Tldr:
Having too many cultures that have not established a "market share" in politics makes the, people who run a country, job harder as it has to contend with dealing with the potential of new cultures forming and the inevitable culture clashes that follow as differing values and ideals will demand different things.
It fractures and dilutes points of control which encourages politics to try ensure loyalty though aligning itself with views of the majority.
End tldr
Unironically, Stellaris is probably a decent example of the thought experiment played out. Unless a species is built with ideals of the intergration and/or has its proper foundation set then it can quickly spiral out of hand as you have to deal with " a hunded voices asking for one thing".
It is far easier to control and secure a foundational majority based off of one species as it can be more easily guided towards an established outcome.
Adding too many "outsiders" has the potential to cause an imbalance and a shift in thinking which then requires a new paradigm to "herd the sheep" as it were, while still trying to maintain a standard that the base species has become accustomed to.
If it not carefully controlled, it can potentially lead to a fracturing of opinion and thoughts which is a lot harder to manage and "guide" as one runs the risk of isolating one group and in doing so opening up the potential cascade of problems if the ignored minorities builds up steam which then forces leaders to contend with trying to figure out a way to maintain control over the many species bases while still doing it in a way that causes the least amount of disruption to their control.
To be fair, the farmer should also be given some credit for taking a hit and evading others to provide distraction for the Captain to get stuck in.
Cyclop's poor judgement to not focus of the greater threat to its demise
It was quite a while ago and I currently have too old a pc to get back in
Had to do some reading and it was the Meph's Tileset, but was discontinued on account of profiting off the use of assets without creditation.
https://archive.org/details/dwarf-fortress-47.05-meph-tileset-v-5.5
Seems like a link to the archive of the tileset although I am not too sure how to apply it as recall just utilizing the Lazy Newb Pack settings at the time.
When the will of Armok manifests
A story I love sharing from an older version of the game and unfortunately the only one that I kept track of as I was left stunned at the result.
A forgotten beast Cyclops decided to pay my dwarven city a visit, so I sound the call to seal the city as I let the hunters act as a vanguard to get my dwarves inside. Unfortunately, the cyclops makes quick work of them and I only just started getting my military in order after getting my iron production started.
So here I quickly assign one of the early recruits to the role of Captain of the Guard, in the role of delaying the foul beast while I scramble to get a militia going to drive it off.
Little did I expect for this single dwarf to not only stand up to the cyclops in single combat but brutally kill it too.
I know cylcops are fairly low on the danger scale, but still to watch and read the logs as this greenbeard dwarf digs into a forgotten beast like I am reading a God of War fanfic was glorious.
Hope this cross-post works
https://lemmy.world/post/927104
Although, if I had to think of beginner tips - knowing the keyboard shortcuts help a ton in getting familar with the game and one can use the "enter" key until you get use to it
I personally learnt by using the starting scenario of the shelter to get familiar with getting the basics of water purification, food sustainability and crafting going and camped out in the shelter and get my crafting up to scratch.
I know that I started to enjoy taking advantage of the weaker zombies in the early game and try and find a small town and try clear it out for a nice cushion to get one up to have a lot of raw material on hand, but that is more when one is more confident in the ability to handle zombies and found a style of play one enjoys
Edit
There is another one on the [email protected] instance, but it is not my post but here is it is https://lemmy.world/post/1796938
Noita, a precedurally-generated fully destructible, with physics, pixel-graphics action rogue-like game where you play as a mage going through the various layers of a dungeon with the use of your spells that one can spell mix and match with a wand system that can provide the player with interesting and wacky spell combinations.
CDDA, takes awhile to get comfortable with the controls, but it does scratch a certain itch once one can get setup and start to test one's luck in search of the good stuff.
One has to make their own objectives for it though otherwise one can sort of just get to a point and not know what to do. But getting to a point where you can just walk into a city and be the most dangerous thing there does have a certain charm to it considering the journey getting there. It certainly rewards exploring though as one can find all sorts of craziness hidden away waiting to be found.
I know it is cliche to say but it took me the longest time to really knuckle down and play it, but boy once I did - I basically started up another playthrough right after to see what I missed and the shift in perspective when I played a different type of character was interesting to say the least.
So started as a skeptical intellectual who had to pull themselves from a sorry cop to a regular cop and approached things logically with a touch of eccentricity and pangs of regret and then compared to a wishy-washy communist with fascist leanings (which characters called the character out on) psychic superstar cop with an alias he truly believed was his name and I enjoyed and saw a completely different side of the game which was unexpected.
I cannot speak on the rest of the series, but I have played devil survivor 1 and 2:
Devil Survivor 1 does have a bit of a difficulty curve that can take one by surprise with the first major boss and it is like priming the player towards what to expect but its story I personally enjoyed.
Devil Survivor 2 is lighter in tone, well compared to the Devil Survivor 1, but I felt it was a smoother experience - doesn't feel as tightly packaged but it does compensate with having a better presentation and provides choice in a lot clearer manner.
I liked Devil Survivor 1 story better but enjoyed Devil Survivors 2 gameplay more
If you mean surviving off the land, the starting location "Riverside" is probably the easiest to start with, if one gets out of town and keeps going North? (Up direction) you'll have an infinite supply of dirty water, which one can also catch fish with a wooden spear, that will need to be cleaned either by fire or, if the electricity is still on, putting in a container and leaving it in the oven or microwave( personally find using a a large pot best for this) for a bit.
Alternatively, you could find one of the rare water wells which supply clean water that way.
You can also use toilet water besides emptying taps with the food you can eat and scavenge can helping with your hydration needs a little, but having a reliable source of water is important.
A more permanent solution, until the devs at least put a better system in, is connecting your water barrels to your sink which "purifies" rain water and supplies one with clean water as long as there is water in your connected barrels.
Wood glue is bad for you - m'kay, better to keep it to repair stuff.
Who knows, maybe when they release version .42 there will be plenty of new use cases with the revamped crafting that is planned to be introduced.
I can fold my ears twice - so from the top of my ear I fold it towards the bottom of my ear and at the point where it folds I can fold it again across over the first fold.
That particular Hulk loses a little health to pop out raptors, but it regens the damage back, it is a bit faster than a kevlar hulk but a bit weaker than a normal one, still can cause problems if I cannot focus on killing it as it regens the health back.
Pretty much yeah, usually a automatic rifle can deal with it, but unless it can be killed quckly it just constantly spawns the raptors like a screen for its advance.
Grenades are another great option as the shrapnel rips things apart if it is close, with I think it ignoring armour if i recall, bombs are trickier to use as it is a lot heavier, although i recall it was fun dropping off a barrel bomb at a fungus nest once.
Usually a trip to a mine for raw materials and a few lab runs should get materials last I played.
I seems I pick my molotov targets carefully, as I have safely clear a small town of all its dangerous foes by luring a large group into a building and lreaving behind a tactical "molotov" in it, setting it on fire and the resulting noise drew the rest of the town to the barbeque. But true, unless used underground Molotov's can be very dangerous.
Speaking of fire, I have escaped a frog mother's grasp in the early game by lighting a nearby bush with a zippo lighter before as it has a chance to run away in fear of the flame.
Only thing I don't like about carrying acid, is running into the acid blood and acid immune enemies, but otherwise yes the acid does do damage as I know I like to keep acid spewers alive to thin out the enemies by getting them between the acid and myself and especially with it keeping the goods intact is a bonus over the wild nature of the flame. Bonus for getting yourself acid immune boots and or gear and really using acid to its potential
Fair enough,
I have seen an npc "event" happen that made good use of the blade traps with a loud speaker. Was quite funny to watch the zombies being blendered as they they swarmed the speaker.
Molotovs can be a great answer to a lot of your other problems, especially when trying to clear a new area with a "burner" house.
That hulk that spawns raptors must be a pain to deal with your setup I can imagine?
I don't know about "fishing" ponds, I am guessing it is because the population is too small to sustain fishing.
I am guessing the message is saying that the area is not viable for fishing and whatever fish in there was probably caught.
I have only really done some fishing along the coast, as the fish lay their eggs in the water and replenish their numbers that way (I personally only really invest in sustainable butchery if I can help it)
I guess the water needs to be deeper or one needs to allow the fish to reproduce via their egg spawning, not too sure though as I haven't really dabbled much with fishing?
Interesting setup
I can imagine you have to rely on movement a lot to get enemies into a favouarable position or just outright avoid combat with things that are too much?
Do you avoid combat with with the higher level monsters, relying on distraction to get where you need to and fallback on the caltrops when you need to escape a bad situations?
Definitely a different style of play
First thing that came to mind and I see others are here are of the same mind with platinum trauma response.
spoiler
So leaves me to wonder how far are we from the cyberware then?
It would be glorious but that level of attention to the art of "dancing" is a dying breed in games, personally a fan of the "one-stop drop shot" and the "fire man shuffle"
I will also say, the original Fallouts are games of its time. It sold itself off its narrative and as I am playing Fallout 2, it is still enjoyable but I do concede there are moments of frustration that one learns to work around.
It is not a perfect game, but it is a game that was written in a plausible manner that could be considered too real look at human nature at times and in the same breath going off the rails crazy with something out of pocket that can catch one off guard.
It does a great job of allowing one to make it their story, although some of the writing might not gel with everyone it at least framed it well in setting.
It think it gels well with people that can roleplay in a setting as even the combat logs have humour to it. It requires a lot of reading and the people in the videos look like clay dolls but it is bound to envoke something in someone if they are enjoying themselves playing these types of games.
The turn-based nature of the combat can turn people off, but I cannot deny the charm of running up to someone and giving them a concussion by wolloping their head and then going in to gouge their eyes to make them useless in combat and finishing them off with a shot to the groin.
You would have hated the original Stardew Valley Gramp Pa, would give you a stern talking too and declare his immeasurable disappointment (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
I can somewhat understand though, I like the timer aspect even if I do not like the feeling of being "rushed". But I understand, you would hate pathfinder:kingmaker though
I can see them doing a better job of it yes, they are probably the closest to understand the how the older Fallout works and already have experience making games like it too in a more modern setting
Thank you for more eloquently writing what I couldn't really properly get out
There are things in Fallout 2 that stick with me since the first time I played it more than a decade ago because their are moments that feel impactful - it made me feel guilt for my actions, it made me laugh at something totally ridiculous and it has charm and subtlety that I feel Bethesda games struggle with.
spoiler
I am playing it now, fallout 2 with restoration mod, it is totally different to the modern takes but I can still appreciate it because I can remember a lot of it and therefore know that I am going to suffer through some early game difficulty but I can still gleefully remember building a character that could pop eye balls from ten paces with a BOZAR, remembering Cassidy has a medical condition, remembering to leave farm girl alone unless I can bs, don't bother with the Wanamingo's until I am stronger, Marcus is a bro, a mother with a her child in refugee tents outside a city, refusing people coming in without them being able to provide something, and her asking to find out about her husband, intelligent deathclaws, hubologists, Vault City Entrance exam, gecko power plant and be sure to antagonise the Enclave over the monitor, the hooded man on the bridge asking riddles, the dogmeat dimension, the unlucky dog, super mutants don't mess with until endgame, reno, vault tec and I can go on and on.
I played and finished fallout 3 and new vegas, played a bit of 4 and besides New Vegas giving me some of that old fallout charm, it does not have as nearly as memorable moments that live rent free in my head
XCOM Franchise Reviews
A blog space where I share my personal opinions and views when it comes to video games. I write about games old and new in a means to express myself.
Just finished uploading the last of my reviews on Firaxis' take on XCOM. In the link, is the page of the 5 games reviewed.
Hope whoever reads it - enjoys
Help with choosing a distro for a first time linux hope to bring life to an old pc
Good day
I would please like to ask for suggestions for first time installation of linux on an old pc that has recently come into my possession
It is
Pentium 4 3.4 Ghz (2 cpu) 2 Gb Ram 1Tb hardrive Onboard graphics 128 mb
I have been looking at Mint and I am assuming that the Xfce Edition would probably be the smarter choice, but I am curious to know if I could use something like Cinnamon Edition and will it run smoothly hitting at the minimum spec of 2Gb RAM. Is their other alternatives that provide a good exprience for the limited resources as I decide to take the plunge?
Some Zomboid small talk
Just making some Zomboid discussion about something,
So let me start, what type of weather effects have really taken you a spin?
One of more memorable moments was when I started a run that had unexpected heavy rainstorms, I think it was tropical storms in the first 20 days.
It was horrible having to deal with the monsoon rain and wind with the added danger of a thick fog that lasted most of the day. I made a bee line to north western riverside gas station in the boonies but didn't find much seeds to get myself self suffiecient. Which forced me to take the long travel back to Riverside to resupply. Unfortunately because of the bad weather that started around day 4, added to my paranoia worrying about the helicopter I decided on the was a slow process of moving house to house waiting for the weather to clear a bit before moving on, spending about two days in houses along the way, eating perishable foods, filling water into containers and setting out everything of value out on the floor for future trips.
It was day 7 or 8 when I got to the series of houses that was a few blocks away from the riverside scrap yard and I was doing the the usual prep work wanting to head into town and decided to go to sleep during the day as the weather hadn't let up and thought I would take my chances later hoping for better weather when I wake up. i did this, woke up at night and it still foggy so I decided closed the game for the session.
The next time I started playing, the helicoptor event starts not soon after.... I admit I was not impressed and just saved and quit to get over my frustration until I felt ready to try tough it out - for me it is like waiting for the cautious state to pass from Metal Gear Solid but more intense as I usually don't have much of a plan b. Eventually I go back to play having mentally prepared myself and the helicopter event had finished and to my mixed reaction only had to deal with a few stranglers that were probably drawn by the initial helicopter event starting.
By around day 12 the weather still hasn't improved, and it is still miserable as ever. Unfortunately I didn't screenshot it but I experienced something around, 18:00 game time a series of weather events that was truly horrifying to experience. I just resigned myself to just sitting in a room and when zooming out all I could seeing was just an impenetrable thick fog and heavy rain flying across the screen with my character sitting in a little dark room surrounded by this omnious weather.
That run didn't last too long as it was too much of an uphill battle for me with the weather being so oppressive without me getting settled. It was an especially depressing playthrough that drained my enthusiasm as my paranoia got the better of me fearing getting stranded in riverside in the fog during a thunderstorm
Game Blog Review: Dwarf Fortress
Last review for the month. Seeing as Adventure Mode for the KitFox Version is coming out next month, decided to do a write up for it
Gratitude and Appreciation
I just wanted to express gratitude to those that helped give that little push to just blog what I feel and go with it. I have gotten to the point where I have published my 20th post today.
Although I do feel my blog site needs work, It has at least made me more confident to try and push my work into social networks by uploading posts of it on Mastodon and using my old Facebook as well. It is giving me more confidence to try "market" it I guess.
Still trying to figure out my schedule and most likely going to look at my least viewed posts and bring them up to the standard of the ones that got more views but overall I do feel better about myself while doing this expression of self
So with that I give a Thank You to the community 🫡
Conspiracy Theory on how the Reapers made use of the Protheans
So I have thinking about Reapers and how they like to intergrate technology. Spoiler tagging, just in case for anyone that has not completed the trilogy.
Sovereign:
spoiler
-
To me seems it was the created or integrated Protean Reaper tasked with proving its value by starting the reaping cycle. I say this as Soveriegn nails that Prothean superiority and arrogant attitude. It could also be an interpretation of how a prothean sect failed to control Reapers and instead joined up with their beliefs or were "corrupted by the code". Perhaps an Illusive Man parallel.
-
Could also contribute to how Reaper-Saren had an overload perhaps? In its arrogance it diverted too much energy trying to do many different tasks, including trying to stop Shepard and in the moment it was defeated it couldn't handle the concept of losing to an inferior being which caused a logic error and subsequent crash.
-
It also played into the "God Complex" with the Geth, which seems very on brand with Protheans
Collectors
spoiler
-
Considering how they are cloned, it could have been another Prothean sect that was big on biosynthetic augmentation and attempted to survive the Reapers by trying to "hijack" a relay and escape to the galatic core and there finding the husk of some other cycle's attempt at constructing the Crucible but failed. Not knowing that by them integrating "Reaper-based AI" code that it would corrupt them and over time lose themselves to Harbinger's Will.
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I say this as the Collectors only have one ship and how easy it is for Harbinger to interface with the augmented Collector General and Collectors. Interesting in how the Collector general seems confused once harbinger releases control - could also be that the general came to after being mentally dominated for who knows how long.
-
interesting how quick Harbinger is able to drop the charade of the starchild when it dismisses Shepard when they refuse on the Crucible in a similar manner to how it abandons the Collector General.
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It is an interesting parallel to Cerberus and Collectors as well with them trying to integrate flesh and machine with Shepard, Project Overlord, not knowing the books, but I recall someone named Greyson as well with another Cerburus incident and also with attempting to pass through the Omega Relay and using any (advanced tech that in all likelihood has Reaper-Tech integrated) Collector Technology they find - although intended less for survival and more for dominance
As I wrote in the title, it is just me coming up with some conspiracy while thinking on it in my spare time - anyway it is all in good humour.
Thank you for coming to my Westerlund News Talk
Not sure if it will help others, but wanted to share what is helping me a bit
;tldr
Find something you enjoy and try and capture it in a way that you can look at it and appreciate what you do, I mean you might not appreciate it but it can be something that gets all that built thoughts out into the open so it is easy to see with one's own eyes.
I know and understand it will not work for everyone but I still hope it can be a positive contribution from my own experiences and I can only hope it can be useful for someone
End tldr;
So I have posted a lot and it felt a bit selfish always using the service but not really contributing.
I don't know how long I can keep it up, but over the past 2 weeks I have been trying to blog a video game article every day on my personal blog. I mean I should space things out so that I don't burn out of course, but so far just doing the writing has helped me not be overwhelmed with thought.
Perhaps it is a distraction, but I do feel less social anxiety as I am branching out more on Lemmy and try to engage with people more and I think for that is good thing.
I don't know if it is good advice or not, but for me it feels being able to express something one really enjoys in what ever way that one is most comfortable with and then being able to reflect on it - in my case writing and then going over it and then being able to say I completed something when I publish it - has created to me a, I can only assume, a postive feedback loop.
I write this as I am someone that enjoys being social but is incredibly socially insular, and in writing the video games blogs it is making me feel more comfortable trying to branch out as I "empty my head" so to speak.
I made contact with the friends I felt ashamed of being a detriment to the group and explained my situation, stating I would communicate every now then via posting but be unable to communicate via voice
I even made a Mastodon account, and although I spent most of the day trying to figure out how to write and learn about correct # usage while stil building up the courage to use because I have never been big on social media before, I finally got around to post to share my blog online and I built that courage by myself, which I however small is an achievement to me considering I have always felt I cannot do things without someone else's help.
The help I did get from going to a blogging group is to just not care what other people say and write for myself, create something I want and over time I can make it better and refine. Just so long as I am doing something that is a good thing. If nothing else writing can be for its own benefit and that has a reassuring comfort for someone like me that is incredibly harsh on myself as well.
There is probably a name for this, but I guess in absence of other choices, this is almost like therapy for me in a sense. I still do strongly recommend that those that can should seek professional help though
Would be an interesting series or side story
Source: https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/471147-mass-effect Uploader: Daft Punkjet
Not sure on the the origin, besides providing where I found it.
Favourite Shepard Roleplay
On the scale of paragon and renegade, I think the most memorable moments I have had with Mass Effect is being a Renegade with Paragon-like ideals - especially with Sole Survivor.
What I mean by this is being a renegade but try to push for paragon like outcomes - so making use of intimidation to obtain something usually obtained via persuasion, taking hard stances on those that wish to exploit and profit off unethical research, while still feeling strongly about preserving the rights of a species to exist.
Some great lines comes from both renegade actions and the contradictions.
By the time of the trilogy, I head cannon it together quite nicely as a Shepard feeling like he is always forced to make the hard choices, being someone struggling with survivor's guilt, and internally is conflicted with the consequences of his actions and tries to do better.
This self-enforced burden has made them a bitter person, but not an irredeemable one as the personal moments help peel back the bravado and exposes someone really struggling to keep their shit together.
Started a new blog and any advice would be appreciated
Hi, I just started trying to blog (video games opinion and I suppose it could fall under reviewing as well) and I feel a bit overwhelmed thinking whether it feels "correct" or if it is missing something.
Currently it is just writing with pictures with it linked where I took it from on the title text option on the images and the publishing that.
Is there any sites or resources one can recommend for reading?
I am more than willing to read any advice anyone would like to share as this is still very new for me.
I am using Blogger, so if there is any tips anyone would like to share in regards to the platform, I am also willing to read those as well.
Felt like sharing and have been not sure where to really share it otherwise
Tldr:
Seeing lemmy posts about Disco Elysium reminded me of something that resonanted with me and its been bubbling wanting to get out and the other topic feeling lonely and isolated from friends due to hardware failure and a growing sense of low self worth and loneliness with some introspection.
: End tldr
First off I want to preface that I am going to be using a game and I guess how it emotionally resonated with me when I tried empathasing with the main character.
The game in question being Disco Elysium.
Although I myself cannot directly place myself in the shoes of the protaganist the game did catch me in a lot of moments where I am in a situation and just think "damn, that sounds like me" at times.
From the commentary of being a "Sorry Cop", that I have tried to move past in my life ( being someone that used to say "sorry" a lot)
To the many different examples of falling into a line of thought or idealogy and being exposed to the idea that maybe I might be inclined to ideas because I have been hurt and in that hurt I have lashed out mentally clawed onto these ideas less from thinking clearly to maybe it just makes me feel better to identify with something to try forget about the pain.
A part in particullar resonanted with me in the first run through the game where the protaganist talks to their ex-wife, it resonated with me from a moment in my life where I mentally fell blindly in love, was rejected and come to the realisation I was being used.
It isn't an exact situation from any stretch but the emotion of wanting someone and wanting to get an answer and seeing that he felt he was not good enough, really hit home in a different way from how I usually have ruminated - mainly because I expressed but never had anyone to empathise with being felt betrayed and abandoned.
In a weird way, I could empathise with the longing the character had and how painful it coukd feel, at the anger I have carried in me and how I could feel that anger in the character. It was like "I know this, and I know how you feel" and the game explores this with the destructive( and the potentially destructive) behaviour the character goes through in the game.
When I played it a second time I really went pretty hard into the worst emotions I felt during those times and it was I guess eye-opening to see the self-destructive behaviour from the outside where the character was a philosophical mess embracing many different philosophies falling in with facists and communists, the uncomfortableness of almost making a little girl cry, catching that in myself in that moment and really feeling bad exposing a child to the ugliness of the world when they express a world view with their child-like innocence.
And what really sealed the deal in making take a step back and think on things is when the protagonist has genuine heart to heart with other broken people and then just hitting right through to a root cause that
"Hey, that person really messed you up didn't they. It's okay and maybe your life is a mess because you cannot forgive yourself and you doing all these wild things, believing all these ideologies because you feel hurt and you do all these things to try replace that pain with something, anything that can make you feel better"
It just hit differently feeling personally called out but not in the way that they reprimand and ridicule you but just in a way that says "hey the world is fucked up, people will do fucked up things, things will not always work out and we all carry baggage."
Isolating yourself and trying to carry the weight of the perceived world on your shoulders can lead to self destruction and ruin, but when people genuinely listen and, even though their situation can be similar or worse, listen with sympathy and understanding that one can start to take steps to heal oneself.
I guess seeing news of Disco Elysium around Lemmy sparked the memory, but yeah even though things are not great for me and I feel myself falling back into my isolation as events that was planned to improve fell through and my personal situation not getting better with things I also planned to use breaking down as well.
In regards to the breaking down of things was my computer which one could argue was the thing that was keeping my sanity in check somewhat probably in the same vein I suppose an addict uses substances to deal with issues if I try be honest with myself.
On the other hand it was a lot easier to communicate with people but when it died, I tried communicating with the mobile device and unfortunately the earpieces are kind of trash with it having degraded audio or static while communicating also on top of the charger cable breaking and having to playing round robin in the household with a single working charger.
With the events just piling on in a negative momentum, I think I feel incredibly lonely and low value because that is how I feel around my peers when I cannot engage with them when I feel I bring nothing to the table and feel like I actually make the experience worse
When the pc was working I attempted to make videos, however every time I tried I would be bitterly disappointed with my own voice and it would demotivate me from further editing and attempting to create.
I suppose with the forceful break from it I guess deep down I really just wanted to make videos to be recognised and acknowledged, however I hated the content I was trying to make because it felt lifeless and phoned in. I guess I was so focussed on trying to be "perfect" that I just made myself more unhappy when I couldn't do something I really do enjoy doing but feel incompetent in trying to get that across.
This was all very loaded again, but it has been building up inside of me for awhile and I really needed to just write something otherwise I feel I would stubble down into the "madness" pit.
Preferred General Weapon Loadouts
What is everyone's preferred general weapon loadout before getting the high end tech stuff ( i.e. Laser Weaponary, Bionic weapon, etc..)
Summarised I enjoy using:
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Melee -- Loaded Stick ( bludgeon weapon and works nicely with specific weapon martial art) -- Kukri ( Cut weapon, nice with a good martial art and decent accuary for "knife" weapon)
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Depending on ammo availability I take 1 secondary and 1 primary
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Secondaries -- Glock 19 ( modability, gun and ammo availability) -- FN Five-Seven ( good penetration) -- Sig P226 (personal preference)
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Primaries -- M4A1 (ammo and gun availability, good mod profile) -- M14 EBR ( Decent all-purpose Marksman Rifle)
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Throwables -- Throwing Knives : 3 to 12 ( depends on loadout, silent, reusable and can cause bleeding) -- 2 Molotovs ( Emergency crowd control, building demo) -- 1 Grenade ( homemade or military grade, emergency use)
I do use other weapons and switch it up when situation demands, but for general purpose exploration and loot runs I can rely on the above loadout to handle most situations to my personal preferences.
I just feel defeated and can do nothing to improve expect further fall into despair
I would like to preface there is some foul language and potentially dark musings that I am going to express...
If it is beyond acceptable measures and rules of the group I understand I accept it being removed.
I am really trying to win a mental battle, but I just can't win
I am engulfed in negativity, surrounded by voices of negativity, my past haunts my negativity, and feel my future is going to lead just to negativity.
I am a broken shell of an individual that doesn't want to be broken but nothing seems to break me free from my mental prison.
I have tried to keep it under control, but recently seems I am in less control than I feared.
An ex recently came to me via social media to ask for support for the difficulties they are experiencing in their life and in conversation something from the past came back to surface, which later seemed to be but a metaphorical vent in volcano as they wished to wipe the slate clean.
This gesture seemed to reverberate with a painful memory which is associated with an even greater painful memory sphere. This soon erupted into a tirade of expression that brought out the suppressed emotion of the greater memory sphere. This I thought lightened my burden and to try make up for my outburst tried to reconcile with selfless support, however a day after a conversation seemed to snap an even greater repressed emotion.
I was not hovering between panic attack and tears, but tears and emotional numbness, this continued until a point it seems my unconscious mind put a stop to it as I reached a point where I couldn't feel any emotion anymore, like I had just administered drugs. My body was just dead to emotion and tired and just empty.
It was like even soul was broken and just had enough and put a stop to it. All I felt like doing is just lie down and try and sleep, like some husk of a person just run bare. In the morning, the back of my neck sore and I felt empty still.
This individual undergoing their stresses has since pulled away and removed themselves from my life as they have their issues to deal with and I am too heavy negative presence to deal with.
The tangled web of suppressed fear, disappointment and anger is so ingrained that I cannot see anyone that would have the patience to untie it... I could never afford the amount of therapy to get help for this and even if I could I am so jaded by never finding any progress or answers that I fear all I will do is waste that money if I tried.
I say this from going to university, and seeing the student councellors and probably of the 10 or more I saw only one had any inkling of providing an diagnosis and another help conceptualize a slightly better outlook. The rest was trying to tell me my problems aren't my problems, seek religion, or just write down what i say.... every single one I seem to address a new issue almost like I was just trying to unload the accumulated burden of the past.
I will give acknowledgement to those that tuned down my most violent thoughts.
Although this is by and large ancient history, I believe the wellspring from which my deepest hatred, pain and fear comes from is the betrayal of someone I put naive trust in. It was the straw that broke the camels back and imprinted in me an incredibily destructive scar upon my psyche.
I acknowledge that I took their attitude poorly and acted in way that should have been acted upon sooner. But this wrong behaviour led to a day when this individual showed a group of people where I lived, which is with my family.
This action snapped something inside of me, it invoked an incredible surge of hatred. To punish me for my actions I could accept, but the thought of hurting my family for my actions was unforgivable and swelled me with an incandescent rage.
I say this as my brother is mentally disabled and the thought that he could get hurt for my actions fueled an anger I do not think I have come close to yet. This burning rage was always present waiting for a strike that never came, until under advisement of her mother said I should just write a letter out and just get it out my system.
My trust and naive constantly mocked as we worked in the same environment as she would loudly speak about her recandled flame with the boyfriend that had cheated on her come back together, with him even coming into the store on occassion where they make a public display of things.
The letter I wrote scathing and fully expecting reprisal... i wished to paint a bullseye upon myself and myself only
My mentality was that of a death seeker looking for one final violent defiant release. The day did come when I was threatened and I know fight or flight kicked in as I was filled with addrenaline, happy, eager, waiting for the first strike to be thrown. This was done while I was working and everything in my body felt happy to finally have this moment. But the moment never came and only threats for after work reprisal were given..
The addrenaline past, and my higher functions kicked in and soon realised what the fuck was I feeling, when finally confronted with release I was feeling eager smiling at the opportunity...but when it past that part of me scared the living bejeebus out of me.. i fell into a panick attack as I had no idea what the hell is wrong with me.
It was at moment, a part of me was scared I realized I wanted to live. The thought of what i was willing to through with was horrifying, that anger, that rage it scared me something fierce.
Just writing this makes my heart beat fast and hard like a constant knock at the door as I lie in bed.
I tried to seek some help but it was the before mentioned free university student services and that was met with mixed results.
But it seems this pain, this learning experience scarred me in the way that I was too stupid to process the real world and in doing so I almost caused so much hurt for someone regardless of the outcome be it in my death or the death of the ones threatening me.
I tried to to move on, but every attempt fails, always always something happens that draws me to the pain
I was incredibly lonely growing up, so much so I would go mad and feel like my head woud explode from the pressure, physical pressure of trying to make sense of it all. All the while I needed to hide my pain, my actions my thoughts to not make my parents feel that they raised 2 mental disabled children.
From that point on people that I would come close to would take advantage of my kindness, my trust and this further eroded my pysche, I tried to move on, but behind me was an every growing baggage that would get heavier and heavier to carry as each successive people would take more and more from me.. and add to this seeing such messed up things happen with people around them and it just made the problem worse and worse.
It my problem that I got so desparate for some form of affirmation that the only people I seem to draw were the wrong type of people...
I mean this type of behaviour was going on for awhile with various levels of betrayal and anguish even before the fateful tipping point, but as I wrote before that the point where I got so angry was a point where I felt the ever downward spiral take a free fall
It effects every part of my life and with every failure just seems to get worse and worse
I cannot even see myself worthy being anyone's better half because I am too broken to fix.... to try is to delve into madness itself and I cannot expect anyone to have the mental fortitude and patience to dig through so much filth. This even in the face of being told I have examplary morals, I just cannot be anyone else's burden.
I even have been told before to seek a priest to rid myself of the demons.
Somehow I have found a way to make friends, even with repeated faliure, I somehow have met individuals that are cut and above the usual pieces of shit human being I seem to have seem to associate with, but I am trying to keep this mess of a human being out of it. What I have shared is to a point I believe palatable to average consenus of the group and I never or want or expect them to provide support in my mental battles as just having "decent human beings" to be in contact with is a treasure.
I have other issues where I do not have a voice to correct the wrong assumptions and standing up for myself when I feel that I receive unfair treatment in a respectful and dignified manner and tend to keep quiet, but that would require another long and exhausting write essay and I am just drained after writing this.
I apologize yet again for language use and potentially dark tone, but I did try to compress this to not go into too much detail, as I have a terrible habit of writing too much and hopefully this more palatable.
But yeah, if I would surmise I am a broken person haunted by a past that holds onto me as a means to protect myself from myself but in doing so makes my life incredibily miserable and any longings and aspirations I have is such a broken concept that I feel whatever I do is doomed to fail and only bring about more misery and pain in an endless self-perpetuating cycle of failure and regret that I feel that doing anything is pointless as it will only lead to having me needing to deal with even more stuff that perpetuates the unending cycle
I know this unhealthy, I know it is wrong and I know I need help but I cannot see anything really helping this it is more than needing drugs as all it will help with is regulation and chemical balance, but my mind is a shattered broken mess that no amount of drugs can ultimately fix, maybe make the house keeping easier but there is some foundational problems I know is the root causes but all help I received is from the freely available sources and those sources all seem confused about is the problems because they have just best guesss so far and feel drugs will fix things.
Mutagen experiment - Post-threshold Alpha
So recently I have come off experimenting with mutagens and took the boring, but resource intensive alpha mutation line to post-threshold with bionic character as a means to test how mutagens work.
Seems mutagen effects can be guided to better outcome by responsible dosing and letting the body heal after mutating.
Mutated:
- Good hearing
- Prime Stat-boosts
- Robust Genetics
- Very Beautiful
- Very Little Sleep ( from Less Sleep from video gaming background)
- Weak Scent
From my understanding when undergoing mutations via mutagen the most effective way is to prime the mutation via primers which act like a storage for the mutagen and for quicker results use a mutagen catalyst to allow the game to draw mutations from the storage of mutagen primer.
I was fiddling with mutagen dosing via normal mutagen and then primer, primer then mutagen and took things very slowly to see the effects.
Everytime you mutate you incur mutation damage, the more you mutate in quick succession the higher the mutation damage value rises. Higher mutation damage increases the chance for bad mutations.
It seems one primer is good for about 2 mutations with a mutagen catalyst and any further mutations fail as there isn't enough "mutation vitamin" to mutate more.
Post-threshold can be risky as you have to macro-dose primer to "overdose" on the "mutation vitamin" to force mutation but seems that the post-threshold advancement uses a lot of said vitamin
Overall, either my experiment was either super lucky or just being very methodical produced my character with all the positive mutations and no negatives, robust genetics help and fortunately alpha evolves that pre-threshold as that quickens the heal rate of mutation damage it seem.
Bug in version bf5848d, possibly narrowed it down to Magiclysm
Not sure if I should do it here but found a crashing bug - version bf5848d
Problem : Game crashes to desktop when killing a boomer in melee combat
Method: Melee boomer to death with Mirror Displacement
Possible Reason: Mirror Displacement attempts to trigger when boomer death explosion happens as I have seen mirror displacement dodge boomer spit, so I assume that it trying to dodge the boomer splash and causing game to crash as it is not captured by normal game error handling.
I tried letting it fall in a crater, bleed out from distance, shooting it - work as intended
Mutant madness with mods
So after many failed attempts, and just outright going to last save automatically done - I present after 20 days the "Chimera" mutant idea that is illiterate... raised intelligence to 5 and used bombastic perks to raise it to 6 because low intellegence is painful to level stuff. No mutagens yet and looked up chimera traits and added
Strength 11, dexterity 10, intelligence 5, Perception 10
Self-defence : Krav maga
Traits: fast learner, fangs, long fingernails, quick, robust genetics,terrifying, fast healer, night vision,substance tolerance, tough, bad temper, ugly, chemical imbalance, genetic chaos, illiterate, weak stomach, strong scent, high thirst, sleepy, fast metabolism
The character has already killed 1551 and wiped out an orc camp with fang and claw no problem.
Once saprovore mutated then food problems dissappear as I just eat whatever I come across in houses regardless of what it is, water can be annoying but I am sure that if I lab raided enough and push for post threshold chimera I could get "eater of the dead" then I can drink water from anywhere and eat any kill for food
Using magiclysm, mind over matter and xedra evolved
Why does freedom of speech seem to invoke the right to be an arse?
I am not targeting any group, race or religion or whatever, just an observation why does it seem that freedom of speech appears to invoke an image of a defence to be an asshole?
I get it, free to speak your mind and all and sometimes hard truths need to be said that but is the concept so out of whack that people have less empathy for others that they don't agree with that they antagonise another to the point of disrespecting the right to dignity?
It seems like humanity is hard wired for conflict and if it isn't actively trying to kill itself it seems to find an outlet for violence some way somehow. Maybe it is social conditioning or just some primal urge that makes humans human.
I don't even know where else I could ask it, and it seems kind of stupid to think about so... have at thee
Tried to convert Firehouse Garden to a Greenhouse and left with disappointment
I don't know if this is a me problem or a current game limitation
Converted the privacy fence to a brick wall, doors to metal doors, roofing I was having difficult with and resorted to building Small Metal Support to place roofing as the option to roof was not showing when I was trying to place it between a corner to get the "Must be supported on at least two sides" annotation with supports in place and without - probably not fully understanding how roofing works, but the sky light frames didn't give me any issues.
Completed the roofing to my knowledge, placed a large heater and it was not heating the room.
I am not sure if I haven't placed the roofing correctly, there is currently limitation with game in regards to building extensions or some reason I am not aware of