Gotta be hyperaware of everything everyone does and carefully mirror them so they don't find out I'm neurodiverse and start expressing sympathy or some shit

Man, if I’m focused on a task and not expecting a social interaction, it short circuits me when someone says 'hey what’s up?’ Worse if it’s shouting and my auditory processing malfunctions

I get the feeling that people can sort of "feel" that something is different (Monkey instinct?) despite us acting totally normal.

Funny enough, I think I mask incredibly well. A very extroverted and socially aware friend of mine I've known for over a decade commented that in public I masked excellently and seemed to have an excellent grasp of social dynamics and engaged smoothly with neurotypicals, which always confused him as to the inner workings of my mind. He said that in private, I seemed 'almost autistic', but every autistic person he ever knew didn't 'get' complex social situations, while I appeared to understand them and just openly despise them the moment the target left the room. For this reason I had a lot of asymmetric relationships growing up, where people were attached to me but I was often utterly unattached to them.

Turns out I'm probably Schizoid, lmao.
- Turns out I’m probably Schizoid, lmao.
  
  Nah

One of my pet peeves is sometimes people may read somewhere or someone told them about some unique outlier case. They then become too helpful, pretty much to the point it can feel very patronizing.

find out I'm neurodiverse and start expressing sympathy

Glorious will be the day when people learn the difference between melancholic nihilism and depressive pessimism.

The former is a beautifully deep contrast in life with a sense of true freedom.

I don’t need help to get rid of those feelings.

You atleast get sympathy