Three or four days ago one of my friends tried to take their life. Made an attempt at least. And they live chatted the whole thing with me. Was very dramatic. Traumatizing even. I've decided to break contact with that friend. I just can't go through it again. They reached out today asking why I've broken contact and I explained to them i just can't do it again. And I'm feeling bad about it, but I don't see a way to re-engage, I'll just constantly be worried about their behavior, and safety, I don't want to get drawn into the next event. So this is weighing on my mind
As hard as it is in a situation like this, it is really important to understand own boundaries and if this was too much for you, respect your boundaries — in the beginning you might feel really torn, like you are betraying a friendship or leaving someone in need alone.
Additionally, your reaction might send a signal for them to seek help, it doesn’t have to but it just might be enough of a nudge in situation like this.
Bottom line is, if this decision was made from the position of respecting your current boundaries then whatever comes next is the best possible scenario in the long run.
Sometimes you have to do what's best for you. It's not always easy, and sometimes it's not what's best for other people. But sometimes you must prioritize your own mental health. It's not your responsibility to be there for everyone at the expense of yourself.
Also, I recommend seeing therapy after traumatic events like these. My wife had PTSD from a traumatic health event, and it was fucking awful.
This morning I felt like I managed to make peace with something that's been bothering me a lot. Then work came around and now, at the end of the day, I completely forgot what that breakthrough was. I just.. feel at peace but have no idea how I got here.
All I know is that it involved a lot of complex rationalizing but now I can only grasp at the edges of it.
*sigh* Most likely I will be back to my old self by tomorrow morning and the whole thing can start all over again.
It's ok to get excited! Trying to force yourself not to won't leave you any less disappointed if it doesn't go well. And if you get the job you missed out in all that fun fun excitement.