***

Sounds like untreated ADHD mate. Frequently starting projects and then giving up is a common symptom.

Do you have tonnes of 5% to 15% done projects?

If so, it's because the dopamine hit of (current project) has worn out, and the dopamine hit of (shiny new project) is more enticing.

Do you often burn yourself out early on in the project, your first few days you stay up til 4 in the morning grinding, you progress wicked fast, "this is easy!"

Then suddenly you crash, burnt out, exhausted?

You have to set pace limits on the first days, purposefully stop and take a break.

That rapid fire burn out on week 1 is a big productivity killer, instead literally set the kb+mouse down, get out of the chair and go for a walk. Yes, even though you could keep going, save it for tomorrow.

Try buying an egg timer and force yourself to stop and get up and stretch every hour, and go for a walk after 4 "sets"

>be me

>be philistine

>find an OC greentext

>OP really baring their soul

>downvote that dumb bitch

>chortle to myself and pull from the cavern of chips beside me

>screech for help when the bag constricts around my slender 60 inch wrist

I appreciated your post, friend. I actually might have some advice on the infection. Swapping to gentler soaps to reduce irritation can ease skin cracking and let skin heal. Frequently changing towels and sheets, avoiding unnecessarily wetting affected areas, and making certain that any razors or washcloths (which should also be changed or washed frequently) are kept outside of the shower to avoid bacterial buildup. Skin issues are a nightmare to fix.

Nothing is wrong with your CS skills, you have tried many things, most devs start with less experience than you and still get good jobs. You're confusing marketing fueled life stories on linkedin with real people. Don't worry about starting and abandoning personal projects, we all do that. Believe me, it will be easier to build nice things once you will be paid for it.
Also you should start some hobby that makes you meet people, for example a martial art (there's something for everyone, don't trust stereotypes), it will help you grow your social skills in a controled environment which should make it easier for your social anxiety.
We've been there, it will get better for you too.

From what you described I'd say you know more than majority of junior programmers. Where do you live that you can't find job at least on junior level?

Also

Even mid-teens are smarter than me, writing their own Arduino, compiler and stuff, like wtf

Maybe like 1 teenager out of 10 000 can do that, I think you see it too pessimistic. I mean writing their own compiler? I work as a programmer but I don't think I know any person who did this, let alone teenager

Maybe is some cultural difference, but I consider quite common to live with parents in early 20s.

I lived with mine until 26. I had nor money nor experience to live alone until that.

In CS coding is not the only usefull stuff. Maybe your thing is testing, sysadmin, devops, etc.

In fact, a bit of coding, shell and docker is a good starting point for a devops role.

You're good, OP. Don't let exaggerated success stories let you down.

'22 CS Grad like you who took the masters route. Let me tell you this tendency only gets amplified. I work with cool interdiscplinary projects showing off my experience and educating normies, not doing any DSA although I am gonna graduate in May, no job and have nightmares but still not doing anything to improve.

Take small steps towards the job seeking OP. You or I will not ever land a job magically out of nowhere, keep working on it and fail a few interviews too. You are better than many people and will make it big time.