Self-care for Men?

Allow yourself to be bored at times.

No social media, no YouTube, no music, no doom scrolling looking for content, don't give yourself a task to complete, don't start cleaning.

Be there, in the moment, with yourself.

Let your mind wander.

And if it wanders to some dark places confront that darkness. Don't run away, don't let it fester. Face those inner demons.

I find a good way to do this at first is to go somewhere surrounded by nature with little to no people.

I have a specific place I go to out in the local wilderness area that is incredibly hard to get to and very isolated.

You don't have to go so far but it needs to be a place free from distractions.

I stopped using social media. Facebook was easy, just deleted it. Instagram was step by step, first I unfollowed all the pages that I don't know personally. Then I only used the "Following" timeline. When I only had a new photo in my feed every other day, I realized that this platform had nothing to offer me. I left Twitter when Mr. X comes around and switched to Mastodon. And I don't think I have to explain to anyone here why I no longer use Reddit...

Some days I just need to get stoned and have a wank.

1: Walking home from work, timing it to go throughthe park at twilight, right on the edge of dark when your colour vision goes on the fritz and the chrominance is greater than the luminance. The grass bleeds colour but not light in a weird un-glow, and somehow it's always cool and extra quiet. Does a body good. You never get any time in the dark that isn't sleeping, you realise that? You never just experience the dark, it's lights full-blast until you turn your brain off, and then back to the glare when you get up again.

2: To that end: take a shower in the dark, preferably pitch dark if you can manage it. Work out in advance where the taps/soap/towel is, and just go through the whole process as you normally would. It's... weirdly sensual, and deeply, deeply relaxing.

3: Brown noise and rain nose together. simplynoise.com now wants to sell you shit, and hell with that - but head over to https://onlinetonegenerator.com/noise.html and select Brown noise. In another tab, head over to rainymood.com. You'll want decent headphones for this, earbuds won't do it justice.

4: Going to nude beaches. Not to gawk at people (seriously terrible venue for that in every respect), but to just wander around, bollocks waving in the breeze, and nobody even blinks. Someone else wanders past, tits akimbo, and you don't even blink. Nobody cares, we just aren't doing that right now, and when your brain realizes this, it's the equivalent of taking your boots off after a long day. No social mask, you aren't maintaining a posture wrt other people, there's no eyeline politics, you can just be, and oh my fucking god you didn't know you needed this. Also, swimming naked is like showering without socks on by comparison - and when was the last time you got direct sunlight on your balls?

I dont know if its "for men", but im a man:

Consistent workout schedule - sering progress in strength, stamina and appearance is extremly good for me.

I claimed the kitchen - after work, i shop for dinner, then throw the family out of the kitchen and cook - nice me-time and makes you a better cook.

Talking to a therapist when i feel i need it and 20mg of citalopram per day for my depression.

travel alone if you have the means. go to your schedule, stop where you want, do what you want to do.

if thats not possible, alone time in general, just go for a walk. or a ride. enjoy being in a place and moment, whatever that is

Most days I have a shower and get dressed. Makes me feel like I’m able to take care of myself.

Being outside

Playing some games alone

Sex

Jack off

As dumb and simple as it sounds, I've been enjoying walking. I walk the dog, even when it's not my turn. I take a longer route sometimes, just to have some peace. Sometimes I listen to a podcast, sometimes music, sometimes nothing. Having space where no one is asking me things, I'm doing something healthy for my body and mind, and my best furry companion is enjoying it, too.

I think self care is best when it's simple, low maintenance/energy, and not negative. Sure, some other responses are "a whiskey, a smoke" or whatever, but those are indulgences/luxuries. I think it's good to have those things occasionally, but that's not truly taking care of yourself. Something unhealthy for the body but pleasurable isn't caring for yourself, in the best way.

As boring as this answer may be, but the one thing that was most helpful for me, is meditation. I’m an atheist and I want to run away when I hear ambient yoga music and „soothing voices“ in guided meditation, so it took a while for me to find a good entry point that was suitable for me, but it improved my daily live significantly. I don’t do it every day (because I’m still human and I can’t call it a habit yet) but I know it would make my life better if I did.

Sidenote: I also tried to create a going to bed ritual with fancy face gels and face wash, but all it spawned was a lot of pimpels and a parfume smelling pillow. So I ditched that and have again no pimpels at all, now that I let my face do it’s thing and just wash it with water and some soap every now and then.

I’d be interested in other „going to bed rituals“ that you guys may have, as I like the idea to have this kind of ritual in general.

Giving a shout-out to communities where this more accurately belongs

[email protected] [email protected]

Weight lifting and bodyweight exercises.

I have a cheap bench press and do a limited amount of exercises once or twice a week. It's boring and repetitive.

But all those little bits add up.

Even though I'm often severely depressed, I have managed to keep going. I stop for a week or two, but then I restart. And I am reminded of that when I look in a mirror or I catch someone 'mirin. Even now when I'm getting older. I'll have a better body at 50 than I did at 20. I don't look like the terminator, but I look better than most guys my age.

I have a couple of degrees, but I'm less proud of those. I sometimes regret going to uni, many people have a degree, being able to study is often a result of luck (parents, money), and it is something young you did. My body is something I have accomplished over years and years of repeated (if small) effort.

A few things:

1. Writing down five things I'm grateful for. Actually I was doing this every day earlier this year when I was depressed. Don't just bullshit it. Write down what you're looking forward to that day, or things that you are appreciating. It will encourage you to appreciate more, to slow the fuck down and live a peaceful life.

2. Blogging/Journaling. I have been blogging on a wordpress blog but haven't shared the URL with anyone, not even my spouse. It's so helpful just to organize my thoughts and is helping me get in touch with my emotions instead of suppressing them.

3. Two lists. I keep two lists that I refer to frequently. One is my to-do list, which I have organized in Notion. When I can see that I am getting shit done, and more importantly, I have a system for prioritizing what shit gets done, I feel better about my life. The other and arguably more important list is my anti-productivity list. My just for me list. My shit I like to do list. Take out the feelings of your parents, your partner, your friends. Be selfish for a damn minute. Write down the things that truly make you happy. And make sure you do something on that list at a minimum once a week.

For me some of those things include:

<List>

1. Long showers during the spring time with the windows/doors open so a breeze can come in.
2. Smoking a cigar in the bathtub with a glass of scotch.
3. Watching Studio Ghibli movies.
4. Watching my favorite movies in general. "Midnight In Paris", "Lady and the Tramp", "Lloyd's of London", "Jab Tak Hai Jaan".
5. Going home to visit with my relatives.
6. Chinese hot pot
7. Going to the movie theater
8. Creative writing like I did as a kid. No pressure to produce anything great. Just write and tap into that joyful creativity.
9. Going to a craft beer brewery
10. Getting a massage
11. Playing MTG with my cousin and brother
12. Playing Kingdom Hearts
13. Cooking some comfort food
14. A nice road trip with the windows rolled down and no destination in mind.

</ End List>

4. Meditate. Look I'm not a crunchy person. But just focusing on box breathing / basic breath work at the end of every day has helped me tremendously. I think everyone should do it. It is physically proven that deep breathing done in the right way physically calms you down.

Going to the barber. Not only do i look nice afterwards, but this hour of simply doing nothing while nice people are around, good music and maybe a glass of whisky or a coffee is quite good.

Visiting a thermal bath/sauna. Afterwards i am pretty relaxed and tired. Sure, you must get used to the "no clothing allowed" policy, but you can use a towel, and everyone around is also naked and as fat and ugly as yourself.

Driving around on my ebike on a summer evening with good music on my airpods, enjoying the weather and spectating other people enjoying the evening outside.

1. Good quality shampoo and bodywash, feels good, smells good, lasts longer
2. Beard butter, wax or oil, take care of your beard, make it softer, and smell good
3. Nice everyday cologne
4. Grooming set, don't be a neckbeard, learn basic self care of your hairy parts
5. Hikes
6. Bikes

A lot of it boils down to mindfulness.

When I realise my mind is wandering into anxiety territory where I make up scenarios that stress me out, take a few deep breats (box breathing is nice for this), focus on where I am right now and what I'm doing. What is actually true right now.

Take time for hygiene. I got long hair so I only wash it about once a week, using a specific soap, that smells and feels nice, condition it with a vinegar solution, rinse thoroughly.
I also brush it every day and tend to wax my beard when I go out and trim it regularly.

I'm still pretty shaggy but in a way that I enjoy personally.

Besides these, I have very active hobbies, that I stick to once or twice a week. I get to physically exhaust myself, interact with people outside my daily routine, work on my skills to get better. I picked up reading again in my late 20s after over a decade of losing that interest. It clears my head in the evening when reading in bed and I'd say that habit improved my sleep.

"For men" feels a little reductive, I don't mind painting my nails on occasion, listening to an audio book.

A nice walk in heavy rain with big droplets does wonders, shoutout for the pluviophiles. Or sitting in a quiet spot of nature and taking in the ambience.

Sometimes it's as simple of having a cold beer and relaxing on the sofa with a good book or playing some couch co-op with my partner.

[email protected] Promise, it's a healthy community and not some misogynist toxic pit

Meditate, go outaide everyday for atleast 2h, take cold showers and be outside once a week with nothing to bother you at all, leave your cellphone at home, use this time to think or not think at all.

Doing regular excersise - I got into running and it really showed me how powerful excersise can be. Always improves my day, even if its going good, running makes it better.

Meditation when I remember to do it, but the real game changer for me has been floatation therapy. And combining the two by doing guided meditation while I float is amazing and leaves me feeling a high that lasts for hours afterward.

For those wondering what floatation therapy is, you enter a large tub of super salty water and lay down. Because of all the salt, you will float instead of sink to the bottom. The one I go to lets you control the lighting and allows you to listen to different sounds or music, or some guided meditation. I usually turn the lights off, float, and let the guided meditation relax my body and my mind.

During the summer months, I try to get in a few sessions a week of reading in the hammock with a cold drink. It's a challenge to fit it in after work and before dinner, and some days are too hot, or rainy, or smoky, or the neighbors are loud, etc, but when I can make it work, even for a half hour or so, it's a little slice of paradise just for me that keeps me sane.

I have yet to find an equivalent for the winter, but I won't deny that I've measured for hooks to hang the hammock in the bedroom...

Bath and a beer. These don't really make my life better I just enjoy them at the time.

Traditional shaving with straight razor.

200 € for a razor that you'll keep for life compared to 60 € of blades every 6 month, you quickly win

It's a fun time taking care of yourself in the bathroom

I'm nonbinary so not a man but using moisturizer before bed has done miracles for my skin.

If you have longer hair, I don't care what you say about cheap shampoo, use a halfway decent shampoo. Ask your hairstylist or barber and actually listen to them. Additionally, if you want longer hair, go to a hairstylist and if you want shorter hair, go to a barber.

Clothes have no gender unless you operate certain parts with your penis. It's better to have something fit well from the women's section than something that doesn't fit from the men's. You might need to have an honest conversation with yourself if you've got a more feminine figure or not. Additional tip: If you're a legitimately small person, the women's section is a godsend. Aeropostale specifically specializes in the smallest sizes of jeans possible.

I got into skincare and hair care a few months ago. I've been using eczema and psoriasis products to treat my eczema and it's been a game changer, no more flaky skin around my nose and lips. The skin around my nose used to crack and bleed. I've also been using conditioner for my hair, I used to only use shampoo.

I have a few. I cycled to work, gets me outside and gives me time to decompress after work. I also listen to a book or podcast which helps. I shower and shave after work. I shave with a safety razor brush and soap. It requires more care and attention than a multi blades razor or electric shaver, nice smelling soaps etc help with this. It's a little ritual that lets me take care of myself. I walk the dog regularly and try to spend time nature when I can. Lastly I keep a journal. I started with Mind Journal which has a whole set of electrodes to ease you into it and help put things in perspective. I highly recommend it for someone who thinks they might benefit from journaling but doesn't know where to start.

get your eyes adjusted first thing in the morning by staring at the bright outside until it no longer burns

Just establishing enough stability in my life to have one day predictably proceed the next while I enjoy all my favorite things and keep my sanity intact.

Spend some money on decent grooming products, get some decent shower gel, a facial cleanser, moisturiser. I didn't touch fragrances/colognes until I was in my 40s and couldn't believe the confidence it gave when I found one I liked.

Ever since I stopped caring about everything, things got better. Yay for utter apathy!