Why your rich friend Venmo requests you for $4: People with more money 'struggle with generosity,' expert says
Why your rich friend Venmo requests you for $4: People with more money 'struggle with generosity,' expert says
The phenomenon of the rich friend being the stingiest rings true, says Susan Bradley, founder of the Sudden Money Institute.
You're viewing a single thread.
People don't usually get rich by giving money away or being bad at finances. Why is a wealthy person obliged to not ask you to pay back your share?
I'm by no means rich but I'm probably the wealthies of all my friends yet I live in a tiny house, drive a 15 year old truck and shop groceries at a discount. I'm extremely frugal and you can be sure I expect you to pay me back.
Yeah, I was finding this article funny because when I was flat broke, you bet your ass I was keeping track of $5 for a cab ride.
Also, shit like that might be $5 split for one person, but if you’re the one who paid it could’ve been split four ways. Seems like nothing to the requestee, but the requester is in for $20.
Now make it drinks. Five people order drinks for $8 bucks a pop. That’s $40, plus tax and tip you’re up to $55. One person pays. Split 5 ways it’s only $11, but for the payer that’s a lot.
That would be interesting to know. If it's a whole bunch of people, I could easily see that. We have some analogous relationships and I can't recall anyone ever getting this weird over a few dollars. Of course the only expenses that anyone covers anyone for is pretty much cash tips at restaurants, and things like attending a catered party, where it would be incredibly classless to ask people to pay for it to attend.
Are you, like in the article, afraid of your relationships becoming transactional? Do you think that if you paid for stuff for your friends every once in a while, they would start expecting it of you, and think of you only as a means of getting this free perk?
I simply don't see why anyone would expect me to pay for their anything when I don't expect that of anyone else either. If I buy my SO a dinner I pretty much assume her to pay the next time. It's simple and fair that way and that's how my (probably) autistic brain works. I can hardly justify spending 22€ on my own burger and a coke, let alone pay for someone else's dinner.
A guy that can't afford a burger and coke imagining he's the affluent people this article talks about is peek American capitalism.
You don't need to lick boots in the hope you'll someday be wearing them.
I specifically said I'm not rich, I never said I can't afford that and I'm not even American. Anything else?
So you're saying that your situation is totally unlike the situation we're talking about and your input therefore totally meaningless and your comment pointless and absurd.
Thanks for clarifying
What you describe is transactional. I pay for your meal, now you owe me a meal of equal value. The inability to treat others (even people you're romantically involved with) without expecting reimbursement is a characteristic of narcissistic personalities traditionally found among affluent people.
I'm aware that my brain works differently from your average person in many other ways too. However in this case I don't see my way of behaving as unfair or narcissistic. Quite the opposite. It's objectively a fair way of dealing with it. A nacissistic person would be seeking to take advantage of other people and that's the opposite of how I live my life. I give back in other ways.
In the ways you give back, do you expect the favor to be returned?
Well not really. I do stuff like pick up other people's trash and do unauthorized trail maintenance on my local bike trails and people do benefit from it but nobody knows whose doing it. I'm not especially generous person when it comes to money but I treat people fairly and as I would hope to be treated myself.
It's "fair" on a very shallow level. If the money spent is a small portion of your disposable income but would cut into the grocery budget of someone else it isn't really equal. Relative cost, not objective cost, is a better measure of fairness.
I am definitely the wealthiest of all my friends, some of whom grew up in poverty. We help each other in many ways, often not directly involving money (or only small amounts). I am currently housing one of my friends for free so he can get new skills and get a better job.
These people are like family to me. I want them to have nice things and succeed in life, and I will do quite a bit to help them. In turn, I have people who I can trust and who will help me with damn near anything.
The truest form of wealth is the community you build up around you. Once you see that, the dollars start mattering a lot less.