Back in the (late) 90s, for $10 or so, Elwood would record a customized "you've got mail!" message for you. I had him create one for my (now) wife, using her real first name, as well as her nickname. "Elizabeth, you've got mail!"
I don't miss having to insert a new CD for a few hours of free dialup. Waiting 5 minutes for a picture of tits to load. Fighting with my sister because she picked up the phone when I was in the middle of a fap session in the family computer room with the door wedged shut
So we loose this guy but not putin or 'you're fired' guy. If there hasn't been any sign indicating the absence of a god, I don't know what else you would need.
Meanwhile I'll keep searching for"did trump choke on a pretzel today?" On my favorite search engine that doesn't start with G.