pretend I'm having an 8 hour long orgasm all day?
I don't know what the heck to do with my life.
I should be happy I finished my major but Im not, Ive been depressed and confused ever since.
It seems like most of the "typical career paths" for my profession are not for me and my attempts to do something a bit different are met with really strange looks from my peers, my friends, my family and my coworkers.
I think a lot of people feel lost after university, I know I did. Also very few people I know got to their careers using a neat path, a lot of career paths look like chaos. I also went down an unconventional, difficult path after university, as nothing else seemed to fit. I think you just have to do what is best for you and know it'll work out in the end.
I wish Python was faster. It's so easy to write code in it.. but then it's easy to get bottlenecked either in multithreaded workloads or just from weird io choices.
Like I wrote some code to talk to LDAP using an open source lib and big queries are like 10x slower than shelling out to ldapsearch. So I like Python, but man the performance bites me sometimes.
There are small gains being made to make it faster, but bigger ones seem to be in perpetual limbo.
My rant is that I love in an existential crisis.
I know the world sucks. I know why the world sucks and I think I have solutions to some of those issues. However how can I act upon them.
I'm forever flip flopping on leaving everything behind and living as a nomad in a cave or trying to get into office to right the wrongs of this world.
I'd love to leave a legacy of actually doing something worthwhile with my life as most lives are pointless.
We are nothing. We live we die and Majority of us will destroy more than we will ever create.
Nothing I do or most do matters. I could due tomorrow and my existence would be a footnote in an obituary. With that most things people do don't impact on the greater humanity.
Yet we have capacity to truly be remarkable. But to do that we need to take risks. Risks that would ultimately force us into something we do t actually want to do. Risks that would be life altering and destroy the current east life we live.
.
Simple question regarding bringing a child into this life. Knowing they will have a worse life than us and forcing them to exist what be a form of torture.
Hopefully decisions will be made by fate and I won't need to torture myself until something snubs me out. Could I make a difference it will I be forgettable like everyone else
I've been clean a year. I wasted my youth. I'm 33 now, and all of a sudden I have bad knees, arthritic hands, fucked up teeth. It's frustrating that I squandered my health.
But I am still grateful. I have people that love me, food and shelter, and you crazy cats. Thanks.
Getting older sucks. Trying to do the right thing sucks. I don't want to be with my girlfriend. I'm always distracted by other women and daydreaming about how I would try to pick up girls. I made a commitment to her to help her with her career change before sorting out our relationship issues, but she's been working on this shit for a year and a half. I'm frustrated being at a company of people mostly younger than me who get caught up in petty bullshit. Lots of the leaders don't know how to lead, and while the CEO is listening to me to get a leadership training program in place, there are only two people on that team. I want to go over there, take shit over, and teach these kids how to be awesome, but I have commitments to my current department. My two new team members have only been here 3 and 6 months, so i shouldn't leave them yet. And then there's the new machine learning development pipeline they want me to plan out and set up. It's fun. I wanna do it. But i average 27 hours a week in fucking meetings. Sure, a lot of that is my fault, but i wish i wasn't the only guy in my area with the level of tech knowledge i have, the vision, and the communication skills to coordinate people to do stuff. And i know people are gonna read this and be like "oh woe is me. You work at an AI company in a position of power. Boo hoo." Yeah, I know I got it good, but I want more. I want to do awesome shit. Everything is so fucking clear to me. I can see how we should be in the next five years, and i want us to be there right fucking now. I've worked my whole damn life to now. This is my fucking prime. And now I'm stuck waiting for a bunch of children to figure out how to get shit done. They're smart as fuck, but no one in this damn country understands leadership. It's all old school military style "Yes sir. Thank you sir. May i have another sir" kind of bullshit. There's SO much potential here. I want to see these people conquer the fucking world. They're smart and talented and, oddly enough, some are legit fucking beautiful, and I ain't got time for them to be fucking around. If the CEO would bite the fucking bullet and do another investment round or something so we could hire people. So many people have quit in the last two months because of burnout. It's fucked. Things are falling apart from the understaffing and trash leaders. And I can't go start my own fucking company because my visa doesn't work well for that and i don't have that kind of money and there's no way in hell I'm going back to the US. Fuck, man. I was supposed to be married with kids running my own fucking business by now. Sure, I got it good individually, but the planet is fucking dying, people are desperate and succumbing to fascist tendencies, people are so up their own asses that they can't see the rich of the world exploiting them like fucking pigs, and despite all the fucking work I've been in throughout my life and everything I've been told my entire life, I'm not gonna be Elon fucking Musk. Sorry mom. I wasn't joking when I said I'd never be as rich as him. "Never say never!" Shut up you fucking moronic cow. You Trump-loving, ignorantly hateful creature masquerading as human. Fuck. I'm so tired. We have the internet. The sum of all human knowledge is at our damn fingertips, and we're still fucking ourselves so some clever assholes can compare bank accounts like measuring their dick sizes. I just want us to do good. I want a partner that can keep up with me and that I want to make happy. I want my current company to get past its growing pains or start my own. I want humanity to come together and fulfill the promise that modernity has been saying is just out of reach for decades. Are we doomed? Are we just programmed to be tribalistic idiots that are never satisfied with what they have? Why can't I just be happy? Fuck, I was happier before, and things have mostly improved for me individually since then. I'm so tired.
But I hope you're doing awesome. Smile for me? At least let my suffering be entertaining so I can make just one more person happy? Please? I just want to help. I just want to be useful
And I miss dancing. I used to dance like a fool. Was fucking good at it, too. But now, I don't want my girlfriend to see me dancing, and I don't understand why. I'm too old for the clubs here, and clubs here are fucking weird anyway. And everyone here is so try-hard about everything. I miss feeling music in my body
I hate feeling like I'm just a number to every business, person, or company. Every transaction feels like they just have to do the absolute bare minimum, and if they don't even accomplish that, it doesn't matter because I'm just a number.
If I can piggy-back off of this: I’ve been feeling this especially hard when it comes to doctors recently. I’ve had an on-going problem, and it feels like I’m getting blown off at every turn. My PCP referred me to a specialist without doing too much, the specialist is ignoring my history and prescribing me something I’m not comfortable taking, and now when I try to call my PCP and the specialists office to figure out what to do they point fingers at each other and try to get off the phone as fast as possible. It feels so disgusting. I can empathize that for them the system must suck as well, but I’m just trying to take care of my health and it feels like I’m met with so much resistance. I don’t really know what to do anymore.
Honestly, the only thing they haven’t skimped on is sending the bills.
Talking about venting.. Came over a recent yt video of a school board president in US who vented like a storm of the century. I felt my own wish to yell at the world dissipate just watching it. I've always wanted to say the same as she did to those childish protestors and agitators. Here:
https://youtu.be/vYvt8IIwC2s
I had to spend five and a half hours last night fixing someone else's work l, two and a half hours past when my shift was supposed to end. He's best friends with a supervisor and nobody realized just how bad his work had gotten until it came to light yesterday. I'm pissed that the sup has been covering for him for so long and I'm pissed that I had to fix his fuck up because he can't be trusted to do it correctly. We're going to miss a deadline because of them.
Yes. My cat has been in the ER since yesterday and I am so worried about him. On top of that, I just found out that most of my HVAC needs to be replaced and idk how I'm going to pay for all of this. It's almost like the economy is setup to fuck most of population because between paying other bills and living costs, how am I supposed to save money?
There should be tumbler mass exodus like for (Twitter|Reddit) . Along with everything else wrong with it , if ive to be subject to seeing peops with anime twink pfps who think they're hot shit blabber about "(chronic|termin)ally online (teen|20 yo) kinnies" one more time , am gonna delete this fucking app
Go on, staff. Do the stupidest thing imaginable wit that website , make it unbearable for us to stay on ‼️📉 WE NEED TUMBLR EXODUS NAOW