It went from me wondering why I could never seem to be or stay social. I consider myself funny and people tell me that, so why do I struggle around people then? Why can't I make really social connection that aren't just surface level. And why can't I seem to change the way I live? I seem to do be unable to work on things I need to do because I have to stick to this rigid schedule.
Then nothing happened for a couple months, I just figured that I was anti social and moved on, but not really.
Then I was walking back to my car from work, and I was thinking about all this stuff, and wondering why I never like going places, and why I can't stand parties, and why when I come back from work I hide away from my family. And why can't i make eye contact??? I just kinda went, "Ha ha I wonder if I have autism lol"
One month later, I read a little about autism, and it really just fell into place. Oh I can't make eye contact because autism, I struggle with social situations because of autism, I can't say goodbye properly because of autism, YOU MEAN WHEN I THOUGH THAT I WAS JUST BECOMING MORE SOCIAL, WHEN I WAS ACTIVELY FREAKING WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE, CONSCIOUSLY WATCHING MY BODY POSTURE, CONSCIOUSLY LISTENING TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE TALK, (and on and on) THAT THERE WAS A FREAKING WORD FOR THAT??? I WAS MASKING???
Anyways haven't been tested yet but honestly it's so I can't be as doubtful of myself. I swear I'll struggle through a social situation and come home and go "hmmmm I'm not doing anything autistic rn that must mean I don't have autism and am just faking it". He says while sitting in a room by himself, stimming by spinning a phone in his hand, following his usual schedule, with low light.
Anyways sorry for the long post, but I guess that's expected.
TL:DR
I joked about me having autism and turns out I do.
I feel like I've seen your username before. It's probably just because it's distinctive, though.
Carnet is what I replaced it with, self hosted or it can be entirely local on device. But it isn't perfect to say the least.
I've always wanted to get into the Gorillaz, but never found any of their music that I like, do you have a recommendation?
Honestly I think the community is perfect the way it is. People here are so friendly and nice. You mods put in so much work and you especially practically make all thee posts and comments. I think no change is needed.
Honestly wish I could do that. I've gotten so used to masking my inability to do small talk that I basically just say yes to everything. It's super annoying and something I want to work on, but I dont really know how.
What do you mean dust off? Are you able to go any amount of time without printing??? If I go even for a few minutes without printing it feels like I'm wasting time
I took my time, I really couldn't decide on a background, then I really couldn't get it to look the way I wanted, then I couldn't get the sparkles to look good. But I basically just gave up but didn't want to leave you hanging so here is the best I could come up with, sorry that it's not really what I originally promised. You could probably print these out and tape/glue them together, or print them with a printer that supports printing on both sides, or you could print them on card stock if you're really feeling creative.
Ooooh Tetanus, my inability to read properly strikes again. Thanks for the explanation though, I had no idea that rusty metal doesn't cause that. This is why I ask things instead of looking it up.
But now it's clear I have no ASS and I will learn later today whether I get clinically diagnosed with ASS.
Please dont use ASS as an abbreviation lol
I use infinity when it works and displays images and connect when it doesn't.
Reading about Autism has blown my mind, how have I had this many symptoms without at least looking them up atleast once.
I can barely remember everything that's blown my mind. Seeing everything that I've felt, that's made me feel so isolated from other people because I can't explain it, or they just don't understand is crazy. Especially Echolalia. I literally can't go for a few seconds without quoting something. Especially Red Dead Redemption 2. Saying "sure" has never been the same after playing that game lol. Reading through this has blown my mind. It's like reading out my thoughts. Thanks for the support.
What now?
Well I think I might be autistic, I've wondered why I feel so different from other people, why it feels like I am taking my entire life, why when I lose focus, or am not being focused on i become completely silent and struggle to make even simple comments, and why I have had to watch and learn from others to become remotely social. I guess those are all signs of autism. I took that RAADS-R test and got a score of 141, which is slightly above the mean for autistics, I also took a few other of those quizzes.
But my question is what happens now? What do I do? I don't feel comfortable asking my parents if I can get examined, I can't really afford to do it myself, but I guess I could try. I don't want to just start saying that I'm autistic, and have to mention that it's self diagnosed because I think we all know the stigma around that.
Heck I'm still in the stage (or I assume it's a stage because it matches that one post here where they talked about their stages of realizing they have autism, and I related completely to it) where I'm not sure if I am not just faking this whole thing. So what do I do now?