I wish for everything to stay as shitty as it is but me not caring

Granted. You go instantly insane and have no idea what is going on in the world but you are very content.

Granted. The amount of fecal matter in the world is unchanged, and you don't notice because you're too busy following world events.

Granted. Your car falls off the side of the road on your way home. You're now in a coma.

Granted. You are now a large language model.