Day 1: Taco and Prune juice night
Day 2: Make them breakfast - coffee and bran flakes; bran muffin.
Day 3: Make a cake. Chocolate. Use a pastry bag to ice it with chocolate icing. Be absolutely sure they see you squeezing out the icing onto the cake with a very satisfied, nearly orgasmic look on your face. Make eye contact. Smile. Wink.
Please tell me that both of you suffer from carbon monoxide poisoning and are close to hypoxia, because I would have a hard time accepting any other explanation for that level of stupidity.