Yeah, the problem with self-inserting into D&D characters is that you get personally affected by what happens to them and how they're treated. It's called "bleed". Plus, if it's a self-insert, you probably play them not too dissimilarly from how you act in real life, and they're probably used to referring to that personality that they're familiar with as a whatever pronoun they know it by.
One of the many reasons why when I play characters in D&D I play characters
"This character? They're Milton the Barbarian. Him and his brother Bradley are trying to start a toy business but were struggling for funds to start. So while Bradley went with the safer route of getting money by becoming an apprentice toy maker Milton chose adventure for some quick cash."
And so many others
It's really fun to make new characters and see how they'd handle things. Putting them in new situations and fleshing them out.
I don't often self-insert. This character is probably the most self-insert I've done in the 10 years I've been playing D&D and most of that is incidental (him being raised in a theocratic city was really just because the addition made his story more fun). The gender thing would just be nice, and it's a pretty minor aspect of what your character is, I would think. Besides, I think there's always going to be aspects of the player that leak into the character, even if you don't start off that way, it's the nature of the game.
Why do you play dnd with people who misgender you?
I must admit that finding groups is difficult and I've had one that I didn't like too much but it fell apart anyway. Currently I'm down to one group and lots of scheduling issues :( My point is that I'd put up with quite a bit just to be able to play, even now.
