Skip Navigation
InitialsDiceBearhttps://github.com/dicebear/dicebearhttps://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/„Initials” (https://github.com/dicebear/dicebear) by „DiceBear”, licensed under „CC0 1.0” (https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/)GU
[email protected] @sh.itjust.works
Posts 84
Comments 882
Not you
  • Is this an accurate assessment of macron’s intent or did he make a mistake and this is the cope? Because the US coped this way in 2016, and it only emboldened the masked nazi militias currently demonstrating and plotting in clear view.

  • Gettysburg report
  • I’ve rewritten this comment 15 times, alternating between thanking you, describing the perfection that is this video, and pontificating about media and its modern incarnations. Anyway, sincerely, thank you for connecting me to this.

  • Someone call CPS.
  • And then the peak reality denier roared over the din, “I’ve kept my child in the cellar since birth. Our curriculum consists of solipsism reinforcement and how to touch peoples’ eyes and white linen shirts after eating hot Cheetos.”

    Seriously, why are these people abusing their kids so hard?

  • A dog’s life [description available]

    [panel 1: A small, bespectacled man sitting at a table takes a bite of pancake. Their glass is filled with golden liquid, matching the color of the dog staring over the edge of their table. Their eyes lock.]

    [panel 2: the dog’s tail shifts into overdrive and its eyes pleadingly grow to the size of saucers.]

    [panel 3: the man grins and hoists a pancake above their canine companion. Its eyebrows arch and body quivers.]

    [panel 4: the man releases the pancake and it stops with a soft plop atop the dog’s head.]

    [panel 5: the dog searchingly turns toward the noise, pancake still resting between its eyes.]

    [panel 6: the dog’s brows lift in grief as it turns right, continuing to helplessly investigate the mystery of the missing pancake.]

    4

    Patterned clothes are less interesting than textured clothes

    I rarely find myself taking a second look at a piece of clothing whose only notable quality is a properly applied shade or hue. The main draw in every piece of compelling apparel is its texture. Does it look sheer? Soft? Stiff? The emotion evoked by a slogan, illustration, or pattern is nearly always superseded or at least altered by apparent textural context. A bad Christmas long sleeve or a knitted “granny’s little cumstain” sweater would elicit vastly different reactions compared to their more conventional cousins.

    All of that is to say that texture is the end-all for clothes. It is the medium through which your message is broadcasted. Tones and shapes are transient, texture is forever.

    3

    Love me… love me not

    [panel 1: a cartoonishly drawn child wearing a pink t-shirt and black spandex shorts sits on a grassy hillside, nearly resting their back against the verdant scene. They put their weight on their elbow and pluck a flower from the grass with a smile.]

    [panel 2: they lean over the flower and, whilst plucking petals, say “Loves me… Loves me not… Loves me… Loves me not…”

    [panel 3: they point at the flower and focus their attention further.]

    [panel 4: their finger wags at the petals as they enumerate and whisper “Loves me… Loves me not.]

    [panel 5: they sit up and glance about to see if anyone is watching]

    [panel 6: they simultaneously tear off two leaves and say “Loves me…”]

    [panel 7: the flower shouts at the now sobbing child, “HEY, HEY, HEY. NO CHEATING! YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU’RE NOT LOVED!”]

    9

    Timeless

    [panel 1: a large dodo approaches a clean, well dressed vagrant youth sat beside a well fashioned wood and stone building. The youth warily guards a bag holding their belongings and the stick they use to travel with it. The dodo asks “Pardon me, do you have the time?” and the youth replies “yes, it’s -“]

    [panel 2: the dodo exclaims “You have the time!”]

    [panel 3: a quartet of dodos appear and excitedly chatter over one another: “He has the time.” “The time! he has it!” “At long last! Our desperate search is at an end! The time has been found!”]

    [panel 4: they lean in amongst one another and whisper “PSSHHWSSSSPTT SSHSSHHPSSTT”]

    [panel 5: the group approaches the youth and asks “Will you… give us the time?” And the youth replies “It’s nine fifteen.” The dodos exclaim “AAAAAHHH! NOW WE HAVE THE TIME!”]

    Wondermark by David Malki

    49

    When god gives you lemons

    [description: the painting “the creation of Adam,” but Adam is a cat repeatedly, and well deservedly, bapping god’s outstretched arm]

    0

    How do I direct link to an Imgur gif/video/webm?

    I’m trying to submit a direct link on lemmyshitpost but not one of my attempts has yielded a direct image link that actually plays the giffeo.

    The gif

    https://imgur.com/6VfBQfa

    Links I’ve tried so far:

    https://i.imgur.com/6VfBQfa (obviously not right) https://i.imgur.com/6VfBQfa.gif (doesnt play) https://i.imgur.com/6VfBQfa.webm (doesn’t load) https://i.imgur.com/6VfBQfa.gifv (doesn’t anything) https://i.imgur.com/6VfBQfa.mp4 (nope)

    Anyone know how to direct link to an Imgur giffeo?

    11

    deleted by creator

    [description: the painting “the creation of Adam,” but Adam is a cat repeatedly, and well deservedly, bapping god’s outstretched arm]

    0

    Anon has a power fantasy

    No.250341473 \>fantasy setting has magic and flying creatures \>still using horses as main transportation

    No.250341651 \>>250341473 (OP) # \>setting has nuclear energy \>still using coal as main energy source

    147

    Anon regrets their complacency

    No. 16346143 [a photo of a tall, cylindrical white boiler and a short, blue furnace in a brightly lit brick walled basement. A mess of silver pipes extend from and above the pair and a thin puddle encircles them.] okay /x/, l've got something to share with you \>be me \>last night \>lying on couch, watching some tv show \>shitty weather, raining and cold after 3 weeks of unbearable heat wave \>all of a sudden I hear someone inhale and cough \>shit my pants at that moment since I know that I'm the only one in the house, girlfriend is pulling night shift \>turn down TV, can't hear anything \>shrug it off as sound from TV or my mind playing tricks, it was pretty late \>10 minutes later I hear footsteps \>ohfuckmyfuckinglife.jpg \>now I'm 100% sure that I'm not alone in the house \>jump up, turn on the light and run to the hallway to get my bat \>i grab the bat and start checking rooms \>light from hallway is illuminating parts of kitchen \>notice dirty tracks that lead to the basement \>6 feet away from where I was lying \>ohmyfuckinggod.webm \>slowly open the basement door \>there's no fucking light down there \>go to get a flashlight \>return with flashlight in one hand and a bat in the other \>slowly go down the stairs \>I can hear something rustling in the far corner of the basement \>someone is breathing heavy and digging through stuff \>I stand near the boiler \>peek around the corner and I can see tall figure standing illuminated by the dim light of a street light from small basement window \>scared shitless I turn off the torch in hopes he wont notice me \>he was tall, I'm 6,2 and he was taller than me \>anyway, as I was standing near the boiler I noticed that it was leaking all over the floor \>has anyone had that kind of a problems? \>can I repair it myself or do I need to call a repairman? \>pic related

    No. 16346909 \>>16346143 (OP) Spray some flex seal on it

    4

    Anon investigates their home intrusion

    That's not all they do \>Be at home very early one morning, only my brother and I are awake, pitch black outside \>Dogs are out (an idiotic water pointer and a fat beagle) \>Beagle starts baying, pointer starts whimpering \>l open the door for them, they don't move, both looking at one section of the porch, frozen \>step outside, turn on the light, my brother thinks its a burglar, is carrying the fireplace poker \>Opossum hisses \>Beagle bays again, pointer hides behind me \>Brother freaks, swings the poker, hits me in the head \>I go down \>Opossum hisses louder, starts shitting everywhere \>I'm shouting \>My brother's shouting \>Beagle passes out \>Pointer tries to hide behind my prone body \>Opossum waddles back into the woods \>Shit and blood are everywhere

    Not even once

    7

    Anon reveals their deepest trauma

    Today I am going to tell you what I am most afraid of.... here we go. \>Be me \>Be about a 6/10 \>Just move into a new neighborhood and have no friends \>Be outside mowing the lawn when random dog runs up to me \>Look up and a 9/10 is running after it \>Help her get dog back, introduce ourselves \>Become very good friends \>Eventually begin dating \>Fast forward about two months \>New girl moves in \>eh about a 7/10, would boink \>Try to be polite and introduce myself to new girl \>New girl and I start to become friends too, even though she seems a little odd \>Tell her i have a girlfriend, can see she is (literally) insanely jealous \>Fast forward two more weeks \>Start to see less and less of my girlfriend and at the same time new girl starts to become even more of a psycho bitch \>Fast forward 4 days \>Get a random Facebook message from my girlfriend saying that 7/10 threatened to kill my girlfriend if she ever talked to me again \>wtf.jpeg \>Fast forward one more week \>Do not hear or see either girl since that message on facebook, start growing very worried \>Random knock on my door, Its the cops \>Shows me picture of two girls asking if I know them \>Say yes, getting more worried \>Cops tell me that 7/10 committed suicide and remains of my girlfriend showed up in her stomach during the autopsy

    TL:DR why was the 6 afraid of the 7? Because 7 ate 9

    23

    Anon perpetuates and expands the cycle of abuse

    No.3807239 [a photo of a large olive green carp relaxing in a bath tub, only barely fitting within] \>"Stop being a pussy and hop in, dude" What do you do, /an/

    No.3807248 Jack off into the water and laugh as it's forced to breathe my cum. Fish have no answer to this. What plants do to me, I will do to them.

    4

    Anon bows to the queen

    \>Lived just long enough to not have Boris Johnson speak at her funeral

    Unfathomably based

    7

    Anon opines on a clown named Ronald

    [pictured: Ronald Reagan wearing a black suit and tie with a white shirt. His body is nearly turned sideways, chin lifted and grinning at the camera, resting his weight on his right elbow with his left hand clasped loosely over his resting right wrist. Italicized text upon this propaganda poster reads: “RONALD REAGAN speaks out against SOCIALIZED MEDICINE”]

    \>a c-list actor's career flopped so now I have to pay $1000 to set foot in an ambulance any other examples like this?

    66

    Anon flies air Chad

    \>Volcano erupts in Indonesia \>Locals don't notice because they have shit weather radar \>747 flies through the dust cloud \>All 4 engines get filled with volcanic ash and burn out \>"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress." \>Spend 12 minutes gliding, dropping 23,500 feet in the process \>The pilots are preparing to be the first 747 ever to attempt a water landing \>Finally one of the engines restarts \>But ILS is offline \>Windscreen is completely opaque due to ash, no way to clean it \>Manage to land running entirely on instruments \>Fatalities: 0 \>Injuries: 0 Survivors: 263

    62

    Anon is no angle

    \>be me \>lifting in the garage \>mom walks in with a plate of tendies with chinese sauce \>always told mom to not to come to the garage while I lifted \>always told mom to never look me in my eyes while I lifted (its where my demons hide) \>she made eye contact \>the plate fell from her hands \>the young man she had been raising had turned into a FUCKED UP beast \>she covers her mouth with both her hands as she lets out a yelp \>turns around and runs away \>put the rusty barbell down \>calmly walk up to the mirror and smash it as I see the beast too Gosh dang it /fit/, we were gonna go shopping this weekend. What do I do now?

    41

    Anon likes the Hornets

    Oh god, one of these threads? Here we go… \>be in third grade at a school assembly \>have to shit real bad, feeling ill and feverish \>we all get seated on the gym floor \>holy fuck Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Hornets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets) \>still have to shit so bad that I'm having cold sweats \>wearing gymshorts, no underwear (I had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man) \>Hugo the Hornet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting back down \>starting to feel dizzy from holding in my shit \>see him walking my way \>he's coming RIGHT FOR ME \>he picks me up and begins to flip me over \>he's squeezing my gut \>as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through the air gracefully \>start screaming \>gets all over Hugo and sprays all over the kids sitting in front of me, hear it plop on the gym floor as well \>it also gets all over my face and in my mouth because I was screaming \>Hugo then drops me on my fucking head, into a pile of my own shit, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE FUCK" \>Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor. \>the music has stopped, the room is dead silent \>assume the fetal position \>covered in my own shit and can't stop farting/shitting as I lay there \>start crying \>pass out \>wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at a distance \>the tiny breathable holes in my gymshorts work like a shit colander, leaking shit water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts \>pass out again From then on i was "The kid who shit on Hugo the Hornet"

    10

    Anon dislikes hornets

    Everyone is allowed childish, irrational fears. Some people hate clowns, others spiders, water, etc. For me it's hornets. \>be me \>senior in high school \>a mistake in scheduling sophomore year led me to end up not taking a mandatory sophomore level science class as a senior \>alright whatever \>it's the last class of the day so that's good at least \>spend most of the time sleeping and dicking around \>ace all the tests anyways It should be mentioned we were learning about biology and insects of some kind or another at this time, which prompted this. \>Some kid says he caught a giant fuck hornet and that he should bring it to show in class teacher says this is a great idea \>I loudly voice my concerns \>my hatred for the creatures are well documented \>am ignored \>I hear the foreshadowtron firing up in the background \>NEXT DAY \>in seat \>kid walks in \>has the biggest fucking hornet I've ever seen \>not as in "biggest I've ever seen in real life" this was literally bigger than any picture or video I've ever seen of a hornet. \>panic mode on standby \>kid brings it up to the front of the class and the teacher starts talking about hornets and stuff \>I can't even focus \>the hornet looks pretty docile at least. \>"Shake him a bit and see if that wakes him up" \>I make an insightful comment about why that is a fucking retarded idea \>I am ignored \>hornet does wake up, and it's pissed \>kid forgot to secure the lid of this shitty plastic container \>HORNET FUCKING PUSHES OUT THE LID AND FLIES OUT OF THE CONTAINER \>kids scream \>teacher says in a firm but calm voice "Nobody panic" \>she has the situation under control \>I do not \>Hornet flies straight toward me \>NOW IS A PERFECTLY GOOD TIME TO PANIC \>FIGHT OR FLIGHT ENGAGED \>FIGHT MODE ENGAGED \>bolt up, scream obscenities and throw my fucking desk at the thing \>misses entirely, skips off another desk and wrecks the kid who brought it in \>books and papers fly fucking everywhere \>whiteboard falls and takes out the front row of students \>the hornet's buzzing shifts from "I'm about to be angry" to a higher "I am completely fucking angry" buzz \>FLIGHT MODE ENGAGED \>teacher screams "ANON CALM DOWN" \>"FUCK THAT" \>football tackle through the group of children crowded around the door and bust it open \>hear the cracking of skulls on linoleum \>turn left and run out of the school, into my car, and drive home, still in blind panic \>NEXT DAY \>walk into classroom through noticeably broken door \>everyone in class has horrible bruises on them either from where the hornet stung them or from being caught in the collateral damage of my escape \>kid who got hit by the desk isn't in class, find out later he had to get a neck brace \>dead fucking silence \>everyone is staring at me \>say "I don't like hornets" \>sit down and pretend nothing happened Fucking hornets, man

    17

    “Let’s go Brandon” was kinda funny at first

    For a week, it was worth a giggle. A flustered trackside nascar reporter attempting to avoid cursing on the news? That’s hilarious. Like every joke and/or horse, it was rapidly beaten past death. The body still receives unironic thwacks to this day.

    Then it was revived as satire and resumed being funny for a fresh week or two. This was over a year ago. The horse is not just dead, it is not even a paste or powder, it has been completely aerosolized in a closed crimson room where people fan it back and forth in remembrance of beating its corpse.

    Biden’s the best chance for continued democracy in the US, but I've been breathing in Brandon particulate since 2021 and I’m afraid it will give me lung cancer.

    42