But I thought I was still a virgin. Will I get preganant?
Yes, and you will have the baby.
But I can get an abortion still... right? Right!?!
Mary did.
Mary definitely fucked somebody. Maybe Joseph was an asshole husband and Mary fucked a pool boy while she contemplated leaving and getting stoned to death, but when she told Joe that she was pregnant with God's baby and he believed her, she realized that he was a loyal husband and that she wanted to stay with him. Therefore the legend of Jesus was born because Joseph truly believed Jesus was the son of God. Over the years due to the massive lie she had told, Mary too began to believe her own lie as many liars often do.
I haven't watched the video, and I know it's The Onion, but based on the headline, I'm still not convinced this is satire. If anything it proves that The Onion now reports legitimate facts.
there is nothing you can do from being fully and devastatingly dicked over.
I'm so ready for the Onion News Network Renaissance
Neoreaction a Basilisk vindicated yet again
