If we're going by Columbus logic, probably "Jupiter"
Blue Marble probably
Salty Water Ball With Some Dirt Patches
Are the aliens going to rape and enslave?
Very likely
Translated to English, probably “Name-of-Star” 3, as in 3rd planet from our star, same system as Star Trek. The key difference is Columbus had no idea where he was going, and aliens have to know exactly where they’re going. Can’t shoot into space and find a planet by accident.
Chances are you can find a planet by accident, it's just going to take a very long time
“This isn’t Mars? You’re not martians? Ah fuck you, you’re martians.”
“West Martians”.
Shithead
Hmm, so they were aiming for something else, but got here instead because they had crank theories about the shape of the universe? (Columbus thought Earth was egg-shaped instead of a sphere, like everyone had correctly thought since the time of ancient Greece)
They call us something translating to "the Andromidans".
I mean you don't have to go with the analogy fully, but yeah, that's a deep answer, I suppose.
“This Land”.
The Wet Ball of Trash
Water planet with cancerous hairless simian population.
their new colony
Probably not Alienia
"Planet of the money-crazy hairless apes that can't relax"
Or "Klaus"...
Open season on the tasty meat creatures
Probably some Italian gibberish.
A fixer-upper.
