Advice on sharing your diagnosis with others
Advice on sharing your diagnosis with others
Is it generally considered a bad idea to share with others that you have been diagnosed with ADHD? How have others handled sharing diagnosis information with friends, family, work, etc?
Only you know what ADHD means to you. There's so much difference in symptoms, and severity, there is no concrete definition, so when you label yourself ADHD, you automatically become whatever THAT person thinks ADHD is.
If you told me that, I'd assume we'd get along well, and I'd expect you to relate to a lot of the stuff that others don't understand. Others, however, might just think you're a lazy spaz that doesn't listen.
I think you'd be safer casually mentioning symptoms, like, "if I don't write things down, I'll forget," this way they'll understand that this is a part of who you are, instead of making assumptions.
Absolutely. I casually drop symptoms and behaviours into conversation all the time with no indication it is anything other than "just the way I am". Noone ever blinks an eye.
Telling them I eat a bucket of pseudo-amph every day just so I remember to eat my lunch would be something else.
Thank you. I'm still very new to all this. I was on the fence about whether or not telling others would lead to negative outcomes. People in my close circles have known that I had been struggling at work and that I was trying to improve my overall physical/mental health. I've cut out alcohol, started exercising more, and have been monitoring my health via apps and gadgets to track sleep and other metrics. I'm doing much better now. I'm more focused at work and my symptoms are becoming easier to manage. I agree with you and others in this thread that there isn't really a need to discuss my diagnosis with anyone. I appreciate the advice!
I’ve told a small handful of people. Most of the responses are either nothing at all, or pointless platitudes about how it’s made up or “everyone has ADHD these days lol”. You’ll probably know when to share or not, and just lean on not sharing as a safe fallback. It’s still a subject that has stereotypes attached and even the smartest, well-intentioned people will either make it about themselves, or look down at you. Err on the side of silence.
One thing to consider is if you're on medication people may want
A great many people, including even some of the most well-intentioned friends and family, and including many people who are in most ways intelligent, educated, and caring -- will still find it impossible to prevent themselves from changing their image of you. And their expectations and guesses about you will follow to some degree. You may find people forming unspoken predictions that you will not listen well, that you will interrupt, or that you will only talk about your own stuff at any length.
And it won't be everybody, thankfully; just many. There will also be some people you may grow closer to because they already understand and now they'll find it easier to interact with you directly about ADHD-related things.
This is a very subjective and personal choice - I have only shared with select friends and family members - those I trust to be respectful. I have not told my work/colleagues, because I don't think it's relevant to them. If that changes, I may change my mind. Most importantly, share it when and where you are comfortable. It's your truth, don't feel pressured to share for the reasons or interests of others.
I don't think that it is anyones' business tbh. If I were you, I would think about why you want to share personal information with others.
This is a very personal question, and it's really just whatever you are comfortable with. I personally:
- Try to be open about it and my experiences with friends, if only because I'm sure people had suspected I had it and I so wish someone had mentioned it. I'm willing to cut friendships if I'm judged negatively, but ADHD is common in my social circles so it hasn't been a huge issue.
- Have been debating with my ADHD siblings how to broach the subject with my definitely ADHD parents. It's definitely common among my extended relatives, but I just feel it's not worth the fight.
- Would be very guarded in a workplace. Accommodations for ADHD are hilariously trivial asks, but I'm skeptical I'll ever work somewhere I can (safely) get them.
- Try to avoid the subject with older generations.
It can be a bad idea. Telling friends and family you may find people thinking you can get them stimulants, which gets obnoxious fast and can lead to shitty situations and damaged relationships. I would never tell my work unless it was absolutely necessary for some reason. Unfortunately it's got a stigma and stereotype that can be detrimental to your career if managers start associating that with you. I think unless you require accommodation from HR and are prepared to go down that route, there's no good reason to bring it up with an employer.
I don’t mind people knowing but I don’t like telling people because it makes any conversation awkward. I tell people they can share as they want, I don’t care. I’m happy to talk to people about it if they ask. If people talked about it more it wouldn’t have taken so long for me to realise I had it.
On the other hand, one of my bosses knows I have it and straight up doesn’t care. He wants gratitude for anything he’s done to help me (very little) and constantly tells me to be more stop doing things that are obviously happening because I have ADHD. Apparently now I know I have ADHD I should have all these coping mechanisms in place to make it irrelevant, even though I don’t have access to meds (temporary problem).
Found out two weeks ago and don't have a diagnosis yet, but I've been very open about it.
I struggled hard at work before and my boss is excited that I now know why and very keen on helping me deal with it. Unfortunately those kinds of bosses are rare and we'll be parting ways in a few months, so I'm unsure about how I'll handle it next time.