Federating with Hexbear is the more contentious position. Knowing what I know now, I would not consider using an instance that is federated with Hexbear.
They aren't all that bad honestly. I find lemmyml to actually be worse. Lemmyml has some bad eggs.
Hexbear is weird but in general they tend to be fairly civil. Can't say that for much else regarding tankies.
Edit:
I'm kind of wrong. They reason I said this was that I've seen normal discussion and even helpful comments from some hexbear users. However, it looks like they were just a sliver of civil in the greater hexbear circlejerk.
Why? It's pretty easy to ignore them, and you're only impacted if they happen to join communities you frequent. It turns out my interests and their interests have very little overlap...
idk, I just checked through Startrek instance. Using an exclamation mark before a community name can send you through your own instance, but that requires the link poster to do it.