If You Can't Control Yourself, Don't Be Polyamorous - Poly Land
If You Can't Control Yourself, Don't Be Polyamorous - Poly Land
If impulse control is your problem, polyamory is not your solution.
I dont like the text. Self control and love dont mix that well (for me). Also telling people they should not be polyamorous as if thats a choice for everybody is just not how that works for everybody.
Let me tell you, if you can’t exercise self-control, then there’s no way you should be polyamorous. All that lies down that path is pain, bad behavior, heartache, and disappointment.
All intimate relationships are about trust and respecting boundaries.
If you do not/can not/will not exercise self control and respect those boundaries, no relationship style will work for you.
I dont like the text. Self control and love dont mix that well (for me).
Sounds like you want to do what ever you want, when ever you want. Nothing wrong with that.
There is a name for that: Being Single
Sorry but I dont think its reasonable to judge how I act and how I respect boundaries without knowing me like at all. I think you based your comment on lots of assumptions before even asking any question or trying to actually understand me. Feels hypocritical when you do that.
Sorry but I dont think its reasonable to judge how I act and how I respect boundaries without knowing me like at all.
Self control and love dont mix that well
I was going off your own statements. If you have no self control then you do not respect boundaries.
I think you based your comment on lots of assumptions
I did not say you had no self control and made no assumptions, you did explicitly stated it.
Yeah I’m put off by this use of “self-control” because it has a “two wolves” vibe, which is always a mess. Thinking about your personal sexuality as an internal beast that must be restrained is not healthy for relationships, because it’s not healthy for you as an individual.
If your partners aren’t down with someone, the amount of self-control required to drop it is approximately zero, because you love them and no sojourn is worth their trust.
If that’s not true, or you have unmet needs or something, you absolutely should communicate, but the sanctioned-cheating arrangement people fall into isn’t poly at all. It’s just punctuated monogamy with fragmented intimacy and repression.
This author should tell their friend that poly relationships are built on trust just like any other. So if he’s not ready to build trust, he’s not ready for any relationship, poly or otherwise.
I dislike the term "self control" because "you" are never in "control" - thoughts and actions are the result of prior events that made your brain the way it is. You didn't design yourself.
Still, you have to get along with others to survive - you act a certain way already. Persumably everyone can improve to get along with more people.