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  • Transfem enby
  • She/her or they/them
  • Anti-fascist, anti-racist
  • Reddit refugee...

Say it with me

Trans rights are human rights!

Posts 5
Comments 522
Gov. DeSantis signs new law requiring instruction in public schools on the history and ‘dangers’ of communism
  • I really think these MAGAt types are feeding off Boomer-era Cold War trauma, milking geriatric delusions for all they're worth. Think about it, how many Americans under 50 are daily concerned about communism? For most of our lives it has been a complete joke, there has been literally no reason to think communism was going to supplant capitalism in America, in any way. It's always like "oh communism, yeah sure I'd love to live in Cuba, China, or North Korea heh".

    I think a more valuable and relevant lesson would be the history and dangers of authoritarianism, anti-democratic politics and gestures, but maybe that hits a little too close to home for the MAGAts?

  • Kansas governor passes law requiring ID to view acts of 'homosexuality' online, vetos 2 anti-LGBTQ+ bills
  • IMO, as depressing as the thought is, we are rapidly transitioning/declining to a post-Constitution America. It makes sense, because conservatives have never really embraced the notion of a secular document as the law of the land, which can be used to shield individuals and minorities from their abusive moralistic patriarchal regimes. Now they have a chance, many chances in fact, to "right the wrongs" they suffered as a matter of enlightened compromise made in good faith. And we are seeing it everywhere.

  • Solving homelessness
  • All I did was ask my parents for a loan, and next thing I knew, I was so successful! That's the definition of self-motivation and hard work. Too bad everyone else is lazy. /s

    God the number of people I know who "just" inherit a house or a business from their family as a young adult, is sickening because they never understand the tremendous advantage and privilege this gives them in navigating the world.

  • Solving homelessness
  • Yeah gotta love the American approach.

    Have a problem?

    Don't talk about it! 🤫 Hide it! Pretend it doesn't exist! Shoot it, arrest it, prosecute it, imprison it. Make a profit from it! Blame political party for it!

    Wonder why the problem never goes away 🤔 fashion elaborate conspiracy theories. Complain about it!


    American society and governance is thoroughly dysfunctional and that's why it's a failure.

  • NSFW
    How do you navigate dating and sex as a trans person?
  • I'm moving in with a trans roommate soon, and I'm going to follow her lead. Basically make lots of connections in the local queer and kink communities, where people tend to be more open-minded. Put yourself out there, attend events, engage, take chances, be a part of the community.

    Reconsider your options and desires, experiment. I am close to starting my first polycule. Five years ago, I wouldn't have believed that. Really exciting time.

    I will have sex with cis people, but I suspect my heart can only truly belong to other trans people <3

  • how can something be so courageous and yet so true
  • ... or maybe she thought it's an edgy sticker and fits her style?

    Idk. But if you really were serious about smashing capitalism, it's kinda irrelevant how much stuff you buy, there's a lot of groundwork to be done, organizing and educating. For all we know, that may be what she's doing in that photo.

    If she dressed in rags, owned nothing and was homeless, I fail to see how that would accomplish anything more.

    Although I prefer to support local businesses, not a fan of massive corporate chains. My city has dozens of local coffee shops that serve fair trade products. I can walk to a half dozen of them, whether or not I bring my ancient 2011 laptop. But I do love my principles being questioned by smug internet randos so 🖕

  • why waste time sleeping when you could waste it paying for your CEO's lambo
  • Lmao I can't even imagine what crazy surrealist shit I'd come up with in my sleep.


    "So, fembywho, I believe you worked last night, any progress you would like to share?"

    "Ahem. Yes, uh. cough I searched for the lost spirit of my old acquaintance V from high school who bravely sacrificed herself for the good of humanity, and now is our only help against the alien menace. My companions thought her temple would be the most likely place to search, but I didn't expect to find anything. Her spirit is hiding somewhere only I can find, but I haven't been able to access that knowledge. I have seen visions and flown across many lands."

    "Excellent progress. Keep us informed."

  • After your egg cracked, did you have a moment where you looked back at your life and think, "wait, THAT was dysphoria?!"
  • Oh yeah haha. More than one moment.

    Why did I hate shopping for clothes? So much that I only did so 2-3 times over a decade.

    Why did getting dressed feel so wrong? Why couldn't I ever picture myself with a clothing style?

    Never wanted to talk? Never wanted to be seen? Never wanted to dance? Never wanted to be touched?

    And then I realized I was trans, literally all that stuff changed. I'm sure there is so much more too. It's pretty wild how little I lived before, and pretty exciting how much I can live now!

  • Fellow C and Rust programmers, how do you live without classes?
  • Somebody needs to RTFM ;) no seriously, Rust isn't something you can just jump into and guess what you're doing. Start with the official book and make sure you understand all of that.

    IME the hardest part of Rust was learning the lingo to interpret compiler messages, and getting a solid grasp on references and borrowing. There is a lot more of course, like any language, but to me that was the steepest learning curve. I haven't used it in a few years tho, after losing all interest in programming.

  • What's the worst scam you've fallen for (or gotten close to falling for)?
  • Two I can think of, luckily neither was that bad.

    Firstly I got impatient and bought a new DSLR camera kit off eBay, thinking I would save money and get a good deal. It came with two decent lenses, supposedly, and a bunch of other accessories. Very highly rated seller.

    After I made the purchase, I get a message to expect a phone call from such-and-such number. Strange, I thought. They call and immediately I can tell it's a bait-and-switch. They tell me what they're going to send, but it's not what was in the listing. Only one lens, instead of two, and some other shenanigans like substituting inferior brands and cheap shit. I called them out and said either you deliver what was promised in the listing, or I'm opening a dispute, and it won't be a good look that you tried to change the deal over the phone.

    Anyway I got what was listed, but overall it was a disappointment. Grey market items from overseas, not official US licensed gear, so I had no warranty. But I ended up paying as much or more than if I had walked into a local shop. It wasn't counterfeit, but just left a bad taste in my mouth. The seller disappeared from eBay not long after that...

    Second time: I received one of those emails with a password in the subject. It looked familiar, and was in fact an (old) password I had used. Someone took a hacked DB and just fired off countless emails with the passwords to the matching email addresses. But the tone of the email was what spooked me. It said, I have had full access to all your emails, I have figured out how to reset accounts and hacked into your webcam and have some very interesting photos. Either you pay this amount to this bitcoin address or I send the photos to all your contacts and your life will be ruined.

    In the moment, I panicked like oh shit this is legit. Even though I couldn't imagine what photos they referred to, it was still scary being blackmailed. I thought about it, discussed with some people, and they helped calm me down. After a few days, I realized it must be a scam. It was so generic. Surely if it was real, they would mentioned specifics... my name, or what I looked like, or some other unmistakable details.

    Over the years, I received a number of other variations with the same jist, and different passwords (my email address was in several major leaks in mid-2000s). I'm glad I didn't fall for that shit, regardless of how serious it seemed in the moment.

  • Wiggling
  • Oh I wiggle all the time. Mostly when I'm sitting and thinking happy thoughts. It can be shoulder wiggles, torso wiggles, or booty wiggles. My partner thinks it's cute, which is positive feedback to continue :)

    My friend at work, who says she/they might be enby, also wiggles sometimes when sitting. More of a head and shoulders wiggle. It's adorable <3 I miss having the same lunch break as her, it was fun to put her in a good mood and watch her wiggle.

  • [rant] Casual acceptance of "othering", transphobia, discrimination

    I guess most of us deal with this at some point:

    The thought occurred to me, I want to take self-defense classes. So I'm thinking, well those may be segregated by gender, so I'll just join the men's group to avoid making a scene, stirring up tensions. Even though my body, mannerisms, clothing, is indicative of a woman. I don't pass all the time, but I'm getting much closer.

    But I was willing to be casually misgendered, to be othered, to accept less than what I'm fighting for every day (recognition, equality), so other people wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

    How is that OK?

    I feel like it's a common issue for all minorities. Stay out of the way, try to fit in, deny your identity, settle for less. You'll be safe, you'll survive. For what?

    Is this the reality I'm risking everything for?

    When I vacationed with my partner, I deliberately chose porta-potties and unisex bathrooms. Nobody told me too, I wasn't forced. But what if a "Karen" blew up at me and caused a scene in the women's bathroom? It could ruin my whole day, it could put me in danger...

    When do I stop settling for less than my true identity, when do I stop giving in to internalized transphobia?

    When do we stop deferring to the hypothetical concerns of other people, and assert our own rights and concerns?

    It's funny because transphobes like to portray us all as radical activists who enjoy making scenes and partake in unhinged rants over pronouns or some shit.

    Yet every trans person I have ever met is gentle, often frightened as hell, and goes out of their way to avoid triggering the phobes or causing a scene -- even at the expense of intense dysphoria, self-misgendering, accepting discrimination

    Mostly? We want to be invisible, ignored, free to live in peace.

    I don't want to be the trans woman among men, or the trans woman among women. I simply want to be a woman. Not othered, not segregated, not pitied, not patronized, not accommodated.

    I can't control what other people think, but I can control my own thoughts and actions. Maybe we can't achieve equality until we think and act like equals, and refuse to accept anything less.


    First electrolysis session!

    One of my biggest causes of dysphoria right now is facial hair. I hate shaving, and unfortunately HRT doesn't help reduce existing hair.

    My partner helped me find a great trans-friendly, local electrologist.

    I set up a consultation and agreed to an initial 15 minute session after being satisfied with the consultation. The technician is very experienced, board certified, and professional.

    Unfortunately I wasn't expecting to have my first session, so I hadn't taken pain killers or used any topical numbing agents. So I got the full experience of the pain. Not recommended.

    I have a high pain tolerance, but it really does hurt. It made my whole body twitch at times. Thankfully it is only a quick sharp sting, then you feel nothing. At least for a second or two.

    The process is that a tiny sterile probe is inserted down the hair shaft to the base of the follicle, and applies an electrical shock to cauterize the blood vessel feeding it, then the hair is removed. Because the hairs are always in different growth stages that take about 4-6 weeks to complete, the treatment is repeated throughout the year to catch them all.

    My technician is very thorough about aftercare. I was recommended a soothing lavender and tea tree oil balm, and aloe vera gel. It feels wonderful. Have to remember to not spend too much time in the sun, to wear sunscreen, and stay hydrated.

    All in all it wasn't too bad and totally worth never having beard shadow or shaving again. Going back next week for a 30 minute session, then 45 minutes after that. She estimates it won't take too long, due to how naturally sparse my hair is.

    Another box getting checked off my transition list &lt;3


    How to talk to trans people


    Pro tip: like you would anybody else! LOL

    People get so awkward and trip all over themselves just because I have a name and pronouns. I don't put any pressure on them; if they get it right, I'm delighted (90% of the time this only involves... reading). If not, I keep my disappointment tucked away inside.

    But people will get all mixed up or overthink it on their own. Their reaction makes me feel like I'm guilty of something when they get so flustered. They really don't need to apologize if making an honest mistake. I'm not going to fly off the rails over it. I struggle with remembering names, myself.

    Idk does anyone else experience this? Had a medical appointment today, and she was like "Miss... Mr... Miss X." Or she had been using the right name all morning, but got confused at one point rapidly alternating between my legal and chosen names.


    Be patient, they said... it takes time, they said...

    And you know what? They were right. My partner, trans elders, and levelheaded allies.

    It's so easy to be impatient when you first realize. Nothing can happen fast enough, and you want all the things, all at once. You want to be today where others are who have lived for decades to get there.

    2.5 years into my transition it's occurring to me just how much progress I've made, even over the last few months. My body is developing rapidly, but I'm also gaining confidence to show the world who I really am.

    More people are using my name and pronouns every day, I'm wearing more comfortable clothes and I no longer obsess about whether anyone will notice. Male-failing is an almost daily occurrence. I'm developing my own authentic fem styles.

    I have a looooong way to go yet, but I'm excited for what the future might bring. My goals are finally beginning to seem attainable.

    Hopefully those of you who haven't reached that point yet, and those going through a difficult time, can take solace in my little story about passing through into better times. Keep your head up, work toward your goals, and most of all be patient. It might take years, it might take a decade, but eventually you'll realize it was worth it.